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The Matrimonial Agent 


OF 

POTSDAM 


A HU MORO-SOC I A L ROMANCE 



From the German of A. Von Winterfell 

h 



NEW YORK 

THOMAS R KNOX & CO. 

Successors to James Miller 
818 Broadway 


1887 


Copyright, 1886 , by 

THOMAS R. KNOX & CO. 


TROWS 

PRINTING AND BOOK8INOING COMPANY 
NEW YORK. 


i 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT OF 



CHAPTER I. 


A FEW WORDS ABOUT WOMEN, LOVE, AND MATRIMONY. 

Among all created beings there is a desire to form 
pairs — a tendency on the part of both sexes to unite. 

In this desire, in this tendency, the first instinc- 
tive longing for matrimony is seen. 

The male plant feels attracted to the female ; the 
gentle breezes promote contact and kisses between 
them which are more or less fragrant, and, although 
these contacts and osculations are given and re- 
ceived unconsciously, still they produce the physi- 
cal results of matrimony, and afford poets the justi- 
fication of attributing a soul to plants having a cor- 
poreal form. Thus it has been poetically said that 
the violets titter to and kiss each other, and that 
the dreamy pine-tree wastes and suffers in his silent 
love for the tall and graceful palm upon the burn- 
ing desert, in the distant south beyond his reach. 

We find the same phenomena in the animal world, 
| but vastly more pronounced. 


The birds, especially the tender doves, the merry 
sparrows, and even the raven and the magpie, who 
usually are not very strict as regards the rights of 
property, lead a permanent wedded life, and the 
female, especially, is faithful and constant. 


9 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Even those migratory birds, of whom the males 
and the females, in the fall of the year, congregate 
in separate houses, and apart make their long jour- 
neys, find one another again in the spring of the 
year. 

The male nightingale beats about and searches 
in the silent, shadowy bush till his lately-ar- 
rived female partner, who recognizes her loving 
husband by his voice, joins him for the purpose of j 
beginning a new and fresh love-life after their long 
separation ; and the rough, robber sparrow-hawk, 
after leading the life of a vagabond through the 
winter, finds himself again, in the spring of the 
year, with the same female bird, upon the same tree 
which they occupied together in the previous au- 
tumn. 

Among the wfild birds these marriages are the 
truest and purest, the partridges remain together 
during the entire winter in families, and not till the 
spring of the year, when the young brood has ac- 
quired the necessary training to obtain their own 
food, do these detach themselves from the parents, 
for the purpose of starting out in the world and 
forming families for themselves. 

Among the domesticated birds, fowls, such as 
geese, ducks, etc., which have already been spoiled 
and corrupted by training, matrimony has degen- 
erated into a polygamous life, and the family tie is in 
this wa y loosened in the most demoralizing manner. 

We find the same conditions in other animals. 
The wild and the free creatures living in the woods 
and fields, such as lions, bears, and especially apes, 
form firmly united families, and have well-regulated 
and sedate households; while domestic animals, such 
as horses, cows, sheep, and swine, owing to the slav- 
ish life they are born in and live in till they perish, 
have lost ail proper feelings for the family they 


OF POTSDAM. 


3 


originated from, and have no other idea bnt to pro- 
pagate themselves according to the refined combi- 
nations instigated by their master, man. 

The dog, to whom these attributes are only partly 
applicable, is in reality a most independent and reck- 
less fellow, for he wfill run after every female of 
his kind without becoming attached to any one. 
The indiscriminately loving Thomas cat is no better 
in that respect, and creates such detestable rows in 
nightly escapades at his various rendezvous, that he 
reminds one of the dissolute serenades of the revel- 
ling students of Salamanca. 

As in the lower orders, the disposition to form 
pairs exists in the noblest of all animals, man, though 
in the latter the circumstances and status which the 
two sexes bear to each other have, in the course of 
centuries, owing to the progress of culture and its 
accompanying spirit of the times, become greatly 
altered. 

In man there is not only an attraction of body to 
body, not only the instinctive animal feeling of 
friendship that is combined with it, but the soul 
joins it, and the spirit that permeates both corporeal 
longings invests it with the nimbus-rays of poetry ; 
on the other hand, however, this tender and exalted 
bearing which he has thus attained has become so 
base, by the corrupting influence of over-refinement 
and speculation, that he ought to blush in the pres- 
ence of the lower animals. 

Thus there always remains a mixture of half ani- 
mal and half angel in man, and now the one, and 
then again the other predominates, and we have an 
eternal strife between both elements that does not 
permit us to become perfect — which, alas ! will never 
be otherwise on this earth. 

An effort to attain as near as possible to the ideal 
is all that we can do. 


4 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


In olden times woman w r as the natural representa- 
tive of love, culture, and elegant manners, of which 
the illustrious names of Aspasia, Corinna, and Sap- 
pho attest sufficiently ; and albeit the Greeks lacked 
the fantastic enthusiasm of the middle ages, still 
they were capable of loving to such a degree of self- 
sacrifice as is totally unknown at the present time. 

Who does not know the story of Hero and Lean- 
der? It was on the festal day dedicated to Venus 
and Adonis, at Sestos, on the Thracian coast, that 
mutual love sprung up at first sight in the breast 
of both, with such glowing ardor that it could not 
be suppressed. But Hero was a priestess of the 
goddess Venus, and her dear parents, as usual, were 
worshippers of selfishness and prejudice, so that a 
matrimonial union between the lovers was alto- 
gether out of the question. Nowadays such hope- 
less condition would cause them, at the most, a 
slight and temporary illness ; but not so with Le- 
ander. He did not allow himself to be deterred 
or frightened by such obstacles, but nightly, in all 
kinds of weather, he swam the Hellespont — taking 
an hour and a quarter to cross it — to where his be- 
loved Hero awaited him, who received him with 
warm arms and pressed him to a still more warm 
heart. With heating drinks and her hot love she 
reanimated the chilled form of her lover. At day- 
break he would wrap himself in his light mantle, 
which had meanwhile been dried before the fire, 
and perfectly happy with the blissful remembrance 
of his enjoyments, he would swim back to Abydos, 
and soon was absorbed in the business of the day, 
as if nothing unusual had happened. The mere 
thought of such an act nowadays would be sufficient 
to produce an everlasting cold in the head of our 
youth, who would then swathe themselves in flannels 
and require foot-baths and cough medicine for weeks. 


OF POTSDAM. 


5 


The more serious and sedate Homan matrons 
enjoyed great respect in their country, and received 
the homage and love of the men till shortly before 
the fall of the empire — which was then tantamount 
to the civilized world — when the old honorable 
customs broke down and were swept away by the 
great changes which society underwent. 

During the grand and chivalrous middle ages 
woman attained to the highest state of culture, and 
received the homage and attention of the most 
valiant knights. That was the time of the beau- 
tiful manners, of the kniglit-errants and min- 
strelsy, when the virtue and the beauty of the wife 
was the sun around which everything revolved, 
when she charmed everybody and ennobled every- 
thing. 

In the middle ages woman exercised an inspiring, 
though at times also a vicious, power upon the male 
world, but she had justly acquired this power by 
the true and voluntary homage of the men, by her 
great worth and noble virtues, by the poetic feel- 
ings she inspired ; and the noble deeds that were 
performed in her name were sung and proclaimed 
by the troubadours, which our sober times are no 
more capable of producing. 

We talk so much nowadays of the excellent edu- 
cation we give our daughters ! But candor and 
unbiassed judgment would soon convince us that 
our ladies have learned very little, if, as is customary, 
at sixteen, seventeen, or more years of age, they 
put on long gowns and appear in society, or, as it is 
socially expressed, they “come out.” They can 
speak a little in one or two foreign languages, with 
a marked accent ; sometimes they are only able to 
translate their thoughts in foreign words, and 
which is of no earthly use to them whatever ; they 
play upon the piano after a fashion, sing a little to 


6 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


their own satisfaction and to other people’s annoy- 
ance, some silly ditty ; they paint some unrecogniz- 
able things upon the now fashionable plaques or 
china, dance wonderfully well, study the latest fash- 
ion very hard, strive to their utmost to make them- 
selves attractive to the sterner sex in appearance ; but 
care very little for the higher attributes of the sex, 
or for the duties they may be destined to perform. 

How different it was in the middle ages ! Then 
the youth, who now is trained at school and college 
till he has attained to man’s estate, w r as sent as a 
page, as early as the tenth year, into service of 
some nobleman’s house or of some renowned sol- 
dier, while the daughter remained at home till she 
was eighteen or twenty years old. And first of all 
she was taught the duties of housekeeping, among 
which was spinning — but which nowadays is only 
known by the presence of a fancy spinning-wheel in 
some ultra fashionable parlor ; next embroidery, 
which in those days w r as a real art and attained to 
the highest degree of excellence and perfection, be- 
cause such things as wall paper was unknown, and 
the cold bare walls were covered with rich and beau- 
tifully embroidered tapestry. In addition, the ladies 
were obliged to acquire the art of tailoring and 
dressmaking, for they not only had to make their 
own garments, but those for the whole household. 
Vocal and instrumental music, and the languages 
were also assiduously cultivated ; but above all, they 
were taught to be virtuous and kind, to be modest 
and refined in manners, qualities that readily won 
them the esteem and regard of the men, and 
charmed all those that associated with them. 

Thus the ladies acquired all the excellent qualities 
of the heart and mind, together with the refinement of 
good breeding, which was regarded as the highest of 
womanly virtues by the knights of the middle ages. 


* OF POTSDAM. 


7 


Love and heroic deeds, in order to win reciprocal 
love, were the main requirements and the main 
passion of the youth of the middle ages ; and if 
in their endeavors to win the esteem of their lady- 
loves they occasionally went too far, and to us 
appear ridiculous, it is nevertheless necessary to 
recognize the power which love exercised, and which 
filled the heart of the true knight, as also the high 
price and value which the illustrious dame placed 
upon the love which she reciprocated. 

The power of the imagination of love was often 
carried to such a pitch that instances are recorded 
where a knight, from mere hearsay, became actually 
infatuated with a woman he had never seen. The 
provincial poet Jansee Rudel fell in love with a 
Countess of Tripoli from a description given of her 
by a returning pilgrim, and he composed a number 
of beautiful poems in praise of her, though he saw 
her not and she heard him not. After he had thus 
sung and suffered for a long while, and being unable 
longer to resist his longing to see his unknown love, 
he took his cross and sailed for the Holy Land. 
He became deathly sick at sea, but arrived in Tri- 
poli alive, and was taken to a hotel — which was then 
called a herberge. When the Countess of Tripoli 
learned of the circumstances, she repaired to the 
young man’s couch and locked him in her arms. 
The pleasurable emotions which this act exercised 
upon the dying poet caused him to revive, he opened 
his eyes, and thanked God that He had permitted 
him to live long enough to see his beloved mistress. 
The countess embraced him again, but the emotion 
was too much for him, for he soon expired. The 
grief of the countess over the death of the noble 
youth was so great that she retired to a convent, 
where she too soon ended her life. 

If our pretty young ladies of to-day were loved 


8 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


so ardently and loved as mncli in return, liow happy 
we would be ! 

When the Knight Gawan was accepted by the 
beautiful Obilot as her champion, she gave him a 
bracelet which she had worn upon her arm. He 
fastened this bracelet upon his shield and went into 
the battle with it. After the fight was over he 
brought it back, dreadfully cut and hacked, when 
she again put it upon her arm and proudly wore it. 

The same thing was done by Gahument and Her- 
zeleine with a chemise. First she wore the fine 
cambric chemise, and then he put it over his coat of 
mail. Badly cut up and pierced as it was by the 
blows and thrusts which he had received, she took 
it and put it on, and wore it next to the skin. They 
did the same thing with eighteen chemises, and as 
the valiant Gahument was brought to her dead, the 
tender Herzeleine wanted to put on the torn and 
bloody shirt which he had w r orn when he was killed, 
but her parents would not permit her to do it. 

But things did not remain so nice and affecting 
always. The ladies, gradually spoiled by the exces- 
sive adulation and devotion that was shown them, 
became proud and overbearing, and exacted such 
severe proofs from their champions that it was 
scarcely possible to perform them ; but they were 
nevertheless executed till the knights themselves 
lapsed into a demoralized state, and the entire beau- 
tiful custom fell into disuse. 

Although Ulrich von Lichtenstein, with indescriba- 
ble satisfaction, drank the water which his adored 
mistress washed her beautiful hands in, he was 
nevertheless subsequently compelled to submit to 
an operation to rectify his misshaped mouth, be- 
cause she found fault with it ; and Paroli hacked 
off his little finger, which was broken in a tourney, 
and sent it to his lady-love in a beautiful casket. 


OF POTSDAM. 


9 


Another troubadour, Paire Vidal, at the wish ex- 
pressed bv his fair lady, allowed himself to be sewed 
up in a fur skin, in which he ran about on all fours 
in the mountains, and was chased by the shepherds 
and their dogs till he dropped down half dead, and 
had to be carried home. 

Such things, however, if carried to a pitch of 
absurdity, could only result in one condition, namely, 
the breaking down of the custom from sheer folly 
of the acts, and hence the entire practice was soon 
totally abandoned. 

The flowers of knighthood were soon swept away, 
and a long, cold winter settled upon society ; it was 
all over with poetry and passion, and soul-delirium 
or phantasy gave place to soberness. 

The knight now went hunting, and when at dusk 
he came home tired and weary, he caroused till 
midnight, and then, overpowered by wine, dropped 
down upon the hard boards, and there he passed the 
rest of the night and part of the following day. 

Of what use was it then for the ladies, with such 
knights, to be beautiful and accomplished ? They 
withdrew themselves from such companions, and 
locked themselves in their own apartments, and be- 
came as serious and silent as formerly they were 
serene and amiable ; but deep in the working cen- 
tres of their thoughts they meditated how they 
could regain the hearts of the men and reclaim the 
degenerated spirit of the age. 

Thus there dawned after the revolution a new 
time, and Poetry and Love failed to awaken new 
morning glories. 

The tender, naive enthusiasm of the heart which 
went to sleep at the time the glory of knighthood 
fell into decay, did not awaken again ; idealism was 
constantly more and more supplanted by realism. 

Speculation laid its chilling effect upon the heart, 


10 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


practical understanding displaced the impractical 
mind; calculation took the place of feelings, the 
most sacred emotions of the human breast sank down 
to a mere commercial commodity, the social relations 
and laws did their part to hinder and contract 
Poetry and the voluntary tendency of the heart. 

Let us consider for a moment the position 
assigned to woman to-day, compared with the exalted 
position she occupied during the middle ages. 

True, women are to-day the true representatives 
and custodians of pure Love, its customs and 
tender mysteries ; but the spirit of the times 
and social circumstances have overshadowed and 
levelled these fine old qualities. Outward show 
and a certain amount of comedy acting and mask- 
ing, have been acquired by them, which the men 
on the one hand exact, and on the other severely 
condemn. 

At a time when so many imitation jewels are 
worn the genuine stone loses its full value, it is not 
regarded as genuine, and discouraged by this fact, it 
also transforms itself into an imitation. 

The tendency to self-sacrifice constanly becomes 
more rare. Woman, it is true, even at this day 
possesses a certain amount of power which man 
has conceded to her, but it is only an illusive 
power. The sovereignty of the middle ages has 
been transformed into the constitutionalism of mod- 
ern times, and, in place of the passionate, deeply- 
felt tenderness of the heart which was then consid- 
ered as her due, she is now disposed of with mere 
phrases of platitude. 

And what has become of the lyric-singing 
knight-errants of the middle ages ? Secretaries of 
legations, lieutenants, inspectors, government clerks 
and idlers, those that have passed, and those that 
have not passed the third examination, who amble 


OF POTSDAM. 


11 


through life without earnestness, and often without 
the least object ! 

A feeble, short-sighted, rheumatic, thin-haired, 
and blase youth has grown up out of the barren soil 
of the sober, calculating modern times, an egoistic 
youth who loves himself only, and who is only 
attracted to the fair sex by frivolity or speculation. 

Really they play an unhappy role, the successors 
of the champion-knights of the middle ages ; they 
do not dance any more, because it is too taxing to 
their feeble energies ; they sing no more, because 
they haven’t soul enough to sing, and because they 
rarely study any lyrical music ; and the piercing 
sighs which escaped the breasts of our ancestors at 
the mere thought of a female, are now only men- 
tioned in romances and sensational stories. 

There are, it is true, exceptions to these, since no 
rule is without exceptions ; and far be it from us to 
say that every youth, and still more every tender 
Magdalene, should feel hurt or depressed by the 
peculiar tendencies of our times just described ; 
rather should each one feel elevated by the thought 
that he or she is the exception, and that, like a 
lotos flower, will soar above the weeds in this 
garden, incline its pale, languishing face dreamily 
toward another lotos flower, till both die from 
tender, bashful love-yearnings, or render each other 
happy as was the case in the middle ages. 

But let us turn to the peculiarities of our 
times. 

Because woman was compelled to descend from 
the flowery throne of the middle ages, when she 
was sovereign and rendered everyone happy ; be- 
cause she has been refused the privilege of partici- 
pating in all kinds of business, has been denied 
permission to gain a livelihood independently, that 
would protect her against the dangers that beset 


12 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


her ; because, finally, she has been restricted to the 
mere passiveness and dependence of existence, her 
former good qualities have become suppressed and 
her evil ones, such as vanity, love of show, coquetry, 
and a longing for frivolities and light dissipation 
have been fostered. 

Custom and social laws, which man has made, 
have left to woman but one career, namely, the ca- 
reer of matrimony. 

For this object woman is reared and trained, for 
this object she is educated, being superficially 
taught some studies and totally neglecting others, 
which would be of the utmost consequence to her 
in her new sphere of matrimony and maternity. 

Thus woman is partially a victim of our social 
arrangements, and wdien she is thus deficient in 
knowledge and uninteresting, it is not surprising that 
matrimonial life is often unhappy, or that so many 
marriages end in bitter disappointments and separa- 
tions. 

Especially in the higher stations of life is this 
unfortunate circumstance — which is almost always 
due to selfishness and fostered by inconsiderateness, 
— most frequently met with. 

Among the nobility, in the higher, and often 
even in the middle, stations of life, it was the 
custom, until quite recently, to follow the practice 
pursued by the reigning families, namely, to ar- 
range a marriage diplomatically by the parents, 
either for the purpose of retaining an estate in the 
family, or for some other equally mercenary object. 
Happily, the instances where a person is forced to 
marry his or her cousin are now quite rare. 

Being destined for a matrimonial life, the girls 
are taught a little music, a little general knowledge, 
a good deal of dancing, they pay much attention to 
dress, and when they have acquired these qualifica- 


OF POTSDAM. 


13 


tions they “ come out,” at sixteen, seventeen, or 
more years of age, and take their position in “so- 
ciety,” which in reality means that they are in the 
“market,” to be had by the highest bidder, or per- 
haps they are cast into the arms of him whom a 
scheming mamma deems a good “ catch ” for her 
darling. 

With beating hearts and calculating judgment 
the buyers are awaited, and each one is estimated 
according to his possessions, in a real commercial 
manner. 

The rich and high-toned daughter must not 
marry below her station ; she is to acquire some- 
thing, because the dearly beloved parents acquired 
or inherited something; otherwise, what is the use 
of giving the child such a costly education ? All 
the great cost and trouble would thus be thrown 
away. 

And if the girl has really retained enough feeling 
and determination, preferring to marry a poor young 
man with good principles rather than some decrepit 
old Croesus, she is denounced and discarded by her re- 
lations and friends, and life is often rendered a bur- 
den to her by the treatment she receives on that score. 

Poor girls are, in this respect, much better off, 
for their parents make little or no objections to 
their choice. True, they can often flatter them- 
selves with the thought that they were wooed with 
no mercenary motives ; can they also truly claim that 
they married out of pure love ? It would certainly 
be a remarkable coincidence that two hearts meet 
upon this earth in which mutual love is kindled. 

That, however, does not often happen. Most 
girls at first are entirely content with the change in 
their condition ; the new clothes they procured, and 
the new occupation they have, fill all their wants. 
This contentment they frequently palm off on them- 


14 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


selves and their partners as genuine love and affec- 
tion. Later on, when new duties and new bur- 
dens become superadded, even this pretence at love 
is swept away, and then there is nothing left but 
discontent and disappointment. 

Love at first sight, that is said to penetrate into 
two hearts simultaneously, and kindles into a flame, 
may no doubt occur, but it is not always the most 
abiding nor the best; still less can be expected 
from an engagement that ensues during the inter- 
vals of a dance at a ball. At such times the heart 
is coated with too much gloss, and the mind intoxi- 
cated with excitement. 

In what is called the middle class of society 
matrimony often transpires fr^m pure inclination, 
because then both sides are less pretentious, and 
both parties fully comprehend the duties that will 
subsequently devolve upon them. 

The peasant and day laborer generally have a 
circle from which to select, and naturally will take 
the one that pleases them best ; still they always re- 
gard a wife as something that is an absolute ne- 
cessity rather than an ornament. 

Well, we have said a good deal about woman, 
both favorably and unfavorably, but on the whole 
excused her many faults which custom and man- 
ners have engendered in her. Let us now say a 
word for man, who has placed her in that position, 
and who as a result must suffer for it; for under 
such circumstances, what is unfavorable to one sex 
must necessarily react upon the other. 

A great many years have gone by since the fine 
old days of the middle ages. The childlike and 
naive ideas of those days have become sharp and 
tricky by the file of calculating judgment and intel- 
ligence ; impracticable poetry has given way to prac- 
tical prose ; the revolution that has swept through 


OF POTSDAM ; 


15 


all countries like a cyclone has carried off many a 
senseless frippery, and initiated the great work of 
levelling all to one standard ; the population of the 
world has increased vastly, and the young men have 
no muse to sing of by day and no fair women to 
dream of by night; they are obliged to plunge into 
the midst of the throng and battle for life, strive 
and labor to acquire a competence, or even only a 
mere livelihood. 

A young man, who naturally enjoys love and its 
delights best, is therefore compelled to labor a long 
while before he can think of sharing his modest and 
hard-earned income with a life-companion. 

Especially is this the case with officials, who be- 
come old and gray at a desk before their salary is 
sufficient to maintain a family ; and even the younger 
sons of rich parents or of the nobility have to pass 
their best years at some small court or in the army, 
because the kind parents are not disposed to settle 
upon the younger son enough to enable him to 
marry ; and as the latter dare not engage in some 
profitable pursuit without losing caste, there is no 
other alternative for him but to dawdle aw T ay his 
life and keep piling up his debts. 

Hence most young men, when they wish to marry, 
are compelled to look at the amount of the dowry 
the wife will bring with her, and if one has once 
commenced to hanker for the almighty dollar, avarice 
and the desire to possess soon fills the heart, and 
one will oftener speculate to make a good parti, in 
which love is but a secondary consideration, than to 
gain a position by toil and self-denial, and then be 
able to choose according to the dictates of his heart. 

Thus one often sacrifices thoughtlessly his love 
and domestic happiness for the sake of the where- 
with to live a life of ease and comfort, setting the 
worst possible example to his children. 


16 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Some philosophical heads, however, seek to avoid 
this dilemma. They do not want to make a busi- 
ness matter of matrimony, and for obvious reasons 
do not want to risk their forty-five years of age 
with a girl that is only twenty ; nor again the little 
they may have saved with a poor one who, they fear, 
is bound sooner or later to get the greater part of it. 

These philosophers form that happy (?) class of 
old bachelors, the noblest representatives of Ego- 
tism. 

The old bachelor, it is true, does not expect to 
get anything, neither is he disposed to give any- 
thing; he does not expect to be made happy, nor 
does he hope to make another happy. 

But a time comes when he is old and ill, when he 
goes to bed but does not leave it, and a hired nurse 
— trained to obduracy — sits at his bedside, who, 
albeit she serves him, does so for money only, and 
not for love. 

Then he may regret ; then he may suffer from 
the void he feels ; then he may experience the 
bitter pang of regret at having lived all his life- 
time for himself alone, and hence must die by him- 
self, without possessing a loving hand to smoothe 
his pillow, to close his eyes, or drop a tear upon his 
bier. 

Unregretted, he is packed into his coffin ; unre- 
gretted, his possessions are quickly divided, and 
upon his grave bloom no roses nor any forget-me- 
nots. 


OF POTSDAM. 


17 


CHAPTER II. 

THE YOUNG GENTLEMEN^ CLUB. 

Whoever is acquainted with Berlin knows the two 
restaurants which are situated directly behind the 
Potsdam bridge, opposite each other, like Scylla and 
Chary bdis, and which are named respectively the 
Cafe Mielens and the Cafe Boulevard. 

Anyone coming across Potsdam bridge, and at- 
tempting to make a detour in order to avoid Cafe 
Boulevard is sure to be swallowed up, as it were, 
and without his being able to explain how it hap- 
pened, by Cafe Mielens ; and whoever seeks to avoid 
the latter is sure to run into the arms of Cafe Boule- 
vard ; and scarcely has he had time to draw his 
breath when he finds himself seated behind a seidel 
(a mug) of foaming beer which the ubiquitous 
keiner has placed before him. 

The place behind the bridge is very well adapted 
for restaurants, for a large concourse of people here 
gather every afternoon, having started for a prome- 
nade from various parts of the city. They are soon 
swallowed up by these establishments, which be- 
come enlivened like beehives in summer time. 

Both restaurants, the Cafe Boulevard and the 
Cafe Mielens, are among the very first to be filled 
up with patrons, consisting of army officers, govern- 
ment officials, members of the nobility, etc. 

It is very pleasant to sit near the balustrade of 
Scylla or Charybdis and watch the dark stream of 
humanity, constantly changing as it flows by. The 
human mass seems to overflow from the narrower 
side streets into the wide Potsdam thoroughfare, as 
2 


18 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


if the life-blood of the city was seeking for a free 
avenue to course unimpeded. 

It is very interesting to look more closely upon 
the current, and examine more attentively the single 
drops of blood of which this living stream is com- 
posed. 

Most of these promenaders are officials or persons 
in the middle station of life, for artisans and labor- 
ers are tied during the entire week to their work- 
bench, and are only seen on the boulevard or in the 
open country on Sundays, accompanied by wife and 
child, when they generally inhale as much dust, and 
suffer from the heat almost as much, as they do in 
their narrow rooms. 

Some of the junior officials are always seen in this 
crowd. Generally they have a pale, pasty complex- 
ion, flat chests, and are short-sighted, and crawl along 
as if life has been utterly crushed out of them. The 
higher officials, on the other hand, strut along with 
an overbearing, supercilious air, barely ever deign- 
ing to notice anyone below their own rank. Now 
and then a couple of young damsels saunter by, who 
are fully aware that they attract unlimited notice 
both from those seated behind the railings and the 
promenaders, as is evidenced from the half shy, 
half coquettish glances they cast in return. 

This is about the picture one may behold every 
afternoon if he has the opportunity of sitting be- 
hind the balustrade of the Cafe Mielens or of the 
Cafe Boulevard. 

Both these establishments possess germs within 
the mass of their frequenters, which are separate 
from the latter ; both germs were already near dying, 
the one because the poisonous worm gnawed at it, 
the other because old age had dried up its juices. 

In the Cafe Mielens was the headquarters of a 
summer club, consisting of young gentlemen out of 


OF POTSDAM, 


19 


the so-called noble order, who had the right of 
taking up the most eligible and select places upon 
the veranda, where they could be plainly seen and 
where they could plainly see everyone passing by. 

In the Cafe Boulevard, on the other hand, con- 
gregated every afternoon, winter and summer, a 
number of gentlemen of the good old times, who 
had here a separate arbor and gossiped away several 
hours while sipping their after-dinner coffee and 
smoking a cigar. 

As in life extremes often meet, so happened it 
here too. 

Youth was seated near old age, the Future was 
near the Past ; but every age looks back upon a dif- 
ferent youth, every youth cannot expect such an age. 

One club w T as being consumed by a poisonous 
worm within it; of the other the sharp tooth of 
time gnawed off one wilted leaf after another. 

Let us first take a look at the Club of the Young 
Gentlemen, at the Cafe Mielens. 

The members w r ere mostly civilians, gentlemen of 
leisure, who live nobody knows how ; ex-officers, 
who on account of their debts early left the army, 
and now led a sort of refined tramp life ; attaches 
of the Home and Foreign offices of State ; barristers 
without any practice, and other men without aim or 
ambition, save that for the “tender passion,” that is 
to say, for the ballet and the opera when it contains 
a ballet performance, horse-racing, woman and play 
and idleness in general, and the creation of debts in 
particular. 

Officers in active service, as a rule, do not join such 
clubs, but form associations of their own — especially 
since the stirring da}^s of 1848 — that meet in armories 
or barracks like apartments. 

In regard to our society in Cafe Mielens, its 
winter quarters were Unter den Linden ; in summer, 


20 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


when “ everybody ” in Berlin is supposed to be away, 
it would have been altogether too monotonous for 
the few noble members of the club who could not 
get away to meet there, and hence the selection of 
the Cafe Mielens, near the Potsdam bridge, where 
the whole of Berlin passed and repassed daily, where 
the resident members could while away their after- 
noons till the summer season began at one of the 
theatres. 

To-day the club was sadly neglected, more so in 
fact than usual, most of the seats upon the veranda 
being unoccupied ; the only persons visible there 
were two young men and a dog, and all three crea- 
tures seemed to be suffering terribly from ennui. 
Evidently none of them had yet ordered anything, 
for no refreshments were to be seen upon the 
small marble table between them and the waiter, 
w T ho, like a sentinel on duty, with his napkin slung 
upon his shoulder for a gun, marched up and 
down near by, so as to be able to respond promptly 
at the least nod or summons of the gentlemen 
present. 

One of the two young men was the Baron Branco, 
one of those mysterious personages of whom no one 
knows anything as to where they come from or 
how they exist. 

This class of persons, as is well known, have no 
resources, and yet spend a good deal, pretend to have 
an inexpressible contempt for money, as if they 
would not soil their patrician fingers by touching it — 
which perhaps accounts for the way in which they 
neglect to pay their debts. 

Of the Baron Branco nothing definite was known ; 
several years before he made his appearance in Ber- 
lin and joined the noble coming generation ; he spent 
a good deal of money and attained considerable 
notoriety in a certain circle of society. 


OF POTSDAM. 


21 


He was a man of about thirty years of age, tall, 
rather lean, and liad a most aristocratic, blase appear- 
ance. 

The finely shaped head, with elegantly twisted 
moustache, would have been declared handsome but 
for the commencing baldness of the crown and the 
evidences of fast living expressed in his mobile 
countenance, together with an undefined shy and 
uncertain look in his eyes which invoked neither 
trust nor confidence. 

Although it w r as apparent at first sight that 
Baron Branco had led a fast life, had plucked many 
a flower, and after enjoying its fragrance had cast it 
contemptuously away, still he had a good deal of 
success with women, especially unmarried ones, 
though of late he evidently sought to cast himself 
loose from his former adventures. 

The charm which a man having the reputation 
of being a roue exercises over some young girls is 
a remarkable phenomenon. The purest and most 
innocent soul is often irresistibly attracted toward 
one that is diametrically opposite. Perhaps it is 
because certain hopes, thoughts, and interests which 
are both exciting and pleasant are awakened in 
the young breast that is only just beginning to 
dream ; perhaps it is also because of the noble and 
beautiful task which the young creature is ready 
to assume — of redeeming and reclaiming a lost 
person. 

The handsome baron was faultlessly attired ; he 
leaned back in a chair in the most negligent manner ; 
his right hand played with the indispensable lor- 
gnon, for all noble young men are short-sighted, and 
in his left he held a cigarette, which he occasionally 
puffed in the most indolent manner, and at long in- 
tervals blew a tiny cloud of bluish smoke from his 
aristocratic mouth. 


22 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Opposite him, sat a little dainty fellow almost girl- 
ish in appearance, who smiled incessantly. 

If it is possible to compare the human physiog- 
nomy with that of an animal, then this youth might 
be compared to a little white shrew-mouse that 
cheerily looks out of its cage upon the world. 

He, too, evidently was not a native of Berlin, not 
even a Prussian, but from one of the small adjoin- 
ing states that look so pretty upon the colored map 
of Germany, and in size his fatherland was correctly 
mirrored by him. 

Everything about the Count Nöhre, which was 
the name of this youth, was small and neat, and 
from his neck dandled a double lorgnon, and be-' 
tween the second and third fingers of his left hand 
he held a big Upman cigar, which lost its fire every 
moment or two, because he was only a u Sunday 
smoker.” 

The third animated being to be seen upon the 
veranda was a morose, sulky bull-dog, with red eyes 
and long pendulous chops, that had blissfully fallen 
asleep under the table. 

“ Awfully dull to-day ! ” Baron Branco remarked, 
after long silence, in a dry, harsh voice. 

“ Yeth, it is terribly dull ! ” lisped the little Count 
Nöhre, a deeper smile overspreading his sharp, 
mouse-like countenance ; then he carried his dead 
cigar to his mouth again, sucked at it in a timid 
manner several times, and allowed his elegant, 
knightly right hand to drop in a leisurely manner 
in his lap. 

“ Ballet-performances have already commenced,” 
said Baron Branco, after a pause, “ but then no- 
body is in town yet ; one sees nothing the live- 
long day but these plebeian faces, which is enough to 
give one a fit of yawning.” 

“ Awfully plebeian fathes ! ” echoed the little 


OF POTSDAM. 


23 


Count Nöhre, going through the same performance 
with his cold cigar as before. 

“ Will take something to kill time,” continued the 
Baron, nodding to the waiter almost imperceptibly 
with his aristocratic head, and which instantly en- 
livened the attendant as if he had been electrified. 

“Cup of coffee,” ordered the baron; “but real 
hot and strong ! ” 

“ Bottle of Comthurei ale for me,” drawled the 
little count. 

The waiter looked surprised and humbly ventured 
to say : 

“The Herr Count will please excuse me for say- 
ing that, although we have Comthurei ale, yet it is 
not good and no one drinks it.” 

“ Doesn’t matter ! ” returned the little man, be- 
coming still more amiable. “ Let it taste bad ; it 
has at any rate a fine old name, and every poor devil 
does not drink it.” 

The waiter bowed obsequiously and disappeared, 
and soon returned bringing the ordered refresh- 
ments, receiving from each gentleman a small coin 
in payment, the change from which it was intifhated 
to him to keep by a gracious nod of the head. 

Although Baron Branco had ordered his coffee to 
be hot and strong, he allowed it to become cold, 
and subsequently forgot to drink it altogether, and 
the little count repeatedly gazed at his murky 
Comthurei ale in a good-humored way without 
tasting it. 

Thus some time passed b y, when another elegantly 
dressed young man was seen coming through the 
garden, and soon mounted the few steps leading to 
the place occupied by the members of the club. 

He was quite young, and would have formed a 
most agreeable contrast to the dissipated-looking 
Baron Branco and the silly, friendly little Count 


24 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Höhre, if his face had not borne the expression of 
extreme pedantry and conceit, that, for one so young, 
was repellent in the extreme. 

He looked as if nature had intended him to be an 
expert mathematician, who was constantly engaged 
in solving the problem of his life. 

“ Good morning, Collin ! ” said Baron Branco to 
him as soon as he caught sight of him, adding, ironi- 
cally ; “That’s what you call constancy, I. presume. 
You are one of the youngest of the club, and as un- 
faithful as the older ones.” 

Government Solicitor von Collin, greeted some- 
what haughtily the gentlemen present, ordered 
coffee from the waiter that followed close upon his 
heels, and replied, while taking a seat between the 
baron and the count : 

“I was away to the baths for a week and only re- 
turned yesterday. I don’t think you can ask for a 
greater degree of punctuality than I show by ap- 
pearing among you the very next day after returning.” 

“ Exceedingly grateful to you, dear Collin,” said 
Branco ; “ but what took you to the baths ? Don’t 
you feel well ? ” 

“Oh, yes,” returned the solicitor dryly, lighting 
a cigar. 

“ Then you played ? ” asked the little count, 
blinking with his eyelids good-humoredly. 

“ I never play,” returned Herr von Collin. “ I 
never touch a card.” 

“Yes, you are a wonderfully virtuous young 
man,” sneered the baron. “You don’t drink, you 
don’t play, you don’t ride, and have no gallant 
adventures. Tell me why, in the name of all that 
is pleasant, you don’t do am T of these things ? ” 

“ Because I can’t ! ” returned Collin, dryly. 

“Oh!” ejaculated the baron, astonished; while 
the little count smiled most agreeably. 


OF POTSDAM. 


25 


“ And also because I don’t want to ! ” added the 
barrister. 

“ Nonsense ! ” laughed Branco. 

“ Simply nonsense ! ” echoed the little count. 

“No, it is neither ‘nonsense,’ nor ‘simply non- 
sense,’ ” returned the solicitor, “ but the wisdom of 
life, that one must possess if he wishes to gain some 
headway in this world. In a word, for I am not* 
ashamed to confess it, I haven’t money enough to pro- 
cure me all these pleasures, and against incurring debts 
my inmost soul rebels. I am a pretty good calcu- 
lator, and to be constantly obliged to figure up deficits 
would soon undermine my rest and destroy my peace.” 

“ Then you intend to undergo the tortures of a 
third examination, and, by the sweat of your brow, 
earn your livelihood forever in the government em- 
ploy ?” asked the baron, mockingly. 

“No, I have no such intention,” returned the so- 
licitor, a slight smile of good humor overspreading 
his usually serious countenance. “ And that was 
just the reason why I incurred the expense of a jour- 
ney to the baths.” 

“ So as to gain strength to undergo a third exami- 
nation ?” sneeringly said Branco, again. 

“ No, to seek a wife,” answered the barrister ; 
“ that is to say, a rich wife, whose fortune will be 
sufficient to afford me the pleasures you mentioned, 
and enable me to give up the dry and toilsome legal 
practice.” 

“ And you found a goddess ? ” the baron inter- 
jected, ironically. 

“ There were goddesses enough,” replied Collin ; 
“ but none that answered my purpose.” 

“ And what qualities are you looking for ? ” 

“ One possessing a certain sum of money, which 
I have figured out as requisite to enjoy life with, 
and from which I will allow no reduction.” 


26 


THE, MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The handsome Baron Branco slightly sank his 
head on his breast and lapsed into thoughtfulness, 
that seemingly was both pleasant and unpleasant to 
him ; the little count, however, who, at the turn 
the conversation took, looked more pleased than 
ever, sucked once more at his cold cigar and then 
lisped out, from beneath the seven blond hairs that 
straggled over his upper lip : 

“ But, dear Collin, where was the necessity of 
your going to the baths for that ? You might have 
accomplished the same thing here, with less incon- 
venience and without cost.” 

“ How ? if I may ask,” queried the solicitor. 

“ Why, through the agents, my dear friend ! ” 
laughingly replied the little count. 

Baron Branco raised his head and cast a forbid- 
ding look at his vis-a-vis. 

“ Through which agents ? ” asked Herr von 
Collin, who seemed to become greatly interested in 
the matter. 

“ Oh, there are a great many here, and of different 
kinds,” continued the little count, who did not 
observe Branco’s forbidding look. “ There are, for 
instance, the washerwomen, the servants, porters, 
and persons you owe money to. But the best and 
cheapest way for you to gain a good parti is to 
apply to ” 

At this moment Baron Branco cast such a forbid- 
ding, almost threatening look at the little count, 
that the latter turned scarlet and broke off in the 
midst of his sentence. 

The solicitor looked first at one and then at the 
other, and was at a loss wdiat to make of it. 

“ Wouldn’t you have the kindness to go on ? ” he 
finally appealed to the little count. “ The best and 
cheapest way for me to gain a good parti is to 
apply to ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


27 


The youth thus addressed, under the fierce gaze 
of the baron, again became mortally embarrassed, 
tried to regain his self-possession, and then stam- 
mered out, while crushing his huge cigar in his 
fingers : 

“ Oh, nothing. I only wanted to tell you how a 
cousin of mine once got a rich wife. One day, after 
dining at the Hotel Rome with some friends, he 
casually said to the porter on leaving : ‘ Say, my 
friend, don’t you know of a rich wife for me ? 
"Would like to marry soon, so as to be able to pay 
my little debts . 5 The porter replied that he did 
not know of any just then, but that he would speak 
with his friend, the steward, and inform the gentle- 
man of the result. 'No sooner promised than done. 
The porter spoke with the steward, whose wife let 
out rooms, and she arranged the parti with the 
gracious mamma and the young lady. This is the 
way my cousin got a rich wife ! 55 

“ And the daughter believed that your cousin 
married her for love ? 55 asked the baron, who seemed 
to become interested in the story since the di- 
version from the subject first spoken of. 

“ Of courthe ! 55 lisped the little count, “ and the 
mother too.” 

“ And the way in which the young man ap- 
proached the subject excited no suspicion in her 
mind ? 55 

“ Not the least. She was even disposed to ex- 
cuse it, on the score that in the higher circles there 
is often no other resource.” 

A slight smile of satisfaction played about the 
lips of the baron, and again he sank his noble head 
upon his breast and lapsed into thought, while 
Solicitor von Collin looked upon the little count 
with a good deal of distrust, who, on his part, ap- 
peared inexpressibly pleased. 


28 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The sun was sinking fast ; the human stream 
that w T as welling out of the dark-green Potsdam 
street became thicker and denser, the various res- 
taurants became filled up more and more with 
people, and the dusk of twilight began to spread 
over the city. 

“ When I get into as tight a fix as my cousin was, 
I will do as he did,” said the little co^nt, after a long 
silence. “ Already I have commenced to sever my 
relations with certain parties, because one must be 
free from old entanglements before he gets into 
new ones.” 

The handsome baron started up from his pleasant 
reverie and again cast such a sinister glance at the 
little count, that the latter again became dreadfully 
embarrassed and turned scarlet. 

“Who is that fine-looking man riding across the 
bridge, there ? ” asked Solicitor von Collin. “ I have 
seldom seen a finer-looking man than he is on horse- 
back.” 

“ That is Legation Counsellor von Froh berg,” 
answered the little count, “ a brother of Freiherr 
von Frohberg, who has a most charming wife. 
That, too, is one of the partis which the ” 

“ Please let me have a light, count,” interrupted 
Branco, taking a cigarette out of an elegant case. 

The little man was terribly startled by the sudden 
and vehement manner with which the baron, who 
had been silent for so long a time, addressed him, 
and he hastily tendered him his crushed and cold 
cigar-stump. The baron grasped it quickly and 
applied it to his cigarette, which he began to suck 
and draw with all his might ; but he failed to ignite 
it. Suddenly it occurred to him to look at the 
stump and see whether it was burning or not, and, 
on finding that it was dead, he threw it angrily over 
the bannister. 


OF POTSDAM. 


29 


“ Oh ! ” instantly exclaimed someone below upon 
the sidewalk. 

“ What is the matter ? ” asked the baron, angrily, 
without however stirring from his seat for the pur- 
pose of seeing what had happened below. 

“ You struck an old man in the eye with that 
horrible cigar-stump you threw away,” said Govern- 
ment Solicitor von Collin, looking over the bannis- 
ter down upon the sidewalk. “ There he stands 
with his handkerchief applied to his injured eye.” 

Baron Branco now leisurely got up from his seat 
and looked down upon the person alluded to ; but 
no sooner did he catch a glimpse of the individual 
than his dark and sinister countenance cleared up 
as if by magic, and he burst out laughing. 

“ A f unny-looking old man he is ; he only looks 
old when seen in a certain position ; by a better light 
you would take him for a school-boy. In reality he 
is a very good-natured youth, and one of the most 
attentive members of our club ; he is very sedate, 
considering who he associates with. Don’t be 
angry, old fellow ! ” he called to the person still 
standing on the sidewalk. “ It was a mere ac- 
cident. How was I to know that you wmuld be 
coming toward me wdien I threw away my friend 
Nöhre’s cigar-stump ?” 

“ Ah, was it cold ? ” asked the person below, hesi- 
tatingly and in a timid voice. 

“ As cold as your heart ! ” returned the baron, 
viciously, who seemed to derive enjoyment from 
the accident that befel the new-comer, and whom he 
was disposed to make a butt off. “ But come up 
here and permit your friends to greet yon and in- 
troduce our new member to you, who has not yet 
had the honor of forming your acquaintance.” 

It was not long before a young man was seen 
walking through the garden, who, on account of 


30 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


his smooth, youthful face, would have been taken 
for a school-boy, if his clothes had not been both 
stylish and quaint in the extreme. 

Upon his blonde head he balanced a faultlessly 
stylish, high silk hat, but which was too small for 
him, and he was consequently obliged to walk as if 
he was stepping on eggs, for rapid motion would 
surely have caused it to topple over ; his very tight 
and very high collar was encircled by a gorgeously 
colored scarf, which had become badly displaced 
and was visible in greater part both in front and 
behind; a very tight and very short jacket, of 
excellent material and stylish cut, was made to 
answer the part of a coat, and his very short and 
tight trousers barely reached to his ankles, and ap- 
peared as if they had been sewn on his lower ex- 
tremities; one hand was covered with a faultlessly 
fitting, fashionably colored glove, and his feet were 
encased in brand new, brilliantly glossy, patent 
leather shoes. 

“Is that the same gentleman who stood on the 
walk a little while ago?” whispered Government 
Solicitor von Collin to the baron. 

“ The same,” the latter whispered back ; “ he is 
now seen in another light, that is all ; and that 
changes his appearance entirely, and makes him 
look fifty years younger.” 

The new-comer now ascended the steps ; he was 
visibly embarrassed, and he felt uncomfortable, 
which conditions became worse when he beheld 
the smiling countenances of the three gentlemen 
present, one of whom being a total stranger to 
him. 

“Will the gentlemen permit me to introduce 
them ? ” said Baron Branco, who was disposed to 
be amusing at another’s expense, with a courtly 
waive of his hand, pointing to the youngest mem- 


OF POTSDAM. 


31 


ber of the club, u The Herr Government Solicitor 
von Collin.” 

The latter rose from his seat, bowed politely to 
the new-comer, who stood there, bowing repeatedly 
and profoundly, waiting for the baron to pronounce 
his name next. 

Branco, however, suddenly seemed to become 
greatly embarrassed, rubbed his forehead with his 
right hand, as if to stimulate his memory, then 
shrugged his shoulders, as if to say it is impossible 
for him to do it, and finally turned apologetically 
to the new-comer, from whose injured eye the 
tears ran in a stream, and upon whose forehead the 
perspiration stood in beads, and who was growing 
more and more embarrassed by the inexplicable con- 
duct of the baron. 

“ Pray excuse me, my old friend,” said Branco ; 
“ I sometimes forget names, and just now am totally 
unable to recall your worthy name. Please tell me 
what it is.” 

The youth with the gorgeous scarf and short 
trousers became so confused at being thus addressed 
by the baron, that he left off rubbing his sore eye 
and began to wipe his sound visual organ, constantly 
looking around as if in the hope of getting assistance 
from some quarter. 

But he seemed to be doomed to disappointment, 
for the little count, as usual, continued to smile 
agreeably, without displaying the least intention of 
opening his small, pointed mouth ; and the solicitor, 
who certainly was unable to assist him, patiently 
stood in an attentive attitude, and waited with 
lively anxiety for the introduction to come to an end. 

“ Please have the kindness to tell me,” said the 
baron to the youth with the very short jacket ; 
“Herr von Collin is exceedingly anxious to learn 
your name.” 


32 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The blond youth with the fashionably colored 
gloves and brilliantly lustrous patent leathers, who 
had by this time rubbed his sound eye so much that 
it too was tearful, and his face looked tear-stained 
and besmeared, now cast his hazy glances upon 
the baron beseechingly, that he might recall the for- 
gotten name; but everything seemed to be in vain, 
for the latter once more rubbed his forehead and 
once more shrugged his shoulders helplessly. 

“ Wouldn’t you have the kindness to tell me your 
worthy name ? ” appealed the barrister courteously 
to the youth with the badly-fitting, glossy silk hat. 
“ Surely, you haven’t forgotten your name ! ” 

The young gentleman seemed to have formed a 
mighty resolve ; his face assumed a painfully sad 
but noble expression, he tried to smile agreeably, 
bowed politely toward the solicitor, drew a full and 
long breath, like one who is about to make a des- 
perate dash, and, with a heroic resolve to do and to 
die, ejaculated: 

“ My name is .” And then he stopped, 

pinched together spasmodically his tearfully stained 
eyes, opened his mouth, and uttered a sound that 
cannot be expressed in words. 

Branco and Nöhre were scarcely able to suppress 
their laughter, and Solicitor von Collin looked as 
if he had heard something very singular which he 
did not understand ; he, therefore said, with the ut- 
most respect : 

“ What ? I did not catch the name. May I ask 
you to repeat it ? ” 

The youth with the short trousers became still 
more confused, and a cold perspiration broke out 
upon his countenance, then he spasmodically com- 
pressed his eyelids again, distorted his face, clinched 
liis hands, gave his whole body a violent jerk, and 
uttered : 


OF POTSDAM. 


33 


“ My name is ,” and then, after a moment’s 

silence, followed a word that sounded like an Eng- 
lishman saying “Wau-wau.” 

The baron and the little count were now unable to 
restrain themselves, and therefore burst out with a 
loud guffaw, while the barrister looked sheepish, and 
the youth with the short trousers drew a long breath 
of relief, as if a load had been taken off his breast. 

“ Delighted to form your acquaintance,” said 
Herr von Collin, bowing politely, though I must 
candidly confess that I do not even now know what 
your name is.” 

“ His name is Rarrer,” said the baron, coming to 
the young man’s relief, “ but unfortunately he is un- 
able to pronounce the letter R, which recurs four 
times in his name, and he is therefore unable to 
pronounce it distinctly.” 

The solicitor bowed once more to his new ac- 
quaintance, and the hitter again drew a sigh of 
relief and dried his forehead and eyes. 

“ Why do you wear such- short trousers, Rarrer? ” 
asked the baron, laughingly, casting a glance at the 
youth’s lower extremities. 

“ Yes, this is anothah instance of misfowtune 
that can happen to me only,” replied the young 
man. “ I have my clothes made by the best tailoh 
in Bevline, and yet I nevah get pvopah fitting 
gahments. This is the fouwth paiah I have ve- 
ceived fwom him this week, and none of them fit 
me; evevy paiah he sends me is showtah than the 
last, and if I were to have anotheli paiah made they 
might only weach to my knees.” 

“ Then, why don’t you go to another man,” asked 
the solicitor. 

“ That would do me no good, Hew von Collin,” 
replied Rarrer, sitting down. “ It is not the fault 
of the tailoh, but my misfowtune. The same is 
3 


34 


TUE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


twue of my coat that I said in vefewence to my 
twousehes. I may have my clothes made wheah I 
will, I nevah get good fitting gahments. I was 
holm unfohtunate.” 

The solicitor smiled donbtingly. 

“Fact, I. assure you,” added the baron. “Our 
poor friend Karrer can’t put his nose out of doors 
without meeting with some petty accident. It is 
really remarkable.” 

“ Yes, it is weally wemarkable,” affirmed Karrer, 
taking a cigar from an elegant case and attempting 
to ignite it with a fancifully constructed patent cigar- 
lighter. 

But no matter how hard he tried he succeeded 
no better in lighting his cigar than the baron did a 
little while before with the count’s cold butt. 

“ Can’t you light it ? ” asked the barrister. 

“No,” replied the youth, throwing away the 
cigar, “the blasted thing \/ill not buhn. This is 
the fifth I have thwon away to-day, though my 
man assuahed me that it is the best impohted 
bwand of cigahs.” 

“ May I offer you one of mine,” asked Solicitor 
von Collin, kindly tendering him his cigar-case; 
“ mine all draw well.” 

“You are weally wevy kind,” returned Karrer, 
taking one and again bringing forth his fancy appa- 
ratus for lighting his cigar. 

Nowithstanding his best efforts, and no matter 
how hard he sucked and pulled at his cigar, he 
failed utterly to ignite it. 

“ Keally, this is very extraordinary,” said the bar- 
rister. “ This is the first one out of the whole box 
that will not burn.” 

“And pw T obably also the last one,” added the 
unfortunate youth, abandoning all further efforts ; 
“ and I must be the pevson to get it. ITeah you 


OF POTSDAM. 


35 


have another pwoof of my misfowtune. I am vevy 
fond of a good cigah, but seldom am able to enjoy 
a comfovtable smoke.” 

“ Under such unfavorable circumstances, I wonder 
you haven’t become a hermit,” said Government 
Solicitor von Collin, seemingly becoming interested 
in his new acquaintance. 

“I have weapeatedly thought of becoming one,” 
replied the unfortunate youth, sadly ; “ but it would 
do me no good. If I weah to wetweat to some fall 
away deseht, a thwiving city would soon spwing up 
a wound me, you may depend upon it. My mis- 
fowtunes are gweateh than those of any pevson I 
evali beared tell of. I have twavelled all thwough 
Euwope, but saw scahcely anything ; for wheah evah 
I came to it always wained, and wdien I we turned 
home the sun came out b wight and glowious, as if 
to tantalize me. You may believe it or not, but I 
am pevhaps the only pevson who could get no 
oystahs in Hambuhg, no Holland cheese in Wo — 
ottehdam, no Bw — bwaunswick sausages in Bw~ 
bwaunswick, and no caviah in Wu — wussia. I was 
six weeks upon the Wi — wigi, and obtained no 
view because it was waining and cloudy ; but as 
soon as I came down the sun bvoke forth b wight 
and glowious. How can one enjoy twa veiling under 
such civcumstances ? And then you mustn’t forget 
my misfowtune that I can’t pwonounce an Aw.” 

“ What is that ? ” asked Collin, vaguely. 

“ The lettah Aw,” forcibly ejaculated Karrer, his 
whole body undergoing spasmodic contortions. 

“ Oh, the letter K,” said von Collin, good-humor- 
edly ; “ but that really is no misfortune, it is only a 
slight inconvenience.” 

“ Oh, yes, it is moah than a slight inconvenience,” 
said Karrer. “ Do you think it is agweeable to 
one to be jeehed and dewided constantly when one 


36 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


speaks, and to suffeh the gweatest embavvassment 
when he has to pwonounce his name? Ah, if I 
had such a pwetty name as youahs, Collin ! Not 
once does that hovvible Aw occuah in it! You 
have no idea how much I suffeh fwom it. My life 
is litewally made a buwden to' me ! ” 

“ Oh!” exclaimed Collin, sympathetically. 

“ As I tell you,” affirmed Karrer. “ I was once in 
love — I ought watheh say I loved. Unfowtnnately, 
the name of my adowealid began with that howible 
lettah, and when I used to say to lieh, ‘Deah Wo — 
wosie,’ instead of ‘Deah Wo — wosie,” she would 
laugh at me, and finally got a dislike foil me, and 
we pahted. That is the way with the gwiles. She 
liked me well enough at fivst, and was willing to 
mawy me ; but because I was unable to ahticulate 
one lettah out of the whole alphabet liev love foh 
me melted like the snow in the sunshine. I have 
since given up all thoughts of mawying, and the 
gwiles have no attwaction foil me. When one 
considers how thoughtlessly and wecklessly they 
entail the bonds of matwimony, it is not suvpwising 
that so few mavviages tuhn out happy.” 

“ No man of any pretensions marries nowadays 
with the object of being happy, but to extend his 
dynasty and increase his fortune,” interjected the 
little count, assuming a distinguished bearing, but 
wdiich only made him look all the more puny and 
ridiculous. 

“ Or in order to get sufficient means to pay his 
early debts, and thus be able to live in peace,” ob- 
served the solicitor. 

Karrer was lost in thought. 

“ It is a pity,” he said at last, “ that love and 
matwimony in ouali times have lost all theah 
poetvy.” 

“ How so, my friend ? ” asked the little count. 


OF POTSDAM. 


37 


“You must not look upon love and marriage as 
one and the same thing. Love may be enjoyed be- 
fore marriage, and after one has loved sufficiently 
he marries, and thus in a manner becomes settled. 
And what more can the women ask when they get a 
husband who has worn his horns off, and who is clow 
quiet and behaves himself in an examplary manner ? ” 

“ While the women only now would like to begin 
to live,” remarked Collin. “ And thus we often see 
how her enjoyments conflict with the comfort of 
her husband, and even sometimes affect his honor.” 

“ Because he has alveady enjoyed life to the utmost 
and his wife has seen vevy little of life,” said Rarrer, 
thoughtfully ; then he seemed all at once to become 
very serious, and added : 

“ May the fault be whosesoevah it is, it is a fact, 
that mavviages ah nowadays awanged by pavents, 
velations, oh some unauthovized individuals, in such 
a manneh as to make one feel disgusted, and excite 
his pity for the pooh deluded cveatuhs.” 

“Why, Rarrer, what is the matter with you to- 
day ? ” laughed the baron. “ You have assumed 
quite a new role, or, as you say, ‘ wole.’ You speak 
with more feeling upon this matter than anyone 
would have thought you capable of.” 

This jest of the baron, which reminded the young 
man with the tight coat of his former unfortunate 
love affair, acted like a damper upon his conversa- 
tional powers, and embarrassed him so much that he 
thoughtlessly seized the count’s glass of ale, carried 
it to his mouth, and took a big draught at it. 

“ Like it ? ” asked the count, agreeably, when 
Rarrer had put the glass down again. 

“ Llovvible stuff,” replied the latter ; “ I hope I 
don’t get the cholewa fwom this wetched beah. 
Evevytliing is possible to one so unfovtunate as I 
am.” 


38 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Just then an equipage drove over the Potsdam 
bridge and turned to the right, along the Schön- 
berger strand. 

“Is not that the banker Silverstein, with his 
daughter ? ” asked Collin. 

“•Tes,” answered the little count. “There is a 
very good parti for you, my friend.” 

“Yes, but who wants to mark his descendants 
with those oriental noses ? ” said the baron, with a 
contemptuous curl of his aristocratic lips. “ Jew is 
Jew,” says Nathan the Wise, in the “ Knight Tem- 
plar.” 

“And money is money,” added the little count. 
“ The Christians, and especially the nobility, have 
borrowed so much money, and so often, from the 
Jews, that they are now ready to take the daughters 
plus their money, so as not to be obliged to pay any 
interest on the debts.” 

Instead of answering, the baron curled his aristo- 
cratic lip still more contemptuously. Just then an- 
other equipage rolled over the Potsdam bridge and 
turned to the left, and presently came rolling by 
the Cafe Mielens. 

“ Ah ! ” exclaimed the baron, lowly, seemingly un- 
pleasantly affected. 

“Ah!” exclaimed the little count also, whose 
pointed face became irradiated with a broad smile. 

Government Solicitor von Collin first looked at 
one gentleman and then at the other, greatly sur- 
prised, and then at the carriage, which at that mo- 
ment was abreast of the Cafe Mielens. 

As if he had been struck by lightning, the little 
count jumped off his chair and saluted the occupant 
of the carriage with an amount of deference border- 
ing on servility. Not exactly as if struck by light- 
ning, but still quickly, the handsome baron, too, 
rose from his chair and made his obeisance with 


OF POTSDAM. 


39 


seeming nonchalance, but still deferentially, to the 
same person, while Rarrer’s brow became angrily 
contracted, his hands clinched, and his right leg 
was jerked out forward with a spasm, as if to 
kick somebody or something that was offensive to 
him. 

In the carriage was seated a rather showily- 
dressed lady, in whose hat was a plume of costly 
feathers which undulated like waving bushes in a 
breeze, and her florid face wore an amiable and 
patronizing expression ; about her mouth there 
played an air of evident grief because she must be 
silent and not be permitted to indulge in a constant 
flow of agreeable conversation, for which she seemed 
predestined. 

While the equipage was passing the club, and 
Branco, the little count, and Solicitor von Collin 
were still gazing after the undulating plume, a fear- 
ful canine yelp was heard behind them, followed by 
a human cry of horror ; then came a terrible racket, 
and next a dull thud as of a heavy body falling on 
the floor. 

The three gentlemen quickly looked around, 
frightened. 

The little white table was kicked over against the 
balustrade, and Branco’s cup of coffee and the little 
count’s glass of beer were upset and had rolled off, 
the coffee and the beer running down in black and 
brown streams to the sidewalk below, where the uten- 
sils had already landed ; at a little distance away the 
bulldog sat on his haunches, with an inexpressible 
amount of pain on his canine countenance, trying to 
lick the abbreviated stump of a tail that he still pos- 
sessed ; and below, near the head of the small steps, 
lay Barrel* upon his back, holding his legs with the 
short trousers, which were now still shorter, extend- 
ed in the air like a pair of telegraph poles. 


40 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Almost at the same moment there was heard 
from below an angry, rough, martial base voice that 
threateningly helloed at the three gentlemen on the 
veranda. 

“ Thunder and lightning! What do you mean 
by such conduct as that? How dare you pour 
coffee and beer upon the new hat of an old soldier ? 
And my good coat is also totally ruined ! But, my 
fine gentlemen, you shall suffer for this as sure as I 
am Major Kumpel, an honorably retired soldier ! ” 

“ But, my dear Herr Major,” replied the little 
count from above, “ in the first place, it was not done 
intentionally, and secondly, none of us three did it.” 

u What ? ” cried the major, bracing his right ear 
with his hand, because he was very hard of hearing. 
“ Do you mean to use insulting terms to me, Major 
Rumpel, an old soldier who served all through the 
wars ? You shall be sorry for that.” 

Thus saying, he motioned to a gendarme who 
had hurried to the spot to learn the cause of the dis- 
turbance, to follow him, and rushed up to the place 
occupied by the club. 

“ It was one of these three,” cried the old warrior 
to the gendarme, rushing tow r ard the young men, full 
of anger, with his eyes directed upon the group. 

u Oh ! thunder and lightning ! ” he cried, sud- 
denly stopping and clapping his hands upon his 
abdomen. “ Who has kicked me in the stomach ?” 

He now looked down and saw Rarrer, who, fear- 
ing the approach of the angry major, had dropped 
his elevated legs with the intention of rising from 
the floor, and in so doing they accidentally came in 
contact with the latter’s stomach, as he was about to 
ascend to the veranda steps. 

u Thunder and lightning ! ” exclaimed the major 
again. “ This is altogether too much ! Who are 
you, and why don’t you rise ? ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


41 


A chill seemed to run through the body of the 
young man on being asked what his name was ; lie 
shut his eyes tightly, distorted his face terribly, 
opened his mouth as wide as possible, and made 
an indescribable attempt to utter something, but 
emitted no sound. 

“ Sir ! do you also dare to make faces at me ? ” 
cried the old soldier. “I am Major Kumpel; who 
are you, sir ? ” 

Beads of perspiration gathered upon Rarrer’s 
brow. “ My name is — ,” lie groaned ; and then he 
paused as usual for a few seconds, and in order to 
be able to pronounce the fatal word as plainly as 
possible, he opened his mouth to draw a full in- 
spiration ; but during this act he sucked in a fly, 
which forthwith set up such a degree of tickling and 
irritation in his throat that he began to sneeze and 
cough at the same time. 

“ What did the fellow say ? What is his name ? ” 
cried the deaf major. “ Tell me again, I didn’t 
understand you well ! ” 

“ But, my deah Majov ¥u — Wumpel,” cried 
Rarrer into the soldier’s ear, while the expression of 
severe pain still lingered in his countenance, “ pev- 
mit me to tell you ” 

“ Sir ! ” thundered the latter, mad from anger, 
“ my name is not Wu-wumpel, but Rumpel ! You 
are a thoroughly bad man ! First you lie on your 
back and kick me in the stomach, then you make 
faces at me, and wind up by ridiculing my honor- 
able name ! No doubt it was you who poured the 
beer and the coffee upon me. Tell me, was it 
you ? ” 

“ But, my most honoved majov ” 

Poor Rarrer was just about to pronounce the 
name of his antagonist in his own way, but for- 
tunately succeeded in restraining himself in time ; 


42 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


with an effort he swallowed . the dreaded w T ord that 
was upon the tip of his tongue, and then continued : 

“I did not intentionally pouali beah oah coffee 
on you noali kick you ; I happened to see somebody 
suddenly wide by lieah who fwightened me, and 
accidentally I twod on the tail of that dog, a thing 
that could only happen to one so unfovtunate as I 
am, considewing how showet it is ; for that the bwut 
bit me in the leg, the pain caused me to jump off my 
cliaiah, and in my haste to get away I fell and acci- 
dentally upset the table with the wevefshments upon 
it, which, to my gweat gwiff, wun down upon youah 
gawements.” 

The unfortunate youth with the w r ounded leg and 
short trousers had poured out his excuses into the 
major’s ear so loudly and so forcibly that the latter 
almost understood everything the former had said 
to him, and in spite of himself had to smile at the 
chain of unfortunate circumstances. 

u Well, since that is the case, apologize to me in 
the presence of these gentlemen, and that will end 
the matter ! ” said the old w T arrior, assuming a most 
dignified attitude. 

“ I most we-wespectfully ask youah pahdon, my 
deali Majov Wu-wumpel,” said Karrer. 

“ Rumpel ! ” cried the major, again becoming 
fiery red from anger. 

“ Wu-wumpel ! ” spasmodically ejaculated Karre r, 
also turning red from the effort to utter it distinctly. 

“ Rrrrumpel ! ” 

• “ Wu-wu- wu-wumpel ! ” 

“ Sir ! ” thundered the major, furious, advancing 
a step toward the poor, utterly demoralized youth. 

“ He is unable to pronounce the letter R, Herr 
Major,” at last said the baron, in explanation. 

“ Why did you not tell me that before ? ” cried 
the major. “ I would have spared myself a good 


OF POTSDAM. 


43 


deal of useless annoyance, and been in my club by 
this time. Good day, gentlemen ! ” 

Thus saying, he raised his right hand to his hat as 
a military salute, turned upon his heel, and rapidly left 
the veranda, followed in silence by the gendarme. 

“Heah you have anotheah contwibution to my 
unfovtunate histowy,” said Rarrer, endeavoring to 
clean his stylish but very short and tight clothes 
from dust and dirt. “ You will admit now that 
such things can happen to me only.” 

“ No matter, I was immensely amused, ” said 
Branco, heartlessly. “I’ll leave you now; I think 
I’ll go to the theatre this evening.” 

“Me too,” lisped the little count. “It is the 
only way one can spend an evening pleasantly.” 

“Not I. I think I have had theatah enough foah 
to-night, ” murmured Rarrer. “ I’ll get into a 
dwoschki and w 7 ide home, so that no moah acci- 
dents befall me.” 

He took leave of the other gentlemen and w r alked 
over the bridge, for the purpose of getting a droschki. 

“ Tell me,” said Government Solicitor von Collin, 
lowly, to the little count, as Baron Branco, lost in 
thought, was walking on ahead, “ who was the lady 
that rode by a little while ago, and whom you 
greeted so respectfully ? ” 

“ That was Madame Baldrian, the relict of Com- 
mercial Counsellor Baldrian,” whispered back the 
little count, looking very serious ; then he added, 
“ She owns an elegant villa in Potsdam, but spends 
most of her time in Berlin.” 

“ Indeed ! ” said von Collin, involuntary assum- 
ing a very serious expression of countenance. 

But, after a brief silence, he added : 

“ But who and what is she ? ” 

“ Don’t you know her ? ” the little Count Nöhre 
asked, greatly surprised. 


44 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“Ho,” replied the barrister. “Wouldn’t you 
tell me ■” 

The baron, who w T as walking on ahead, now 
seemed to become suspicious of the conversation 
that w r as going on between the two gentlemen be- 
hind him, and he slackened his pace somewhat. 

“I cannot tell you anything more at present,” 
whispered the count, who evidently noticed that the 
baron was lagging in his steps, with some alarm. 
“ Call on her and pay your respects to her.” 

“ I should call on her and pay my respects to her — 
but under what pretence ? ” asked the solicitor, sur- 
prised. 

“ Under no pretence whatever, my dear friend.” 

“ But does she know ” 

“ She knows you and knows everything.” 

“ She knows me and knows everything ! ” re- 
peated the barrister, still more astonished. 

“Yes,” said the little count. “I will tell you 
nothing more now than that you should go to her. 
She is the woman you need ! ” 

The solicitor shook his head, evidently unable to 
comprehend the little count. 

“Will you come along to the theatre, Herr von 
Collin ? ” asked the baron, now turning to him. 

“Ho,” said he. “I will leave you here, gentle- 
men. Adieu ! ” 

“Adieu!” returned the others. “Shall we see 
you at the Cafe Mielens, to-morrow ? ” 

“ .Most probably.” 

They had walked along together a short distance, 
and were just about to separate, when they no- 
ticed a droschki coming from the opposite direction. 
As the vehicle was abreast of them, and about to 
turn the corner, the occupant leaned out slightly 
from the low, open carriage, for the purpose of 
saluting them ; that caused his hat to topple off his 


OF POTSDAM. 


45 


head, and in his endeavor to recover it, added to a 
sudden lurch of the vehicle, he suddenly, to their 
great horror, tumbled out of it, landing, almost at 
their feet, upon the strip of grass that separates the 
sidewalk from the roadway. 

“ Rarrer ! ” exclaimed the baron. “ What, in the 
name of all that is strange, are yon trying to do ? 
Are you trying to break your neck ? ” 

“ No ! ” answered the unfortunate youth. “ I am 
not twying to bweak my neck, but 1 feah I will come 
to an untimely end by the caveiessness of one of 
these dwi velis. Such an accident ^s this, I will 
ventuah to say, nevah befoah happened in Bevlin ! ” 
Rarrer’s elegant coat was completely ripped open 
in the back, and, in his generally demoralized con- 
dition, presented such a comical appearance, that 
the baron burst out laughing. 

“ But for you, Rarrer,” he said, “ I’d become a con- 
firmed hypochondriac ; you always make me laugh. 
But I think you had better take him home,” he 
said, turning to the little count, “ lest some unheard- 
of misadventure overtakes him.” 

The good-natured little count offered his services 
to the unfortunate, and they parted. 


46 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


CHAPTER III. 

THE OLD gentlemen’s CLUB. 

The Old Gentlemen held their headquarters in 
the Cafe Boulevard, opposite the Cafe Mielens. 

This afternoons-association, when it mustered 
its full strength, numbered between twenty-five and 
thirty members, and consisted exclusively of men 
who had already passed their seventieth birthday, 
and had fought in the war for independence ; 
many of them were decorated with the black and 
white ribbon of the Iron Cross. 

There are, on the whole, very few persons of 
seventy and over who did not participate in that 
ever-memorable war ; for all the youths that were 
not then ill or crippled joined the ranks in de- 
fence of the Fatherland. 

Most of the distinguished warriors bore honorable 
names and high-sounding titles, but those who 
saw them and knew not their history, would have 
taken them for plain citizens in their everyday cos- 
tumes, so modest — indeed, more than modest — w T as 
their appearance. 

It was just the reverse with them from what it 
was in the case of the young men in Cafe Mielens 
opposite. The latter presented a showy outward 
appearance, while the old gentlemen had all their 
good qualities within them, in their hearts and in 
their minds. 

These here were of the Past, those across the 
way were the Present. How will our Future look ? 

The mere thought of marriage is apt to disgust 
one, for who would care to beget a generation feebler, 


OF POTSDAM. 


47 


more mercenary, more blase than those men of the 
Cafe Mielens. 

And those we became acquainted with are not 
the worst that may be found. We want to spare 
our friends a description of them, for we do not 
wish to excite repugnance, but only pity, and in fact 
to pity with laughing lips. 

We would picture persons who may yet be im- 
proved, who have not yet given up hope. 

The others we would leave in darkness and for- 
getfulness ; they deserve no better fate. 

It is a remarkable time, in which we live ! 

Old age si l rugs its shoulders at youth ; and 
youth curls its lips contemptuously at old age. 

They do not understand each other — that is the 
reason why the sons learn nothing from the fathers, 
that is the reason why the fathers so seldom act 
justly toward the sons. 

Coming generations, however, are the ones to 
judge the good and the bad qualities of both, and 
tell their and the following generations who was 
just, and who was unjust. 

The object must be removed to a proper distance 
from the eye to be seen clearly. If it is too near 
it becomes blurred and indistinct. 

Youth curls its lips contemptuously at old age; 
indeed, it laughs at him, even to his face. 

IIow foolish for one to laugh at a thing he does 
not understand, especially if he has not even taken 
the trouble to understand it ! 

When one beholds such a vain creature, does it 
not seem as if he was laughing at himself? And 
that the contempt of such a being cannot affect 
old age ? 

But it does affect him! though he is unfor- 
tunate enough already to see his former fine and 
strong person wilt and droop, like his beautiful 


48 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


and noble spirit ! though he is unfortunate 
enough to feel more and more isolated, as every 
year goes by, from the new time which he does 
not understand, and by which he is not understood, 
in which he is like a blade of grass which the 
reaper has overlooked, and in which he looks to 
death with fear and longing at the same time ! 

He still lives merely in the remembrance of the 
olden times, which he understood, in which he labor- 
ed and was useful ; now he does not live any more, he 
merely dreams, as the body dreams before eternal 
sleep comes. 

Old age, with its faults and foibles, can only seem 
laughable to uncultivated minds and evil hearts ; 
a feeling soul pities it. 

We must regal'd a fine, crumbling human ruin 
with the same silent sorrow as the ruin of a once 
proud castle, that speaks so intelligently, in poetic 
language, of a fine old time that is gone by. 

But then, one must understand the dumb lan- 
guage of the old structure, which is like the in- 
coherent mutterings of the dotard, otherwise one 
is apt to laugh at something he shouldn’t laugh at. 

Like the young men at the Cafe Mielens, the 
Old Gentlemen had their regular places upon the 
veranda, behind the railing, at the Cafe Boulevard, 
only more secluded and hidden by the foliage that 
covered the arbor. 

Youth shows and obtrudes itself everywhere, old 
age hides and withdraws itself quite as much. 

This arbor, which was somewhat retired, was 
selected partly because many of the old gentlemen 
were unable to hear plainly. Old age and the 
thunder of the cannon of the French wars had con- 
siderably dulled their organ of hearing. They 
were, therefore, compelled to carry on their conver- 
sation in a loud voice, and it would have been 


OF POTSDAM. 


49 


disagreeable to the aged gentlemen to be overheard 
by the new times, which did not understand what 
they were relating to each other, and which they 
themselves only understood. 

Most of these old military men, after they had 
been retired from the army, removed to Berlin, 
where most of the pensioned soldiers, as a rule, 
drift to. The majority of them left the places that 
knew them in all their glory — where they had com- 
manded a regiment, a brigade, division, or perhaps 
even an army corps — in order to end their days here. 

In the places where they were once the first, 
where they walked decorated with their brilliant 
orders, so that people stopped to look at them in 
wonder as .they passed by, there they did not like to 
step down from their throne of earthly greatness, 
there they did not like to walk about in an unat- 
tractive civilian coat, and be unappreciated like a 
fallen star. 

That is the reason why they emigrated to Berlin, 
where they disappeared in the great mass of people, 
where nothing more is expected from “ His Ex- 
cellency the General ” u retired ” than from any 
other person, and where they are not obliged to ex- 
pend much from the little income they have. 

For, although the pension they receive may 
sound big, yet many things have to be purchased 
with it, many old debts have to be paid for luxuries 
enjoyed in former and early years of the subaltern 
life. 

And then a family has grown up in the course of 
years, the sons desire some addition to their small 
pay, the daughters desire to dress well and show 
themselves in society, in order to get married ; all 
this costs money, a great deal of money, and there- 
fore “ His Excellency the General 55 is often obliged 
to live three or four flights high, in a modest apart- 


50 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


ment, and in a very economical manner, often re- 
flecting a good deal whether he can afford to get a 
new coat or have the old one cleaned and pressed. 

The once proud and brilliant officers are not 
recognized now in the plain and modest-looking 
persons who take their exercise along the canal, and 
then enter their club in Cafe Boulevard for the 
purpose of drinking a cup of coffee, smoke a cigar, 
talk of old times, tell old stories over again, and 
which their comrades only understand. 

And even if the conversation now and then lags 
or ceases entirely, it does not matter. They then 
sit and dream, and mumble, and smile to themselves, 
and nod with their white heads, so that it does one 
good to behold them. 

Their spirits have then gone back to the olden 
times, and they enact the old scenes over again so 
actively that their old hearts again become warm, 
and their old cheeks again become flushed, as in the 
days of their youth. 

Some of the old officers return to their old nests 
after they have been retired, desiring to end their 
days where they began their brilliant career. 

But, as said, these form the exception ; those 
good old souls must be able to find poetry in cus- 
tomary things, and be well able to bear ennui. 

Punctuality is a most praiseworthy and happy 
quality. Every soldier is imbued with it, for it is 
the basis of his life and action. 

Yery few, or no civilians, especially civil officers, 
are punctual ; the latter are slow and irregular, and 
never execute their functions with that promptness 
and quickness characteristic of the soldier. Even 
the merchant is sometimes apt to procrastinate and 
delay. 

The punctual man often suffers great annoyances, 
because he is punctual ; for, if he is prompt to keep 


OF POTSDAM. 


51 


an engagement, according to his ideas, he is gen- 
erally too early according to the other party’s ideas, 
and that is as bad as being too late. 

The soldier takes his military promptness with 
him into his civil life, which, in fact, is only ex- 
pressed by the civilian coat ; the inner man re- 
mains the soldier as before. 

Promptly at the stroke of two of the clock in the 
steeple of St. Matthew’s Church, one of the old gen- 
tlemen after the other might be seen toddling 
along the canal leading toward the Cafe Boulevard, 
where they generally arrived all at once, for the one 
that was late. a minute or two was called to account 
for it, and chaffed the whole afternoon. 

The first one to arrive regularly, day after day, 
was General von Hufnagel. He usually reached the 
club a quarter of an hour earlier than the rest, for 
the purpose of receiving the other members with a 
joke or some good story, which he generally re- 
peated several times during the afternoon. 

Let us cast a glance into the retired arbor, cov- 
ered with the broad leaves of the wild vine that 
already are turning brown with the autumn sun’s 
rays, and hide the old gentlemen from the profane 
gaze of modern times, whose animated current of 
humanity, now near and then again remotely, beats 
against the arbor, like the waves of the sea that 
roar and surge against the isolated, crumbling 
rock, till they have undermined its base and it 
tumbles down into the depths, to disappear forever 
from view. Like the club of the young gentlemen, 
the club of the old gentlemen was now reduced to a 
few members only. 

Many had gone away, on account of the heat of 
the summer, to visit their children or relations, 
wdiere they remained long enough to save the cost 
of the journey, and even a little more. For, how- 


52 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


ever bad mathematicians the military gentlemen 
are in their youth, in old age they become very 
good ones. 

Mathematics is the most difficult of all sciences ; 
it is only fully understood later in life. 

In the arbor, where there was room for about 
twenty persons, there were only four present to- 
day ; these were all that remained faithful to the 
domestic hearth and old habit, simply because they 
had no opportunity to be unfaithful to it. 

At one end of a long table sat silentl}' the presi- 
dent of the association, General von Hufnagel, an 
old but still active man with very thin white hair, 
a healthy-looking face, and lively eye, that fre- 
quently wandered about searchinglv, as if to find 
a weak point that would afford him some fun. 

To the right of the general sat an old, dried up 
and shrivelled little man, who seemed to be at least 
eighty years of age. He was almost totally bald, 
his face w r as so furrowed by wrinkles that not a 
smooth spot could be found in it, and the toothless 
jaws were clamped together, so that his chin almost 
touched his nose. 

The old man’s clothes were of the cheapest kind, 
and his coat had evidently been renovated and 
pressed again for this season ; his trousers certainly 
might have been a couple of inches longer, the col- 
ored kerchief which was wound around his neck was 
old and faded, and his shirt-bosom was considerably 
frayed but clean. 

And for all that this man once had a fine and 
imposing figure, was decorated with the large rib- 
bon of a great order, was a dashing rider, com- 
manded a whole army corps, and thousands were 
ready to obey his thundering voice ; for he was Se. 
Excellency, Lieutenant-General von Drang, at one 
time one of the bravest and most active officers of 


OF POTSDAM. 


53 


the whole army, but now a shrunken up body, a mere 
bundle of bones, in which only a dim and confused 
memory still lingered. 

Generally he was silent, would sit as if lost in 
thought, or dreaming, and only at certain points of 
the conversation would his mummy-like face show 
any animation, and in his dim eye a spark of remem- 
brance would glisten for a moment, and then, as if 
he had received some poignant thrust, he would be- 
gin, with trembling lips, to relate a story, which,* 
however, he never finished, relapsing into his usual 
apathetic condition before reaching the end. 

To the left of General von Hufnagel sat Hiding 
Master von Hrehhan, an old officer whose whiskers 
and mustaches w^ere snow-white, who, on account of 
disability, had to retire from service very early, but 
now, as is usually the case, never could talk enough 
of the good old times and of himself, and how bad 
everything and everybody are nowadays. 

To the left of the riding master sat Colonel von 
Ivrull, another old man, who looked as if he was 
constantly preparing himself to make a pun, and 
was only waiting for an opportune moment to pass 
it off on his associates. 

These w T ere the only members of the club of the 
“ old gentlemen ” who met this afternoon for the 
purpose of enjoying each other’s- society. 

Tiie w r aiter brought a cup of coffee, a miniature 
pitcher with cream, and four lumps of sugar in a 
small saucer, for each gentleman, received pay from 
each in turn, and then withdrew. 

Barely were these things placed before each of 
them, when they all at once, as if by command, 
reached for the sugar with their right hands, 
dropped two of the pieces into the steaming coffee, 
causing bubbles to sputter in the air, and the other 
two they slyly transferred to their vest pockets. 


54 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Every time they went through this last act they 
looked around stealthily and anxiously, lest any- 
one should have seen them do it, though everyone 
of them knew that the rest did it. 

Such open secrets often occur in life, everyone 
sees them, but no one likes to speak of them. 

After the coffee was duly stirred and the sugar 
dissolved, General von Hufnagel, as president, sud- 
denly became very serious, plunged his hand into 
♦the deep pocket of his somewhat threadbare coat, 
and presently produced a long object wrapped in a 
piece of newspaper. Forthwith, the others made 
very serious faces, they too produced long objects 
wrapped in pieces of newspapers, which, after care- 
fully unpacking, proved to be cigars, and which to 
the youth of to-day would cause a shudder, for they 
were either too yellow or too black, and undoubtedly 
were the odds and ends of a stock which the manu- 
facturer was glad to get rid of for any amount. 

After the pieces of newspapers were carefully 
folded up and put back again into the respective 
breast pockets, the cigars were taken up and sub- 
jected to a thorough kneading and rolling with the 
hands and fingers ; next they were thoroughly moist- 
ened with the lips and tongue ; and after the tips 
were cut off, each gentleman produced a long knit- 
ting-needle from his pocket, which he rammed 
through his cigar like a gunner swabbing a cannon. 

Notwithstanding all these preparations, the too 
yellow, or too black, things would not burn, and 
the smokers consumed lots of matches in order to 
keep their cigars lit, and the odor they diffused re- 
minded one more of the smell of gunpowder than 
of Havana tobacco. 

“Now we are all right!” began General von 
Hufnagel, perse veringly puffing at his long roll of 
what w r as supposed to be tobacco, but failed to get 


OF POTSDAM. 


55 


any smoke. “Tell us some news, my dear Riding 
Master von Drehliahn ! ” 

“ I am glad I liave nothing new to relate, Herr 
General,” returned the person addressed, twisting 
his thick, white mustache ; “ we belong to the 
good old times and doift suit the new. I hate the 
newspapers like sin. They fight and quarrel con- 
tinually among themselves, and each one blows its 
own horn, each one claims to be the biggest news- 
paper in the world, and each one wants things done 
its own way, as if his Majesty the Emperor had noth- 
ing to say. And, in the end, they only do that for 
money — to get as many subscribers and advertis- 
ers as possible. None of them give anything away, 
either ; they are a mercenary set, and have too much 
freedom, entirely. They don’t know what it is to 
respect authority. Such obedience as we were 
taught is the best form of government, all others 
are dangerous and full of evil ! ” 

“Yes, indeed; it was altogether different at the 
time you commanded a squadron, my dear Dreh- 
hahn,” laughingly said the general, a slight smile 
of mockery playing about his lips. lie had a faint 
knowledge of the new times, but did not love it, 
because he had been expelled from it. 

“ I should think so,” said the riding master. 
“ Why, almost anyone can be chief of squadron 
nowadays ! Promotion is so rapid that it is impos- 
sible for a man to acquire the necessary amount of 
knowledge to be a leader and commander. In my 
time, one rode in the ranks for twenty-five years, 
and then he was rewarded with the golden cross 
and promoted to a lieutenancy ; and when one 
finally got the command of a squadron, he was able 
to ride properly, I assure you.” 

“ I believe you, my dear Drehliahn,” said old 
Hufnagel, bowing pleasantly to him. 


56 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ But nowadays the young fellows imbibe the 
military sciences with their mother’s milk,” he con- 
tinued ; “ when I am so unfortunate as to get into 
a conversation with a lieutenant of modern times, 
I become dumb in half an hour, and am unable to 
say a word. But I have a clear conception,” he 
added, nodding his head forcibly; “I saw the new 
times coming, and I shook the dust off my feet be- 
fore it arrived. Otherwise I would have been lieu- 
tenant-general, and been addressed as Se. Excel- 
lency ! ” 

At the word u excellency,” the shrivelled up, old 
General von Drang, started as if he had been 
stabbed, his dim eyes glowed for a moment, and he 
smiled most agreeably and graciously, as was his 
custom in the days of his splendor and greatness. 

“ Yes, that was a very nice affair, my friends,” he 
commenced, with the imposing air that was his wont, 
as his memory carried him back. “ At the time 
I was commanding general, I gave a very large 
ball. One of my division commanders, was invited, 
and he, being afflicted with an unusual degree 
of absent-mindedness, claimed that the ball took 
place at his house, and welcomed my guests, who 
were greatly annoyed thereat, and feared that they 
had made a mistake. My wife and I, of course, at 
first were greatly amused by it, and allowed him to 
keep it up for some time, but, after a while, I con- 
cluded that the matter had gone far enough, and I 
stepped up to the general and said to him, seri- 
ously ” 

At this point the old lieutenant-general ceased 
talking audibly, but evidently continued mentally, 
for he nodded with his head repeatedly and bis lips 
moved, and finally he made a most dignified bow, 
as if taking leave of the person he had been ad- 
dressing. 


OF POTSDAM. 


57 


When the old lieutenant-general commenced to 
speak, the others assumed a look as serious as if 
they were in a church, and retained this attitude 
till he had taken leave of his imaginary division- 
general, and relapsed into his impotent state. 

“ Thunder and lightning! What horrible cigars 
somebody is smoking here,” said the grouty voice 
of some passer-by, and which was distinctly heard 
within the arbor. 

Riding Master von Drehhahn made a wry face, 
and peered through the thick leaves of wild vines 
that covered the arbor, out upon the street. 

u I thought so,” he said, turning to his comrades ; 
“it was a lieutenant of the new times. One is no 
longer even able to smoke his cigar without these 
pampered young fellows taking offence at it.” 

“ You used to smoke a cheap cigar, my dear 
Drehhahn,” remarked General von Hufnagel, ironi- 
cally. 

The riding master with the bushy whiskers 
made no reply, but after a little while continued : 

“ The whole generation is like that, without ex- 
ception. Recently my son, who has been wearing 
epaulets for a couple of years only, spent an evening 
with us. I offered him one of my cigars, but 
hardly had he lit it when he made an awful face, 
and seriously said to me : 4 Look here, papa, such 
had cigars as you smoke, fortunately, one gets only 
in a single house in the whole city of Berlin ! 5 
6 Where ? ? I asked, partly angrily, partly inquisi- 
tively.” 

u Yes, that is what I would like to know, too ! ” 
von Hufnagel said, who seemed to derive consid- 
erable pleasure from the story. 

“ By General von Hufnagel ! ” smirkingly an- 
swered the old riding master, under his thick white 
mustache. “ How what do you say to such boys? ” 


58 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The old general made a wry face and washed < 
down his vexation with a mouthful of coffee, and 
the riding master, having thus paid off his friend 
in his own coin, continued : 

44 Really, I don’t know what will become of these 
young fellows ! Nothing is good enough for them, 
and when we tell them liow it was in our time, we 
run the risk of being laughed at by them. It is the 
same with everything else as with the cigars. In 
our time one used to smoke a plain, honest pipe, and 
one hardly ever had more than one pipe. If a friend 
dropped in, one would take the pipe out of his 
mouth, wipe off the tip, and hand it to him with the 
words, 4 Here, take a smoke ! ’ and he would take 
the pipe and smoke away quite contentedly, and 
feel that one was very friendly and sociable to him. 
When my boy comes home and I dress myself to 
take a walk wdth him, he will examine slightingly 
my coat, trousers, and scarf, and ironically inquire 
how long I have already worn each garment. But 
I tell him the articles may be old, but they have 
been paid for, and that is more than everybody can 
say ! ” 

66 Serve him right,” said General von Hufnagel, 
who was still vexed at the young Dreh halm on ac- 
count of the allusion to his cigars. 44 Yes, yes, it is 
a bad and spoiled time; it was, indeed, altogether 
different in our younger days.” 

44 In our younger days it was altogether different.” 
said his excellency, the old general, who started once 
more, as if he had been stabbed, whereupon the others 
became serious and attentive, and assumed their 
church-going faces. 44 In our younger days it was 
altogether different. At thirteen years of age I 
fought in the disastrous battle of Jena, and as our 
army was afterward reduced, I returned home and 
looked after matters and things on the farm. Iliad 


OF POTSDAM. 


59 


but one suit of clothes, and it was not long before 
the left sleeve of my coat was worn through by the 
musket-strap, and my boots, too, had big holes in 
them, although they had been made of the toughest 
leather. When we had visitors, I would twist the 
worn-out sleeve so that the torn part was turned in- 
ward and couldn’t be seen, and the places where 
the stocking peered through the holes in the boots 
I painted black with ink. My sisters had but one 
cotton gown apiece, which soon was worn through 
and was patched behind, and for that reason they 
always manoeuvred to face a body, and walked out 
of the room backward. But for all that they got 
good and brave husbands. Both of them became 
engaged in the patched cotton gowns, which subse- 
quently, I found, had been made over to fit the 
young ones. I was glad to see that, and I said to 

my sister : 4 My dear Matilda,’ said I ” 

Here the old lieutenant-general stopped talking 
audibly, but continued to nod his ,head and move 
his lips, as if he was still conversing with his sister 
in spirit; but after a while he became motionless and 
lapsed into his customary dreamy attitude. 

44 Yes, indeed, those were different times,” con- 
tinued the riding master, the everlasting subject. 
“I, too, spent my youth on a farm, and when my 
brother and I received the privilege of going on a 
visit to some neighbor, we would be placed side 
by side in the sleigh, and were both wrapped in 
one old French dragoon cloak. One of us put his 
right arm into one sleeve of the big cloak and the 
other put his left arm into the other sleeve, and then 
the cloak was buttoned in front of us both, and we 
looked like a big barrel with two heads sticking out 
above. Try and do such a thing with the young 
men of to-day ; how they would look at you ! ” 

44 What has become of Kumpel to-day 2 ” said 


60 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


General von Hufnagel, looking at the chair usually 
occupied by the absent member. “ He was always 
punctuality itself.” 

Hardly had General von Hufnagel made this 
observation when Colonel von Ivrull, who had not 
yet spoken a single word, and only kept making 
faces, as if .he was preparing himself to say some- 
thing very funny, braced himself up and cleared his 
throat energetically. 

The riding master and the general instantly 
looked at him. 

“Now we will hear that old joke about the 
punch,” the latter whispered into the ear of his 
excellency the old general. 

The latter waked up from his dream, smiled be- 
nignantly, and also looked at Colonel von Ivrull, 
who seemingly felt pleased with his own thoughts, 
for he braced himself up, cleared his throat anew, 
and then said : 

“I propose that Major Kumpel be fined the 
punch for the members for being late ! ” 

“ Agreed ! ” w r as the unanimous response. 

“ But it must be good, otherwise I will not drink 
it ! ” continued the colonel. 

“ Hör I ! nor I ! ” chimed in the others. 

And then followed a long and animated discus- 
sion regarding the ingredients necessary for the 
composition and manner of brewing a bowl of 
punch, and where it should be drunk, though each 
of them knew very well that it would never be 
brewed nor drunk. 

This was the famous punch joke of Colonel von 
Ivrull, which he made day after day, and concern- 
ing which, day after day, a heated debate ensued. 

The old gentlemen got intoxicated in anticipation 
of a delight which they knew they would never 
enjoy. 


OF POTSDAM. 


61 


Barety was the subject started by Colonel von 
Krull disposed of, when the missing Major Bum pel 
plunged upon the balcony like a bombshell, causing 
bis excellency the old general to start up, frightened 
out of bis dream, and with injured dignity to look 
up at the noisy comer. 

66 Please excuse me, gentlemen,” panted the ma- 
jor, taking the cup of coffee from the waiter who 
followed close upon bis heels, so as to make up for 
lost time and catch up with the others. “ I would 
not have been late to-day if a slight accident had 
not happened to me on the way here.” 

“ Oh ! ” exclaimed General von Hufnagel, while 
Kumpel in his hurry slipped the little cream-pot 
into his vest-pocket instead of the two lumps of 
sugar, and made a great effort to pierce his cigar 
with the teaspoon. 

“ Hey ! ” cried Kumpel, extending his best ear 
toward the general. 

“ I merely said £ Oh ! ’ ” yelled the latter over the 
table. 

“ You ask how ? ” returned Kumpel, his breast 
still panting. “ As if almost anyone is not liable to 
meet with an accident ! ” 

u Oh, of course, of course,” smiled the general. 

“ Ho, not a horse ; but a young man was the 
cause, and it happened close by here, near the Cafe 
Mielens.” 

“ On the street ? ” cried the general, who seemed 
to be amused by the affair, while Riding Master 
von Drehhahn blew the smoke from his cigar 
through his thick, white, bushy mustache, so 
that it looked like the smoke of a kiln escaping 
through the woods, 

“ Yes, with his feet!” returned the major, absent- 
mindedly stirring the coffee with his long cigar, 
having dropped the spoon upon the floor in his 


62 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


excitement. “I’ll tell you all about it,” he said, 
moving his chair closer to the old general. 

“ That will do ! ” cried the old general, moving 
his chair away a little. 

“ Yes, I’ll move closer to you,” answered Rumpel, 
moving his chair nearer. “ I know you want to have 
me near you, so that you may hear me better ! ” 

“ Why, it isn’t I who am deaf ! ” replied the old 
general, cuttingly, jerking his chair away forcibly. 

Just then such a loud hawking noise was heard, 
as if someone was clearing his throat for the pur- 
pose of speaking, that they all looked at the old 
colonel quickly. 

“Why, you have already made your joke about 
the bowl of punch to-day ! ” said Riding Master 
von Drehhahn. 

“ I know it,” groaned the colonel, making a wry 
face. 

“Then, what do you want to repeat it for?” 
asked the riding master. 

“I don’t want to repeat it,” groaned the colonel. 
“I only wanted to say to Herr General von Huf- 
nagel that he has placed a leg of his chair upon my 
foot. Had you not interrupted me, I would have 
told him of it long ago.” 

“Oh!” said the riding master, while the general 
took the obnoxious chair oft the old gentleman’s 
foot. “ How was one to know that you wanted to 
say anything else but your joke about the bowl of 
punch ? ” 

“ You see,” began Major Rumpel, having suc- 
ceeded in compressing the general between himself 
and the old Colonel von Krull, “ I was coming 
along my usual way from my house hither, and 
was just abreast the railing of Cafe Mielens, when 
all at once some warm liquid ran down over my 
right cheek, and some cold down over my left, fol- 


OF POTSDAM. 


63 


lowed by a beer-mug, coffee-cup, and saucer. Invol- 
untarily I looked up and saw a table upset, from 
which the liquids and dishes had rolled off. 

“ Seeing several parties at both sides of the upset 
table,” continued the old major, “ who seemed to be 
greatly amused at my mishap, I naturally got very 
angry, and told the young men what I thought of 
their conduct. They excused themselves by saying 
that they had not done it, but I made short work 
of the matter — I called a police officer, and, with the 
undaunted courage for which I was known in the 
service, charged upon those who had dared to in- 
sult me.” 

Major Kumpel had now worked himself up to 
such a pitch of excitement, that his pock-marked 
face actually glowed; and the jet-black dyed hair 
of his head and bushy whiskers stood up like the 
quills of a porcupine. Anyone seeing the old ar- 
tillery officer for the first time in this state, would 
have been awed by him, for his face expressed ve- 
hemence, determination, and fearless bravery. 

“With my eyes firmly directed upon my enemy, 
who had not yet vacated his place upon the balcony, 
I pushed on,” continued the major, “when suddenly 
I received a violent blow in the region of my 
stomach.” 

The old major accompanied the lively description 
of his misadventure with energetic gestures of both 
hands, and now began to rub the injured part of 
his atiatomy with his dexter member ; but suddenly 
he stopped, opened his mouth and eyes to their ful- 
lest extent, his face assumed an expression of ter- 
rible fear and anxiety, and in the greatest alarm 
he exclaimed, pointing to a hard substance over his 
stomach : 

“ See what a lump has already formed from that 
accursed blow. I knew I was badly hurt.” 


64 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Everyone looked at the spot indicated, which the 
major still continued to examine with the utmost 
concern. 

“That may not amount to much,” consolingly 
said Riding Master von Drehhahn ; “ why, it seems 
the abscess has broken open already ; you need ap- 
prehend no more danger from it.” 

Major Rumpel looked at the spot where he was 
struck, and actually saw two creamy- white streams 
running down over his trousers. 

“I never had anything like this happen to me in 
all my life ! ” exclaimed the old artillery officer, 
spasmodically tearing open his waistcoat, and then 
cautiously examining the injured spot with his hand. 

But he seemed not yet to have reached the end 
of the surprises that were in store for him ; his face 
assumed a puzzled expression, and, in a voice hoarse 
with excitement, he exclaimed : 

“I am utterly nonplussed ; the boil is gone! ” 

“ Look here, major, you are trying to play off 
some kind of trick on us,” laughingly said General 
von Hufnagel. “ If I am not mistaken, you have, 
by some slight of hand, transferred the boil into 
your vest-pocket.” 

Old Rumpel became furious at the speaker. 

“In my present position I most decidedly object 
to anyone, no matter who, attempting to jest with 
me,” he exclaimed. “You know, Herr General, 
that there is no one on this earth for whom I have 
the least fear.” 

“Softly, softly, my good friend,” pacifyingly 
said the old general. “ Just you look first, and 
don’t try to swallow one, body and soul, for making 
a harmless suggestion. Please examine your vest- 
pocket.” 

Although Rumpel was still at a loss what to 
make of the matter, nevertheless he did as the 


OF POTSDAM. 


65 


general suggested, and he looked bewildered when 
he extracted the little cream-jug from his pocket, 
which still contained a few drops of milky fluid. 

‘‘Why, major,” laughed the general and the 
other gentlemen, lustily, “ what tricks are you try- 
ing to play off on us to-day? You are not gener- 
ally given to practising such tomfoolery.” 

Major Rumpel was still speechless. 

“I don’t know how it got there,” he said, finally, 
looking bewildered ; “ I give you my word for it 
that I haven’t the least idea how this happened.” 

“ Well, perhaps it will occur to you by and by,” 
said Riding Master von Drehhahn. “ Tell us, for 
the present, the rest of your adventure.” 

“ Well,” began the major, directly, with his cus- 
tomary liveliness, “ let me see, where was I ? Oh, 
yes. I was suddenly struck in the abdomen, which, 
as we now know, produced no boil, but a cream-pot. 
On perceiving the pain, I looked down, and to my 
great surprise I saw a young man with remark- 
ably short trousers lying upon his back, with his feet 
high up in the air, nursing one of his legs. It was 
this young man’s feet that struck me. Of course 
I got very angry at him, compelled him to rise, 
and asked him to tell me with whom I had the honor 
of dealing. The young fellow became greatly em- 
barrassed, opened his mouth, made an awful face, 
and uttered sounds which no one could comprehend, 
especially I, who am not blest with the best of 
hearing.” 

“Well, I should say so!” said the old general, 
ironically. 

“No, I did not slay him,” returned Major Rum- 
pel, “for after wrangling with the young man for 
some time, I found that he had no intention of in- 
sulting me, and that he was somewhat touched in 
the head. Moreover, I think he suffers from fits. 

5 


66 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


I am sorry for him, for he seems to be a good- 
natured fellow.” 

“ Is this all there is to it ? ” asked General von 
Hufnagel. 

“ Ho, I will not call him out for it,” returned 
the major ; “ I do not want to kill him so long as he 
does not kick me in the stomach again.” 

After completing the story of his adventures 
Major Rumpel’s gaze again became riveted upon 
the little cream-pot that now stood on the table be- 
fore him, and he seemed to be profoundly engaged 
in fathoming the mystery how it got into his vest- 
pocket. 

Several times he shook his head as if he was still 
unable to find a solution to the problem ; his gaze 
wandered, and his fingers unconsciously searched 
for something in his pocket. Suddenly a light 
seemed to have penetrated into his obscured mind, 
and his finger and thumb activelv began to search 
for some missing object in his vest-pocket, and soon 
the ray of light diffused itself over his whole face. 
His looks were first directed upon the little saucer, 
and then upon his coffee, which, in his excitement, 
he had not yet tasted. 

Suddenly he seized the cup of coffee, carried it to 
his mouth, and took a big draught. 

Barely, however, had he taken a swallow when 
he hastily replaced the cup upon the table, rolled 
his eyes upward, made a frightful face, and uttered 
groans as if he were choking. 

“ You wish to show us the grimaces which that 
poor half-witted fellow T made in the Cafe Mielenrs, 
when you asked him what his name was, hey ? ” 
laughingly inquired the general. 

Major Rumpel now turned blue in the face and 
groaned fearfully. 

“ Bravo ! How well you imitate him,” exclaimed 


OF POTSDAM. 


67 


the riding master. “ I had no idea yon were such 
a good mimic, major ! ” 

“ Look here, this is getting to be serious. I 
really think he is choking ! ” said the old general. 
“ There is something sticking in his throat which 
he is unable to expel. Let us help him quickly, 
otherwise he may choke to death ! 75 

The two old gentlemen hastily got up, and while 
one pummelled the major on the back with his fist, 
the other thrust a long bony finger into his mouth 
and scooped out a big, macerated, unrecognizable 
mass. 

“I have it!” cried the riding master, throwing 
the lump he had extracted from the major’s throat 
upon the table, and looking at it with the utmost 
astonishment. “ What in the name of Heaven were 
you trying to do?” he said, turning to the major. 
“You do some very queer things to-day. First, 
you put the cream- jug into your vest-pocket, and 
then you try to swallow your cigar.” 

The major gradually recovered from his suffo- 
cating condition, but looked sorrowful and dis- 
tressed, nodded with his head, and, in a weak, 
hoarse voice, said : 

“ I know the whole mystery now. The young 
man at the Cafe Mielens is to blame for it all. I 
dread him, and I fear he will exercise a baneful in- 
fluence over my life. At any rate, I will not pass 
that unlucky railing again, but choose a different 
course from my house thither. That, in itself, is a 
disturbance of my old habit which is sure to affect 
my well-being unpleasantly.” 

“But why is the young man to blame for every- 
thing ? ” asked the general. 

“ Don’t you see why ? If the young man had 
not caused me those mishaps I would have come to 
our club in an undisturbed state of mind, and not 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


been late — the first time it has occurred to me 
in my life. As I said, I see it all clearly now. In 
place of the two lumps of sugar I put the little 
cream-pot into my vest-pocket, in my absent-mind- 
edness and excitement, and used my cigar in place of 
the spoon to stir my coffee with, and was just about 
to taste it to see whether I had put two or four 
pieces of sugar in it, when the horrid cigar swam 
into my mouth and came near choking me.” 

“ Well, well, compose yourself, my dear major,” 
said the general, soothingly. “Everything has 
passed off happily, and you can look upon the whole 
matter as a comical affair, which you will often relate 
to our common amusement..” 

Major Rumpel shook his head seriously. 

“I will never relate it, general,” he replied, “on 
the contrary , I’ll try my best to forget it,” And after 
a long, thoughtful silence, he added : 

“ I wish that I hadn’t met that young man with 
the short trousers. He will bring me bad luck, I 
am sure of it ! ” 

The old general and the riding master endeavored, 
by relating incidents from their camp life, in which 
his excellency participated in his usual manner, to 
bring the major back to his former state of mind, 
in which they only partly succeeded. Presently an 
equipage drove by, which raised a terrible cloud of 
dust that was wafted into the arbor occupied by the 
old soldiers. 

“ Thunder and lightning ! ” exclaimed the old 
riding master, puffing into the cloud of dust and 
then looking out into the street, between the leaves 
that covered the arbor. “ Ah ! ” he exclaimed, as 
he recognized the occupant of the carriage. “Ho 
wonder. She raises a dust wherever she goes, and 
breeds mischief wherever she comes. She is a 
regular old she-devil ! ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


69 


“ Who was it ? ” asked General von Hufnagel. 

“ Madame Baldrian,” answered the riding master, 
pronouncing the name with ineffable disgust. 

“ She may go to the d — 1 ! ” exclaimed the general. 
“ Heaven grant that she never crosses my threshold.” 

“ Who is this woman whom you gentlemen dread 
so much ? ” asked Major Kumpel grimly, looking 
after the carriage. 

“ Don’t you know that Baldrian woman ? ” queried 
Riding Master von Drehhahn. 

“ Ho,” returned old Rumpel, who had now regain- 
ed his former military brusqueness. “ How should 
I know her ? I have very few female acquaintances 
anyway, nor do I want to become acquainted with 
any more members of this weak and insignificant sex. 
But this Madame Baldrian, I never even heard of.” 

At the mention of this name, the old excellency 
started as if he had again been stabbed, for the som- 
nolent expression of his face vanished, his eye be- 
came animated, and he spoke with the utmost posi- 
tiveness and vehemence. 

“ That Madame Baldrian is one of the most shame- 
less and dangerous women in the whole of Berlin, 
who does an indescribable amount of harm to many 
families, and renders a whole generation unhappy. 
If I had full authority I would cause her to be hung 
up to the first lamp-post. She w T as once impudent 
enough to ring my door-bell, but when she sent in 
her name, I w T ent out to her and said, “ Look here, 
Madame Baldrian ” 

Here the old lieutenant-general broke off in his 
statement to that lady, audibly, but evidently was 
still engaged in conversing with her in spirit, for 
his old head continued to nod for a long time, and 
the expression of his eye was so serious as to sur- 
prise Major Rumpel greatly, for he never had seen 
liis excellency so affected before ; at last he made a 


70 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


profound bow, and it was evident that* he had taken 
leave of the lady, for he relapsed into his habitual 
dreamy state. 

The other gentlemen assumed a most respectful 
attitude and listened gravely, as was their custom 
wdienever his excellency commenced to talk. The 
instant, therefore, the major opined that the old 
general had concluded his imaginary interview with 
the lady, he turned and asked, in a low voice : 

“ But tell me, why is such a dangerous person 
allowed to run about free in the city, and what 
crime has she committed ? Is she a thief or a re- 
ceiver of stolen goods ? ” 

General von Hufnagel shook his head negatively. 

“Worse than that,” said he. “ If I were to steal 
a valuable article from anyone he might buy another ; 
if I were to rob him of a sum of money, he might be 
able to acquire it again. The loss can always be 
replaced and forgotten. But if a person destroys 
my heart in cold blood ” 

“ Don’t talk so loud, Herr General,” interrupted 
Biding Master von Drehhahn. 

“Well, if I don’t talk loud Bumpel will be un- 
able to hear me,” replied the general. 

“ But others will hear you, too,” continued the 
riding master, “ and that may cause trouble.” 

The general nodded affirmatively. 

“ What ? ” asked Bumpel, w r ho had not heard the 
last words. 

“ Such matters should not be spoken so loud that 
everyone could hear them,” shouted the riding mas- 
ter into his ear. 

“ But tell me, at least, what crime she has com- 
mitted ? ” he said, appealing to the riding master. 

“ She has fixed that poor, unfortunate Frohberg, 
too,” said General von Hufnagel, who seemed un- 
able to drop the subject. 


OF POTSDAM , ; 


71 


“ Yes, poor fellow,” said the riding master, pity- 
ingly. “ His life is poisoned, though he himself 
may not yet be aware of it. But the dose was 
large enough. He may either suffer for a long time 
from it, or be suddenly annihilated by it.” 

Major B-umpel, who had braced up both his ears 
with his hands in order to hear better, turned as 
pale as a ghost. 

“ Horrible,” he murmured between his teeth. 
“ She administers poison ? ” 

And then he ordered a small glass of brandy, 
something that never happened before, and drank 
it down in a gulp. 

“Brr!” he ejaculated, shaking himself. “The 
fright went clean through me. I hope I don’t 
dream of it at night. Such things make a terrible 
impression on my mind.” 

“Why, major, who would be afraid, and of a 
woman at that,” said General von Hufnagel, laugh- 
ingly. 

“ Who says I am afraid ! ” exclaimed Rumpel, 
making a belligerent face. “ I simply detest such 
persons.” 

“You need have no fear for her; she will never 
attack you, nor try any of her arts upon you,” con- 
tinued General von Hufnagel. 

“ In what way ? ” asked the major. “You mean, 
I suppose, because I have no enemies through whom 
she may injure me ? ” 

“ Oh, that has nothing to do with it,” returned 
the general. “ Besides, she don’t do it for money.” 

“ What, then, is her object ? ” asked Rumpel. 

“ Simply pleasure ; she seems to have a passion 
for it,” returned the general. 

“ Simply for pleasure ! ” groaned old Rumpel, 
turning pale again. “God save me from her! I 
had no idea that such persons existed.” 


72 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


a Yon are altogether too unsophisticated, my dear 
major,” said the riding master. 

The major started as if he had been shot. “ I 
am liable to be asphyxiated ? ” he cried, his hair 
standing on end, and his countenance assuming an 
expression of ghastly horror. 

The riding master explained to him what he had 
said, and old Rumpel became somewhat calm again. 
For a while he was lost in thought, and then he 
turned to the general and asked : 

“ Why did you say, a while ago, that I have noth- 
ing to fear from that woman, and that she will never 
try her arts upon me ? Is it because I have such a 
good stomach ? ” 

“ My dear major, the stomach has nothing to do 
with it,” laughingly replied the general. 

“ Ho ? ” queried Rumpel, surprised. “ How does 
she administer it, then ? ” 

“ I fear, my friend, the brandy you took a little 
while ago has confused you somewhat,” said the 
general, laughing still more. u Let us talk of some- 
thing else ; this subject excites you altogether too 
much.” 

Major Rumpel, greatly alarmed by what he had 
heard of the terrible woman that was permitted to 
roam about Berlin and administer poison for the 
sake of pleasure to innocent people, would have 
given a great deal to learn more about her, of whose 
existence he had no knowledge till this moment; but 
then, on the other hand, he was too proud to display 
so much weakness ; he therefore summoned all the 
resolution he was capable of for the purpose of re- 
gaining his former self-possession. 

Having lit a cigar, which this time he bored with 
a knitting-needle instead of a teaspoon, he was about 
to relate some event of his military life, when the 
riding master intercepted him with the question : 


OF POTSDAM. 


73 


“ Where do you get your knitting-needle, my dear 
major, seeing you are not a married man ? ” 

The old major assumed a demeanor of inexpressi- 
ble pride. 

“ No, sir, I am not married ! ” said he, with 
inimitable dignity, “ and I consider this act as one 
of the bravest of my whole military career.” 

“ How so ? ” asked General von Hufnagel. “ In 
reality, it is not an act, but an omission, and it is 
not an evidence of courage, but of the very opposite. 
You were afraid of the women and of matrimony, 
and for that reason kept away from them.” 

“No, sir,” returned Kumpel, fiercely twisting his 
jet-black mustache; “I was too proud to bend my 
manly neck to the whims and absurdities of a wife, 
and make myself ridiculous before the world. I, a 
military officer who was a veritable despot upon the 
drill-ground, could never submit myself to become a 
slave to a woman at home ; for all married men, 
without exception, are slaves ! ” 

“ Ha, ha ! ” laughed the general. 

“ Ha, ha ! ” laughed, a little less loudly, Kiding 
Master von Drehhahn. 

“ He, he ! ” croaked Colonel von Krull. 

All present looked at the latter. 

“ Do you want to make your pun about the punch, 
colonel? ” asked General von Hufnagel. 

The colonel shook his head negatively. 

“ All married men are slaves; I maintain that I am 
right,” continued the major, who gradually w r as re- 
gaining his martial brusqueness. “Men who in the 
field carried batteries by storm, tremble like children 
at the least wrinkle upon the brows of their wives.” 

“ Ha, ha ! ” laughed the general again. 

“'Ha, ha!” laughed, a little less loudly, Riding 
Master von Drehhahn, like an echo of the general. 

“ He, he ! ” croaked Colonel von Krull once more. 


74 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


All present, out of sheer habit, looked at the latter 
again . 

“ Has anyone placed the leg of his chair upon 
your foot ? ” asked the riding master. 

“ Ho, I want to make my punch-joke,” returned 
the colonel, with a most cunning little smile. 

“Well, then, make it, but be quick about it!” 
said General von Hufnagel. 

“ When our mutual friend, Major Rumpel, gets 
married, he will have to brew us a bowl of punch ; 
but it must be made of the best wine, otherwise I 
will not drink any of it ! ” 

“ Agreed ! ” cried the others, w T ith the exception 
of the major, who looked upon the matter with an 
expression of disgust upon his face. 

u Yes, if that event should occur, or when the 
heavens fall, which is just about as likely to happen, 
you gentlemen shall have the best bowl of punch 
that has been given as long as our club exists ! ” 
said he. 

“ Bravo ! bravo ! ” exclaimed the others. 

“ But please don’t indulge in any delusive hopes,” 
added the major, incisively ; “ for in fact you insult 
me, if you think that I will ever renounce my free 
and independent life to become a weak servant of a 
woman, as all of you, gentlemen, are. Excuse me 
for the remark.” 

“Major, you are becoming insulting now! ” said 
General von Hufnagel. “ I, at least, do not answer 
to the picture w 7 hich you have drawn of the married 
man.” 

Just then the clock in the steeple of St. Mat- 
thew’s Church struck six, and barely was the sound 
of the first stroke wafted through the air, when his 
excellency started as if he had been shot, he rose 
from his seat, buttoned up his light summer coat, 
took his crooked cane* from the corner, hurriedly 


OF POTSDAM , ; 


75 


bid the rest adieu, left the garden as fast as his thin 
legs could cany him, and disappeared in Potsdam 
Street to the right. 

Simultaneously Riding Master von Drehhahn and 
Colonel Krull also left their seats and rushed away 
as if mad, or as if the two were racing each other. 
Major Rumpel, however, remained quietly, and 
strove to keep his cigar a-light ; and the general 
also retained his place, though his legs twitched 
perceptibly, and a restlessness which he was barely 
capable of suppressing permeated his entire system. 

“ Partly, you were right, my dear major,” cried 
the general, breathing hurriedly, and with an un- 
steady voice. “ There they go, or rather run, the 
married cripples, because they have to be home 
precisely at 6.30 ; otherwise there would be a ter- 
rible scene. Ha ! ha ! What henpecked creatures 
they are ! ” 

“ What made the gentlemen run away ? ” asked 
Major Rumpel, who, being still occupied with his 
cigar, did not understand a word the general had 
said. 

“But just look at me,” the latter continued, 
becoming more and more restless, while his legs 
trembled. “Here I sit as calmly and indifferently 
as if I had no woman at home.” 

“ The gentlemen are afraid of that bad woman ? ” 
queried the major, again becoming alarmed. 

“Ho, the clock has just struck six!” explained 
the general, scarcely able to stand it any longer. 

“ Ah, they are afraid they’ll get in a bad fix ! ” 
gravely said the major. 

The perspiration began to gather in large drops 
upon the general’s forehead. 

He jumped off his chair, placed his mouth close 
to the major’s ear, and shouted : 

“ The— clock — has — just — struck — six ! ” 


76 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Thunder and lightning ! ” exclaimed the major, 
a shiver running through him as if a wasp had stung 
him. “ Are you in earnest, general ? ” 

“Yes,” roared the latter, “they are running 
home, for fear they will be late and be scolded by 
their dear wives.” 

“Ha! ha!” laughed the major, contemptuously, 
also jumping off his seat. 

“ But I am an exception to the rule, as you see,” 
continued the general, whose face was already 
livid ; “ your description of the henpecked husband 
was not applicable to me ; I am no slave of a 
woman ! ” 

“ Bravo ! ” cried Major Rumpel, whose face, too, 
was turning red. 

“ I am just as calm and independent as you are, 
who can still boast of being a free bachelor,” cried 
General von Hufnagel. 

“Ha! ha!” laughed Major Rumpel, making a 
face from which it was impossible to say whether he 
was proud or apprehensive. 

The general pulled out his watch, and stealthily 
cast a glance upon it. 

He drew up his right leg spasmodically, and cast 
a glance at the major, as if he would hurl him with 
his eyes over the canal, while the major’s counte- 
nance gradually assumed an expression of silent 
anxiety and provocation. 

“ Major ! ” finally growled the general, after both 
had remained immovable for a short time. 

“Well!” replied the latter, a spasmodic tremor 
running through his whole system. 

“ I must go to the Potsdam railway station, ” 
cried the general, being struck by a happy thought. 
“ I expect an old friend to arrive.” 

“ Me too ! ” cried Rumpel, instantly catching at 
the saving idea. 


OF POTSDAM. 


77 


“ You too ? ” asked the general, frightened. 

“ Yes, to be sure ! ” affirmed the major. 

“At the Potsdam railway station?” 

“No, at the Silesian,” cried the major, on instant 
reflection. 

General von Hufnagel drew a sigh of relief. 

“ Then fare you well, old friend,” said he, press- 
ing the major’s hand. “ Hope to see you to-morrow 
at the club.” 

The major mechanically expressed a similar hope 
regarding his friend, and then both started off in 
different directions. 

“It was high time,” murmured General von Huf- 
nagel, when lie found himself in Potsdam Street. 
“ If I go by way of the narrow lane, I may yet get 
home before half -past six o’clock. Thunder ! If I 
should be late, I will get another one of those fine 
curtain lectures from my wife.” 

And barely did he reach the narrow lane alluded 
to when he snatched his hat from his head, and 
started off on a run that soon made him pant and 
gasp like a porpoise. 

“ I would have been in a nice fix if that tiresome 
general had detained me any longer ! ” murmured 
old Rumpel as soon as he had turned his back upon 
his associate. “ My housekeeper would have jawed 
me to death if I had been a. minute late.” 

And then he started off at a double-quick, so that 
his jet-black dyed whiskers streamed backward in 
the wind, and enveloped his head as if with a veil. 


78 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


CHAPTER IY. 

AUTUMN STORMS. 

In an elegantly and tastefully appointed apart- 
ment a gentleman walked up and down with quick 
and restless strides. 

His name was Karl von Frohberg, a gentleman 
of means and leisure, and brother of Legation Coun- 
sellor Herman von Frohberg, whose hasty acquaint- 
ance we have already made, as he w T as riding across 
the bridge and was the subject of some remarks by 
the members of the Young Gentlemen’s Club at the 
the Cafe Mielens. 

Karl von Frohberg was the owner of one of the 
finest estates in Silesia, but soon after he married 
his beautiful wife took up his residence in Berlin. 
The young wife, who before her marriage was a poor 
girl, and had had but few opportunities of enjoying ~ 
any social pleasures, found life in the country too 
quiet and monotonous, and readily prevailed upon 
her husband, who loved her above everything, to 
in remove to the capital. 

How can one refuse anything to a lovable wife 
the honeymoon ? 

Even if Annie von Frohberg had asked anything 
of her husband to-day, six years after their mar- 
riage, her request would have been granted as 
readily and with the same loving, though some- 
what heavy, heart. 

Herr von Frohberg seemed to be a man of up- 
ward of forty-five years, and although he would 
not have been deemed handsome, still his appear- 
ance made such a favorable impression and awakened 


OF POTSDAM. 


79 


so much confidence that one was instantly attracted 
to him. 

His hairs were already sparse and his body in- 
clined to obesity, but his frank and kindly expres- 
sion of countenance, coupled with the faithful and 
trusting look of his clear eyes, were of such a nat- 
ure, that he who valued true and genuine human 
nature would have overlooked everything else. 

How, however, his usually serene countenance was 
overcast by a veil of sorrow, and his saddened look 
was either cast down or directed toward the door 
with the impatience of one who longs for some one 
to come. 

In this feverish and restless state Herr von Froh- 
berg had been pacing his room for about a quarter 
of an hour, when the door was opened and an old 
man servant dressed in livery entered and respect- 
fully announced : 

“ The Herr Privy Counsellor, Dr. Staberow ! ” 

“ Tell him to please come in ! ” cried Herr von 
Frohberg, joyfully; and barely did he utter these 
words when a gentleman rushed by the old servant, 
entered the room, and carefully closed the door. 

“Good morning, Frohberg!” commenced the 
privy counsellor, immediately upon entering. “You 
sent for me — here I am. Show me your tongue, 
please. You don’t want to? Your pulse, then. 
Hot that either ? Then, you are not ill? All the 
better. I needn’t be detained. Good morning ! ” 

After this short and practical speech the privy 
counsellor turned upon his heel and was about to 
leave as hastily as he came, when Frohberg seized 
him by the arm and almost forcibly detained him. 

“Dear Staberow,” said he, touchingly, “it is 
true I sent for you, but not for myself.” 

“On account of your wife? ” asked the physician, 
quickly facing him. 


80 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Frohberg nodded sadly with his head, and Sta- 
berow’s face assumed an expression which might 
have denoted either sympathy or ridicule. 

“ What ails the little woman ? ” asked he, flip- 
pantly. “If I don’t err, I saw her in the theatre only 
a few days ago, and then she looked the very pict- 
ure of health. I was almost carried away by her 
charms.” 

Frohberg grasped the physician’s hand. 

“Ho jests now, Staberow, in the name of the 
friendship of our youth,” said he, beseechingly. 
“ I know very well that you mean no harm, but 
jesting now is painful to me.” 

“Well, then, I’ll be as serious as the science of 
medicine itself, whose disciple I am,” returned the 
privy counsellor, suddenly assuming a totally different 
expression of countenance, and corrugating his brow 
as if preparing to make a very difficult diagnosis. 

“For some time past my wife has been a source 
of considerable anxiety to me,” said Frohberg. 

“Hm ! ” ejaculated the doctor, putting the head 
of his cane to his lips. “ Ho wonder. She has 
caused others many a pang, too. Science can do 
nothing for that. Why do you people marry? 
Why do you run after a handsome woman, as if 
the salvation of your soul depended upon your pos- 
sessing her ? Those that will not obey must suffer. 
The brief period of happiness is generally paid for 
by a long period of regret. During the first year 
the beauty that you have finally won keeps you 
in a state of blissful and silly delight; in the 
second or, at the latest, the third, when the pas- 
sionate ardor has become somewhat cooled, the 
beauty begins to cause you anxiety. She is no 
longer the diamond of the heart, but only an article 
of luxury, which the thief wears and which the 
owner has the care of. As I said, against folly the 


OF POTSDAM. 


81 


gods battle in vain, consequently the doctor too ; 
one who is so foolish as to marry must bear the 
consequences of this contagious disease without 
murmuring. Once more, good morning ! ” 

With these words, he made another attempt to 
leave, but once more was detained by Frohberg. 

“ Sit down, Staberow, and listen to me ! ” said the 
latter, pushing a chair toward the physician and 
taking a seat upon another. 

“ Heaven have mercy upon my soul ! ” groaned 
the doctor, but obeying his host’s request. “ More 
than one patient will get out of patience w r aiting for 
me ! But I am ready to hear you.” 

“ For the last six months,” began Frohberg, “ my 
w T ife manifested all the signs of excellent health ; 
she has a good appetite and sleeps well, but the 
better she seems to external appearances, the more 
serious seems to be her mental state.” 

“ Bon ! ” snorted the physician. “ Proceed ! ” 

“ She is always moody and thinking,” continued 
Frohberg, “and sometimes quite violent without 
any cause whatever.” 

“ Has she a pug ? ” interrupted the doctor, sud- 
denly facing his friend. 

“ What ? ” asked the other, surprised. 

“ Whether she has a pug ? ” repeated Staberow- . 

“ No ; but why ? ” 

“ Or a canary bird ? ” asked the privy counsellor, 
further. 

“ Yes ; she has a canary bird,” replied Froh berg. 

“Then ascertain whether it is not dead,” said 
Staberow. “ These kind of deaths often cause a 
tender-hearted woman a great deal of grief.” 

“ Staberow ! ” said Frohberg, a tear glistening in 
his eye, “ can’t you be serious even for a minute ? 
Don’t you see how much anxiety the matter causes 
me ? ” 


0 


82 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The physician pressed his friend’s hand in his, 
and the latter continued : 

“ You know my wfife, Staberow. She was a 
charming, well brought up girl, and became an ex- 
cellent wife and mother. I have enjoyed nearly 
six years of almost unalloyed bliss with her. But 
all this is changed now, and it came about as quickly 
as you turn your hand, for one fine morning I 
noticed this metamorphosis in her fully developed. 
The formerly tender, loving, and frank Annie as- 
sumed the demeanor of a victim. Her bearing de- 
notes suffering and depression of spirits, as is evi- 
denced by the abrupt, bitter expressions which now 
and then escape her.” 

“ Well, is that all ? ” inquired the doctor. 

“Oh, no!” went on Frohberg; “the symptoms 
just mentioned have of late become intensified. 
The discontentment with her position is greater 
and more bitterly expressed than ever. Me she 
calls a tyrant, and the children she considers a 
burden. Again, she complains that I am not suffi- 
ciently devoted to her, that I pay too much atten- 
tion to, and care for, the children. Can you explain 
this ? ” 

“ Perhaps,” said Staberow. “ How old is your 
wife ? ” 

“ Nearly thirty years of age,” replied Frohberg, 
hastily signalling his friend to break qff their con- 
versation, by putting his finger to his lips and 
pointing toward the door. 

A minute later, and a tall, handsome woman, 
dressed for walking, entered the room. 

She did not show that she was approaching the 
age of thirty, for the beautiful face displayed the 
smoothness and regularity of youth, and only her 
fine, dark eyes bore an expression of sadness that 
was unusual for such afresh, animated countenance. 


OF POTSDAM. 


83 


“ Oil, you have a visitor,” said the beautiful 
woman, in a voice expressive of unpleasant surprise. 

“Pardon me, madame, it is only the doctor,” said 
Staberow, with mock humility, rising from his 
chair. “ You need not mind him.” 

Madame von Frohberg bowed slightly to the 
physician, and seemed undecided whether to go or 
stay. 

“ Do you intend to go out so early, Annie ? ” asked 
Frohberg of his wife, pleasantly. 

“ Probably ! ” she replied, throwing her head 
slightly backward, as is customary with women who 
are disposed to be displeased, yet have no cause to 
be so. 

She then turned toward her husband, and asked 
with a slight, contemptuous curl of her lip : 

“ Have you become a star-gazer, too, in addition 
to your other famous accomplishments ? ” 

“A star-gazer?” asked Frohberg, astonished. 
“ What do you mean by that, child ? ” 

“ Why, you walked your room all night, and I 
presumed you were gazing at the stars,” said the 
lady, with the demeanor of a cross-examiner. 

“ I was unable to sleep, and walked up and down 
my room a few times,” returned Frohberg, calmly. 

“ A few times,” repeated the lady, haughtily, who 
now evidently had found a cause to be displeased. 
“ You walked your room for three full hours ; but 
that is the way with the men — because they can’t 
sleep, no one else ought to sleep. Besides, the 
wife has no rights which the husband is bound to 
respect.” 

Frohberg stealthily cast a significant glance at his 
friend, without replying to his wife’s complaint. 

The best way to avoid a family scene under such 
circumstances is, if one possesses sufficient self-con- 
trol and determination, to remain passive. But, if 


84 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


one is conscious of lacking that degree of resolute- 
ness, it is best to leave the irritated individual to 
herself ; for when the object that causes the irrita- 
tion is removed, the disposition to feel provoked 
soon disappears too, and when in the course of an 
hour or two the husband rejoins her, she is likely to 
receive him with a grateful kiss for having nipped 
the quarrel in the bud. 

As Madame von Frohberg found her first attack 
upon her husband fruitless, through his silence, she 
seized upon the state of the weather as a subject to 
find fault with. 

u So you do not wish me to go out so early ? ” 
she asked her husband, after a long silence, throw- 
ing her head backward still more. 

“ I have not the least objection,” he returned. 
“ If it affords you any pleasure, you do perfectly 
right to go out.” 

“ Pleasure ! ” cried the lady, with a disagreeable 
shrug of her pretty shoulders. “I only go out be- 
cause it is necessary for me to do so. Women have 
not the same right as men to go out for pleasure.” 

“ Shall I accompany you, dear Annie ? ” asked 
Frohberg, tenderly. 

“ Ho, thanks,” returned the lady. “ I do not 
want you to sacrifice yourself for my sake.” 

“ But it is no sacrifice on my part to walk with 
you,” said Frohberg. 

“ Do be still, and don’t try to excuse yourself,” 
Annie quickly interrupted. “ A woman’s heart 
cannot be deceived by such things. You neglect 
me in every way. You prefer to walk w T ith our 
daughters than with me, because they remind you 
of my former good looks ; but that is the way with 
all you husbands. After a year or two you tire of 
your choice, and seek diversion elsewhere.” 

“ Oh, Annie,” said Frohberg, taking her hand, 


OF POTSDAM. 


85 


which she quickly pulled away ; “ what justifies 
you in talking so ? ” 

The lady looked at him a long time, as if she 
would penetrate to the very bottom of his soul, and 
as if she would have been pleased to find the proof 
of his guilt there. But soon her eyes assumed a 
milder expression, she offered him her hand with a 
smile, and said, in a softer tone : 

“ Adieu, Karl ! ” 

“ Adieu, dear Annie,” returned the happy hus- 
band, attempting to imprint a farewell kiss upon 
the full, rosy lips of his wife. 

But scarcely had she divined his intention, when 
a slight, inexplicable tremor passed through her fine 
form ; she recoiled, but in a moment controlled her- 
self, hastily tendered him her hand, bow T ed slightly 
to the physician, and the next minute left the room. 

Frohberg gazed upon his friend with a long, 
searching look. 

“Well ? ” he asked at last. 

The doctor seemed to have been startled from a 
deep, serious reverie, and he, in turn, looked at his 
friend a long while silently, probably because it was 
not yet clear to him what he should say. 

“Well?” repeated Frohberg. “Do you know 
now the cause of this transformation ? ” 

“ Of course,” returned the privy counsellor, though 
in his mind he was still apparently busy w T ith a very 
weighty question. 

“ And what think you is the matter with her ? ” 

“ She suffers from autumn storms,” replied Stab- 
erow, seizing refuge in the first thought that oc- 
curred to him. 

“ What, autumn storms ? ” asked Frohberg, as- 
tonished. “ I never heard of such a disease.” 

“ And yet it is a very common affliction,” re- 
turned the doctor. “ It is a disease of the mind, 


86 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


and the best and purest women suffer from it. 
The affliction generally begins when the person is 
abont thirty years of age, and, for that reason, I 
call it antumn storms. When a woman reaches 
this age she subjects herself to peculiar reflections, 
and critically examines her past and her present, 
whereby her vanity suffers. Especially do those 
women wdio truly and faithfully love their husbands, 
subject themselves to the reflections wdiy the sweet 
tenderness that existed during the first years of their 
married life could not last forever. And the often er 
they put this question to themselves, the longer they 
seek the solution of this problem, the more firmly 
this idea grows into their heads : that their husbands 
love them no longer as they did formerly : that their 
husbands neglect them, and consider them no lon- 
ger pretty, because they are nearly thirty years old. 
The wife says to herself, c when I become older he 
will deem me still less pretty, and, consequently, 
love me still less . 5 Thus reflecting, she becomes low- 
spirited and irritable, becomes jealous of everybody, 
even of her own children, and unfair, especially to her 
husband. Strange and undefined ideas pass through 
her mind. She finds fault with her husband be- 
cause he does not love her as he did during the first 
years of married life ; she cannot forgive him, and 
she seeks a way to punish him for it. She would 
like to draw him to herself, but repels him ; she 
would like to prove to him that she is still beauti- 
ful and lovely, that others still appreciate what he 
doesn’t ; she would like to make him jealous ; she 
forces herself to play the part of a coquette, which 
is altogether foreign to her ; yes, she plays a dan- 
gerous game . 55 

Frohberg paid the closest attention to the ex- 
planation given by his friend; he sank his head 
upon his breast when the latter stopped speaking, 


OF POTSDAM. 


87 


and after a lengthy silence asked the doctor, anx- 
iously looking him firmly in the eye: 

“ And is the disease dangerous ? ” 

“ In some cases it is, in others not,” replied 
Staberow. “ I have seen cases, in my practice, in 
which the patients lost their reason because of this 
fixed idea.” 

Frohberg turned pale, and wiped the cold per- 
spiration from his forehead, while the physician cast 
a furtive glance of the deepest pity upon his friend. 

“ Is there no remedy for this disease ? ” he asked, 
after a long silence. 

“Oh, yes,” returned the privy counsellor, with a 
sigh. “ There are remedies for everything except 
against death.” 

“ What will you prescribe for her, my friend ? ” 

“ I will prescribe no remedies for her,” returned 
the doctor, “ but for you ; the end must be gained 
by a counter-play.” 

“ Iiow ? ” asked Frohberg. 

“ By your remaining toward her just as you 
have been,” replied Staberow. “You must take no 
notice of her humors, her whims, and her caprices. 
You must treat her with uniform kindness, love, 
and devotion. For heaven’s sake, have no scenes, 
no war of words. The more violent she becomes, 
the calmer you must be, and when she accuses you 
unjustly, pretend not to have heard it. But with 
all this apparent unconcern and indifference on 
your part, keep your eyes open, watch her diligent- 
ly, and report to me when you detect any new 
symptoms.” 

“ Is her case serious ? ” asked Frohberg, trembling 
slightly. 

“ Not in the least,” replied the privy counsellor, 
gradually regaining his customary good humor. 
“ It is one of the mildest cases I ever saw, and she 


88 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


will soon be all right again. Don’t lose your courage 
and patience, old friend. If you do you are liable 
to aggravate the case by failing to carry out my 
instructions.” 

“You may depend on it, I will carry out your 
instructions to the letter,” replied Frohberg, who 
scarcely required any admonition to obey implicitly 
the measures ordained for restoring to health the 
one being he loved dearer than life itself, and, like 
all good-natured and weak persons, he was ready to 
look at the brightest side of the picture presented 
to him. 

“ But when she complains that I do not love her 
as well as I did during the early years of our mar- 
ried life,” began Frohberg anew, “ she must desire 
to be loved by me just as ardently as in those days. 
And when she seeks' to draw me to her, then she 
ought to reciprocate my love, don’t you think so ? ” 

“ Why, that is plain enough,” said the doctor. 

“ Then she only hides this love under a mask of 
irritability, sometimes even under one of opposition ; 
is that it ? ” 

“ That is it !” 

“And resorts to acts of unkindness for the pur- 
pose of attracting me toward her ? ” 

“ Yes, my friend.” 

“No harm can really ensue from true love, can 
it?” continued Frohberg, his kindly face again 
becoming joyfully irradiated. “ This thought con- 
soles and pacifies me. I look upon the whole thing 
as a mere display of childish peevishness and 
jealousy, which will soon be dissipated, and joy and 
happiness be restored between us.” 

Scarcely had the last words passed his lips, when 
the door was again opened, and Madame von Froh- 
berg entered the room as rapidly as she had left it, 
a little while ago. 


OF POTSDAM. 


89 


Did she suffer from the pangs of remorse, while 
in the open air, on account of her behavior toward 
her husband in the presence of another ? Did her 
conscience smite her for it, or did she fear that the 
gentlemen would discuss and perhaps opine the 
cause that had changed her disposition ? Who can 
tell? 

“ Annie!” joyfully exclaimed Frohberg, as he 
saw his wife enter. 

The beautiful woman, from her short but pre- 
sumably rapid walk in the open air, had become 
still more beautiful, her cheeks glowed with a rosy 
color, her eye sparkled, and its changeable expres- 
sion denoted that a severe struggle, whose termina- 
tion no one could foretell, was going on within her. 

Immediately upon entering the room, she walked 
straight up to her joyfully excited husband, and ten- 
dered him her hand, which she had withdrawn from 
his but a little while ago. 

“ Dear Karl,” said she, “ forgive me for being so 
unkind to you a while ago. I did not sleep well 
last night, and I was very much excited.” 

“ You need ask no forgiveness of me, my child,” 
said Frohberg, forgetting all the doubts he had 
entertained and the instructions his friend had 
given him. “ Everything is forgotten and forgiven 
when you smile upon me lovingly.” 

The beautiful woman seemed disposed to become 
cordial, perceiving how happy her husband seemed ; 
but it was apparent that it cost her an effort to do 
so, and was not the free and natural prompting of 
her heart. 

Much can be done by zealous efforts in most 
things, but not in love. The heart cannot be 
guided by instructions, it always acts independently 
— often against the cold teachings of reason and 
sound sense. 


90 


THE MA 1 R1MONIAL AGENT 


“ I intended to visit a friend whom I had a vague 
and undefined longing to converse with,” said Madame 
von Frohberg. “But on the way this desire to see 
her constantly diminished. I felt as if I was drawn 
back to my home, my husband, and children, by in- 
visible hands ; in the end I felt as if I really had 
nothing to communicate to my friend, or as if it 
would be better that she should not know what 
I ” 

At these words Madame von Frohberg turned pale 
for fear that in her thoughtless excitement she had 
said more than she ought to have said ; she was 
compelled to seat herself quickly to escape falling. 

“ My God, Annie, my life, what ails you ? ” cried 
Frohberg, hastening to her and removing her hat 
and wrap. “ She faints, Staberow ! Come here, 
quick ! Help, for heaven’s sake, help ! She is 
dying ! ” 

“ Oh, no, she is not,” said the privy counsellor, 
calmly, not even looking at the lady. “ I must go 
now. I have a number of professional engage- 
ments.” 

“ You want to go now, and leave me with my 
fainting wife, without helping her?” cried Froli- 
berg. “ If you are not disposed to act as a friend, 
you are at least in duty bound, as a physician, to 
relieve her. She is in a dead faint ” 

“ Ho, she has not fainted,” interrupted the doc- 
tor, coolly; “it is only the effect of a temporary 
mental excitement.” 

“ But how long is this terrible mental excitement 
likely to last? ” asked the tortured husband. “ Have 
you nothing in your science of medicine that-wiil 
relieve her from it ? ” 

“ Oh, yes,” said Staberow, smilingly. 

“ Then prescribe it ! Why do you stand there so 
unconcernedly ? ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


91 


“Very well, since you wish it,” said the doctor, 
“ though I would not have done it of my own ac- 
count, for I would spare her the pain.” 

“ Do you wish to bleed her ? ” asked Frohberg, 
anxiously. 

“ Oh, no,” replied the privy counsellor, “ I will 
not touch her, even.” 

Then he walked over to where the lady was sit- 
ting, with her eyes still shut, and said to her, in a 
low voice : 

“ The nervous system of my lady seems to be so 
seriously affected that I deem it absolutely necessary 
for her to retire to her country house in Silesia as 
quickly as possible. The city air is unwholesome, 
and the pure country air will soon restore her to 
health.” ' 

Scarcely had the doctor uttered these words when 
a slight tremor passed through her beautiful form, 
and she immediately opened her eyes, which she di- 
rected upon him with an expression of undisguised 
terror. 

Herr von Frohberg looked astounded, first upon 
his wife and then upon the doctor. 

“ Flas that caused her pain ? ” asked he. 

“ Her nervous system is very sensitive, and any 
disturbance is apt to occasion her painful feelings,” 
replied the privy counsellor, “but they will not last 
long.” 

“ How do you feel now, my beloved Annie,” 
whispered Frohberg, tenderly, to his wife. 

“ Much better, thank you,” answered the lady, 
with an effort attempting to rise and appear serene 
and unconcerned. “ My God, you take everything 
too seriously, doctor. If you were to banish all the 
ladies who have a slight nervous attack from Berlin, 
the capital would soon be deserted. You entirely 
exaggerate my indisposition.” 


92 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ That may he due to the fact that I had not a 
better opportunity of observing your case, not hav- 
ing the honor' of being your attending physician,” 
replied the privy counsellor, with a peculiar smile. 

“ I, too, think that you somewhat exaggerate my 
wife’s illness,” said Frohberg, directing a fascinated 
glance upon his wife, who, as if by magic, was ap- 
parently perfectly well again. 

“ Perhaps ! ” returned Staberow, sarcastically. 
“ But even if I am mistaken, it is much better to 
err on the safe side. And a stay in the country can- 
not be otherwise than of the greatest benefit to your 
wife.” 

“ What do you say, dear ? ” asked Frohberg, turn- 
ing to his wife. 

“ Oh, how can you think of such a thing ? ” ex- 
claimed Madame von Frohberg, who sought to mask 
her mental disturbance by apparent indifference. 
“ Flow can you think of such a thing at this time of 
the year, and undergo the difficulties of removing 
to the country so late in the fall ? The winter is 
close at hand, and although it is still warm here in 
Berlin, yet I would not like to shut myself in our 
old castle in Silesia. The mere thought of going 
to live there is enough to give me rheumatic pains.” 

“ Yes, that is so. It is awfully damp in our old 
country house,” said Frohberg, turning to his friend, 
readily coinciding with his wife. “ I think the 
journey back and forth would do us more harm than 
good. 

The privy counsellor shrugged his shoulders. 

“ It is possible, even probable, that I do not un- 
derstand my lady’s illness, though I flatter myself 
that I do. However, ^little or no benefit can be ex- 
pected from treatment if the patient has no faith in 
the physician.” 

“ You are a horrible man,” jested the beautiful 


OF POTSDAM . 


93 


lady, “but I sha’n’t quarrel with you to-day, nor af- 
ford you any further opportunities of discovering 
additional bodily and mental diseases. It is late, I 
see, and it is time to dress for dinner.” 

Thus saying, she tendered her husband her hand, 
hastily grasped her hat and wrap, bowed slightly to 
the privy counsellor, and hurried from the room, at 
the door of which she once more pleasantly nodded 
to her husband. 

But when she reached her own room, she dropped 
into a seat and commenced weeping. 

Was the struggle that had just taken place within 
her decisive for good or for evil, and was she 
mourning over the battle which she had lost or 
won ? Who can tell ? 

“A charming woman, isn’t she ?” said Frohberg 
to his friend, as soon as they were alone. 

“Yes,” assented the physician, distraught. 

“ She seems to have been cured of her illness as 
if by a miracle,” the enchanted husband continued. 

“ Let us hope so, ” said Dr. Staberow, shrugging 
his shoulders. “ At least it seems so, and with 
appearances one must often content himself in this 
imperfect world.” 

“ My good wife was right, you are altogether un- 
bearable to-day,” said Frohberg; “but let us talk 
of something else now, and above all try and get 
back your customary good humor again, which was 
displeasing to me a while ago, but now would de- 
light me.” 

“Very sorry,” said the privy counsellor; “you 
made me melancholy, and therefore have commit- 
ted a sin against your fellow-men.” 

“A sin !” exclaimed Frohberg, astonished. 

“Yes, to be sure,” continued Staberow; “in 
every house I shall visit now I’ll appear with a 
gloomy countenance, which will cause well people 


94 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


to become ill, and the ill to become still worse. 
The physician must always look pleasant; but do 
you think it is so easy for him to assume such a 
look, and keep it up indefinitely ? It takes me a full 
hour every morning to arrange my face in pleasant 
wrinkles ; and when they are once dispersed, I can- 
not regain them for that day.” 

“ What?” asked Frohberg, surprised. “I always 
supposed you were enthusiastic for your profession, 
that your heart and mind were in your science, and 
that you practised it with delight and contentment.” 

“ I was enthusiastic once,” replied the privy coun- 
sellor, “ but I am only so in appearance now.” 

“ And what has caused the great transformation 
in you ? ” 

“ That irresistible power which brings about all 
transformations,” replied Staberow, shyly, “ namely, 
Time. The unfortunate arrangement of creation, 
acts like an ungrateful child, it destroys everything 
created but itself.” 

“ You have become hypochondriacal,” said Froh- 
berg ; “ I never expected it of you.” 

“I might say the same of you regarding certain 
things,” replied Staberow, with a sad smile; “but 
in regard to hypochondria, everyone who has an 
enlightened mind is liable to suffer from it if he 
reflects upon his past and future. I certainly never 
heard of a hypochondriacal ass, have you ? ” 

“ My God, when I think how enthusiastic you 
were for your profession when you first began to 
practise,” continued Frohberg, “how ardently you 
longed to become famous, and acquire the title of 
Herr Privy Counsellor! You have that title now; 
you are one of the most famous and busiest physi- 
cians of the city ; but wdiat has become of your love 
and enthusiasm for your calling ? ” 

“ Time has destroyed them,” answered Staberow, 


OF POTSDAM. 


95 


“ as it destroys everything else — love, faithfulness, 
honesty, dutifulness, and all the other good quali- 
ties, whatever they may be called, to maintain 
which man has to battle his whole life long.” 

“ I always thought that the physician would be 
the last to lose his love for his blessed calling,” re- 
marked Frohberg. 

“ Try it once ! ” cried the privy counsellor, warm- 
ing up to his theme. “ When I first began to 
practise medicine, I was really so enthusiastic about 
it that I was in danger of becoming somewhat daft. 
I had passed a brilliant examination, and carried off 
the first prize, the thought of which almost made 
me wild with joy. I rented an office, at a moderate 
xent, in a respectable locality, and put up a bright 
new sign : Dr. Staberow, Practising Physician. 
Office hours, 8 to 10 a.m. That was intended to 
mean that all the rest of the time I w T as obliged to 
ride about town, visiting my patients, though I then 
had neither any patients to visit nor any conveyance 
to ride in. I only possessed a good pair of legs and 
a good pair of thick-soled boots. On the next 
morning, after I put up my sign, I got up at five 
o’clock, and by six I w T as dressed. What an eternity 
it was for me to wait till eight o’clock, when my office 
hours would begin ! At half-past seven I was 
tempted to look out of the window to see whether 
the people had already congregated in front of my 
house, and were disputing as to who among them 
had come first to consult me ; but I was afraid it 
would not be becoming in me to do so. Thus I 
waited, in a state of inexpressible suspense, till eight 
o’clock. At the first stroke of the hour I expected to 
hear a violent tug at my office-bell, but everything 
was silent, silent as a churchyard ! I scarcely dared 
to breathe, scarcely dared to walk into mv room, 
for fear that the noise of my footsteps would drown 


96 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


the sound of the bell ; I sat close by the door and 
listened, but everything was silent, silent as a grave- 
yard. Thus I sat till ten o’clock — a torturing eter- 
nity ; not a soul called. 

“I then went out, and was abashed at the 
people whom I met ; for I thought that they must 
know that no one had called upon me. But where 
should I go ? Not to visit any patients, but to seek 
some. But where was I to find any ? Many of my 
professional friends drove by me haughtily and 
coldly, the proud privy counsellors had more patients 
than they could attend to, but I had not even one. 

“ During ten days no one came to my office, for 
ten days I ran about the streets like one crazy, 
and looked up at the buildings that were being 
erected, at all the scaffoldings that were being put 
up, in the hope that one of the workmen would be 
so kind as to topple down and break a leg, for my 
sake ; I gazed after the carriages and riders, in the 
hope that someone would, to oblige me, allow him- 
self to be run or rode over ; but in vain, it was all 
in vain. I think during that time, when I was so 
unfortunate, not a single accident happened in the 
whole city of Berlin. 

“ Finally, I got such a mania to cure somebody, 
that I was often upon the point of knocking some 
passer-by down, or break some innocent person’s 
head, in order to tender him my professional ser- 
vices, and have the pleasure of curing him. 

“ At last an old woman brought her cat to me, 
that had burned its paws. Things began to improve 
from that moment. One patient came after another, 
and I soon had a practice. I became quite re- 
nowned, and that again increased my practice con- 
stantly. 

“ Before two years had gone by I was able to 
buy a horse and carriage, and the physician who 


OF POTSDAM. 


97 


rides in his carriage, as you know, is always 
patronized greatly. I was always busy, and became 
prosperous, and at last gained what I had so greatly 
longed for, the honor of being a privy counsellor.” 

“Well?” asked Frohberg, as his friend ceased 
talking. 

“ Fight away,” the latter rejoined ; “I only wish 
to draw breath for a moment, then I’ll be able to 
proceed with the sad tale. 

“ Since the time that the old woman brought her 
cat to me,” he proceeded, after a brief silence, 
“ many years have passed over us, and time has 
been constantly gnawing at our bodies as well as at 
our hearts. The best blossoms of my life have fallen 
a victim to it. I have enjoyed life, I cannot deny 
it, but I have worked very hard, for which I have 
received very little thanks. 

“ If you cure a patient of some grave disease, you 
may or may not receive the amount you claim for 
your services. If you are remunerated for your 
labor, the whole matter is settled, and the patient 
thinks there is no reason why he should be grateful 
to you. But if a patient dies under your care, then 
everybody is told that he was improperly treated, 
and you are forever condemned. As my preceptor 
used to say : 


‘ God and the doctor, men alike adore, 

Just on the point of death and not before ; 

The danger over, both are quite neglected, 

God is forgotten and the doctor slighted. 1 

“ One asks himself what is the use of all this 
torture? For if you are taken away to-day, the 
world would go on just the same, since any person 
may be spared. All ! if one could have only a cer- 
tain number of patients ! But this crowd, this con- 
stantly growing crowd of sick people — that kills 
7 


98 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


him who strives to keep the sick alive, robs him of 
his strength by day, and disturbs his rest at night — 
this mass is crushing him. I have no longer the 
tenacity and elasticity of youth ; I have become old, 
and long for rest — at least, for a little rest. A man is 
only human, and whatever is too much is too much. 
The musician who gives fourteen music lessons a day 
at last becomes disgusted at the sight of a piano, 
and if you had to kiss your wife the whole day 
long, you would soon pray to heaven to accord you 
some other employment.” 

“Well, at last you are in good humor again ! ” 
laughingly said Frohberg. 

“ I told you once before,” quickly retorted the 
privy counsellor, “ that the doctor must be pleasant, 
will he, nill he ; and his humor is often of the 
satanic kind. He must smile agreeably when an 
old woman shows him her foul tongue*; and if, while 
extracting a splinter from a little brat’s hand, he 
tears a handful of hair from your beard with the 
other, you are expected to be amiable, and even kiss 
it. I tell you, my friend, it is all vanity, every- 
thing is vanity in this world, and I merely torture 
myself for nothing.” 

“ Why, I always supposed you to have a good in- 
come,” said Frohberg. 

“ Yes, yes,” returned Staberow, “I ‘have a good 
income, but I have no time to enjoy it, and one 
wants rest when he grow T s old.” 

“How can you talk of being old,” rejoined 
Frohberg. “You are still in your best years.” 

“I am past forty,” said the physician, “ and I yearn 
for the long deferred, or rather never enjoyed, com- 
forts. I do not complain of professional work, but 
I do not wish to be continually driving up and 
down the city, out of one house and into another, 
and come home at night tired to death, unable to do 


OF POTSDAM. 


99 


anything but lie on a sofa and smoke one cigar after 
another ; provided it does not occur to one of my 
kind patients to be taken with colic or some such 
complaint, and send for me, post-haste. 

“ Really, life is becoming unbearable to me, and 
I can stand this drudgery no longer. I long for 
rest and comfort, to have a chance to put on a dress- 
ing gown and slippers — which, till now, I have only 
known by name — instead of wearing the regulation 
frock-coat and boots, in which I have to visit my pa- 
tients, like one who has to appear on dress-parade, 
day after day ! 55 

“ Then marry a rich young lady, and all your 
troubles will then be at an end,” said Frohberg. 

The privy counsellor shook himself as if he had 
swallowed a spoonful of his nasty medicine. 

“ Heaven save me from that,” he cried. “ I 
would then have an everlasting patient in my house, 
and would be obliged to treat the soul as well as the 
body. No, That is not the remedy to help me.” 

“ Staberow, you speak of a matter of which you 
know nothing,” said Frohberg. “ You have no idea 
of the sweets of domestic life.” 

“ I may have no idea of the sweets of domestic life, 
but I have a very strong foretaste of the disagree- 
able part of it,” rejoined the doctor, quickly. “As a 
physician, I visit houses and people quite unexpect- 
edly, by day and by night, and I come upon all kinds 
of scenes and situations. You see, no one prepares 
himself or herself for the doctor’s visit ; it has been 
found much better to appear an naturel before 
him ; he knows the whole family inside and out, 
and it would be sheer folly to attempt to hide any- 
thing from him. No, believe me, Frohberg, the 
many years of inspection I have had into the holi- 
ness of married life has not stimulated my desire to 
marry. On the contrary, it has strengthened my 


100 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


resolution to abstain from it. I would like to be 
rich, so that. I could give up the more laborious part 
of my practice. But no rich girl will marry an 
old fellow like me ; besides, when one is married, 
he is compelled to work all the harder. I desire to 
rest from labor, but matrimony is the very picture 
of unrest by day as well as by night. 1 seek com- 
forts, but matrimony is the most uncomfortable ar- 
rangement which our kind Father could have in- 
vented. When one is married he is unable to be 
alone for a moment, is not unobserved for a second, 
is unable to do the least thing without permission. 
If I want to smoke a cigar, then my wife wants me 
to hold the skein of worsted for her while she un- 
ravels it ; if I want to rest awhile, then she wants 
me to go walking with her ; if I want to take a 
walk with her, she will have one of her attacks of 
migraine ; if I want to go to bed early, then she 
has all the news in the world to tell me. In short, 
it is just the opposite of a bachelor’s life, and, albeit 
the latter has its unpleasantnesses, matrimonial life 
has tortures which my weak, nervous system is 
not able to endure.” 

u What you call tortures, my dear friend, are 
only trivial annoyances, which, by mutual conces- 
sions, are readily disposed of ; and even real dis- 
pleasures and unavoidable differences cannot long 
prevail where genuine and sincere love is found,” 
said Frohberg, with the feelings of one who is 
thoroughly convinced of what he says. 

“ An old fellow like me need not expect to get 
genuine and sincere love,” rejoined the doctor. “ A 
young girl wants to marry a young man who is ar- 
dent and has some poetry in him ; and if she marries 
an old man, it is because she cannot get a young 
one. But, least of all, is she disposed to marry a 
physician, because, as a rule, the physician is an 


OF POTSDAM. 


101 


irreconcilable enemy to her vanity, and sturdily op- 
poses all the absurdities of dress and customs that 
fashion ordains. A girl who marries a physician 
must not be jealous ; but where no jealousy can or 
ought to exist, no love can be expected. And, since 
matrimony is only possible when based upon sincere 
love, there is no alternative for the physician but to 
contract a sensible marriage. But that is absurd, 
for there is no sense in marrying.” 

“ Your mathematical explanation may be correct,” 
said Frohberg, “ but I know somebody who can con- 
trovert your statements so fully that you would 
speedily strike your flag.” 

“ Indeed ! ” retorted the physician, with the air 
of one who deems himself infallible. 

“ As I tell you,” affirmed Frohberg, who deemed 
himself convinced. 

“ And who is this great mathematician ? ” asked 
Staberow. 

“ Madame Baldrian,” answered Frohberg, tri- 
umphantly. 

The privy counsellor clutched his already some- 
what scanty locks with his hands. 

“ God have mercy upon my poor soul ! ” he cried. 
“ I pray and hope to be spared coming in contact 
with this plague of a woman.” 

Frohberg looked slightly offended. 

“ You are altogether unjust in your prejudices,” 
said he. “ Madame Baldrian is a highly respecta- 
ble and kind-hearted woman, and sacrifices herself 
in the hope of making others happy.” 

“You mean to make herself happy and others 
unhappy,” Staberow corrected him. “ Nothing can 
be deemed a sacrifice that costs one neither money 
nor trouble. The trouble she takes affords her the 
greatest pleasure, and she would die if the city au- 
thorities would have the sense of prohibiting her 


102 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


reprehensible occupation. The desire on her part 
to marry off all mankind has become an actual craze 
with her. An unmarried man or an unmarried wo- 
man is repulsive to her ; she cannot bear the sight 
of such a being, and will not rest till she has, by 
coaxing, entreaties, and threats, prevailed upon that 
unfortunate being to be ensnared in the holy bonds 
of wedlock. But, as regards the consequences, she 
is totally indifferent, for, once married, they have 
no further interest to her, and she only mingles in 
society for the purpose of finding new recruits, or 
rather victims, who will dance into the matrimonial 
circle when she whistles for them.” 

“ You are really unjust to that woman,” said 
Frohberg, feeling hurt. 

“ I don’t think I am,” replied the privy counsellor. 
“ It is more probable that you are partial to her be- 
cause she prevailed upon you too to marry.” 

“ And because I am indebted to her for my hap- 
piness, ” added Frohberg, convincingly. 

The physician was silent. 

“ Every rule has an exception,” said he, after a 
pause ; “and happy is he who is an exception, or 
thinks he is. So far as I am concerned, I deem the 
Baldrian a poison which flows through the veins of 
society ; for she is an unauthorized, meddlesome 
creature, who intrudes everywhere, introduces herself 
to everybody, proposes to everyone, without taking 
the least consideration for the inclinations of the res- 
pective individuals, or reflecting a moment whether 
they are fitted to each other, or whether they have 
in them the elements of happiness or not. All these 
things are matters of secondary consideration to her ; 
all she cares for is to chain them together and let 
them drag their heavy or light chains all through life.” 

“ And for all that, everyone is glad to see the 
woman,” interjected Frohberg. 


OF POTSDAM. 


103 


“ The fools, oh, yes ! ” retorted Dr. Staberow. 
“ The half-witted individuals who look upon matri- 
mony with the same eyes as she does, and the silly 
creatures who look upon Madame Baldrian as an 
angel of help, and the rope with which they are 
dragged into the matrimonial yoke as a chain of 
roses. Among such people she is certainly wel- 
come, but those she has succeeded in marrying she 
dares not to call upon.” 

u I am glad whenever she comes to see me,” said 
Frohberg, feeling hurt. 

“ Well, you are an exception, as I remarked be- 
fore,” said Staberow, with a slight shrug of his 
shoulders. 

“I think there are many more such exceptions,” 
rejoined Frohberg. 

“ Perhaps,” observed the physician, indifferently. 
“ Everyone has his views, according to which he 
acts and judges. So far as I am concerned, I re- 
gard Madame Baldrian as one of the most danger- 
ous match-makers living. She carries on the busi- 
ness en gros , and the honored parents — especially 
the mothers, and the beloved children — especially 
the daughters, deal en detail , and are her most 
zealous co-operators. It is surprising to me to see 
the influence which this woman exercises in this 
city. Everyone knows her doings, and yet every- 
one submits to be led by her rope. She appears to 
me like the Rat-catcher of Hameln, who, as soon 
as she whistles, a swarm of rats surround her.” 

“ You forget her unselfishness,” remarked Froh- 
berg. 

u Well, that would be a pretty how-do-you-do, to 
pay her for her own pleasure,” said the privy coun- 
sellor, provoked ; and, after a short pause, he con- 
tinued : “ The people seem to have gone crazy, and 
it will soon be necessary to have a larger number of 


104 : THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 

alienists. Before I allow myself to be entrapped 
by Madame Baldrian ” 

“ Well ? ” hastily asked Frohberg. 

“ I'll become a veterinary doctor and treat yonng 
puppies,” added the privy counsellor, with evident 
disgust. 

“Take care,” jestingly said Frohberg, “that I 
do not hold you to your word. More than one 
person has spoken as you do and yet subsequently 
was forced, as it were, into happiness. As I said 
before, the only person capable of controverting 
your arguments and contradicting your assertions 
regarding love and matrimony, is Madame Bal- 
drian ! ” 

“ Tell me, do you take me for an ass ? ” asked 
Staberow, looking his friend steadily in the eyes. 

“By no means,” said Frohberg, laughing. “I 
only say that nothing is impossible for Madame 
Baldrian. If she once resolves to make one marry, 
then she will do it whether he will or not, and if 
she takes it into her head to make you marry ” 

“Good morning!” the privy counsellor inter- 
rupted his friend, making a rush for the door. 

“Listen, Staberow ! ” called Frohberg after him. 

The doctor stopped and looked back impatiently. 

“ Stay and dine with us,” said Frohberg, pleas- 
antly. 

“ Impossible ! ” cried Staberow, plumply. “ I 
have already spent too much time with you to-day. 
While I have been here I could have looked at the 
tongues of six noble ladies, and asked seven dyspep- 
tics how they slept last night. Adieu ! Be sure 
you remit my fee promptly, otherwise I will send 
my collector to you.” 

By the time he had uttered the last words he 
had already opened the door, and in the next 
moment he was gone. 


OF POTSDAM. 


105 


“ Capital fellow ! ” said Frohberg to himself ; 
“but somewhat cranky in his views, and unjust in 
his judgment. I have never seen such a rabid op- 
ponent of matrimony as he is. I fear even Madame 
Baldrian would find in him an exceedingly obstinate 
candidate, and one difficult to manage.” 

Just then the servant announced that dinner w T as 
ready. 

Frohberg’ s face lit up with rays of joy. 

“ How beautiful my Annie is ! ” muttered he to 
himself. “ I was wrong to send for Staberow on 
account of a slight indisposition. That man looks 
at the dark side too much, and causes one alto- 
gether too much anxiety and fear. Annie was al- 
ways so good and sweet. I must drive the whole 
matter out of my mind, and not worry her unneces- 
sarily.” 

Feeling perfectly happy, he went to take his wife 
in to dinner. 

The privy counsellor, meanwhile, had descended 
the stairs, muttering to himself angrily : “ There 

is something wrong with that woman. I thought 
so all along, but I am convinced now. What 
can it be, I wonder ? My advice to the hus- 
band will have little effect, if he don’t take her 
away from Berlin. He is totally unable to carry 
out my instructions. That good man is blind with 
love ; and how is a blind man to see anything ! 
Some higher power than the physician only can 
help in such a case. Perhaps chance, which so 
often appears like the deusex machinä , and arranges 
circumstances that were too difficult and compli- 
cated for human ingenuity to manage, will bring 
it about. But what if chance does not supply a 
remedy — then another instance of supposed happi- 
ness falls to the ground. Is not this enough to 
make one disgusted with matrimony % Sooner will 


106 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


1 continue to drive about the city for ten years 
more, look at foul tongues, and feel pulses or any- 
thing else, and remain my own master. To be the 
slave of my patients out of the house, and of my 
wife in the house ! No, never ! ” 

Thus soliloquizing he reached the street, roused 
up his driver — who had fallen asleep over his favor- 
ite newspaper — and in another moment was on his 
way to visit the next patient. 

lie regained his natural serenity of temper, and 
strengthened his resolution to end his life in single 
blessedness, with the unanswerable arguments he 
had repeated to himself. He wrapped the rug 
closely about his legs, lit a cigar, and looked per- 
fectly serene and contented. 

“ How they all rush about in this big city ! ” he 
said to himself, looking upon the people as his 
carriage drove through the streets. “ It always 
makes me think of an ant-hill, with the ants busily 
rushing about. But why do they all rush about 
and perspire so ? To earn bread for the meal and 
the necessaries of life for themselves and those 
depending on them. Had they remained single, 
they certainly would not have needed so much ; 
but no, they must go and get married and get into 
trouble. However, it is in their nature to do so — 
like cattle, that will repeatedly return to the 
burning barn, or like the moth, that hovers about 
the flame till it is burned to death. As soon as 
one is married his troubles begin. No, let me 
bear my present ills in preference to those of mar- 
ried life.” 

The privy counsellor’s eyes fell upon a soldierly 
man of imposing appearance, with jet-black dyed 
hair, who on recognizing him hastily raised his 
hat, bowed, and greeted him pleasantly : 

“ Good morning, Herr Privy Counsellor ! ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


107 


“Good morning, Herr Major!” Staberow re- 
plied, saluting him with his hand. 

And then he spoke to himself, nodding approv- 
ingly with his head : 

“ There is another sensible fellow, that Major 
Rumpel ? How happy and independent he can 
run about, living in peace and contentment upon 
his pension, free from family cares. Yes, there 
still are some persons who possess a little common 
sense, and can laugh at the folly of this world.” 

The privy counsellor blew a cloud of smoke 
with the utmost self-satisfaction. In the next 
moment a gust of wind — which was blowing quite 
strong to-day — suddenly rolled up a thick cloud of 
dust, and enveloped the elegant carriage of the 
doctor in a gray mist. 

He was engaged in rubbing the dust from his 
eyes, when a black object came flying through the 
air, and struck him plump in the face with such 
force as to knock the cigar from his mouth. 

“ Tli under and lightning ! ” exclaimed the privy 
counsellor, carefully examining his nose, the part 
that was most severely hurt. “ What is the mean- 
ing of this ? Did anyone intend to kill me ? ” 

After he had convinced himself that his nose 
was not severely damaged, he looked in his lap for 
the article that struck him. 

“ A gentleman’s hat ! ” he said, holding up a 
fashionable silk head-gear. “ Whose may it be ? ” 

He then put his head out of the carriage and 
looked down the street. 

u Ah ! there comes the owner ! ” said the privy 
counsellor, seeing a young man with flying hair 
running after the carriage. “ Hold on, Frederick ! ” 
he called to the driver, who instantly reined in the 
horses. “ What, is that you, Rarrer ? ” he said to 
the young man, who had now reached the carriage. 


108 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ It was well the wind blew your hat into my car- 
riage, otherwise you might have had to run a good 
deal further for it.” 

u I am vevy gwateful to you, Hew pvivy coun- 
sell ah,” replied Harrer, panting for breath; “I just 
bought it, and didn’t pehceive that it was too big foil 
me till I was out in the stweet.” 

He then took the hat, which the doctor handed 
him, and put it on his head ; but no sooner had he 
done so when he made a terribly distorted face and 
tore his head-covering off with both hands. 

“ Heavens t what is the matter ? ” asked the doc- 
tor, alarmed at the young man’s appearance. 

Harrer first examined a painful spot on his head, 
next looked into the hat, and then, in the best- 
natured manner said : 

“ You left you ah cigah in my hat ; pehmit me to 
wetuhn it to you.” 

“ I beg a thousand pardons, my friend,” said the 
doctor. 

“ Don’t mention it, I beg of you ! ” said Harrer. 

In the next minute the carriage rolled away and 
turned Unter den Linden, where a dark mass of 
humanity swayed back and forth. 

Suddenly the privy counsellor heard a heart- 
rending cry, and as he turned his head to ascertain 
the cause, he saw a handsome little fellow chased by 
a barking dog, seeking to escape by running away, 
and crying pitifully, with terror stamped upon his 
countenance. 

Instantly the expression on the face of the little 
fellow changed to that of joy, he spread out his lit- 
tle arms, ran toward a gentleman, and exclaimed, 
u Papa ! ” but with such a feeling of delight, con- 
tentment, and security in his voice, that the tones 
penetrated into the very heart of the privy coun- 
sellor. 


OF POTSDAM. 


109 


He rode further and further, but was totally 
unable to forget the picture and the voice. 

“H’m, h’m ! ” he murmured, after a long reflec- 
tion. “ It would be very good and nice if one could 
be a father in a respectable way, and not be ob- 
liged to take a wife ! ” 


110 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


CHAPTER Y. 

HEARTS AND HANDS. 

Three months had passed since Privy Counsellor 
Staberow’s visit to Herr von Frohberg ; and as 
the latter did not again send for the former, the 
doctor did not visit his friend again. To make 
sociable calls physicians usually have no time ; 
moreover, it was painful to the privy counsellor to 
probe deeply the domestic affairs of the friend of 
his youth, especially as he saw no disposition on the 
part of the fair dame to submit to his instructions. 

These w 7 ere the reasons why the two friends 
neither saw nor heard from each other for such a 
long time. 

If we look first for Herr von Frohberg, we 
will find him in the same room we saw him in the 
last time, and although it is almost unchanged 
in its appointments, still it seems to have been 
especially arranged and decorated to-day with flow- 
ers, and presenting a gala appearance. On careful in- 
spection, however, one readily could detect a number 
of articles that were not there on the former occasion. 
Upon the table and flower- stands stood beautiful 
bouquets, that diffused a delicious fragrance, and 
filled the room with an almost intoxicating aroma ; 
upon the back of a chair was partly spread out a 
beautiful India shawl, that seemed to tremble from 
impatience to envelop some soft, voluptuous creat- 
ure, and near it, upon a table, were two elegant 
porcelain vases which also contained fragrant bou- 
quets. 

In the centre of the room stood the master of the 


OF POTSDAM. 


Ill 


house, contentedly rubbing his hands, his face beam- 
ing with happiness, looking first in one direction, 
then in another, and murmuring to himself from 
time to time : 

“ Everything is arranged now. There is the 
shawl ; the flowers are on the table, and the vases with 
the bouquets make a fine appearance. I might send 
for her now. How glad she will be ! And how 
much pleasure it will afford me to see her happy ! ” 

He was about to order the servant to do what 
lie had just proposed, when he saw a gentleman 
standing at the door, who had entered noiselessly, 
and was observing him with a sad smile. 

The gentleman seemed to be about ten years 
younger than Herr von Frohberg, and although a 
close observer would readily have detected consid- 
erable resemblance between them, still it would only 
have been such a resemblance as could exist between 
beauty and homeliness, for the younger man, as far 
as appearance went, was the very opposite of the 
elder. He was tall and well proportioned, had a 
finely shaped head, and the expression of his coun- 
tenance denoted a serious temperament. 

He was one of those silent, yet attractive, individ- 
uals of whom young girls like to dream, and set up 
as their ideal. The dignified bearing, the frank, 
open countenance, the full and expressive eye, de- 
noted the noble man. 

“ Ah ! is that you, brother ? ” Herr von Froh- 
berg exclaimed, joyfully, as soon as he saw him. 

“Yes!” replied Legation Counsellor Hermann 
von Frohberg, the same whom we saw riding across 
Potsdam bridge, and the sight of whom did not 
seem to be pleasant to the handsome Baron Branco. 
“ Yes, and I must confess that I have spent quite a 
while here at the door in wondering at you.” 

The older brother looked at the younger as if 


112 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


lie was at a loss how to take his remark ; however, 
he replied, blithely : 

“ Oh, yes, I know what you mean. You are dis- 
posed to make fun of your old brother, who is as 
happy, and as ardently loves his wife as a young 
man of twenty. To be sure, I am no longer as 
spry as I was. Time has left some traces upon my 
face, and the moon is beginning to peer through 
the hairs on the top of my head — signs indicative 
of the approach of the eve of a man’s life. But my 
heart is still young, Hermann, because of the hap- 
piness it constantly enjoys and derives from my 
adorable Annie ! ” 

The legation counsellor made no reply. 

“ It is her birthday to-day,” the elder Frohberg 
continued, looking at his brother again with an ex- 
pression on his face that mirrored the joy of his 
whole being. 

“ I know it,” the younger replied, with his usually 
sad tone of voice. 

“ See this shawl, Hermann ; that is my birthday 
present to her,” said Karl von Frohberg, blissfully 
rubbing his hands. 

“Very pretty, very pretty!” remarked the lega- 
tion counsellor, without turning round. 

“ And that pair of beautiful vases there is our 
friend Miller’s present to her. Commercial Coun- 
sellor Miller, from Charlottenburg, you know, was 
Annie’s guardian.” 

“ Very pretty, very pretty,” rejoined the younger 
brother, just as distrait as before, without looking at 
the present. 

Keither spoke for a little while. The older 
brother felt somewhat chilled at the cold bearing 
and indifference of his brother, and, after looking at 
him for a while, surprised and anxious, he, with 
evident reluctance, finally resolved to ask a question 


OF POTSDAM. 


113 


that almost died upon his lips, and the last words 
of which were almost inaudible. 

“ Do you present her nothing, Hermann ? ” 

“Certainly I do!” rejoined the legation coun- 
sellor, with the same listless indifference. 

Karl von Frohberg’s good-natured face became 
irradiated with joy. 

“ May one see the gift with which you will sur- 
prise her, dear Hermann ? ” he asked, overcome by 
an uncontrollable blissful curiosity. 

“ Certainly,” rejoined the legation counsellor, 
taking a small morocco case from the breast-pocket 
of his coat and handing it to his brother, without 
looking at him. 

The loving husband grasped it with almost childish 
joy, opened it with trembling hands, and looked into it. 

For a moment his face became overcast with an 
expression of surprise ; silently he gazed quite a 
while into the open case, and then he murmured, 
while still in a state of wonderment : 

“ My portrait ! ” 

He was evidently still uncertain from what stand- 
point he should view the present which was in- 
tended for his wife, for, after looking at the me- 
dallion quite a while, he returned it to his brother, 
and earnestly gazed upon the latter’s countenance, 
as if expecting there to find the explanation. 

But his brother’s countenance was calm and 
serious as usual, and his eyes were cast down. 

However, the older Frohberg was altogether too 
happy to-day to become a prey to doubts and puz- 
zles ; hence, with a little effort he succeeded in sup- 
pressing them, gave his brother credit for the best 
of motives in selecting his portrait for a birthday 
present, pressed his hand gratefully in acknowledg- 
ment of it, and, with the joyousness that seemed to 
permeate his whole being to-day, said : 

8 


114 


THE MATRIMONIAL AO ENT 


“ My good Hermann, that is really a very charm- 
ing idea of yours.” 

Then he added, with a trembling voice and with 
tears visible in his eyes : “I thank you all the 
more for your beautiful gift, as I feared you might 
have forgotten Annie’s birthday.” 

“ What made you think so? ” asked the legation 
counsellor, who, if possible, became even more seri- 
ous than before. 

The elder Frohberg seemed to feel very uncom- 
fortable as this subject was broached, for liis coun- 
tenance became overcast with an expression of em- 
barrassment which he found necessary to subdue 
before lie was able to reply to liis brother : 

“ Let us talk candidly, Hermann,” he began, “ as, 
thank God, we have always done. You remember 
how you spoke at the time I married Annie, a girl 
without means, of a plain family; how opposed 
you were to this union and to my bringing this girl 
of an untitled family into ours. But I was unable 
to yield to your reasoning, for the voice of love 
spoke louder in me. I felt that it was absolutely 
necessary for my well-being to possess that charm- 
ing creature, and therefore I married her. 

66 From the moment that Annie became my wife,” 
continued the older, warming with his subject, 
“ from the moment your opposition and persua- 
sion proved of no avail, you abandoned both, and 
treated Annie with the kindness and friendliness, 
and with the consideration and respect which you 
deemed due to the wife of your brother. 

“ That was a great source of joy to me, Hermann, 
and, still more, it has made me permanently happy 
to see you continue to treat her with kindness and 
consideration, and hear you express yourself to the 
effect that she deserves it all.” 

The serious face of the legation counsellor 


OF POTSDAM. 


115 


twitched slightly, but it was soon controlled. The 
older brother continued, without apparently having 
noticed it. 

“ Still, for some time Yack,” he went on, in a re- 
gretful tone of voice, “ you have not been acting as 
friendly and affectionately to iknnie as you used to 
act. You have become cooler and silent, Hermann. 
You visit us seldom. You are no more the same 
kind, affectionate brother you were formerly.” 

“ I did not think yon would regard my conduct 
in that light,” said the legation counsellor, who now 
seemed to have become master of himself. 

“ Oh, yes, your conduct pained me very much,” 
rejoined Herr von Frohberg. “ Tell me, Hermann, 
have you any fault to find with my wife ? ” 

“ Hone whatever ! ” replied the younger brother, 
with his customary coolness. 

“ Wherefor are you so reserved, then ? ” asked 
the other Frohberg. u Why have you kept your- 
self aloof from us, which, as you know, causes me 
much sorrow ? ” 

The legation counsellor seemed to struggle wfith 
some inward emotion. 

“It is nothing, Karl,”said he, finally ; “ I have not 
been very well for some time, and I have had some- 
thing to vex me, besides. But I promise not to 
annoy you in future with my depression of spirits.” 

The elder brother’s face lit up with an expression 
of delight, and he grasped the younger’s hand, and 
pressed it warmly. 

“I thank you, Hermann,” said he; “be kind to 
her ; she deserves it, and you will make me happy.” 

He had scarcely ended speaking when the door 
was opened, and a rustling noise was heard, as if 
made by a heavy silk dress. 

Both brothers looked around, and saw T Madame 
von Frohberg enter the room, but not with an ex- 


116 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


pression of forced pleasure on her face, as when last 
we saw her, nor in bad humor or violent, but dream- 
ily, lost in thought, and sorrowfully. 

She was evidently greatly preoccupied, for she 
greeted both the gentlemen with a “ Good-morn- 
ing!” in a low voice, and was about to pass them 
by to proceed to the window. 

Frohberg gazed upon his wife with a look full 
of tenderness and anxiety. “ Good-morning, dear 
Annie,” said he, extending his hand to her. “ What 
ails you to-day ? You look so sad and gloomy, on 
this your birthday, too.” 

The lady made a slight movement of surprise. 
Had she really forgotten her natal day, or did she 
only pretend it ? 

“ Ah, that is so ! ” said she, forcing a smile into 
her gloomy face, and looking about the room. 
“ These fragrant and beautiful flowers ought to have 
assisted' my poor memory.” 

The husband tiptoed to the shawl, carefully 
spread it upon his arm, and in that manner pre- 
sented it to his wife. 

“ This is your birthday present, Annie,” said he, 
smiling pleasantly upon his wife, as if he would 
feast upon the impression his gift would make. 

“ Perfectly charming ! ” she murmured, glancing 
at the shawl absently. u I thank you, dear Karl.” 

“ And this is Hermann’s present,” he continued, 
handing her the little case with a look of pleasure 
at his brother. 

The lady took the case, nodding pleasantly her 
thanks to her brother-in-law, and opened it. 

But barely did she obtain a view of the inside, 
wdien she involuntarily shuddered, and cast an al- 
most frightened look upon her husband. 

“ It was not my idea,” said the good-natured hus- 
band, apologetically. “ In fact, I am somewhat 


OF POTSDAM. 


117 


superstitious about the wife wearing her husband’s 
picture while he is still living; but,, as I said, it was 
entirely Hermann’s idea.” 

After saying this, the affectionate husband walked 
to the background of the room, for the purpose of 
replacing the shawl upon the chair, and which his 
wife had scarcely seen. 

The legation counsellor followed his brother with 
his looks, and when he saw him busying himself in 
spreading the shawl upon the back of the chair, he 
approached his sister-in-law and whispered to her : 

“Pardon me for not presenting you with some- 
thing that would have been more to your taste ; but 
1 opined that it must always afford a woman pleas- 
ure to have her husband’s picture before her eyes. ” 

The lady became palpably embarrassed ; her pale 
cheeks suddenly reddened, and she was obliged to 
turn away her head to avoid the sharp look of 
her brother-in-law, that was searchingly directed 
upon her. 

“Just come here for a minute, Annie!” called 
her husband, from the farther end of the room. 
“Here are some more pretty things. These two 
vases were sent by our kind friend Miller, and a lot 
of bouquets from other friends. This one was 
sent ” 

The lady turned quickly, and her eye glistened 
with joyful expectation. 

“By whom?” she asked, before her husband 
could finish the sentence. 

“By Solicitor von Collin,” answered her hus- 
band; “ that handsome young gentleman who has 
called several times, and once dined with us. Very 
nice in him to show so much attention.” 

The lady was perceptibly disappointed by the an- 
swer she got, for she turned away to the window 
without looking at the bouquets and the rest of the 


118 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


presents, and gazed down upon tlie street, sadly and 
gloomily. 

u Ho doubt we will have many visitors later in 
the day. Our friends are sure to come and tender 
you their best wishes on your natal day,” spoke 
Herr von Frohberg, cheerily. 

His wife made no reply. Just then the door was 
opened, and the slight creaking noise it produced 
caused her to turn her head quickly in that di- 
rection. 

A servant entered and announced : 

“ Herr Solicitor von Collin and Herr Privy Coun- 
sellor Dr. Staberow desire to pay their respects to 
my gracious lady.” 

Again a shade of disappointment overcast the 
beautiful face of the lady, she sat down upon the 
sofa, instinctively smoothed out the folds of her 
robe, and said, indifferently : 

“’Will be delighted to see them.” 

The servant disappeared, and directly after the 
two gentlemen mentioned entered. 

Solicitor von Collin, who was not on such a 
familiar footing at the house, advanced to the 
lady, bowled, murmured a few conventional con- 
gratulations, and then fell back a few paces. 

Privy Counsellor Staberow, as an old friend, 
w r alked up to the lady, cordially pressed her hand, 
and expressed his best wishes in a few kindly 
words, which, however, she acknowledged by a very 
brief “ Thank you.” 

A painful silence then ensued, as is often the case 
in the tedious, conventional, social life of to-day, 
especially at formal receptions, when the visitors 
are not familiar with one another. Under such cir- 
cumstances, the lady of the house usually contrives 
that the conversation does not flag, and the time 
before dinner is announced, when the gentlemen 


OF POTSDAM. 


119 


seem to have been converted into pillars of salt, 
like Lot’s wife, and the ladies into immovable wall- 
flowers, is filled up with topics of conversation 
that will interest everyone. In this case, however, 
the hostess seemed totally disinclined to perform 
her part. 

The legation counsellor, who, to-day especially, 
was not conversationally inclined, busied himself in 
watching his sister-in-law, and allowed no movement 
on her part to escape his notice ; while the master 
of the house, who anxiously waited for his wife to 
invite the gentlemen to be seated, finally did it him- 
self, with some degree of embarrassment. 

The gentlemen seated themselves, put their hats 
upon the carpet near them, and waited for someone 
to start the conversation. 

Poor Karl von Frohberg began to feel hot; he 
looked anxiously, now at liis wife — who, however, was 
again lost in thought — then at the gentlemen pres- 
ent, who returned his look pleasantly aud hopefully, 
as they thought that he was now about to speak. 

“Very fine weather we are having,” began, at 
last, the master of the house, after debating with 
himself how to commence the conversation. 

“ Delightful,” responded the majority of those 
present in chorus, who were visibly relieved to find 
that the silence was at last broken. 

“ Such fine and healthy weather is good for our 
friend here, the privy counsellor, Dr. Staberow, I 
presume,” continued Herr von Frohberg. “Kot 
many people are ill now, and he is not obliged to 
drive about so much. Your horses get a good rest 
now, don’t they ? ” said he, addressing himself di- 
rectly to the friend of his youth. 

“ Oh, no ! ” replied the privy counsellor, a smile 
of embarrassment retracting the angles of his 
mouth — a condition quite unusual to him. 


120 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


a What do you do with them?” inquired Froli- 
berg. “ You certainly don’t hire them out for pay ? ” 

“ Heavens, no ! ” answered the doctor ; “ I drive 
for pleasure.” 

The master of the house gazed at his friend in 
utter astonishment, and then burst out laughing. 

“ You go out driving for pleasure ! ” exclaimed he. 
“ You who considered constant driving about a tort- 
ure, and deemed yourself happy when you could lie 
upon the sofa and smoke your cigar ! Do you re- 
member, Staberow, that long jeremiade of yours I 
had to listen to upon that very topic in this room ? ” 

The privy counsellor smiled in a peculiarly em- 
barrassed manner. 

“ I remember,” he replied ; “ but things have 
changed since then. Yon will be surprised when 
you hear, old friend, what has happened to me.” 

The master of the house looked upon the physi- 
cian inquisitively. 

u Have you given up your practice ? ” he asked. 

The doctor shook his head negatively. 

“ Something more wonderful than that,” he re- 
plied. “ You will be thunderstruck when you hear.” 

Frohberg’s face assumed an expression as if he 
had a faint foreboding of something totally incom- 
prehensible having occurred, and was still unwilling 
to believe it ; while Staberow gazed at him with a 
sheepish smile ; the others present now also began 
to manifest some interest in this conversation. 

“ Look here, now, you have not gone and ? ” 

asked Herr Froh berg, gazing upon his friend with 
big, doubtful eyes. 

The privy counsellor was at a loss which way to 
direct his gaze. 

“ Staberow,” cried Frohberg, “ I dare not vent- 
ure to say it. You have not ” 

The doctor nodded with his head. 


OF POTSDAM. 


121 


“ Why, what?” asked Madame von Frohberg, 
turning to the doctor, with that curiosity which wo- 
man, in all conditions of life, manifests. 

6% I have gone and got married,” uttered the privy 
counsellor below his breath, with the embarrass- 
ment and shyness of a young girl who acknowledges 
her first love affair to her mother. 

“ God have mercy on us all ! ” exclaimed Froh- 
berg, sinking back in his seat, inexpressibly aston- 
ished. “ What will happen next, I wonder ? Noth- 
ing will surprise me after this.” 

The legation secretary cast a stealthy glance at 
his sister-in-law, who was just in the act of tender- 
ing her congratulations to the doctor. 

“ But, man alive ! ” cried Karl von Frohberg, again 
turning to his friend, “ is it really yourself, or only 
your shadow? But, why did you not notify us 
when the event took place ? ” 

“ The affair was duly announced in the Voss Jour- 
nal? replied the doctor. 

u But you know that I only read the Gross 
newspaper, and go so little into society that I would 
not be likely to hear of it,” remonstrated von 
Frohberg. 

“ I had intended to call and inform you of it 
personally, but I put it off from day to day,” said 
the privy counsellor, in a subdued voice. 

“ Now tell me, how in the name of all that is 
wonderful did this thing come about ? ” cried 
Frohberg, who was still unable to check his surprise. 

“ To tell you the truth, I really don’t know my- 
self,” replied Staberow. “ Had it depended on me 
alone, I certainly would not have accomplished it, 
but I had such an able and zealous confederate, 
patroness, spokeswoman — call her what you like — 
that I was engaged and married before I actually 
had time to think over the matter.” 


122 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Herr von Frohberg clasped his hands together in 
astonishment. 

“ Madame Baldrian ! ” he exclaimed. 

The privy counsellor nodded, and then cast down 
his eyes, while Collin seemed to be somewhat 
embarrassed. 

“Oh, my prophetic soul!” said Frohberg, his 
face brightening. 

“ Yes, yon are right ! ” said the privy counsellor. 
“ She is a wonderful creature ; but for all that I 
have said of her, I think she has really done a good 
thing for me.” 

“ Oh, all the marriages which are promoted by 
Madame Baldrian prosper exceedingly well ! ” ex- 
claimed Frohberg, casting a look of joy upon his 
wife, who, however, dropped her eyes beneath 
his gaze. “And you love your wife?” he con- 
tinued, addressing himself to Staberow. 

“Yes,” returned the latter. “For the first time 
in my life I experienced this sensation, and was not 
wholly capable of judging its effects. But I really 
feel perfectly happy,” he continued, becoming a 
little more animated. “ My wife is young, beauti- 
ful, lovable, and rich. One certainly cannot ask 
more. By marrying her I expect soon to realize 
that ideal life which I have always longed for ; 
for she brings me so much money that I can give 
up my practice, or, at least, so much of it that I 
will have more leisure time. But above all, my 
wife has already displayed more excellent domestic 
qualities than I supposed a woman could possess. I 
certainly did not deserve to become so happy, 
considering how great a sceptic and egoist I was. 
I may justly say I have reached the haven of 
rest, the long longed-for rest, comfort, and ease 
which I only supposed was possible to attain by a 
bachelor without any business. Ah ! ” said he, 


OF POTSDAM. 


123 


stretching himself complacently, “ I will live a heav- 
enly life!” 

“ Excuse me, hut how long have you been 
married, Herr Privy Counsellor ? ” asked the lega- 
tion counsellor, now joining in the conversation. 

“ Fourteen days,” said Staberow, bowing. 

“ Ah ! ” ejaculated the younger Frohberg. 

“ In a few days my mother-in-law will return 
and make her home with us,” continued the privy 
counsellor with the description of his blissfulness. 
“ She, too, is a splendid woman, whom 1 only saw 
at the engagement and the nuptial eve ; for im- 
mediately after she was obliged to make a short 
journey on account of some money matters which 
she had to attend to herself, her husband being 
dead.” 

“ H’m, h’m ! ” muttered the legation counsellor. 
“ You have a mother-in-law too, and she is going to 
live with you, hey ? ” 

“ Yes, it is her wish to be with us, and, in reality, 
I have nothing against it, for my wife will thus 
have a pleasant companion, and will not take up so 
much of my time ; thus will I get all the rest I need. 
I wish my good mother-in-law were already back.” 

Just then the servant entered the room and be- 
gan to laugh instead of announcing anyone. 

“What is the matter?” asked Frohberg, while 
his wife was again seized by a sudden, nervous im- 
patience. 

“ There is a young gentleman without who wishes 
to pay his respects to my gracious lady,” replied 
the servant, still laughing. 

“Well? And what is his name?” asked Herr 
von Frohberg. 

“I asked him, my gracious Herr,” replied the 
servant, “ but he did not tell me. When I said to 
him, whom have I the honor to announce ? he made 


124 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


an awful face at me, and on repeating the question, 
he made one still more horrible.” 

“I will have to discharge this man, too,” mut- 
tered Herr von Froh berg, annoyed. “ Every three 
months one is obliged to get a new servant.” 

He then left the room for the purpose of seeing 
who the individual was who wanted to pay his 
respects to the lady of the house. It was not long 
before he returned, leading a young gentleman by 
the hand, who was red from embarrassment and 
excitement, and who passively allowed himself to 
be conducted to the lady. 

u Herr Harrer is so kind as to desire to tender 
you his best washes, Annie, dear,” said Frohberg, 
while the young man was in the act of taking 
another step in order to express his congratulations 
properly. But as he w^as about to open his mouth, 
the attention of the company w r as aroused by a 
peculiar crackling noise, and on looking in the di- 
rection whence it came, they savr that Rarrer had 
just stepped upon Collin’s hat, which the latter had 
placed near him upon the carpet. 

The poor young man now became dreadfully em- 
barrassed and fearfully nervous. 

“ I beg youah pahdon a thousand times, my 
gwacious lady ! ” he mumbled to Madame von 
Frohberg. “ Accept my heahtiest eongwatulations 
and best wishes, my deah Collin ! ” 

And when he found that he had delivered his 
addresses to the wrong parties, his face flushed 
crimson, the perspiration ran dovm his face in 
streams, he retreated a few steps, and feeling 
morally annihilated, sank into the first seat he 
could find. 

But barely had that part of his economy which 
nature has destined to perform the functions of 
sitting, come in contact with the bottom of a chair, 


OF POTSDAM . 


125 


when he jumped up with a cry of agonizing pain, 
as if he had been shot, and remained standing with 
an expression of suffering and shamefacedness upon 
his countenance. 

“ What is the matter ? Have you the toothache ? 55 
asked the privy counsellor, anxiously. 

Karrer did not answer, but his face still bore a 
painful expression. 

The company present were at a loss to account for 
his singular conduct, and the privy counsellor, 
whose professional eye noticed the furtive examina- 
tion which Karrer had made with his hand, got up, 
approached him, and commenced cautiously to feel 
the young man’s coat-tails; but he suddenly with- 
drew his hand and in astonishment asked : 

“ What in the name of all that is wonderful have 
you got there ? My finger is bleeding ! ” 

Thus saying, he carefully put his hand into the 
young man’s coat-pocket, and pulled out a large but 
completely crushed bouquet. 

At the sight of it Karrer’s embarrassment reached 
the highest point, and when he observed that the 
looks of everyone present were directed upon him, 
he took the bouquet out of the privy counsellor’s 
hand, threw it into his hat, and confusedly mum- 
bled: 

“ I beg yoah pahdon a thousand times. I wanted 
to pwesent pehsonally a bouquet to my gwacious 
lady, but as the new sevvant was unable to pwo- 
nounce my name I was about to give him my cahd, 
and in olidah to get one out of the case I put the 
bouquet in my pocket. Just then you came out, Hew 
von Fwohbehg; that suhpvised me so much that I 
foligot ; pway excuse me.” 

“ I hope you are not hurt much, my friend,” said 
the privy counsellor. 

“It does not mettah,” replied the young man, 


126 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


quickly, evidently fearing to have anything to do 
with the doctor, his last experience with him being 
still fresh in his memory. He therefore hastily sat 
down again, to avoid all such dangers. 

“ Why, Herr Rarrer, you are wearing a white 
cravat,” whispered Collin, who had partly succeeded 
in straightening out his crushed hat. 

“ Yes, I have just become awali of it,” Rarrer re- 
turned, in a whisper. “ I feel vewy uneomfoahtable ; 
I am almost always wong. I thought at a bifday 
weception ” 

“ At a morning call, never ! ” returned Collin. 

Rarrer w T as apparently desirous of making still 
further inquiries of his friend, when the older Froli- 
berg resumed the topic of conversation that had 
been interrupted. 

“ Well, Staberow, so you have found a charming 
wife, hey ? ” 

The privy counsellor nodded in a manner ex- 
pressive of the blissfulness that permeated his entire 
being. 

“ That is the kind of a wife you, too, Herr von 
Collin, should take,” remarked Frohberg, addressing 
himself to the barrister. 

The latter seemed to become embarrassed by the 
remark addressed to him, but recovering himself 
somewhat, he asked : 

a why?” 

“ Well, any young man might marry a handsome 
and rich young lady,” replied Frohberg. 

66 IFm ! ” ejaculated the barrister, coolly, and then 
he added, in a shameless jocular manner, which is 
deemed quite the thing by the young men of the 
present day : 

“ The word ‘ rich ? is comparative, and is differ- 
ently understood by different persons. Hence it is 
always necessary to be explicit about it.” 


OF POTSDAM. 


127 


The legation counsellor cast a look of contempt 
upon Barrister von Collin, which, however, the lat- 
ter did not observe, but went on giving his views : 

“ As for me, I have decided upon a definite sum, 
from which I will under no circumstances depart. 
I am a barrister, and at present my income is rather 
limited, and I must confess that I have no great de- 
sire to undergo a third examination in order to attain 
a higher position. TIence I must either remain 
where I am or marry a rich girl. And if a person 
lias once placed a price upon his noble hand he is 
not disposed to take any less for it ; hence mine is 
not to be had for less than two hundred thousand 
dollars.” 

“ Then you are very likely to be allowed to keep 
it,” cuttingly remarked the doctor. 

The lady of the house, meanwhile, had relapsed 
into her former state of absent-mindedness and dis- 
interestedness. 

The barrister shrugged his shoulders. 

“ One takes chances in matters of business,” said 
he, with the manner of a blase speculator. “ In the 
worst case, I have an old uncle who in all proba- 
bility will make me his sole heir, as he never mar- 
ried, and I am his next of kin. Unfortunately, he 
is afflicted with gout in the worst form,” he added, 
in a tone of voice that sounded more like joy than 
sorrow. 

“ But gout is not always fatal,” said the doctor, 
laughingly. “ One may attain the age of Methusa- 
lem with it.” 

“I know it,” replied the barrister, who most 
likely only affected to be heartless, and was now 
utterly ashamed of it. “ I do not wish my uncle to 
die, for he is really a good and kind man, and he has 
my ^best wishes. But the expectations of an in- 
heritance sound pleasantly in the ears of a mother- 


128 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


in-law, and justify me in making high claims. He 
who does not make the most of his advantages is an 
ass.” 

u Your sentiments, my dear Collin,” said Sta- 
berow, ironically, “ are full of poetry and tender- 
ness ! ” 

The barrister gazed upon him in a puzzled man- 
ner. 

“ Oh,” he returned, “ I know very w T ell what 
poetry and sentiment are, and have more poetical 
and sentimental feelings than you will perhaps give 
me credit for. I admit it is not the fantastic lyric 
of the poet and of the sentimentalist, but practical 
poetry, based upon good sense and regulated by 
arithmetic.” 

“ You seem to have figured out your matrimonial 
happiness, Herr von Collin,” said Herr von Froh- 
berg, “ with such mathematical exactness, that we 
may hope to receive an invitation to the wedding at 
no distant day.” 

The barrister smiled in a most self-sufficient 
manner. 

“ Then you have already found the X of your 
equation?” asked the privy counsellor. 

“No cavalier bothers himself personally with 
snch things, replied Herr von Collin, with an in- 
sipid blase mien, which in reality looked foreign to 
him. “I have a good friend, who is kind enough 
to interest herself for me, and I feel as if she has 
already found what will answer my purpose com- 
pletely.” 

The government solicitor was about to make 
some additional statements, when the servant en- 
tered and announced : 

“ Herr Baron von Branco wishes to present his 
compliments to my gracious lady.” 

Madame von Frohberg started visibly, and a mo- 


OF POTSDAM ; 


129 


mentary glow overspread her countenance, which, 
however, her brother-in-law only noticed, the others 
having risen from their seats to greet the new arri- 
val, or rather to avail themselves of this opportunity 
to take their leave. 

Baron von Branco, whose acquaintance we have 
already formed in the Club of the Young Gentle- 
men, entered, walked quickly and gracefully, but 
withal evidently embarrassed, up to the lady of the 
house, handed her an elegant bouquet, and mur- 
mured his congratulations in a lower voice than 
the earlier callers had done. 

Madame von Frohberg accepted the bouquet, for 
which she thanked him with a somewhat cold look, 
after which the baron shook hands with the hus- 
band, and bowed chillily to the rest. 

The privy counsellor and Herr von Collin seemed 
disposed to leave, but they remained standing, and 
the rest of the company were consequently also 
compelled to stand ; and thus, with their hats in their 
hands, they kept up the conversation. 

Herr von Frohberg urged the solicitor to give a 
few additional particulars of his prospective alliance ; 
the legation secretary retained his place in the em- 
brasure of the window, from which place he watched 
the company present ; Barrer had just then pulled 
the shawl off the back of the chair, and laboriously 
was striving to replace it folded as before, in which 
effort he was kindly and laughingly assisted by the 
doctor ; and the handsome Baron Branco advanced 
hesitatingly, and evidently feeling ill at ease, to the 
hostess, and with forced serenity of voice and, coun- 
tenance, bent down to her, and asked: 

“ How have you been lately, my gracious 
madame ? ” 

Madame von Frohberg was silent for a while ; 
then she replied, with marked emphasis : 

9 


130 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ It is a long while since you did me the honor to 
inquire after my health, Herr Baron ; I am quite 
unused to so much attention on your part.” 

Herr von Branco became still more embarrassed, 
albeit the eyes of the beautiful woman were not 
even directed upon him. 

“ I was unavoidably compelled to make a journey 
on important business,” he stammered out. 

Instantly the searching, penetrating gaze of the 
lady was directed upon his countenance, beneath 
which he shrank together and turned pale. 

“ You were never absent from Berlin, I know it 
full well,” said Madame von Frohberg ; and she was 
about to add something, when she noticed that her 
brother-in-law was watching her from his place of 
observation, and that Privy Counsellor Staberow 
and Herr von Collin were approaching her with the 
evident intention of bidding her farewell. 

She, therefore, quickly regained her self-control, 
suppressed her excitement, and, with the amiability 
of a perfect woman of the world, said : 

“ Once more, gentlemen, I thank you for your 
kindness and attention ; pray call again.” 

“ I can’t account why Herr Miller hasn’t come,” 
remarked Herr von Frohberg, shaking his head. 
“ Usually he is the first to call, but to-day he seems 
to have forgotten us altogether.” 

On hearing the name of Miller mentioned, Baron 
Branco started visibly, and, in a state of restlessness 
that he was unable to control, turned to Herr von 
Frohberg, and asked : 

“ You expect a gentleman by the name of Mil- 
ler?” 

“Yes,” returned the master of the house, “ Com- 
mercial Counsellor Miller, from Charlotten burg, 
the former guardian of my wife. Has he the honor 
of being known to you ? ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


131 


The restlessness of the baron visibly increased ; 
his whole being seemed to become affected with 
feverish excitement. 

“Yes,” I know the gentleman, stammered the 
baron, “ and for that reason I regret all the more 
that I am obliged to leave you so soon. It would 
have afforded me much pleasure to meet him here.” 

“ Must you really go so soon ? ” asked the older 
Frohberg. “ Can’t you grant us another half-hour 
of your company ? I expect Fieri* Miller at any 
minute.” 

“ 1 regret it very much,” replied the baron ; “ I 
promised some friends to accompany them to the 
races, and as 1 am proverbially punctual ” 

“ Oh, we want to go to the races too,” inter- 
rupted Madame von Frohberg, who, with a mixture 
of anger and satisfaction, watched the growing em- 
barrassment of the baron, “but we have more than 
two hours time yet.” 

Herr von Branco bit his lip. 

“ I am aware of that, my gracious lady,” he an- 
swered, with forced suavity ; “ but my friends 
agreed to take breakfast with me at my rooms, and 
after that I am to accompany them to the races.” 

“ Such important engagements I cannot, of course, 
hope to interfere with by any invitations which I may 
extend,” said Madame von Frohberg, coldly ; “ do not 
discommode yourself on our account, Herr Baron.” 

The latter drew a sigh of relief on thus being re- 
leased. He bowed to the lady deeply, which she 
acknowledged by a scarcely perceptible nod of her 
head, and, having shaken hands with Herr von 
Frohberg, and condescendingly nodded in general to 
all the others present, he was just about to leave 
the room, when the servant met him on the threshold 
and announced : 

“ Herr Commercial Counsellor Miller ! ” 


132 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Branco recoiled as if a ghost had suddenly ap- 
peared before him. 

“ Will be pleased to see him,” said Madame von 
Frohberg. Scarcely had the servant disappeared 
when a little round man rolled into the room like a 
ball, while the baron’s brow became wrinkled and 
involuntarily he stepped backward a few paces, with 
all the signs of intense annoyance pictured in his 
countenance. 

The commercial counsellor was a little friendly, 
happy-go-lucky fell om t , who was round in every way, 
and, for that reason, when he walked appeared to 
roll, or as if he was being rolled, the more so as his 
head and the upper part of his body were always in 
advance of the rest. 

His round head w r as already tolerably bald, but 
the thin, straggling hairs were carefully brushed 
and flattened down upon the smooth, shining skull. 
The eyes were round, and glistened and blinked 
constantly in the most friendly manner. The nose 
was round. The cheeks, owing to their plumpness, 
were somewhat disposed to be pendulous, and the 
oval mouth, surrounded by the full, plump lips, 
gave ample proof that he was a good liver, and 
given to chatting. The somewhat short arms 
dangled like a pair of sausages beside the corpu- 
lent trunk, which was almost as broad as it was 
long, and which was supported upon a pair of 
short, thick extremities that were constantly in 
rapid motion, explaining sufficiently the reason 
why his forehead was always bedewed with drops 
of perspiration both summer and winter. 

“ Good morning, children ! ” the little man began, 
as soon as he ambled into the room with hasty strides 
nnd short, gasping breath, holding his hat in one 
hand and a handkerchief in the other, with which 
he energetically mopped his round head. “ Good 


OF POTSDAM. 


133 


morning, dear Annie,” he immediately addressed him- 
self to the lady, who had risen for the purpose of 
receiving her former guardian. “ Let me kiss your 
pretty hand and wish you a hundred happy returns 
of the day, and all the happiness you can dream of. 
My vases with the bouquets have arrived, I hope ? 
Oil, yes, there they are, 1 see. Are you pleased with 
them ? — Yes. Then I am glad. No thanks, child, 
no thanks. I am somewhat late to-day, hey? Will 
make up for it in some way ; will kiss your other 
pretty hand, too. Come to me, you are younger. 
There, now, I hope you are not angry with me 
anymore. Good morning, Frohberg ; give me your 
hand ! Good morning, Herr Privy Counsellor Stab- 
erow ; have read the announcement of your mar- 
riage in the paper ; congratulate you heartily ; seems 
to agree with you very well. Well, a doctor 
must know what is good for him. Good morning, 
dear legation secretary ; don’t look so serious, it 
spoils one’s appetite and puts one in bad humor. 
I ? .Thanks, gentlemen, I am very well, especially 
since I took sea-baths at Ostende. I feel as strong 
as a lighthouse now. By your leave, friends, I’ll sit 
down. I am somewhat tired, having walked fast. 
Those sea-baths, I tell you, are very strengthening. 
Whoever does not regain his youthful vigor from 
sea-baths never had any ! ” 

Having delivered this speech with scarcely a 
break, he rubbed his fat, podgy hands in happy 
remembrance of his past enjoyments, and then 
dropped into an upholstered chair near by, so that 
his short, thick legs bounced high up in front of 
him. 

But scarcely had he fixed himself satisfactorily in 
his soft seat when his gaze fell upon Baron Branco, 
who was stealthily endeavoring to make his exit 
from the room. 


134 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


44 Ah, you are here, too, my dear baron ! ” ex- 
claimed the little commercial counsellor, bouncing 
out of his seat like an india-rubber ball. 46 1 did 
not see you at all when I came in. What ! you 
want to leave, and I only just came in ? ” 

Herr von Branco became indescribably embar- 
rassed. It was evident that he feared he would 
make a bad impression upon that gentleman, yet 
some hidden power apparently seemed to impel 
him to leave, for he bowed lowly, and with forced 
suavity replied : 

44 Pardon me, my dear commercial counsellor, for 
leaving so soon ; but I am expected at my house, 
and am unable to remain any longer.” 

44 Don’t detain yourself on my account, my dear 
baron, I beg of you,” returned little Miller. 
44 Always look to your comfort, that is my rule of 
life. Adieu ! Hope to have the honor of seeing 
you again soon ! ” 

Baron Branco bowed gracefully to the company 
present once more and quickly left the room, and 
little Miller had once more gathered up his coat- 
tails in his hands preparatory to dropping into his 
seat, when he saw Barrister von Collin bowing to 
him profoundly, who, with the doctor, were about 
to take their leave. 

The little man’s face assumed a puzzled expres- 
sion at the marked courtesy of the strange gentle- 
man, but he bowed in return, still holding the skirts 
of his coat in his hands. 

44 A chair!” murmured just then Madame von 
Frohberg, who seemed to have become greatly 
affected by what had occurred during the last few 
moments, and who stood swaying herself as if 
about to fall. 

Like a flash of lightning Rarrer darted forward, 
and, in his blind zeal to assist the lady, pushed 


OF POTSDAM. 


135 


the chair toward her which the commercial coun- 
sellor was just about to drop into, and in the next 
moment little Miller was rolling and sprawling at 
the gallant Rarrer’s feet. 

“ Oh my 1 ” exclaimed the little commercial coun- 
sellor, his hand still clutching his coat-tails, looking 
up to Rarrer from his position on the floor, while 
Frohberg in alarm rushed to his wife’s assistance. 
“ Why did you take the chair away from behind me, 
young man ? ” 

“ 1 beg youah pahdon a thousand times ! ” gasped 
poor Rarrer, in a husky voice, striving with all his 
might to assist the little man to rise. “ My gwa- 
cious lady called for a cliaiah, and I took the first 
one at hand, not thinking you weak about to sit in 
it.” 

6 ‘ Oh, well, if you did not do it intentionally, then 
nothing more need be said about it,” said Miller, 
good-naturedly, letting go of his coat-tails now. “ I 
am not much the worse for it.” 

He then took another chair, convinced himself 
that it was secure, and dropped into it much more 
slowly than in the former one. 

Madame von Frohberg had meanwhile fully re- 
covered, and her husband seated himself near her. 
The legation secretary still remained at his place of 
observation in the embrasure of the window. 
Rarrer was so embarrassed that he was unable to de- 
cide whether he should now take his leave, which he 
was very anxious to do, and so he placed himself near 
the cold porcelain stove, and listened to the conver- 
sation that was again going on. 

“Nice man, that Baron Branco ! ” observed Com- 
mercial Counsellor Miller, after a brief silence. 

“ Yes,” replied the older Frohberg, whose wife 
seemed once more to be interested in the subject of 
the conversation. 


136 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


u Have yon known him long ? ” asked Miller, 
blinking with his bright little eyes and puckering 
his luscious lips. 

“ About a year. Isn’t it so, Annie ? ” returned 
her husband. 

“I think so,” she answered, indifferently. 

The commercial counsellor reflectingly wobbled 
his head in blissful contentment. 

“ Belongs to a good family, I understand. Is a 
real baron, too ? Not one made by his tailor, hey? ” 

“ Oil no,” laughingly replied Herr von Frohberg. 

“ A handsome man is always worth something,” 
continued the commercial counsellor, smirkiugly. 
“ His worldly possessions, however, are not very 
great, hey ? ” 

“ Can’t say, I am sure, my dear friend,” replied 
Frohberg ; whereat the little commercial counsellor 
commenced to whistle, like one who is very much 
taken up with his own thoughts. 

“ But why do yoxi ask all these questions ? ” said 
Madame von Frohberg, addressing herself to her 
erstwhile guardian. u Are you so interested in Baron 
Branco ? ” 

“ I ? No ! ” replied the commercial counsellor, 
swinging his round body to and fro, striving to 
appear unconcerned. “ Mere curiosity, nothing else. 
Why should the baron interest me ? ” 

And then he suddenly jumped off the seat, picked 
up his hat and cane, and hastily said, as if his time 
was limited : 

“ I must not stay longer ; must go to Borchard’s 
and get some breakfast. When one comes in town 
he wants to see what is going on. Who knows how 
long I will be permitted to do that ! Ten years ago, 
when I retired from business, with three hundred 
thousand dollars, I deemed myself a rich man ; 
then the children were quite young ; but when one 


OF POTSDAM. 


137 


has two marriageable daughters, one must neces- 
sarily think how to economize. I would like to 
give my children something. I am resolved to do 
that, but I want to retain something for myself and 
wife too. I want them to enjoy their youth, and 
not long for my death, so that they might inherit 
my money ; that is a terrible thought to me. My 
two daughters, everybody will admit, are charming 
girls ; but if I had another child I would be bank- 
rupted, which would certainly be unpleasant. But 
there is no danger of an increase of my family, 
though since my holiday at the seashore ” 

At this point the little man stopped abruptly, 
clapped his lingers upon his full rosy lips, winked 
with his little round eyes in a roguish manner to 
Annie, whose hand he kissed again, and hurried 
away to betake himself to Borchard’s for breakfast, 
accompanied by Herr von Frohberg, who intended 
to see him to the door. 

“ Don’t you paint the devil on the wall,” the 
latter whispered to him. “ Your wife is a wonder- 
fully well-preserved woman. She might actually 
be taken for an elder sister of your two daughters.” 

The commercial counsellor stopped once more. 

“ You are right, Frohberg,” he whispered back. 
“ My Emma is really a charming wife. You ought 
to see her now, after the sea-baths she took at 
Ostende. You will scarcely recognize her ; she looks 
so well and strong. Do you know,” he added, low- 
ering his voice still more and drawing his friend 
closer to him, so that he could talk directly into his 
ear, “what Madame Baldrian said to me? Some 
time ago I met her at a friend’s house ; she took me 
aside and whispered to me. 4 Look here, my good 
little Miller, it will not be so easy for you to marry 
off your daughters. Do you want to know why ? ’ 
i Well, why ? ’ I asked. 4 Because everything is pos- 


138 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


sible with you and your little wife,’ she replied, ‘ and 
the prospects of their being your sole heirs is less 
certain now.’ What do you say to that ? Pretty 
good, isn’t it ? Now I must go, though, and get my 
breakfast, otherwise I will not be able to digest it 
before dinner. Don’t fail to come and spend a 
week with us, as you promised.” 

He was just about to grasp the door-knob, when 
his gaze fell upon Karrer, who had meanwhile 
taken leave of Madame von Frohberg and was 
preparing to follow the little man. 

“ Come with me to* Borchard’s, young man, and 
I’ll give you a good breakfast,” said he, in a jovial 
tone. “ Be my guest this time, you sha’n’t regret 
it. Although you took away my chair and caused 
me to fall, but as you didn’t do it intentionally, 
I forgive you. I didn’t catch your name, though,” 
he added, reflecting that he was unable to address 
him by name. 

Karrer pinched his eyelids together tightly, and 
opened his mouth for the purpose of pronouncing 
his cognomen. 

“ Thunder and lightning ! ” exclaimed the com- 
mercial counsellor. “You don’t wish to bite me, 
do you ? Better wait till we get to Borchard’s ; 
you will get something better there.” 

Thus saying, he nodded once more, pleasantly, to 
those present, took Rarrer’s arm, and departed. 

“ Capital fellow, that Miller,” said Frohberg, after 
the two gentlemen left the room. “ He is full of 
jokes and pleasantries. I laugh when I only look 
at him.” 

The legation secretary finally came out from the 
window niche, but said not a word. 

“ I hope he will marry his daughters well,” con- 
tinued Frohberg ; “ they are charming and well 
brought up girls, both of them. But, nowadays, 


OF POTSDAM. 


139 


that forms no guaranty for matrimonial happiness. 
It is money that people marry for now.” 

“ That certainly cannot be said of you,” remarked 
the legation secretary. 

Madame von Frohberg trembled slightly at the 
sound of that voice. 

“No, indeed, that cannot be said of me,” said the 
master of the house, casting a loving glance upon 
his wife, who did not dare to look up, as if she 
feared to encounter the eye of her brother-in-law, 
which she supposed was constantly directed upon her. 
“I made an exception from the general rule, and mar- 
ried a girl without fortune, but who brought me more 
valuable treasures, that will afford me joy for a longer 
time, than high-sounding titles and bags of gold.” 

The young wife seemed to be more oppressed 
than elated by the praise of her husband. 

“ Are you as well pleased with me ? Do you 
prize and respect me as highly as I do you ? ” asked 
von Frohberg, coming close to his wife. 

She did not answer, but simply placed her tremb- 
ling hand in his. 

The legation secretary seemed to be waiting for 
something that was slow in coming, for he walked 
up and down the room restlessly, and cast an impa- 
tient look upon his brother, as if wishing he should 
withdraw. 

Just then the door was opened, and the servant 
announced “ Madame Baldrian ! ” 

The legation secretary made a movement of im- 
patience, and the lady of the house rose up and 
asked, lowly, of her husband : 

. “ Shall we receive her this morning ? ” 

“ Certainly,” answered von Frohberg. “ Her 
motives are doubtless good and friendly ; she comes 
to congratulate you, I presume. Moreover, we are 
indebted to her for our happiness.” 


140 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


u I shall be happy to see her,” the beautiful lady 
said, turning to the servant, although the expres- 
sion of her countenance denoted the contrary. 

The servant disappeared, and a moment later 
Madame Baldrian sailed into the room. 

The lady was probably thirty-eight or forty years 
old, perhaps older, or, again, also younger. It is no 
easy matter to estimate the exact age in the fair sex, 
because the evidences of nature are often totally 
masked by the beauty of the individual. And no 
one would be so ungallant as to ask a lady her age ; 
nor, if he did so, would he obtain reliable informa- 
tion. Perhaps a tolerably near guess may be made 
by adopting the following mathematical table : If a 
lady saj^s she is eighteen years old, or less, you may 
subtract two from the figures given, and you will 
have her exact age, for the young things would like 
to be judged older than they are. If she gives her 
age as between twenty and twenty-five, add two 
years to the amount ; between twenty-five and thirty, 
add four years ; between thirty and forty, add eight 
years ; between forty and fifty, add ten years ; be- 
tween fifty and sixty, vanity ceases to dominate her 
breast, and veneration and respectability is merged 
in the grandmother, who permits herself to be ad- 
ulated like a family deity by the children and chil- 
dren’s children. 

Madame Baldrian, then, might have been thirty- 
eight, more or less, and might still have been called 
a handsome woman. 

Her form was of medium size, and, although she 
could no longer boast of the elasticity and buoyancy 
of youth, still her figure was plump and finely de- 
veloped, without deforming the natural and symmet- 
rical outlines. When she walked, her mortal sub- 
stance constantly shook and trembled like jelly that 
was just put on the table. She had black hair and 


OF POTSDAM. 


141 


eyes ; the latter were full of life and animation, and 
also of observation. She could take in, at a glance, 
the entire situation, and readily make her calcula- 
tions for consummating any and every combination 
that came within the sphere of her function. 

Aside from that, her face, which was generally 
flushed from excitement, and which was capable of 
expressing the various human emotions, denoted an 
unusual degree of amiability, which always awakened 
the confidence of those that came in contact with her. 

Her toilet was elegant, though somewhat loud, 
causing her to be noticed wherever she appeared — 
which, however, may have been just what she de- 
sired. 

Madame Baldrian, then, sailed into the room like 
a ship with all sails set, and steered directly toward 
Madame von Frohberg, without taking the least no- 
tice of the others present, and embraced her. 

“ My dear Annie,” she gasped, kissing her re- 
peatedly, “ accept my heartiest, best wishes. Ex- 
cuse me — 1 am — so — affected ” 

Thus saying, she released Madame von Frohberg, 
wiped away an imaginary tear from her left eye 
with an elegant batiste handkerchief, rumpled her 
bangs with a dexterous movement of her right hand, 
turned about, and greeted the two brothers with one 
bow, in which she essayed to be graceful, roguish, 
and bashful, like a young vixen. 

“ Did not your ears ring, my dear Madame Bal- 
drian ? ” asked the older brother, pleasantly, ad- 
dressing himself to the founder of his domestic 
happiness. “We have been talking a good deal 
about you.” 

“ Well, I hope you said something good of me,” 
said Madame Baldrian, making Herr von Frohberg 
a special bow, and looking at him in an affection- 
ate and confidential manner. 


142 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ What can one say,” remarked her former client, 
“ but what is good of a lady who devotes herself to 
the achievement of the happiness of her fellow- 
man, and who is capable of wedding the sun to the 
moon ! ” 

Madame von Frohberg invited the visitor to be 
seated with a motion of her hand, which Madame 
Baldrian instantly accepted, and sat down beside 
her upon the sofa, while the brothers seated them- 
selves opposite to the ladies. 

“You are very kind,” returned Madame Baldrian, 
after she had comfortably arranged herself, “ but 
what you are disposed to praise in me is due 
less to me than to my calling — a mission, I might 
say — which I have to fulfil upon this earth, and 
which the Creator has assigned to me. This mis- 
sion is undoubtedly brimful of happiness for that 
portion of humanity who have any dealings with 
me ; for myself, however, aside from the pleas- 
ure which I certainly enjoy from my labors, it 
is tainted with much bitterness and difficulties, of 
which the outsider can form no idea at all ; for such 
clients as you were, my dear Frohberg, are rare and 
form an exception. The world is getting constantly 
worse, I declare. Nowadays, a young man who has 
twenty thousand dollars wants a girl with forty 
thousand, and the girl who has forty thousand wants 
a man with eighty or a hundred thousand. How is 
one, I ask you, to make a match when people have 
such conflicting desires ? If this state of things 
should last much longer, it will, I fear, lead to the 
destruction of the world ! It is really sad to con- 
template the condition of things ! ” 

“Yes, indeed!” rejoined the older Frohberg, 
earnestly, as the lady paused for a moment to take 
breath. 

“ These unhappy circumstances make my mission 


OF POTSDAM , ; 


IP! 

so difficult,” went on the matrimonial agent, “ that 
the spirit of any other woman would have been 
wrecked long ago, owing to the difficulties of the 
task. The matrimonial candidates grow less and 
less every day. What shall I say of you, for in- 
stance, my dear legation secretary,” she said, sud- 
denly turning to the younger Frohberg ; “ I am 
beginning to despair of you.” 

u I fear you are right, madame,” replied the le- 
gation secretary, seriously and coldly. “ You see 
I am already too old to marry, for I am now past 
thirty-five.” 

“ There you have it ! ” exclaimed the match- 
maker, shrugging her plump shoulders. “ The 
old excuse ! They are all alike ! Before they are 
thirty-five they are too young, and when over thirty- 
five they are too old to marry. How is one to find 
the precise moment that will suit them, Pd like to 
know ? ” 

Then she cast a look full of tenderness at the 
legation secretary, and in a seductively sweet voice, 
said : 

“ Come, now, my dear Hermann, don’t be so per- 
verse ; don’t aggravate my task, which, as you 
know, is already hard enough. Once you will have 
to do it, you know that very well ; so what is the 
use of waiting and postponing it ? You will not 
get younger by waiting, and in youth, as you know, 
one enjoys the pleasures of love best. Bemember 
the words of the immortal bard : 

* The moments that are gone 
No idle wishes can return.’ 

The joys of youth have never been regretted, is an 
old saying, and when all the wise men of the world 
say so, then it must be so. I say it is sheer folly 
for one to butt against fate. Come, now, my dear 


144 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


friend,” she said, coaxingly, 44 be sensible and take 
my advice.” 

The legation secretary shook his head and smiled 
seriously. 

“You are a dreadful man,” Madame Baldrian 
went on, casting a despairing look toward the ceil- 
ing. 44 I have something very nice for you, some- 
thing that would just suit you, too ; and you would 
not have to look for it very far, either. Such 
instances are always to be preferred, for the old 
saying is: ‘Take a wife from the vicinity, and re- 
lations from over the sea ; ’ or, 4 he who weds a 
neighbor’s child secures happiness untold ; ’ or, 4 he 
who takes a wife from afar, will find his hearth bare ; ’ 
or, 4 marry her from the neighborhood and you’ll 
know whether she is good.’ I can’t think of any more 
maxims just at present to make the matter plausible 
to you, but these I think will do. Shall I tell you, 
at least, where you can find that pretty dove ? ” 

44 You may, if you like,” said the legation sec- 
retary, in the hope of putting an end to more say- 
ings, at least. 

44 In Charlottenburg,” responded the hymeneal 
agent, literally swelling with joy at finding that the 
young man had been listening to her, and that he 
manifested so much interest as to express a desire 
to know more about the matter ; 44 a droscliki or the 
horse cars will take you to the house in a very short 
time.” 

The legation secretary smiled. 

44 Aha, my young friend,” said the instigator of 
marriages, 44 1 thought I could rouse your feelings ! 
Would you also like to know who the young lady 
is?” 

The legation secretary nodded. 

44 The daughter of Commercial Counsellor Mil- 
ler,” whispered the match-maker, as if imparting 


OF POTSDAM. 


145 


a highly important secret. “ The eldest daughter, 
especially, is a most charming young lady, and 
would just suit you, my dear Hermann.” 

“ That is true,” chimed in the older Frohberg, 
addressing himself to his brother; “ Louise is an 
excellent girl, and you have known her since she 
was a mere child.” 

A shade of seriousness overspread the earnest 
face of the legation secretary, and he was unable 
to suppress a sigh. 

“What are you thinking of ? ” said he, repellingly, 
to his brother. “ Louise is much too young for me, 
and moreover, I do not believe that she thinks at 
all of marrying as yet.” 

“ Ah, child, you are altogether mistaken on that 
point,” said the matrimonial agent, laughingly. 
u Girls think of matrimony an hour after they are 
born ; and I’ll prove it to you. You know that 
they begin to play with dolls before they are 
able to walk ; the doll is their child, and they are 
the mothers. How, if they begin to play mother 
before they are a year old, they certainly must have 
thought of getting married immediately after they 
were born. Is not that good logic? Our little 
Louisa thinks of putting on the wedding veil just 
as much as any other daughter of Eve.” 

The legation 'secretary was becoming somewhat 
restless, a fact which he vainly sought to hide by 
apparent coldness of manner. 

“ If she really ,” he began, but stopped 

abruptly and cast a searching glance at Madame Bal- 
drian. 

“ Don’t forget, my dear Hermann,” the latter 
proceeded, declamatorily, like a professor, “ that a 
girl, according to her own views, is never too young 
to marry. You have not studied the spirit of the 
times. Nowadays everything is driven by steam, 
10 


146 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


and the same is true of matrimony. Let me relate 
to you a few instances that have occurred quite re- 
cently : 

“A little fellow with a satchel upon his back 
comes out of the Friedrich-Wilhelm school, and 
espies a beautiful little girl on the opposite side of 
the way with her school -bag on her arm, coming 
from the Elizabeth seminary. His heart begins to 
beat wildly, and, with his face flushed, he follows 
the- little charmer on her way home, near the Thier- 
garten. In an unfrequented alley my little Adonis 
takes heart, gains the left side of the little Venus, 
and sighs. She looks at him with big eyes, in which 
he detects ample evidences of sympathy. Thus 
encouraged he becomes bolder, and with a trembling 
voice, which is music to her ears, he mutters : 4 Oh, 
what happiness, miss, to be permitted to wander 
through this world by your side ! ’ ‘ Speak with 

my father ! 5 gasps the charming little maid, bash- 
fully casting down her eyes. 6 When ? ’ cries the 
youth, impetuously attempting to seize her hand. 
6 Oh, you mustn’t be so hasty,’ returns she, retreat- 
ing a step ; 4 after I am confirmed.’ And after that 
the little beauty continues on her way with light feet, 
while the boy, with a heavy heart, retraces his foot- 
steps hastily, — so as not to be late at dinner. 

“ Take another sign of the times : 

“ A friend of mine, the mistress of a boarding- 
school, lately told me confidentially that all her 
scholars, even to the smallest, have their young 
cavaliers, whose likenesses they wear in medallions, 
and who call for them when school is out, and see 
them home ; and that one class, in a body, declared 
that they could not associate with one of its mem- 
bers because she had no intended as yet. 

“ From these facts you will admit, my dear Froh- 
berg,” said Madame Baldrian, “ that Louisa does not 


OF POTSDAM. 


147 


consider herself too young to marry. Ask Wanda, 
her younger sister, and see what she will say. Let 
a nice young man propose to her, and I’ll guarantee 
you she will clutch him with both hands.” 

“ Well, if Wanda is in such a hurry, then begin 
with Wanda,” said the legation secretary, laugh- 
ingly. “ It is not absolutely necessary for the eldest 
to be the first.” 

“ Certainly not ! ” replied the match-maker. 
“ First come, first served. I am, in fact, also on the 
lookout for the youngest,” she added, with a self- 
satisfied smile. “ It would be unpardonable in me 
if I were to neglect that beautiful creature.” 

The legation secretary stood up and passed his 
hand across his forehead. 

“ This woman is a veritable she-devil ! ” he mur- 
mured to himself, starting to walk up and down the 
room with long and hasty strides. 

“ I had pretty hot work this week,” began the 
match-maker, emitting a whistling sound, as if she 
still felt the heat she experienced at that time. “ In 
the first place, I almost brought about the marriage 
of Herr — now, what is his name ? He is one of your 
friends, Frohberg. I cannot recall it just at present.” 

“ Do you mean Privy Counsellor, Dr. Staberow ? ” 
asked the older Frohberg. 

“ Oh, bother with your privy counsellor,” re- 
turned the matrimonial agent, repellingly with her 
hand. “ Why, that is an old affair. I mean, an alto- 
gether different party. How, what is his name ? ” 

“Mayhap it is Solicitor von Collin ?” suggested 
Frohberg. 

“Ho!” said the lady; “that is still the ‘music 
of the future.’ This case is not quite ready to be 
closed. Ho, I mean still another. I have to carry 
about so many names in my head that I sometimes 
forget one. He is one of your intimate friends.” 


148 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


a One of our intimate friends ? ” asked Madame 
von Frohberg, who till then had been totally silent. 

“ Yes, certainly ! ” rejoined the marriage manu- 
facturess, rubbing her forehead as if to stimulate 
her memory. 

“ I cannot think of anyone,” said Madame von 
Frohberg. 

“ He is a tall, handsome man, of distingue bear- 
ing,” said the match-maker, greatly provoked at 
being unable to recall the name. “ You ought to 
be able to guess whom I mean, seeing that you have 
not a very large circle of friends.” 

The eyes of the legation secretary rested alter- 
nately, first upon his brother and then upon his sis- 
ter-in-law, in such a penetrating manner as if he 
would tear the name out of either’s mind. 

“I cannot think of anyone,” began the elder 
brother, after a period of silence, “ unless it is Baron 
Branco.” 

“ That is it ! ” exclaimed the matrimonial agent, 
emphatically, nodding her head repeatedly. “ In- 
deed, I found Baron Branco to be one of the most 
willing and agreeable clients that I ever had. He 
might serve as an example to others ! ” she added, 
insinuatingly, with a glance at the younger Froh- 
berg. 

Madam von Frohberg turned deathly pale at the 
statement of Madame Baldrian, while the gaze of the 
legation secretary, which hitherto had rested so 
piercingly and so persistently upon her countenance, 
was now sadly cast down to the floor. 

The older Frohberg only kept looking at the 
match-maker, who still continued to nod at him. 

“ I never would have believed it ! ” said he ; u he 
has evidently kept the whole affair very quiet.” 

“ Everything that is entrusted to my hands is kept 
a profound secret,” said the promoter of marriages, 


OF POTSDAM , ; 


149 


proudly, sitting bolt upright in the chair, albeit she 
had just divulged the secret of her client in the most 
flagrant and gossipy manner. 

Madame von Frohberg, after a short but deter- 
mined struggle, had regained full control over her- 
self. Curiosity conquered the pain she felt. 

u Are yon sure of what you have just said about 
Baron Branco ? ” she asked, addressing herself, with 
great self-control, to Madame Baldrian. 

“ Yes,” the latter replied. “ I am positive, for I 
conducted the negotiations personally.” 

Madame von Frohberg sank her head for a mo- 
ment. 

“ May one know the name of his intended ? ” she 
asked, after a moment’s silence, anxiously looking up. 

The matrimonial agent elevated her eyebrows, 
and shook her head negatively. 

“¥e are not quite so far,” said she, with a re- 
pelling movement of her hand. “ The name of the 
lady must not be mentioned as long as there is the 
least shadow of a doubt.” 

“ The affair is then, as yet, still in the prospec- 
tive ? ” asked the lady of the house, with some ani- 
mation. 

“ Excuse me,” rejoined the matrimonial agent. 
“ There is a great difference between an almost- 
decided project and a prospective affair. But it 
will not do to mention the young lady’s name too 
soon. The gentleman’s name may be mentioned as 
early as you please, since, if the project fails, it can 
do him no harm, while to the lady it may be a mat- 
ter of serious consequences. Though it is no actual 
disgrace, still it always leaves a stain upon her 
name ; and people are ever afterward apt to say, 
4 that is the young lady that was engaged to so-and- 
so.’ But please do not misunderstand me, my 
friends,” added Madame Baldrian, having become 


150 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


anxious all at once ; 44 what I have just said is not in- 
tended to convey the idea that the affair is at all un- 
certain ; it is only from prudential reasons that I 
withhold the lady’s name. I exercise the same pre- 
caution in every case. I may add that 1 have every 
reason to believe that the project will shortly be 
happily consummated. 1 must go now, my friends,” 
she added, suddenly rising from the sofa and be- 
ginning to smooth the wrinkles of her silk gown 
with her hands, thumping a certain part of her at- 
tire behind. 

44 Oh ! ” said the elder Frohberg, with social re- 
gret, 44 must you go so soon, my dear Madame Bal- 
drian ? ” 

44 Yes, I must ! ” exclaimed the match-maker, in 
a voice that was full of importance and resignation. 
44 Do I live for myself ? Am I the mistress of my 
own time ? JlSTo. I am overwhelmed with busi- 
ness. And to-day, especially, I have so much to do 
that I know not where to begin and where to end. 
I have appointments with six mothers who have 
daughters to marry.” 

The legation secretary walked up and down the 
back part of the room, the others were standing not 
far from the visitor. 

44 Do not overtax yourself, my dear Madame Bal- 
drian,” said the elder Frohberg. 44 So much exer- 
tion is altogether too much for a delicate constitu- 
tion like yours.” 

The matrimonial agent threatened him jestingly 
with her finger. 

44 Oh, you bad man, you,” she said ; 44 you are 
making merry at my expense, though you are in- 
debted to me for your happiness.” 

The older brother pressed her hand in his heart- 
ily and gratefully. 

44 Adieu, my dear ! ” exclaimed the match-maker, 


OF POTSDAM. 


151 


falling upon Annie’s bosom, and giving vent to her 
pent-up feelings. “ I hope to see you again soon, 
very soon. Adieu, Frohberg,” she said, returning 
the previous pressure of the hand ; “ think of me 
occasionally in the hours of your bliss. That is 
about all I can expect and look for, after all my 
trouble and anxiety. Adieu, you old ice-bear 1 ” 
she added, turning to the legation secretary, who 
bowed to her coldly. “ You may look as sour as 
you like, but marry you will as sure as my name is 
Madame Baldrian.” 

After nodding to Annie once more, she sailed out 
of the room as majestically as she entered it, vehe- 
mently protesting all the while against the intention 
of the master of the house to accompany her to the 
door. 

“ What a good-natured woman that Madame Bal- 
drian is,” remarked the older Frohberg, on return- 
ing to the room. 

“ Yes, she has a veritable mania for marrying 
everybody,” remarked Hermann von Frohberg, in- 
cisively. 

His brother did not reply, but looked at his watch, 
and, turning to his wife, said : 

“ It is high time for you to go and dress your- 
self, if we are to go to the races to-day.” 

Madame von Frohberg shook her head negatively. 

“ Excuse me, Karl, I must stay home,” said she ; 
“ my head aches very much. I think the odor of 
these flowers caused my headache.” 

“ Then go to your room and lie down awhile, 
dear,” said her husband, anxiously, “ and you will 
soon be better. I will stay home and keep you 
company.” 

The young wife suddenly became greatly alarmed. 

“ Ho, no,” she replied, quickly. “ I will not listen 
to it ; I will not allow it. The races afford you a 


152 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


great deal of pleasure, and you will certainly go, 
unless you want to vex me.” 

“ Am I to go to the races on your birthday with- 
out you ? Is ever ! ” said the gallant husband. 

“ Very well, then,” replied Annie, becoming more 
and more restless. “ Since you compel me to go 
with you, I’ll do so, but if my indisposition should 
increase it will be your fault.” 

“ You little tyrant, you ! ” said Frohberg. “ In the 
end 1 always do just as you wish. Now, since 
Annie wishes it, I’ll go for an hour or two,” said 
he, addressing himself to his brother. “Will you 
come with me, Hermann ? ” 

The legation secretary seemed somewhat annoyed 
by the invitation ; he made an involuntary move- 
ment with his hand, as if it would interfere with the 
plan he had formed ; but he did not answer. He 
cast another glance upon his sister-in-law, who, with 
reddened cheeks and feverish impatience, seemed to 
await the going of the two gentlemen, and then, hav- 
ing suddenly formed a new resolution, he said : 

“Yes, I’ll go with you ; come along! ” 

“Farewell, darling,” said the older Frohberg, 
kissing his wife tenderly ; “ I’ll be back soon, but 
you must be well when I come back, do you hear, 
dearest ? ” 

The legation secretary bowed to his sister-in- 
law pleasantly, and then the two brothers left the 
room. 

Barely did Annie find herself alone, when her 
self-restraint gave way at once. 

She brushed back the hair from her hot temples 
with her small and white hands, and then began to 
wring the latter, till they became red and hot, and 
with hasty strides walked up and down the room, 
breathing hurriedly, her bosom heaving vehemently. 

“At last, at last, I am alone!” she gasped, in an 


OF POTSDAM. 


153 


almost hoarse whisper. “ Oh, heavens, how I have 
suffered ! How my soul was racked since 1 heard 
what that woman said ! Oh, the men, the men ! 
None of them, none of them, are faithful ! ” 

The young woman spoke these words with pain- 
fully profound conviction, but she forgot that she 
might have said with still greater justice : “ Oh, the 
women, the women ! They do not deserve such 
excellent and loving husbands, for they do not value 
a true and faithful heart, and are ever ready to bar- 
ter it for one that is vain and selfish, which only 
seeks pleasure, and wants to divert itself with them.” 

But Passion is blind, and sees only the faults of 
others, deeming its own reprehensible desires to be 
virtues. 

But Justice is vigilant, and punishes a person 
with his own sins. 

u I must lose no time now,” Madame von Frohberg 
continued ; “ I must avail myself of the absence of 
the gentlemen. I’ll write to him, and see what he 
has to say for himself ; what excuses he has to offer.” 

While speaking, she had seated herself at a writ- 
ing-desk, arranged a sheet of paper, and seized a pen. 

“ But what if he does not come ? ” she murmured 
to herself, stopping after she had written a few 
lines. “ However, I do not think he will dare to 
do that,” she quickly added ; “ he will not dare to 
insult me thus.” 

She wrote more and more, quickly blotted the 
wet sheet, folded it hurriedly, enclosed it in an en- 
velope, and after addressing it, rang the bell, in 
feverish haste, that stood upon the writing-desk. 

Barely had the tones of the bell subsided when 
the door was opened, and instead of a servant, the 
legation secretary entered. 

u Here, take this note quickly to the person ad- 
dressed,” exclaimed the lady, handing it to the pre- 


15 4 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


sumable servant, who quickly advanced, took the 
letter out of her hand, and, after casting a hasty 
glance upon the superscripture, put it into his breast- 
pocket. 

The lady turned around and beheld her brother- 
in-law, as he was in the act of putting her letter into 
his pocket. For a moment she stared at him, as if 
she had seen a ghost ; then she turned deathly pale, 
sank back upon her seat, and covered her face with 
her hands. 

“ My suspicions were correct, it seems,” he said 
in an earnest manner, after a long silence, gazing 
upon the cowering and shivering lady. 

“ I am lost ! ” she groaned. 

The legation secretary made no reply. He was 
evidently lost in thought. 

The lady regarded his silence as a confirmation 
of her harrowing supposition, sprang up like a flash 
of lightning, grasped her brother-in-law’s hands, 
and, in accents of despair, exclaimed : 

“ Then you intend to tell your brother everything, 
Hermann ? ” 

The legation secretary looked her long and ear- 
nestly in the eye. She bore his look unflinchingly, 
because fear and hope were just then stronger in her 
than shame, and she hoped to detect a sign of safety 
in his gaze. 

“Ho,” he said, at last, “I will not inform my 
brother of this affair ; the knowledge of it would 
kill him, or at least destroy his future happiness and 
peace of mind. But the baron shall answer to me.” 

Annie, who began to see a ray of hope in his first 
few words, relapsed, through his last remark, into a 
state of fear and mental disturbance bordering on 
desperation. 

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Hermann, don’t chal- 
lenge the baron ! ” she sobbed, wringing her hands ; 


OF POTSDAM. 


155 


“ that will do no one any good ; the scandal will be- 
come the talk of the day, and my suffering and 
shame will be all the more.” 

“ My brother’s shame, you mean,” said the lega- 
tion secretary, sadly. “ But you are right ; I must 
give up that thought.” 

“You promise to do that?” she exclaimed, rivet- 
ing her gaze upön the lips of her brother-in-law. 

“ I promise,” he replied, “ upon one condition.” 

“ And that is ? ” asked Annie, seized with a new 
fear. 

“ That you will leave Berlin with your husband, 
and take up your residence in your country house,” 
replied the legation secretary. 

Annie sank her head upon her breast, and a tear 
rolled down her cheek. 

“ I agree,” said she, after briefly reflecting, giv- 
ing him her hand, which he took in his. A load 
seemed to have been lifted off her brother-in-law, 
for he breathed a sigh of relief. 

“ I thank you in the name of my brother,” spoke 
the legation secretary, much affected, in a low voice. 
“ It is still time to save him and yourself. The sad 
discovery which I have made to-day is only another 
instance of a thoughtless marriage, such as occurs 
nowadays. A rich, honorable, and exceedingly 
kind, but elderly, man marries a poor, young, but 
very pretty, girl. The fool thinks, that by his 
boundless love and exceeding kindness, he will wdn 
her love, but he forgets that love is not purchasable, 
not even for the most valuable attributes of the 
heart and mind. In her eyes these are simply 
qualities that amuse her, instead of affording her 
joy. She, therefore, soon casts the pearls that were 
offered her aside.” 

Annie sobbed as if her heart would break. 

“ The young wife at first was not bad, but weak 


156 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


and frivolous,” continued the legation secretary, 
“ though she knew that she was her husband's life- 
joy. lie was deceived, for he only received spurious 
jewels in exchange for his genuine ones. For a time 
external appearances are maintained. Presently the 
tempter appears, who misleads her ” 

Madame von Frohberg looked up at him with 
such a supplicating look that he stopped. 

“ Is it still time ? ” asked the legation secretary, 
with a softer voice. 

“ Yes ! ” she answered in a firm voice, that con- 
vinced him that she spoke the truth. 

“Then, farewell, and may God strengthen you in 
your resolution ! ” said Hermann von Frohberg, in a 
voice trembling with emotion. “ 1 must go back to 
Karl, who is waiting for me. Say nothing to him of 
what has occurred between us.” 

Annie nodded her head. 

“ But you will remove to your country residence 
— that is settled,” added the legation secretary ; 
“ or, if you prefer it, travel with Karl for a time. A 
change of scene will be a diversion for you, and will 
allow your wound to heal. I have your promise ? ” 

“You may rely upon it,” said his sister-in-law, 
firmly ; “ but I have yours also, Hermann ? ” 

“Fear not; I will not provoke the baron to 
fight,” he assured her. 

He then took out the letter from his pocket and 
handed it to her. 

“ Take this,” he said. “ The stone that you were 
about to hurl at yourself has failed to harm you.” 

Annie took the letter and quickly thrust it into 
her pocket, as if afraid to expose it to the light of 
day. 

“Adieu!” said he, extending his hand. Annie 
put her hand into his, and in the next moment he 
left the room. 


OF POTSDAM. 


157 


She immediately retired to her own apartment, 
where she sat down upon a low stool, took her head 
in her hands, and thus remained for a whole hour. 

When at last she got up, a mild degree of sadness 
was pictured in her countenance. 

She had buried one love, but upon its fresh grave 
a few tender green shrubs already sprouted — the 
first shoots of better and purer hopes. 


158 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


CHAPTER VI. 

THE NEW DESCRIPTION OF THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO. 

Major Rumpel sat by the window in his room 
and made awful faces. Indeed, he was always in 
the habit of doing this, but whenever he became 
excited a little more than usual he made still more 
hideous grimaces, which attracted the attention of 
everyone that passed by ; but to-day they looked at 
him and smiled. 

Had Major Rumpel seen it he would no doubt 
have put liis head out of the window and given 
them a good scolding; for he allowed no one to 
laugh at him. Fortunately, however, he did not 
notice it, as he was completely absorbed in the 
book which he had been reading for more than an 
hour, and which he kept close to his nose, as if he 
was resolved to set it on fire with his black, glisten- 
ing eyes. 

Major Rumpel was still en neglige , if it were 
proper to say so, for all the difference that could be 
seen in his costume consisted in his wearing an old 
military cap while at home, which was replaced by 
a high silk hat when he went out. 

He was accustomed, while in the service, to dress 
in full uniform early in the morning on rising, a 
habit which he retained to the present day. Dress- 
ing- gowns and slippers are never in great favor with 
such iron constitutions as his. 

If some innocent young creature had suddenly 
come into the major’s apartment, she would undoubt- 
edly have trembled greatly, just as she would have 
blushed on entering unprepared an artist’s atelier . 


OF POTSDAM. 


159 


That would have been due to the not only mili- 
tary, but warlike, arrangement of the room. Over 
the old leather sofa upon which the major took 
his afternoon siesta , when his domestic affairs per- 
mitted him to do so, was suspended a large oil-paint- 
ing of the battle of Waterloo, which he had helped 
to win, and of which he was so proud that he had it 
painted by some local genius at a cost of ten dol- 
lars. 

Hence the picture was just what one might have 
expected it to be. 

In the centre of the field Napoleon could be seen 
sitting upon a cherry-colored horse, and looking so 
fierce and threatening that one became dreadfully 
frightened by merely looking at him. 

The old gentlemen who sometimes visited the 
major, when their domestic affairs permitted them 
to do it, were always of the opinion that there never 
were any cherry-colored horses, and that the picture 
was not accurately painted. This always provoked 
him, and he would explain to them that that was 
only the reflection from the flames of the burning 
villages, which they could see plainly in the back- 
ground, and out of which old Blücher came gallop- 
ing, flourishing his sword, and which w T as longer than 
the entire form of Napoleon in the centre of the 
field. 

On the other walls there were similar improbable 
lithographs and woodcuts, which formerly were in- 
corporated in a calendar, and which represented 
scenes from the wars of independence, or the heroes 
thereof. 

The moment of the battle chosen and the action 
were pictured with such accuracy and minutiae of de- 
tail, that the scene looked more like one from Dante’s 
Inferno; and the combatants had such sinister and 
murderous looks that a nervous person with a lively 


160 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


imagination would have expected, on entering the 
room, to smell blood. 

Upon a small table there stood a wooden pedestal, 
made especially for the purpose of supporting some- 
thing that might have been looked upon both as a 
trophy and as a symbol of the major’s former mili- 
tary life. 

Upon the head of the afore-mentioned pedestal 
dangled, somewhat obliquely, the decorated shako 
of the major, which was now covered with a thick 
layer of gray dust, as if it had but just come off the 
hot battlefield. 

One stage lower the three-cornered gala hat of 
the major was likewise suspended, upon a similar 
knob, whose high undulating plume the housekeeper 
made use of every Saturday, as a feather-duster. 

To the right and left of these two head-gears, the 
major’s large epaulettes, with their silver can tilles, 
were seen hanging like a pair of red-breasted bull- 
finches, who by mistake had allowed themselves to be 
entrapped. 

Between these objects the major’s green sash 
was seen gracefully twisted, like the Laocoon be- 
tween the snakes, as a sad reminder of the time 
when he was at the zenith of his strength and 
greatness. 

It always made old Kumpel feel sad when he 
looked at his sash with its silver tassels, and found 
it becoming thinner and shorter. 

“ It is the tooth of time that is consuming it, as 
well as everything else on earth ! ” Major Kumpel 
would say, with a sigh. 

He was mistaken ; it was not the tooth of time, 
but the fingers of his housekeeper, who resorted to 
it whenever she needed a thread to sew on a button 
with. 

Yes, if one always knew the origin of things, 


OF POTSDAM. 


161 


how devoid of poetry the world of thought would 
be ! how vacant memory would be ! 

Overhanging the whole group of relics was the 
major’s sword, suspended on a thin frail cord, like 
the sword of Damocles. He carried it on his hip 
from the day he entered the service till he left 
it, and with it he smote the enemies of his father- 
land. 

The old sword was covered with reddish-black 
rust, and partly withdrawn from its scabbard, for 
the purpose of showing a large dark stain formed 
by the blood of a giant cuirassier, whom the major 
had stabbed to death. 

Whenever Major Rumpel looked at the bloody 
stain, he would twist his long black mustache, cast 
a triumphant look upon Napoleon, who with his 
elevated shoulders sat upon the cherry-colored 
charger, and then, like a conqueror, he would 
proudly strut up and down his room. 

The finale of the relics, constituting the trophies on 
the wall, was an old pair of rusty pistols that hung 
near the bloody sword like a pair of mute destroyers. 

Once upon a time, in the hands of the major, 
they caused the enemy fear and terror ; now his 
housekeeper took them down and handled them 
fearlessly — indeed she did not hesitate to use them 
in place of a hammer, for the purpose of driving 
a nail in the wall or to smooth a dent in an old 
kettle, which to the major, had he known it, would 
have been a veritable desecration. 

And was it not so with Major Rumpel himself ? 
Was he not like the dusty shako, the old rusty 
sword, and the desecrated pistols ? 

Was he not in days gone by a living sword in the 
hands of the commander, a firebrand to the enemy, 
whom he courageously charged, and a hundred 
times scattered like chaff before the wind ? 

11 


162 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


And now, when he sat by the window and ex- 
pressed his displeasure at what he read in his own 
way, the passers-by laughed at him ; or when he walk- 
ed in the street with the old soldierly step, the small 
boys ran after him ; or when he came to the Club 
of the Old Gentlemen, and, in the voice with which 
he once commanded his battery, ordered the 
waiter to bring him a cup of coffee, all the ladies 
present, young and old, snickered, though they pre- 
tended to be busily engaged drinking their coffee 
and making fancy work. 

“ To what base uses we come to, Horatio ! ” said 
Hamlet, viewing the skull which the grave-digger 
had cast up. 

Charles the Great was a mighty monarch, and 
wore a golden crown upon his holy head, upon 
which no one dared to lay a profane hand. 

But now his skeleton has been taken apart, the 
greater part of the bones have been packed in a sil- 
ver chest, his dried arms are encased in gold, and his 
mighty skull up to a round point framed in silver, 
which makes it look like a catholic tonsure, and 
which the priests in the cathedral in Aix la Chapelle 
allow everyone to touch who is disposed to do so. 

And the mighty golden crown, which erstwhile 
sat upon that silver-covered skull, the priest now 
claps on the head of any churl who will give him 
ten cents. 

“ To what base uses we come to, Horatio ! ” 

In his apartment, as described above, Major 
Kumpel sat and made queer faces, and the people 
who saw him laughed and passed on. 

The reason why he made such grimaces was 
the book which he had been reading for more than an 
hour, and which he held so close to his nose as to 
lead one to think that he wanted to set it on fire 
with his black, brilliant eyes. 


OF POTSDAM. 


163 


It was a description of the battle of Waterloo, 
which Victor lingo had sandwiched into his ro- 
mance “ Les Miserables,” for the purpose of making 
the book thicker, for the battle had nothing to 
do with the story. 

This most remarkable description of all battles 
of Waterloo was the only one which Major Kumpel 
had not yet read, and hearing the members of the 
club speak of it, he hastened to procure it at the 
library, and was just then engaged in perusing it. 

lie had reached that famous part relating to 
the Pass of Ohain, which the emperor is said to 
have overlooked, although he was aware of the 
existence of every tree, every bush, and every rock 
upon the entire battlefield — which makes it hard 
to comprehend where he got such a large map and 
how he managed to handle it. The French cuiras- 
siers, under the command of Milhaud, started at a 
gallop — a magnificent sight, moving like a living iron 
wall — flourishing their swords against the English 
line, which was prepared to receive these terrible 
warriors. But the French cuirassiers were perfectly 
indifferent to it ; they galloped onward, brandishing 
their flashing swords determinedly, and every now 
and again cried: Vive V JEmpereur ! because they 
had become accustomed to do it. They rode in 
squadrons, a countless number behind each other. 
All at once — it was not yet dark — the advance col- 
umn tumbled into the chasm of Ohain, which the 
emperor had overlooked, and which they there- 
fore did not think it worth while to pay any 
attention to. 

The first squadron was followed by the second, 
the second by the third, and so on till the entire 
chasm of Ohain was completely filled up with 
French cuirassiers. Hence it must have been a 
pretty wide chasm. 


164 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Half of Milhaud’s iron riders lay in the ditch. 

The other half, however, was not to be deterred 
by this mishap in the least, but continued to trot 
on calmly, with their bright swords flashing in the 
sunlight, 4 again and again shouting Vive VEm- 
pereur! over the struggling, kicking, moaning, and 
groaning mass of men and horses as they lay in this 
terrible chasm, and arrived at the designated point 
in good order, and attacked the English line on the 
opposite side, who had witnessed this heroic act 
with surprise and horror. 

“ Thunder and lightning!” exclaimed Major 
Kumpel, striking the window-sill with his left fist 
so violently that the panes shook, and pulled down 
the old military cap which he wore till it was 
perched upon his eyebrows. u Thunder and light- 
ning ! I never knew this before. However old a 
man grows he still learns something. But what 
murderous fellows those cuirassiers must have been ! 
The cavalry of the present day is totally incapable 
of doing such a thing. It is only the men of the 
olden times that had iron in their blood and souls. 
Those of the present day are a slavish and effemi- 
nate race ! ” 

Then the major read further, how the French 
cavalry fought with the English. Neither retreated 
a step ; both stood like walls of stone, yet con- 
tinued to mow down each other unceasingly; the 
horses reared, the swords clashed, and the French 
again and again cried Vive VEmpereur! till they 
were finally compelled to yield, and were driven 
back over the ditch near Ohain, in which a large 
number of their comrades were still struggling. 

The old major, from sheer excitement, had pulled 
his ancient military cap still more over his eyes, and 
looked so fierce that those that passed .by now did 
not laugh at him any more, but were frightened. 


OF POTSDAM. 


165 


Suddenly a load, hoarse, guttural sound was heard 
from a room back of that occupied by the major. 

Involuntarily the major drew in his right leg, 
with the intention of rising from his chair, and was 
about to put down the book. 

On second thought, however, he stopped, re- 
flected for another moment, suddenly made a face 
like a spoiled child that is bent upon being obsti- 
nate, stretched out his leg again, and began to read 
his book. 

A few minutes later the same guttural noise was 
heard over again, but louder and longer. 

The major started and shivered as if he had been 
caught doing something wrong, and again seemed 
disposed to get up. 

But the opposing force was much stronger this 
time, the new description of the battle of Waterloo 
chained him with irresistible shackles upon the 
chair, and the heroic acts he read of infused his 
soul with a courage that nothing could daunt. 

Major Kumpel continued to read. 

Again a few minutes elapsed, and the knocking upon 
his door with despotic fingers was heard once more, 
causing the old soldier to start so violently that he 
almost jerked his left elbow through a pane of glass. 

He was so absorbed in his story that he had to 
think for a moment whether it was not the rattle of 
a French drum-stick that he had heard; but when 
he succeeded in bringing his mind back to the 
present, he threw a partly anxious and partly de- 
termined look at the door of the adjacent room, 
struck a blow upon the window-sill with his left fist 
in a comically-spiteful manner, and muttered to 
himself, under his dyed, bushy, black mustache : 

“ She may go to the devil ! I must first read 
through the battle of Waterloo 1 ” 

And Major Kumpel read on. 


166 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Before, however, he had reached the part where 
the Prussians gained Napoleon’s left wing, the mys- 
terious door was suddenly torn open and a female 
figure appeared on the threshold, who measured the 
major with looks expressive of the utmost surprise 
and vexation. ^ 

This female may have counted forty summers 
and as many winters, if not more, and was of such 
a massive and powerful stature that she might 
readily have been mistaken for a dragoon in female 
attire, with his beard cut off. 

Pier face was intensely red, her grayish eyes 
snapped spitefully from beneath the heavy eyebrows, 
and the full, thick lips trembled from excitement. 

In addition, her morning cap was placed upon 
her head in such a warlike manner that it looked 
like a French cuirassier’s helmet, with its horse-hair 
bush hanging down behind. 

As this noble daughter of Eve entered the room, 
a shiver ran through the entire form of the major, 
as if he had been called upon to surrender by a hate- 
ful French cuirassier. 

But whether it was the new description of the 
battle of Waterloo that infused so much courage into 
his soul to-daj^, or whether he took his housekeeper 
for one of those cuirassiers to whom he resolved 
never to surrender, he sat bolt-upright in his chair, 
determinedly kept the book in his hand, and en- 
countered her gaze with the same calmness that he 
once displayed when the enemy’s balls fell about his 
head like hail. 

The lips of the major’s cook began to tremble 
markedly, her fingers to twitch perceptibly, and the 
arched breast to heave as if disturbed by volcanic 
commotion. 

“Herr Major ! ” she finally cried, in a voice hoarse 
from excitement. 


OF POTSDAM. 


167 


“ What is the matter ? ” asked Rumpel, calmly, 
as if nothing had happened. 

“ Didn’t you hear me ? ” went on the housekeeper. 

“ What should I have heard?” growled Rumpel, 
looking in his book again. 

“I notified you three times that dinner was 
ready,” she answered. 

“ Indeed ! ” returned the major, phlegmatically. 
“ I didn’t hear ; I was absorbed in my book.” 

To himself he murmured, accompanied by grat- 
ing with his teeth : 

“ That’s what this Satan means calling me to' din- 
ner, when she grunts like a sow, and drums on the 
door. She is a veritable pest ” 

He, however, did not dare to prolong his reflec- 
tions upon the qualities of his housekeeper, nor 
to express his discontent even to himself, for she 
now became alarmingly red in the face, and he 
wished to avoid becoming angry before the meal, 
for it always disturbed his digestion. 

He, therefore, put down the new description of 
the battle of Waterloo, took off his old military 
cap, ran his hands through his dyed-black, bushy, 
hair, and then went into the adjoining little room, 
where covers were laid for two persons. 

The major sat dow r n at one side of the table, and 
the cook seated herself opposite to him. 

“ What kind of soup is this ? ” asked Rumpel, 
snuffing the steam arising from the soup-tureen as 
the cover was removed, and which diffused a pecu- 
liar aroma through the room. 

“ Oatmeal soup, with cinnamon,” returned the 
housekeeper, dryly, handing him a plateful of the 
beverage. 

For a moment Rumpel clinched his fists under 
the table, and was about to utter a very naughty 
word, but he reflected how injurious it was to get 


168 


TBE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


angry before a meal, besides destrojdng his appetite ; 
he, therefore, repressed his anger quickly, and, with 
only a slight touch of displeasure in his tone, said : 

44 You know very well that I detest oatmeal soup 
with cinnamon. Why do you cook it two and three 
times a week ? ” 

44 Because it is very healthy for you, Herr Major, 
and because I deem it my duty to care for your 
health,” said the housekeeper, dryly and decisively. 

44 Things I dislike cannot be healthy for me,” 
growled old Kumpel, shuddering from the odor of the 
soup, which he stirred contemptuously with the spoon. 

44 What sort of language is that you are using?” 
continued Augusta to her master. 44 Medicine does 
not taste nice either, and yet it is very healthy. 
One so well educated as you are ought to know that 
much.” 

44 But I don’t want any medicine as soup,” mur- 
mured Major Rumpel, swallowing a spoonful of the 
beverage with a gulp, and making a wry face thereat. 

44 Besides, it is the cheapest and most nourishing 
kind,” added the housekeeper. 

44 What care I how cheap it is, if I dislike it ? ” 
remonstrated Rumpel ; 44 add a few cents to the cost 
of this soup and prepare the kind I like.” 

44 Yes, add, always add ! ” retorted Augusta. 44 If 
things were managed according to your way we would 
not get very far, Herr Major.” 

44 Well, I have quite a sum left every year from 
my pension,” interjected the major, after swallow- 
ing another spoonful of soup much against his will. 

44 That is the way things ought to be managed in 
every well-regulated household,” said the house- 
keeper, zealously. 44 It is right to be frugal and live 
economically. You ought to thank God, Herr 
Major, that I look after you, otherwise you would 
have been in debt over your ears long ago ! ” 


OF POTSDAM . 


169 


Old Rumpel sighed and laid down his spoon. 
He did not wish to get angry, because it would spoil 
his appetite, and he would thus be unable to enjoy 
the second course. 

“ Well, are you not going to eat the soup that is 
good for your health ? ” asked the housekeeper, 
looking at the major’s plate, which was still half 
full. 

Rumpel first shook his head and then shuddered 
all over. 

“Well, I never saw such a person as you are!” 
began the cook, clasping her hands. “ You grow 
more and more queer every day, Herr Major ! Re- 
fusing to eat the good food the Lord gives you ! 
Why did I cook it if you do not want to eat it ? 1 

might have spared myself labor and money by not 
cooking it at all. I will not listen to any new no- 
tions, Herr Major. Eat your soup and be done 
with it ! ” 

The major shuddered as if he had the ague, and 
shook his head despondingly. 

The housekeeper began to get intensely red in the 
face, and in that ominously dry and determined 
voice of hers, which she effectually resorted to on 
similar occasions, said : 

“ Herr Major, you know me. If you do not eat 
your soup I will not bring in the second course ! ” 

“ But, Augusta, it sickens me to eat it,” remon- 
strated the major. 

“ Bah ! that is sheer nonsense ! ” quickly retorted 
the housekeeper. u I would like to see the man 
who would become ill after eating such soup as this ! 
You are in bad humor to-day, that is all, and wish 
to annoy your faithful and honest servant, in return 
for her slavish devotion to you!” 

“Yes, yes, we know all that,” answered the 
major, who seemed to be forgetting the battle of 


170 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Waterloo. “But I think I have also the privi- 
lege ” 

“ If you do not eat your soup I’ll take it away, 
but I will bring nothing else in,” cried Augusta, in 
a dry, harsh voice. 

The poor major’s face assumed an expression as if 
a gimlet was being bored into his brain, shrugged 
his shoulders in mute resignation, and, with in- 
describable resolution began to swallow one spoonful 
of the soup after another, seemingly wholly indiffer- 
ent to the nauseating taste of the beverage ; but the 
wry face he made every time he gulped down a 
mouthful, and the cold perspiration that stood in 
beads upon his forehead, showed the torture he was 
undergoing. 

“ There ! ” said he, after swallowing the last 
mouthful. “ How bring in something else. JB-r-r-r ! 
what a horrible mixture this is ! ” 

“ Herr Major ! ” said Augusta, sharply, removing 
plates and soup tureen from the table. “ Don’t you 
find so much fault with the victuals. I might make 
you some not so good, I can assure you ! ” 

After that she disappeared into the adjoining 
room, where she was heard rattling the dishes furi- 
ously. 

“ Accursed Satan ! ” growled the major, darting 
an angry look after his nurse. “ I did not marry 
because I wanted to remain a free and independent 
man, and now I have fallen into the clutches of a 
virago, who has been tyrannizing over me and mal- 
treating me these ten years. Oh, if I could only get 
rid of her ! But I can’t ! After quarrelling in a man- 
ner that it seems to make it impossible for us to live 
together any longer, she begins to cry, and sobs so 
that my heart begins to ache, and I sue for peace. 
That is the way she attacks me, and in that way she 
always conquers me ! ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


171 


The major sighed from the bottom of his heart, 
dropped his hands upon his lap and his head upon 
his breast, and stared vacantly upon the empty plate 
before him. 

Presently the kitchen door was opened, and the 
cook appeared, bearing a steaming dish, which she 
hastily put down upon the table. 

The major waked up from his day dream and 
stretched out his neck. At the same time his 
face assumed a displeased expression, and he cast 
a look upon his housekeeper as if he would transfix 
her. 

The faithful nurse had, how T ever, encased herself 
in a cuirasse of stoical indifference and parried the 
major’s look with an icy countenance. 

“ Augusta ! ” cried old Rumpel, running both 
hands through his bushy, black hair, so that he 
looked like a porcupine with its quills erect. 

“Well, what provokes you now?” snorted the 
housekeeper. “ As I said before, you are getting 
worse and worse every day. I think you ought to 
consult your doctor.” 

The major pointed with his long, lank finger at 
the steaming dish,- as if it was a thing of evil, and in 
a voice that would have frightened anybody save 
his housekeeper, asked : 

“ What is that ? ” 

“ Don’t you see what that is ? ” retorted the house- 
keeper, with the utmost calmness. “ It is a pan- 
cake ! ” 

“ And after oat-meal soup you dare to give me a 
pancake ? ” cried the major. 

“Well, and why not?” returned the cook, sur- 
prised. “ When you get two such healthy dishes 
you certainly have no reason to complain.” 

“ But I don’t like either of them ! ” exclaimed 
the major. “ You give me oat-meal soup instead of 


172 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


bouillon, and when I expect some kind of roast you 
give me a sticky and flabby pancake which I de- 
test ! ” 

“ When you get egg-pastry you can’t expect any 
meat ! ” said Augusta, calmly but determinedly. 
“ One egg is equal to half a pound of meat. In 
this pancake there are four eggs, and as you eat the 
larger part of it, you will consume three eggs, or a 
pound and a half of meat. I should think your 
stomach would be satisfied with it,” added she, snarl- 
ing. 

“Be still ! ” cried the major, unable to bear it any 
longer. “In the first place, I do not consider an 
egg equal to half a pound of meat ; in the second 
place, I never eat any pancake, as you know very 
well. And consequently, I not only do not get a 
pound and a half of meat, as you claim, but I get 
nothing at all ! That is the long and short of it. 
Do you understand me ? ” 

“ My God, don’t holloa so ! ” exclaimed the house- 
keeper, clapping her hands upon her ears. “ It is 
a sin to allow such a beautiful pancake to go to 
waste ! ” 

“ It is your fault if the victuals go to w T aste ! ” 
cried old Rumpel, still louder. “Why do you cook 
things I detest ? ” 

“ But they are very healthy,” also cried the house- 
keeper. 

“There are certainly other kinds of food that 
taste good and are also healthy,” growled the major. 

“ Many a poor man would only be too glad to get 
such good dishes as these ! ” said Augusta, casting a 
pitying look upon her pancake. 

“ But I am not a poor man ! ” exclaimed the 
major. 

“You are a spendthrift, you are!” asserted the 
housekeeper, reproachfully. 


OF POTSDAM. 


173 


“ It is you who are the spendthrift ! ” retorted 
the major. 

“I, a spendthrift?” cried Augusta, her counten- 
ance becoming red. “ Yes, that was only lack- 
ing to make my cup of bitterness full — to be 
charged by you with being a spendthrift. I who 
work all day in order to make your old age comfort- 
able to you ; I who scarcely partake of enough 
food, and strive to the utmost to economize in every 
way possible ; I, who lay awake all night and rack 
my brains to devise some healthy dish for you for 
the next days’ meal. Oh, it is shameful ! it is ter- 
rible ! ” 

“ But I do not eat merely for the sake of my 
health, I want to enjoy my meals, too !” cried the 
major. 

“One can enjoy a pancake as well as anything 
else.” 

“I don’t!” 

“You only imagine so !” 

“ The devil ” 

“ Don’t curse me, Herr Major, I am a good Chris- 
tian ! ” 

“ You are a she-devil ! ” 

“ Will you eat the pancake or not ? ” 

“No, to sheol with it ! ” 

“ Think of your health, old man ! ” 

“ If you are considerate about my health, then 
why do you vex me so dreadfully ? ” 

The housekeeper, who was already livid in the 
face, now uttered a screech and carried her hand 
to her stomach. 

“ Aha ! ” growled the major, lowly, “ now comes 
the cavalry attack, the first discharge of the battery 
having failed; but lam not to be intimidated to-day, 
under any circumstances.” 

“ Oh ! ” groaned the housekeeper again, but more 


174 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


painfully and more dolefully, beginning to sway 
herself back and forth, and seeking to grasp some 
support with her outstretched hands. 

The major looked at her, somewhat alarmed. 

“ If she should fall now,” said he to himself, “ she 
might break a couple of bones in her body, and I 
would then have the pleasure of sitting by her bed- 
side to nurse her. That would be pleasant, indeed ! ” 

“ Oh ! Oh-— h !” moaned the stout maiden, again, 
in a manner that penetrated to the very mar- 
row of the old soldier ; “ how bad I feel ! Help ! 
h — e — 1 — p !'”' 

After these exclamations she grated her teeth in 
a most harrowing manner, attempted to clutch at 
some support with her hands, and began to sway 
herself back and forth so fast that the major was 
no longer able to resist it, but with a bound reached 
her side, passed his arm around her waist, and then 
dragged the apparently lifeless form to the sofa, 
where he dropped his sweet burden. 

“ Whew ! what a load ! ” ejaculated the old sol- 
dier, shaking his arm. “ That is the kind of tortures 
one has to bear, because he will not eat oat-meal 
broth and pancakes ! ” 

He gazed upon the form of his housekeeper, w T ho 
lay w r ith closed eyes and open mouth, her arms 
hanging down lifelessly, and her feet projecting be- 
yond the edge of the sofa. 

“ This is the old story ! ” growled old Kumpel, 
shrugging his shoulders sadly. “ I have never been 
able to resist this point of the attack, do what I might. 
If I could only withstand it once, then I might suc- 
ceed in breaking my shackles forever. But one’s 
strength is able to hold out only up to a given 
point,” he added, resignedly, “and my strength 
never held out beyond the point of her falling. I 
know very well what will come next. After lying 


OF POTSDAM. 


175 


in this condition for ten minutes, she will have con- 
vulsions, which will grow stronger and stronger, till 
I finally will be unable to bear it any longer, and 
will be obliged to humbly beg her to come to again, 
and promise her to do everything in the world if she 
will only forgive me. For a time she is contented, 
but the very next day things are as they were before.” 

The major cast a long and sad look upon the out- 
stretched form of his faithful housekeeper. 

“ I presume I will have to choke down half of 
that beastly pancake,” said he, in a painful voice. 
“ Not even a kind Providence can save me from it ! 
In addition, it has now become cold and sticky, and 
is likely to get stuck in one’s gullet. The thought 
of it is enough to drive one crazy ! ” 

Just then his eyes caught sight of the book he 
had been reading, and which was still lying open 
upon the table near the window. 

The face of the major again assumed a joyous ex- 
pression. 

He dilated his chest, twisted his jet-black mus- 
tache, got his military cap, put it rakishly upon his 
head, and tiptoed carefully to his chair at the win- 
dow, and commenced to read the description of the 
battle of Waterloo again, which had inspirited and 
encouraged him so before. Soon his face bore a 
warlike and contending expression, and in the zeal 
of the strife that was going on around him he en- 
tirely forgot his cook, who still lay, with closed eyes 
and open mouth, upon the sofa, as if dead. 

Presently a loud crack was heard. Major Kumpel 
started and gazed in the direction of the sofa. 

“ H’m, h’m,” growled he, lowly. “ Now the spasms 
will begin.” 

Once more he became absorbed in his book. 

Presently another crack was heard, but much 
louder than the former. 


176 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Major Rumpel now merely gazed in the direction 
whence the noise came. 

•«Aha! she is already jerking ! ” said the heart- 
less Rumpel to himself" “This is the way she has- 
always attacked my weakest point, my centre, and 
always broke it. But I’ll take the English as an 
example. They stood like walls of stone. Thun- 
der and lightning ! what fellows they were ! Let 
her jerk as much as she likes, for all I care.” 

Again he turned to his book and soon became ab- 
sorbed in it. 

But he had not read very far when such a terrible 
noise was heard, that the major started again, 
stopped reading liis book, and looked in the direc- 
tion of the noise. 

The plump girl w~as affected with spasms in the 
severest manner, and with her outstretched legs con- 
stantly kicked at the table, which caused some of 
the dishes to fall off. 

The major had became so brave through the read- 
ing of the account of the battle of AV aterloo, that 
he simply cast a pitying and contemptuous look 
upon his lovely housekeeper. 

“ This is something altogether new ! ” he growled. 
« I declare, she is perfectly livid in the face ; the 
affair lasts longer to-day than she contemplated ; 
she is not used to it. Bah ! Let her jerk as much as 
she pleases ! ” added the unfeeling man. 

Again his looks wandered to his book and he 
was soon lost in it, when another sound, like that of 
an explosion, resounded through the room, causing 
the major to start up, frightened. 

The fat Augusta was now lying upon the floor, still 
and motionless, having, in a final effort to kick over 
the table, slid down from the sofa, striking the 
boards with her head. 

“Thunder and lightning!” muttered Rumpel, 


OF POTSDAM. 


177 


who was now unconquerable, having taken example 
of the English in that famous battle he was reading 
of. “ This was a brilliant attack ; but it is a total 
failure. She may lie where she is ! When she gets 
tired of it she can get up. I am resolved to break 
my shackles to-day forever ! ” 

Again he turned to his excellent book, and read 
on for about half an hour longer, but nothing oc- 
curred to disturb his domestic peace in the least. 
He then closed his book, rubbed his eyes, and mur- 
mured to himself : 

“ This is a wonderful dqscription of the battle of 
Waterloo! I must read it every day; it is of the 
utmost benefit to me ! ” 

He began to blink with his eyes, wearily gaped 
several times, as if he wanted to dislocate his lower 
jaw, stretched himself, and muttered, quite content- 
edly : 

“ Got tired from reading so much ; will take a 
nap before I go to the club. I have half an hour’s 
time yet.” 

Thus saying, he walked past his amiable house- 
keeper unconcernedly, who was still lying upon the 
floor, stretched himself out upon the sofa, yawned 
several times, and then closed his eyes. 

It was not very long before the fat Augusta 
opened her eyes cautiously, glanced stealthily around, 
and then carefully raised her head. 

When she saw the major lying peacefully and 
comfortably upon the sofa, while he let her lie faint- 
ing upon the hard, cold floor, the fiery redness of 
anger overspread her fat face ; with a quickness and 
agility no one would have given her credit for, she 
sprang to her feet like a panther attacking her prey, 
grasped the unconscious sleeper by both shoulders, 
and, in a voice loud enough to awaken the dead, 
yelled into his ears : 

12 


178 THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 

“ Herr Major ! Herr Major ! ” 

Old Rumpel, who had but just fallen asleep, started 
and sat bolt-upright upon the sofa as if electrified, 
and in a dazed manner, and with sleepy eyes, stared 
at his antagonist as if he had seen a ghost. 

“ What do you want ? ” cried he, provoked in the 
highest degree, when at last he regained the power 
of speech. 

“You don’t intend to sleep to-day, do you ? ” cried 
Augusta, disregarding the defeat she had just suf- 
fered, but, like Napoleon at Marengo, commencing 
a new battle. 

“ Of course I do ! ” yelled old Rumpel. 

“ To-day — Saturday ? ” 

“ And what if it is Saturday ? Who will prevent 
me from sleeping to-day as well as on any other day, 
if I choose to ? ” 

“ Because I want to clean the windows to-day,” 
returned the conscientious housekeeper. 

“ Then clean them when 1 am gone ! ” 

“ It will be too late then. The sun will shine 
upon the window panes,” she replied. 

“ Then don’t clean them at all, for what I care ! ” 
cried the major, stretching himself out upon the 
sofa again, with the intention of resuming his nap. 

“ But, Herr Major ! ” screeched the housekeeper, 
shaking her master by the shoulders. 

“ Potzt-tausend-schock-schwernoth ! ” exclaimed 
the major, beside himself with rage, bouncing oft the 
sofa like an india-rubber ball. “ This is going too 
far altogether ! I ain’t safe in my own house, even ! 

“ What ! ” screeched the corpulent girl, puttin 
her arms akimbo. 66 Do you mean to say that 
made an attempt upon your life, that I attempted to 
murder you ? ” . 

“ Ho, you did not attempt to murder me, but it 
is not much less ! ” retorted Rumpel. 


) — icrq 


OF POTSDAM. 


179 


The obese Augusta became livid in the face. For 
a moment she was lost in thought, as if wishing to 
devise something that would surpass even her former 
mode of attacking him ; but being unable at that 
instant to find the proper thing to do, she closed her 
eyes, began to thrash the air with her hands in the 
hope of clutching some support, and commenced to 
sway herself back and forth. 

“ Cease rocking yourself ! ” cried the major. “ If 
you are going to fall, you can do so. I sha’n’t pre- 
vent you. And if you fall you will have to get up 
alone, as you did before ! ” 

The dreadful truths which old Rumpel uttered 
seemed to make a deep and convincing impres- 
sion upon the mature damsel, for she suddenly 
ceased to sway herself. Her hands dropped by her 
side, her eyes still remaining closed. She saw that 
she could accomplish nothing to-day by fainting 
and convulsions, and that she must resort to more 
potent remedies. 

After she had remained motionless for awhile, 
she slowly opened her eyes and, wfith a degree of 
dignity which no one supposed that she possessed, 
said : 

“ Herr Major ! you have treated me to-day in a 
manner which an unprotected and faithful servant 
cannot put up with ! ” 

“ Ho you intend to challenge me ? ” asked Rumpel, 
smiling ironically. 

“Oh, no!” replied the fat girl, “I never enter- 
tain such murderous thoughts. The weaker sex 
must bear in silence ! ” 

“ Then you intend to sue me ? ” asked Rumpel, 
provokingly. 

“ Ho, I do not intend to sue you either,” an- 
swered the housekeeper, with inimitable dignity ; “I 
will only ask for my discharge ! ” 


180 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The old soldier seemed troubled. The colossal 
girl noticed the effect her words had produced, and 
she felt elated with inward joy. 

“ Spare your efforts to detain me or to excuse 
yourself,” the offended maiden continued ; “ there 
are things that cannot be undone and which I can 
never forgive. You may therefore spare yourself 
useless talk. I mean what I say ! ” 

Old Rumpel seemed to have become transformed 
into a marble pillar. His black eyes were riveted 
upon Augusta, and his breast rose and sank as if 
some violent internal commotion disturbed it. 

The fat housekeeper saw all that, yet her counte- 
nance remained cold and calm ; but in the deepest 
depths of her soul an ecstatic delight and chants of 
joy seemed to resound. 

“ I trust you will not refuse me my release, Herr 
Major,” said the housekeeper, with a contemptuous 
curl of her plump upper lip. 

The major was so dazed with delight that he had 
not yet regained his speech. Indeed, his bosom 
heaved even more violently than before, but sud- 
denly he turned about and with rapid steps left the 
room. 

“ Ah !■” uttered Augusta, her long pent-up breath- 
ing starting again with a whistling sound ; “ he is 
affected, and unable to speak from emotion. He 
left the room so that I might not see his tears, but 
he will come back presently and beg forgiveness. 
I have conquered him again. But that will not be 
sufficient. His obstinacy must be rooted out, never 
to return.” 

She, too, suddenly turned about, and with quick 
but slatternly steps left the room by another door. 

When the major and his housekeeper simultane- 
ously returned to the sitting-room a few minutes 
later, each had a sheet of paper in their hands on 


OF POTSDAM. 


181 


which was some writing, and which they silently ex- 
changed and silently read. 

On the paper which the fat cook gave the major 
there was written as follows: “ Wanted, a situa- 
tion by a housekeeper who, for more than ten years, 
managed the household of a gentleman to his entire 
satisfaction, and who is a model of faithfulness, 
honesty, sobriety, economy, and amiability. Will 
only serve a lady hereafter. For further informa- 
tion inquire of Herrn Major Rumpel, Ho. 467 
Blum’s Court.” 

The following was written upon the paper which 
the major gave to his housekeeper : 

“ Augusta Ilotliver, unmarried, born December 
26, 18 — , in Hewerp, Pomerania ; a member of the 
Lutheran church, who for the last ten years served 
me as housekeeper, is hereby discharged and is at 
liberty to accept another situation. R. Rumpel, 
Major and A. D. C.” 

The major’s soul danced for joy while he read 
his paper, but he did not allow it to be seen. 

Augusta’s soul raved furiously from anger as she 
read her paper, but she, too, did not allow it to be 
seen . 

Her face suddenly became livid, she made several 
ineffectual attempts to speak ; thrust her clinched 
fists into the major’s face, from which he precipi- 
tately recoiled, and hastily took up a position where 
he had the table between his housekeeper and 
himself. Here he carefully folded up the paper 
given to him by Augusta, put it in his breast- 
pocket, and with a sudden bound snatched up his 
hat and cane, and with another bound was out of 
the room. 

The corpulent housekeeper, rushed like a cyclone, 
to the window, madly tore it open, and wildly called 
after her master : 


182 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“Hen* major! Herr major! Where are you go- 
ing ? ” 

Old Kumpel, who was already on the sidewalk, 
turned around and seeing the glowing face of his 
amiable cook above him, answered, in a voice that 
sounded as if the battery which he once commanded 
had fired a victorious salvo : 

“ I am going to carry the notice to the employ- 
ment bureau myself, so that you cannot back out ! ” 

He then swung around again and trotted down the 
street so hastily that his long, black side-whiskers 
were blown backward. 

Augusta swallowed her wrath, because she had 
no one now upon whom to vent it, and with the ut- 
most calmness of mind began to polish the windows. 

This dutifulness, even in moments of excitement 
and mental disturbance, is one of the most noble 
traits of the female character. 

Major Kumpel, however, ran as if his head was 
on fire, and the further he ran the more quickly he 
went. 

That is a characteristic sign of impatience, and is 
analogous to the falling stone which, proverbially, 
falls faster the nearer it reaches the earth. 

The old fellow felt so happy in having gained 
his freedom once more that his overflowing joy 
overheated his machinery, causing the perspiration 
to run down his face in little rivulets, and his eyes 
to be filled with tears, rendering him almost blind. 

Suddenly, on turning a corner of the street, some- 
thing or somebody ran against him with so much force 
as to almost knock him over. 

“ Thunder and lightning! ” he exclaimed, after 
recovering from the shock. “ I have ran against a 
bill-post ! ” 

“Excuse me, you only w 7 an against me!” a sad 
voice replied, close to him. 


OF POTSDAM . 


183 


The old soldier rubbed his eyes. 

“ Do you know me, sir ? ” said he gruffly, feeling 
his nose to ascertain whether it had become flattened 
in the collision. 

“ Yes, of couhse I do,” replied the sad voice ; 
“you ah Hew Majov W-w-wumple ! ” 

The old officer shrunk together. “What, is that 
you ? The young man who poured beer or coffee over 
me? I always feared that some evil would happen 
to me through you ; my apprehensions have come 
true ! ” 

“ Oh ! ” cried Rarrer, speaking very loud, knowing 
that the major was deaf. “ Why should any evil 
happen to you thwough me? That would be the 
fihst time that I caused anothah misfohtune. On the 
contwaway. I always dwaw off hahm fwom othehs 
on to myself, like a magnet that attwacks iown.” 

Major Rumpel having satisfied himself that his 
nose was not flattened or crushed, felt somewhat 
composed, and said : 

“ May be so ! And my apprehensions of evil may 
have been fulfilled by tliis little rencontre, so that 
I need fear you no longer.” 

“ You have no weason to feah me, I assuali you, 
mydeah Hew Majov,” answered Rarrer. “No one 
need be af waid of me but I myself.” 

“ Why have you that thick shawl wrapped about 
your head ? ” asked the major, for the first time 
noticing that the young man’s head was swathed in 
a shawl. 

“ Tliis is anothah example of a misfovtune that 
can only happen to me,” cried Rarrer, sadly, but so 
loudly that the passers-by looked at the two in sur- 
prise. “Just think, my deali Hew Majov, W — W 
— Wumpel ; quite wecently, as I was paying a call at 
Madame von Fwohbehg to congwatulate hell on her 
bifid ay, a cell tain Pvivy Conselloh, Doctoli Stabe vow, 


184 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


asked me, without any weason whatevah, whethah 
I had the toothache. He ‘painted the devil on the 
wall, 5 foh I had bahley wetnhned home when I was 
attacked by the most fwightful toothache. Aftah 
suffeving the most hovvible agony foh two weeks, I 
am now w r esolved to have the aching tooth ex- 
twacted.” 

“ Where does your dentist live ? ” asked the 
major. 

“ In W — W — Wen an Stweet,” answered Harrer. 

“ Oh, in Renan Street,” repeated Rumpel ; “then 
come, go along with me ; I am going that way, too ; 
I want to go to the employment bureau.” 

They started off, but on the way Rumpel con- 
sulted his watch, and the moment he perceived how 
late it was he made a wry face and stopped short. 
Rarrer also stopped, and perceiving that his com- 
panion was troubled, asked for the cause of it. 

“My friends will expect me at the club in about 
ten minutes, and yet it is absolutely necessary for 
me to leave this notice at the employment bureau, 
and that will take me at least an hour. What is to 
be done ? ” 

“ If you will entwust the notice to me, I’ll take it 
to the buweaw,” said Rarrer, accommodatingly, 
“ and you can go to youh club wight off.” 

The major thought a moment, and then took the 
paper out of his pocket and handed it to the young 
man. 

“HI avail myself of your kind offer,” said he, 
“ and the fear I had for you will thus be dissipated 
by your friendly act, and } 7 ou will bring me luck 
instead of harm. If you will have the goodness to 
leave this at the bureau ” 

“ With the gweatest pleasah, my highly honohad 
Majov W — W — Wumpel ! ” 

“ Thanks, my dear Herr — what is your name ? ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


185 


Rarrer elevated his eyebrows, corrugated his fore- 
head, made a face like one who is about to sneeze, 
and then uttered something which the major took 
for “ bow-wow.” 

“ Adieu, my dear Herr Bow-wow. Hope to meet 
you again soon.” 

“Adieu, my deah Hew Majov W — W — ¥um- 
pel. Hope to have the lionah of meeting you again 
soon.” 

After shaking hands, they parted. The major 
trotted along happily to his club, and Rarrer to liis 
dentist and the employment bureau. At this of- 
fice the person in charge, after reading the major’s 
document, said : 

“ This is quite apropos ; I can recommend your 
housekeeper to a position forthwith.” 

“ Thanks,” said Rarrer, who was suffering so 
greatly that he did not care to stop and explain that 
it was not his housekeeper, but that of Major Rum- 
pel, who wanted a situation, but hurried away to 
liis dentist. 


186 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


CHAPTER VII. 

MEMENTO MORI. 

After the stout Augusta had polished the win- 
dows, she went into the kitchen and made herself a 
cup of coffee. 

This answers the same purpose for women as 
smoking a cigar does for men. 

It affords them comfort both in weal and in woe ; 
it excites and calms them at the same time. 

It is a delirium of joy into which they transport 
themselves, “an intoxication without after-pains,” 
and which produces a great desire for more. 

"When the ladies comfortably arrange themselves 
around the steaming coffee service, forming a “kaf- 
fee klatsch,” they likewise transport themselves into 
a delirium of bliss. The hearts of the old ones 
become w T arm again, and those of the younger still 
warmer ; and when they place the steaming little 
cup to their rosy lips, holding it with three taper 
fingers while the small one sticks out coquettishly, 
then they feel as if they were sipping nectar fresh 
from the fountain of Paradise. 

The older dames smile to themselves and recall 
the time of their youth and love, and if their looks 
happen to rest upon the smooth rosy face of a young 
girl, they feel neither pain nor envy over the deca- 
dence of their own love and loveliness, and the 
undying vanity that always dominates the female 
breast whispers in their ears, “ In your bloom you 
were even more beautiful than she is.” 

But the younger ones soon experience an indes- 
cribable biissfulness that expands their hearts. 


OF POTSDAM. 


187 


Through the undulating vapor of the coffee, all 
things, men and circumstances, seem to be oscillat- 
ing, and they themselves vacillate with the swaying 
world ; they look about themselves for some sup- 
port on which they could lean. But if the support 
is not safe and firm, or if they are unable to find 
any at all, they may for a time become disheart- 
ened, but they never renounce all hope. 

Coffee is a nice, but in some respects a danger- 
ous, drink, and when tobacco is added to it, love 
becomes too vast for the human breast. 

This is apparent in the cases of the gentlemen 
pastors, who, as is well known, consume vast quan- 
tities of coffee and tobacco. 

They preach nothing but love, practise nothing 
but love, and usually have the greatest number of 
children. 

And these children, especially the daughters, in- 
herit also a greater part of this intense love. 

It is a good thing, indeed, that the women do not 
smoke like the gentlemen, for, with their weaker 
and more excitable nervous system, great evils 
would result therefrom. 

After the stout Augusta, then, had cleaned the 
windows, she went into the kitchen and made her- 
self a cup of coffee. 

At the second cup she became calmer and felt 
more peaceful at heart. 

She felt how necessary it was for her to be at 
peace with humanity, and her heart was permeated 
by a certain kind of blissfulness. 

Everybody is entitled to enjoy a certain kind of 
blissfulness, and .consequently the fat Augusta, too. 

Through the undulating vapor of the coffee the 
circumstances seemed to her to become vacillating, 
and she oscillated with them, and she yearned for 
some stable condition, that is so beneficial to every 


188 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


civilized being— and that’s what the stout Augusta 
was, too. 

She certainly w r ould not have fallen, for at her 
age the blood no longer courses tumultuously in the 
arteries, and the devil assuef action is at the same 
time an angel. 

However, the fat Augusta had, for forty years 
and more, practised abstemiousness. 

Practice is almost capable of altering the stamp 
of nature ; it tames the devil, or expels him, with 
wonderful force. 

The latter axioms are from Hamlet, and hence 
highly philosophical and true. 

But we do not mean to say thereby that the cor- 
pulent Augusta formerly had the d — 1 in her, who, 
through assuefaction and practice, was expelled. 
Far be it from us. We only mean to assert that he 
was not there. 

As we have already said, at the second cup of 
coffee the plump Augusta became calm and peaceful 
at heart. 

She felt that sheTiad carried it a little too far 
with her major, and on that account would be all 
the more kind to him when he returned home. 

Truth to say, she had often intended to do it 
when seated at her after-dinner coffee ; but when he 
returned, then she quarrelled with him right well. 

The spirit is wdlling, but the flesh is weak. 

Once more the corpulent housekeeper sat at her 
coffee, and pictured to herself such a lovely scene of 
the return of the major, and the kindly, not to say 
affectionate, reception she would give him, that her 
full, puffed-out face, became irradiated with celestial 
happiness. 

That he would carry the notice which, she had 
written in her anger to the employment bureau, she 
would not believe for an instant ; the good, kind 


OF POTSDAM , : 


189 


major was certainly not capable of doing such a 
thing. 

For, in reality she was very good to him, and had 
his best interests at heart ; though, to be sure, she 
not infrequently made life unbearable to him, and 
tyrannized over him dreadfully. 

She acted in accordance with the biblical injunc- 
tion : Whom the Lord loveth He chastiseth. 

And since the whole of Christendom fiijd in this 
precept sweet consolation, then Major Rumpel must 
do so, too. 

The obese Augusta suddenly jumped off her chair, 
and her thoughts jumped higher yet. 

“ The bell rang ! ” said she, with bated breath, 
frightened. “ Can it be that the major has re- 
turned so soon ? In that case it must be remorse 
that brings him back to me ! Ah, the good, noble, 
kind man ! How good and attentive I’ll be to him ! ” 

After this monologue, she waddled as hastily as 
she could in her convenient morning shoes, through 
the rooms, her fat body shaking like a mass of jelly, 
and her heavy skirts flapping back and forth. 

Arriving at the door, she pulled back the bolt, 
secured the door with the safety-chain, and asked, 
in a most amiable voice : 

“ Who is there ? ” 

“ Is it here where the housekeeper lives who seeks 
a situation ? ” asked a mellifluous female voice. 

An icy chilliness ran through every member of the 
fat housekeeper. 

“ He has done it after all!” cried an injured 
voice within her. “ I run to meet him, and intend 
to receive him in the most friendly manner ; in- 
tend to be kind and indulgent to him ; and now I 
find that the base betrayer has actually taken my 
notice to the employment bureau. I did not con- 
quer him, after all, but I am the one that is con- 


190 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


quered, it seems. This disgrace must be wiped out 
in some way, and a new battle will have to ,be 
fought.” 

“ Or is it opposite ? ” asked the euphonious fe- 
male voice again from without. 

“ Here, please,” replied Augusta, forcing a so- 
cially-friendly expression into her large, flabby 
countenance ; “ you are at the right place, my hon- 
ored lady. Will you have the kindness to come in ? ” 

The lady entered. 

Her hair was black, and her eyes were dark. The 
latter were endowed with a rare degree of liveliness 
and ability of observation. When she walked, 
everything about her shook and trembled, and in 
her hat were a pair of large, waving wdiifce feathers. 

It was our old acquaintance — Madame Baldrian. 

Her perpetually heated countenance displayed, as 
usual, hearty confidence, benevolence, and an over- 
powering amount of sweetness, with which she 
sugar-coated the pills which she desired her clients 
to swallow. 

With a glance she took in the room and the 
surroundings she found herself in, and accurately 
measured the plump housekeeper. 

“ I have the honor to speak with Madame Majoress 
Rumpel ? ” asked Madame Baldrian, with her most 
winning smile, directing her steps toward the sofa 
that w T as indicated to her. 

The fat girl blushed so intensely that for a mo- 
ment she was totally incapable of answering. 

“ Oh, no,” she stammered at last, when both had 
taken seats; “ the Herr Major never married ; I am 
only his housekeeper.” 

Madame Baldrian appeared to be surprised. 

“ Very strange !” said she. “When I first saw 
you I felt sure you were the Madame Majoress. You 
look so commanding, and at the same time so 


OF POTSDAM. 


191 


humble, that one is tempted to address you as “ my 
gracious lady.” 

“ Ah, ah ! ” ejaculated the simple Augusta, cast- 
ing down her eyes, and in embarrassment fumbling 
at her apron-strings. The spark thus thrown into 
her breast spread with lightning-like rapidity, and 
set her soul in a blaze. 

“ Just as I tell you,” continued the marriage plotter, 
with w T ell-assumed harmlessness, “ \ am a plain 
woman and say what I mean. My tongue speaks 
for my heart. H’m ! Remarkable ! You are really 
the housekeeper who advertised for a position to- 
day ? ” 

“Yes, at your service,” answered Augusta, who 
saw in this a prospect of carrying out her old plan 
and of conquering the major in the end, or of reveng- 
ing herself upon him. 

“ One is ready to credit you with the good quali- 
ties which you claim in your announcement,” went 
on the matrimonial agent, gazing confidentially at 
the housekeeper, “ for they are written in your face — 
£ honesty, frugality, economy, amiability, and obedi- 
ence.’ One must believe you when one looks at 
you.” 

The gullible Augusta, who was totally unused to 
such flattery, was at a loss what to say, while in the 
scheming head of the match-maker a project seemed 
to be growing more and more. 

“ Why are you leaving this place ? ” asked the pro- 
moter of marriages, further. 

Now the stout Augusta became really embarrassed. 
Should she say anything bad against her good mas- 
ter ? The good will she bore him would not per- 
mit her to do it. Should she relate the scene 
that took place to-day between them ? That would 
cast a very strong doubt upon the amiability and 
tenderness which she boasted of, and which even the 


192 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


strange lady had read in her face. Her vanity, also, 
which overtopped the good will in her heart, would 
not permit it. 

What was Augusta to do ? She did not know. 
She therefore kept her eyes cast down upon her lap 
and fumbled with her apron-strings. 

Madame Baldrian followed the gaze of the house- 
keeper with a very peculiar expression on her coun- 
tenance. She then looked up to her face and, with 
a prolonged tone in her voice which was as thin and 
piercing as an ethereal corkscrew, and such as the 
ladies assume when they ask certain questions, as if 
they desire to pull out an admission from the very 
soul, asked : 

“Not on account of circumstances which ” 

A question like this one, when propounded in the 
peculiar tone of voice alluded to, will, even when it 
strikes the most ingenuous ear, be sufficiently com- 
prehensive to lead to a confession, if there is any- 
thing to confess. 

Augusta therefore quickly raised her head, be- 
came fiery red in the face, looked at her visitor full 
and determinedly in the eye, and, with a degree of 
indignation and reprobation that unmistakably bore 
the stamp of sincerity, said : 

“ Madame, how can you think ■” 

“ Good, very good,” said Madame Baldrian, com- 
pletely satisfied and convinced. “You spoke the 
truth, but everything is possible in this world ! ” 

“ I simply want to make a change,” said the house- 
keeper, thinking this would be sufficient reason, 
which, diplomatically speaking, admitted a good 
deal and nothing at all at the same time. 

The matrimonial agent seemed to be absorbed in 
making combinations, for she silently gazed upon the 
housekeeper for a long while, who again became 
greatly embarrassed. 


OF POTSDAM. 


193 


She had never met such a strange lady in her 
whole life. 

“ How old are you ? ” asked that lady. 

The corpulent girl looked up, frightened. 

“Very well!” added Madame Baldrian; “you 
needn’t tell me ; I know. At any rate, you are too 
old to go into service again.” 

“ What ? ” asked the housekeeper, painfully af- 
fected. “ You think I am too old, and consequently 
will not engage me! ” 

“Don’t misunderstand me, my friend,” said the 
match-maker, suavely. “ I will not engage you, not 
because you are too old, but because you are destined 
for something better than housekeeping.” 

Augusta looked at her with big eyes. 

“ And for what better purpose am I destined ? ” 
she asked, inquisitively. 

“ For matrimony,” said the matrimonial agent, 
“ and for all that that implies ! ” 

Augusta uttered a cry and jumped off the sofa as 
if she had been shot. 

“ Sit down, child, sit down ! ” said the match- 
maker, kindly motioning with her hand. 

The bashful girl sat down, but she seated herself 
as if the sofa were full of raw eggs. 

“Believe me, my child, I am actuated by the best 
of motives,” continued MadameBaldrian, “ otherwise 
I would take you into my service, for I need - a 
housekeeper very much. But the interest I take in 
my fellow-beings is always paramount to my own, 
and, therefore, I am now disposed to care for your 
happiness rather than for my convenience.” 

The fat girl gazed upon her visitor with peculiar 
but confidential looks. 

“Yes, child, I mean to procure you a husband,” 
added the match-maker. 

“You are not making fun at me, my lady, are 
13 


194 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


you ? ” asked the housekeeper, with mixed feelings 
of fear and doubt. 

“I do not jest upon such subjects,” said Madame 
Baldrian, with inimitable dignity. “hTo one in Ber- 
lin ever knew me to do that ! ” 

She then took a visiting card out of her portemon- 
naie and handed it to Augusta. 

But the latter was in sucli a state of excitement 
that she glanced at the name without reading it, 
and then put it on the table. 

“ Who is the man you want to procure for me as a 
husband ? ” she asked, with maidenly modesty, cast- 
ing her eyes bashfully into her lap again. 

“Well, who but your own major? ” answered the 
matrimonial agent, impressively. 

Augusta uttered another cry, and once more 
jumped off the sofa. 

“ Sit still, child, sit still ! ” said Madame Baldrian, 
partly impatiently and partly commanding, motion- 
ing with her hand. “ Why do you get so frightened 
every time I mention that which we are destined 
for ? There is no need of your being so shy with 
me ! ” 

Augusta seated herself again. 

“ Oh, heavens,” she sighed — an exclamation 
women often utter, because it expresses and covers 
everything possible. 

“ Do you dislike the gentleman ? ” asked the 
matrimonial agent, insinuatingly. 

“ Oh no, not in the least !” quickly answered the 
bashful Augusta, with a good deal of animation. 
“But I never would have dreamed that the major — 
besides — the major is so old already — he is over 
seventy.” 

Madame Baldrian again gazed at her new client 
with a peculiarly penetrating look. 

“That does not matter!” said she; “you need 


OF POTSDAM. 


195 


not worry about it in the least. The old soldiers 
live long.” 

“ You think so ? ” asked the mature maiden, with 
a friendly look at her visitor. And then she added : 
“The major served in the mounted artillery.” 

“ All the better ! ” promptly responded Madame 
Baldrian with the utmost assurance. “ The artil- 
lery soldiers are among men what sausages and 
cured hams are among meat produce. They have 
passed the greatest part of their lives in smoke, and 
that acts as a preservative — which, as an old house- 
keeper, you know, is the case.” 

Augusta sighed as if a load were removed from 
her tender breast. Is it possible that the pure 
creature thought of something? We believe not. 

As we have already said, the blood in her veins 
no longer coursed tumultuously — perhaps it never 
did — and she had long ago given up all thoughts of 
love and domestic happiness, with all that that im- 
plies. 

But who could blame her if she was desirous of 
having all the good things of life complete when 
they were all at once placed within her grasp ? 

The desire to have everything complete is, in fact, 
one of the cardinal virtues of the wife, and springs 
from her great love of order. 

Hence, this is why the shy Augusta sighed from 
a relieved bosom. The hope of being able to 
gratify her great love of order' and completeness 
afforded her great prospective pleasure. 

“Do you know the major, my dear madame?” 
asked the housekeeper after a brief silence. 

“Ho, I never saw him,” answered the lady. 

“ Then how do you know ? ” asked Augusta 

further. 

“ What ? ” 

“ That ” 


196 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Oil ! I understand what you mean. Whether 
I’ll succeed in making a pair of you two ? Was 
not that what you wished to say ? ” 

The fat cook nodded with her head. 

“ Nothing simpler and easier than that,” replied 
Madame Baldrian, with the utmost assurance. u The 
affair is as good as settled, and for two reasons.” 

Augusta looked at the match-maker inquiringly. 

a The first and chief of these two reasons,” went 
on the hymeneal schemer, “ is that you love the 
major.” 

The housekeeper w T as startled as if by an electric 
battery, and made such a remarkably surprised face 
that anybody but the match-maker would have 
laughed outright. 

“ And the second reason is,” added the latter, 
with the utmost seriousness, u that the major recip- 
rocates your love.” 

“ Heavenly Father ! ” exclaimed the divinity that 
presided over Major Bum pel’s culinary department, 
clasping her hands and beginning to rock herself, as 
if she experienced something entirely different from 
love. 

The match-maker eyed her victim with a triumph- 
ant look, and went on didactically, like a professor 
deli vering a lecture : 

“ I will make it all perfectly clear to you, my 
child ; listen attentively ! Two persons of opposite 
sexes — oh, stop blushing continually !— who have 
lived so intimately together for ten years as you 
and the major, at last acquire the germ of feelings 
in their hearts which may, it is true, slumber for a 
while, yet requires only an enlivening breath to be 
awakened, and bloom forth with wonderful rapidity 
into buds, blossoms, and fruit. Now, albeit the 
germ may slumber, still it will manifest its pres- 
ence by certain symptoms, which the parties con- 


OF POTSDAM. 


197 


cerned are at first totally unable to explain, till a 
stranger appears, and with one word pulls the veil 
from off their eyes. Did you understand what I 
said, child ? ” 

The fat Augusta did not answer ; her hands were 
still clasped, and she still continued to rock herself 
to and fro — which might have indicated any other 
sensation than love. 

“ I’ll make it still plainer to you,” went on the 
promoter of marriages. “ Didn’t you occasionally 
get angry at the major, without being able to ex- 
plain to yourself the reason why ? ” 

“ Yes,” said Augusta, quickly ; “ that’s true ! ” 
and then she added, still more quickly : “ Although 
I am tenderness and kindness personified.” 

“ That is love,” said the match-maker, with the 
infallibility of a professor of mathematics who has 
just proved an example. 

The fat Augusta rocked herself rapidly as if she 
was not able to stand it any longer. 

“ Did you not occasionally entertain for him a 
strange, inexplicable resentment ? ” asked the matri- 
monial agent, further. “Did you not sometimes 
feel an inward satisfaction at provoking, angering, 
and vexing him ? ” 

“ Yes,” answered the housekeeper, “ although I 
am amiability and gentleness personified.” 

“That’s love!” said the lady. “That is a kind 
of rancor which one is unable to explain, because 
the germ I spoke of is not yet awake ; that is a 
kind of ill-humor that one constantly feels who 
wants to be understood and is not, and who wants 
to understand and cannot.” 

It now began to dawn in Augusta’s eyes. 

“ And he,” continued Madame Baldrian, “ the ma- 
jor — did it not seem strange to you that he strove to 
getaway from you, to avoid you, seeking to be alone ?” 


198 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Augusta nodded and rocked herself still more 
rapidly. 

“ That’s love,” said the matrimonial agent ; “ the 
coy, unknown love. Did you ever read our great 
Schiller, child?” 

The housekeeper shook her head. 

“How beautiful and true he expresses himself 
upon these things ! ” said the match-maker. “ Listen 
once : 


From the maiden 

The youth tears himself away, 

And wildly rushes into life. 

Well, wdiat do you say to this, child ? ” 

The fat girl rocked herself furiously. 

“ And did you not sometimes catch him throw- 
ing an angry and stealthy look at you,” went on the 
matrimonial agent, “as if he wanted to say some- 
thing to you, but quickly checked himself ? ” 

“ Yes, yes ! ” cried the housekeeper. 

“ That’s his displeasure at not being able to un- 
derstand his love ! ” said the lady. 

“ Oh ! oh ! ” uttered Augusta. 

“ And did you not sometimes have a quarrel ? ” 
questioned the match-maker, further. “ Did he not 
try to break the bond that confined him forcibly, in 
order to free himself from a feeling that mastered 
him ? Did he not occasionally become perfectly 
wild and uncontrollable, and strive to tear himself 
away from the influence which you exerted over 
him ? ” 

“ Yes, yes,” exclaimed the mature damsel, so ex- 
citedly that she was scarcely able to retain her seat. 

“ That’s already more than love, and if he is not 
quickly made to comprehend the state of his own 
feelings he will become mad,” said the match-maker. 
“ He is no longer able to restrain the wfild, vehement 


OF POTSDAM. 


199 


feelings that rage in his breast ; his condition is 
critical, and if he does not heed it and is not concili- 
ated, he may kill himself or yon.” 

“ Heavenly Father, forgive me my sins ! ” blub- 
bered the fat girl, wringing her hands and repeat- 
edly ogling the ceiling with her watery optics. 

“You may thank your Creator that destiny 
brought me to you,” said Madame Baldrian. “ It 
may yet be time to prevent a calamity, and convert 
the matter into one of happiness. I trust he has 
not already sought a watery grave ! ” 

Augusta cried out aloud, and in her anxiety was 
about to jump out of the window to look for some 
sign of his coming. 

“ Keep your seat, child, keep your seat ! ” said 
Madame Baldrian, in a mollifying tone, pulling her 
back to the sofa by the skirts. “ Where do you 
want to go to ? I was only joking. Men do not 
drown themselves so quickly as that.” 

Augusta'seated herself again. 

“ I only wanted to prove to you that I was right,” 
continued the match-maker, smilingly. 

The housekeeper looked at her visitor inquiringly. 

“When I said before that you love him,” added 
Madame Baldrian. 

The major’s faithful cook sighed and laid both 
hands upon her stomach. 

“Isn’t it true? ’’asked the matrimonial agent. 
“ Don’t you care for him just a little bit already ? ” 

“ Oh, very much ! ’’ cried the big girl, with so 
much vehemence that the face of her patroness as- 
sumed a surprised expression. 

“ Heaven help you both ! ” said the latter, lean- 
ing back on the sofa. “ It was high time with you 
two. What an ardent pair of lovers you are ! ” 

Augusta cast down her eyes. 

“What pleasures you two will enjoy ! ” continued 


200 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


the scheming dame, greatly enjoying the tortures 
she inflicted upon her victim. 

“ Don’t you postpone the wedding too long ; do 
you hear, child ? ” 

“ Oh heavens ! ” said the fat Augusta, bashfully 
twisting her shoulders like a school-girl. 

“ Have you read Goethe ? ” asked Madame Bald- 
rian, who was full of deviltry to-day. 

The blushing damsel shook her head negatively. 

“ How nice and how true the immortal bard ex- 
presses himself upon these things. Listen a bit : 

’Tis one’s greatest blessing 

To receive from such a loving creature fond caressing. 

She spoke this couplet with such a gushing seduc- 
tiveness, accompanied by such an alluring leer, that 
the fat Augusta became strangely affected. Her 
heart was so full and her bodice so loose, that she 
laughed, wept, and shouted at the same time. 

So great a power has love over mankind and 
womankind, albeit it may only be imaginary love. 

“ "Well,” said the match-maker, tickling Augusta 
under the ribs with a finger, “ will I get an invita- 
tion to the wedding ? ” 

The damsel nodded. 

“ And to the first christening, too ? ” whispered 
the matrimonial agent. 

The corpulent Augusta became fiery red in the face. 

“ Oh, go away ! ” said she, pouting, coyly casting 
down her eyes and playfully striking the lady’s 
hand. 

As this mischievous person was about to whisper 
another terrible question into her ear, Augusta 
friskily skipped away to escape additional embar- 
rassment, but soon returned bearing a coffee service, 
which she placed before the one who had brought 
her so much good fortune. 


OF POTSDAM. 


201 


“ May I have the pleasure of offering you a cup 
of coffee, my dear tnadame ?” asked the housekeeper, 
with a most blissfully happy face. 

A woman will decline an invitation to partake 
of a cup of coffee in exceptional cases only. 
The matrimonial agent therefore nodded affirma- 
tively, and arranged herself conveniently upon the 
sofa. 

“ Yes, thanks ! ” said she ; “ we can chat a little 
more meantime. How soon will he be back ? If it 
does not take very long I’ll wait, and settle the mat- 
ter completely.” 

“ He will be back in less than half an hour,” an- 
swered the housekeeper, emphasizing the word 
“he” in a most affectionate manner already. 

“ That will suit me very well,” remarked Madame 
Baldrian, in dulcet tones, sipping the hot coffee, 
“ and I’ll prove to you that 1 was not mistaken in 
his case, either.” 

“ Heavens, if it should prove true ! ” sighed the 
maiden, stirring her cup and ogling the ceiling. 

“ Everything I prophesy comes true ! ” declaimed 
the match-maker, with pompous pathos ; “ for in 
matters of this kind I have an experience second to 
none. Listen, and I will tell you beforehand the 
symptoms he will display. On entering he will 
be somewhat shy and uncertain ; afterward he will 
affect a certain degree of friendliness that will be 
restrained by his embarrassment. W hen he ascer- 
tains that I came to engage you he will be tom by 
inward torture, though outwardly he will appear 
to rejoice ; and when at last I inform him that you 
love him, he will be completely overwhelmed by the 
powerful sensation, whose name and importance he 
will only just then learn, and, almost completely 
prostrated, he will sink iiito a chair. If he does 
that, then you are perfectly sure of him, my child ; 


202 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


then you are beloved as no woman was ever loved 
before, and eternal bliss will be your lot ! ” 

The corpulent spinster closed her eyes, and rocked 
herself in blissful anticipation of that joyous hour. 

“ But soon afterward,” w T ent on Madame Bald- 
rian, “his haughty military nature will rise in 
revolt against the chains that are about to be put 
upon him, though they are the rosy chains of love ; 
his rough soul will feel offended because I be- 
trayed his feelings before he acknowledged them 
himself ; and he will, therefore, try to deny them ; 
w r ill contradict everything ; will curse and swear, 
just as the powerful sons of Mars are apt to do. In 
the end, however, our melting woman’s tears wall 
soften him, and he will press you to his heart, and 
press the first chaste kiss upon your pure brow.” 

The fat Augusta involuntarily wiped her forehead 
with the apron, and moistened her thick, red lips with 
her tongue, as if in anticipation of future happiness. 

Just then the bell rang softly at the outer door. 
The housekeeper started. 

“ Is that he ? ” asked Madame Baldrian, her face 
glistening from excitement, spreading herself a little 
more upon the sofa. 

“I think so,” gasped Augusta, in a whisper. 
“ Though he generally rings much louder.” 

“ Didn’t I tell you so ? ” whispered the arch mar- 
riage plotter. “ lie fears the reception he will get. 
Quick, now, open the door ! ” 

“ I dare not ! ” groaned Augusta, laying a hand 
upon her stomach. 

“ Ho delay now ! ” urged Madame Baldrian. 
“ Open the door forthwith, and let the loved one in.” 

The mature maiden tardily got up, anxiously 
looked at her patroness once more, who gave her a 
commanding and encouraging look, after which she 
slowly shuffled to the door and opened it. 


OF POTSDAM. 


203 


Major Rumpel, it is true, entered somewhat hesi- 
tatingly, for the scene that was brought about to- 
day by his reading of the new description of the 
battle of Waterloo— which description imbued him 
with so much courage and resolution — was the only 
one of its kind in the ten years that Augusta super- 
vised his household and ministered to his wants — 
and the apprehension of its effects gave him some 
concern and caused him some fear. 

But when he saw her standing before him shyly 
and bashfully, with downcast eyes, and, in addition, 
observed the presence of a strange lady in the room, 
he stopped at the door and looked in surprise first 
at one and then at the other. 

“ This lady wishes to engage me,” cried Augusta ; 
and Madame Baldrian, without rising, made him a 
graceful bow. 

In the eyes of the major a secret joy flashed up 
for a moment. 

“ Thunder ! ” said he, mentally, “ that feeble- 
minded young man, who don’t know his own name, 
has complied with my request in a wonderfully 
quick manner. My apprehension that he would 
bring me bad luck was groundless, after all.” 

Madame Baldrian, who had noticed the flash of 
joy in the major’s eyes, threw a glance full of 
meaning at her protegee . 

“ You don’t mind if I tarry awhile here, Herr 
Major?” said that lady, with the utmost amia- 
bility addressing herself to the old soldier. 

The major looked at her pleasantly, advanced, 
and placed his hand to his best ear. 

“He is somewhat hard of hearing,” said Au- 
gusta to Madame Baldrian. “ You must talk right 
loud to him.” 

“You will permit me to tarry awhile?” re- 
peated the match-maker, loudly. 


204 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Ton are in a hurry ? ” answered Kumpel. “ I 
am very sorry.” 

Madame Baldrian took a deep breath and then 
hallooed with all her might. 

“You don't mind if I stay a little while?” 

“Kot in the least,” replied the major. “Don’t 
hurry yourself on my account, I beg of you.” 

At a secret sign from the matrimonial agent, 
Augusta placed a chair at the table and took from 
Kumpel his hat and cane. 

“ Will you join us, Herr Major ? ” cried Madame 
Baldrian. 

The major bowed in acknowledgment and sat 
down ; and Augusta, at another secret wink from 
her patroness, brought a cup and saucer, which 
the latter filled with coffee with her own hands. 

“ Do you take cream ! ” she asked. 

“ You wish to know my name ? Kumpel, at 
your service,” replied the major, bowing affably. 

Madame Baldrian was seized with a slight attack 
of nervousness. 

“ Will you drink your coffee with or without 
cream ? ” she repeated. 

“Ah, thanks!” replied the major, slightly em- 
barrassed. “ I don’t wish any coffee at all. I had 
some at the club.” 

“ Oh, well, you might drink a cup for company’s 
sake,” said Madame Baldrian, pouring cream and 
putting sugar in the cup. “ You must be gallant to 
the ladies, Herr Major.” 

Rumpel took a mouthful and made a wry face. 

“ Isn’t it good ? ” cried the match-maker, bending 
over the table. 

“It’s horribly sweet!” answered the major. “I 
don’t like so much cream nor so much sugar in my 
coffee.” 

“Oh, well, this is a day of sweetness,” cried Ma- 


OF POTSDAM. 


205 


dame Baldrian, with a Bacchanalian tone of voice. 
“ You will taste more sweets to-day, my dear ma- 
jor.” 

Kumpel, who did not understand what she said 
at all, looked grateful. 

The bashful Augusta turned red and did not 
know in which direction to look. 

“ I came in response to the announcement which 
your housekeeper sent to the employment bureau,” 
said Madame Baldrian resuming the conversation. 

The major bowed. 

“ She seems to have excellent qualities,” con- 
tinued the lady. 

“ Yes, excellent,” assented the major. 

“ You were always pleased with her, and can sin- 
cerely recommend her ? ” asked she, further. 

“Yes, I. was always pleased with her and can 
sincerely recommend her,” affirmed the major. 

“ I am glad to hear it ! ” said the matrimonial 
agent. 

Old Kumpel’s face assumed an expression of in- 
tense delight. 

“ She will take her away,” said he, mentally. 
“ Thank heavens, I’ll get rid of her ! ” 

The matrimonial agent threw an encouraging look 
at Augusta, whose heart could almost be heard beat- 
ing. 

“ And why do you want to send her away ? ” 
asked the former, further. 

The major became somewhat embarrassed, and 
was at a loss what answer to give. 

“ Because she wishes to make a change,” he an- 
swered finally, in a low voice. 

Madame Baldrian gazed at him with a penetrat- 
ing look. 

“ But why does she wish to make a change ? ” 
she went on, examining him. “ Since she pleased 


206 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


a clear insight into the situa- 


you well hitherto, there must have recently occurred 
something that renders it necessary for her to make 
a change — something very unsatisfactory to her and 
difficult for her to overlook.” 

Old Kumpel looked sheepish and cast a stealthy 
glance at Augusta, whose heart went on heating 
louder and louder. 

“ And this is actually the case,” spoke Madame 
Baldrian, further. a My never-failing, keen obser- 
vation has given me 
tion. I know everything ! ' 

The major looked at Augusta again, but she had 
her eves cast down upon her lap. 

“This young woman has sacrificed ten of her best 
years for you and served you, not as a servant, but 
as a friend,” continued Madame 'Baldrian. “This 
girl has carried you, dandled you upon her hands ! ” 

The major sighed, and the matrimonial agent 
lightly kicked Augusta’s foot. 

“ And how did you recompense this angelic girl, 
Herr Major,” spoke Madame Baldrian, further, “ for 
sacrificing ten of her blooming years in your ser- 
vice ? ” 

The major shrugged his shoulders, because he did 
not know what answer to make. 

“Do you think that such a thing can be paid for 
with filthy lucre ? ” went on the match-maker. “ Do 
you imagine that Augusta served you for money ? 
Oh no, Herr Major ; she was actuated by nobler mo- 
tives in the sw r eet performance of her duties than by 
avarice ! But instead of giving her your heartfelt 
thanks, you treat her unkindly. You are unthank- 
ful for her noble acts, return harshness for her 
tenderness, and garrulousness for her amiability, 
till the silent, patient, and submissive girl is unable 
to bear it any longer; for even the worm squirms 
for being too often trod upon, and so, too, Augusta 


OF POTSDAM. 


207 


is finally brought to a state of morbid irritation, 
and suffers from nervous excitement — which is only 
a reflex of your own condition.” 

Old Rumpel was at a loss what to make of the 
affair, and his face assumed a puzzled expression. 

“I have come to your relief, Herr Major,” con- 
tinued the match-maker, with impassioned tones. 

“ I have cast my sharp, penetrating, unerring glance 
into your soul ; I have talked for an hour with this 
young girl, and therefore I am now able to tell you 
the reason why you so often plagued her.” 

“ Well, why ? ” asked the major, curious to a de- 
gree, shading each ear with a hand for the purpose 
of improving his hearing. 

“ Because Augusta loves you ! ” cried Madame 
Baldrian, in a ringing voice. 

Old Rumpel opened his eyes to their utmost ca- 
pacity, and looked in a dazed manner. 

“ Because she loves you to distraction ! ” affirmed 
the matrimonial agent, impressively. 

The major now let go his ears, his arms dropped 
impotently by his side, he shut his eyes, and he fell 
back in his chair, utterly crushed. 

Madame Baldrian threw a look of triumph at her 
young protegee , pointing toward Rumpel with her 
right hand, as if to say, “ There, didn’t I tell you 
so?” 

Owing to her constantly growing excitement, the 
fat Augusta had attained to a condition bordering on 
mental derangement ; but when she saw the prophecy 
of Madame Baldrian fulfilled, and the major, over- 
come by his feelings, sinking down, totally collapsed, 
she was scarcely able to contain herself any longer. 
A wave of consuming fire streamed through her 
entire body. She leaped from the sofa, with one 
bound reached the major’s chair, and in a loud, 
heartrending voice, cried : 


208 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Roderick, my beloved Roderick ! ” and sank 
down at his feet with a crash, dropping her big head 
into his lap like a cannon-ball. 

“ God have mercy upon me ! ” cried old Rumpel, 
feeling that part of his anatomy that was hurt with 
both hands, but they only encountered Augusta’s 
head. 

Madame Baldrian now got up. 

Silently and impressively, her face radiant with 
pleasure, she now stepped behind Rumpel’s chair, 
put her hands upon his shoulders, brought her lips 
close to his best ear, and shouted with all her 
strength : 

“ I congratulate you heartily ! I knew very well 
that you reciprocated Augusta’s love ! ” 

The major started as if he had been shot from 
behind. 

He tore his eyes wide open, but wdien he saw 
one woman at his shoulder and another upon his lap, 
he gazed in dismay, first at one and then at the 
other. As soon as he had collected his thoughts he 
began to beat with his hands and kick with his feet, 
to free himself from the demons that clung to 
him. 

He soon freed himself from Madame Baldrian, 
who got a severe blow square upon her nose, but 
the head of Augusta seemed to become constantly 
heavier, weighing him down like a heavy load, till, 
with a forcible jerk, he pushed himself and chair 
backward and the girl came down plump upon the 
floor, striking the bare boards with her forehead. 

The major jumped up and began to run about 
the room like a raving Roland. 

“ Either you have become crazy, or I have,” he 
growled. “This is a Himmel-schock-schwerenoths- 
withschaft ! ” 

“Ro, my dear major, you are not crazy,” said 


OF POTSDAM. 


209 


Madame Baldrian, following him so that he should 
hear what she said, “ but in love, so madly in love 
as to scarcely believe it, still less to admit it ! ” 

Old B-umpel turned around and stared at the 
matrimonial agent. 

But on beholding a perfectly calm face, display- 
ing an expression of sincere conviction, he clasped 
both hands to his head, turned around abruptly, and 
was about to resume his race of despair about the 
room. 

But as one fairy was still lying at his feet, and feel- 
ing the hot breath of the other at his back, he was 
at a loss, in his rage, what to do. He therefore leaped 
over the tender virgin, but in doing so he sprained 
a knee, and he found that it caused him much pain 
when he attempted to resume his race about the 
room. 

“How, has not everything happened as I pre- 
dicted ? ” whispered Madame Baldrian to Augusta. 
“ Get up now and help me to make a final attack 
upon his heart.” 

The housekeeper laboriously got up from the floor, 
her patroness again stepped behind the major, who 
had seated himself and was rubbing his injured 
knee. 

“Dear Major Kumpel!” said she. 

The major turned around, frightened. 

“ I swear to you that Augusta loves you ! ” went 
on Madame Baldrian, impressively, “ and I see it 
clearly in your eyes that you reciprocate her love ! ” 

“First time I ever heard of it!” growled the 
major, with a marked expression of disgust on his 
face. 

“ I am not surprised that your rough nature will 
not submit at once,” spoke the match -maker, fur- 
ther, in a sweet, seductive voice ; “ but it will not 
be long before the icy crust will melt from your 
H 


210 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


glowing heart ; you will fall upon the throbbing 
breast of the object you longed for so long, and your 
bashful kisses will form the happy answer which 
your inward emotion prevents you from uttering.” 

“ Be still!” yelled the major, almost distracted. 
“ What are you talking about ? Engage this house- 
keeper, and take her with you at once, if possible.” 

“ Oh, no ; I do not intend to engage her, nor take 
her with me,” replied Madame Baldrian. 

“ And why not ? ” cried Rumpel, furiously run- 
ning his hands through his hair. 

“ Because you are going to marry her, you old 
rogue, you ! ” returned the matrimonial schemer, 
coquettishly threatening him with a finger. 

“ I will then be either stark mad, or near my 
end ! ” said the major. 

\ At these words the fat Augusta broke out in low 
sobs. 

“ See ! ” said Madame Baldrian, “ the poor tender 
creature cries when you allude to the end of your 
life ! ” 

The major looked at Augusta with a puzzled 
face. He had never seen her cry. 

He turned to Madame Baldrian with the intention 
of addressing her, but found that she held a hand- 
kerchief pressed to her eyes and was weeping, too. 

“You have broken her heart!” she ejaculated, 
between the bogus sobs. 

Augusta now began to cry so vehemently as to 
cause some alarm. 

“If you do not bestow upon her your name her 
reputation will be destroyed forever ! ” uttered the 
matrimonial agent, further, between the sobs. 

“ How so ? ” shrieked the major. “ I never had 
anything to do with her reputation.” 

Madame Baldrian coolly took out Augusta’s ad- 
vertisement from her satchel, and read it. 


OF POTSDAM. 


211 


“ Wanted a situation by a housekeeper, who for 
more than ten years managed the household of a 
gentleman to his entire satisfaction, and who is a 
model of faithfulness, honesty, sobriety, economy, 
and amiability. Will only serve a lady hereafter .” 

“ Well, that is her advertisement,” said the major. 
“ What is there in it ? ” 

“ Will only serve a lady hereafter,” repeated 
Madame Baldrian, with marked emphasis. 

The major looked at her as if he still failed to un- 
derstand her. 

“These words will be published in to-morrow’s 
newspaper,” continued Madame Baldrian; “for it 
will not be known at the bureau whether I have en- 
gaged her or not. These words will be read by 
thousands and tens of thousands, and the construc- 
tion that will be put upon them will be such as to 
destroy her reputation forever ! ” 

The major rubbed his forehead in the hope of 
stimulating his understanding a little. 

“ Don’t you understand it yet ? ” asked the hyme- 
neal plotter. “ ‘ Will only serve a lady hereafter ! ’ 
that is to say, will not have anything more to do 
with a gentleman.” 

“Yes, I understand that,” said Bum pel. 

“Well, why not a gentleman, do you think?” 
went on the match -maker. “ Because her experience 
with the latter was disagreeable, so disagreeable that 
her tender, shy, and timid soul was shocked.” 

“ Oh ! ” growled the major. 

“ Because things were suggested to her that caused 
her virtue to blush with shame,” added Madame 
Baldrian, with sharp emphasis. 

“What?” cried the major. “How dare you in- 
sinuate such a thing ? ” 

“The thoughtless girl wrote the words as they 
arose in her mind, without knowing or thinking that 


212 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


they would destroy her reputation forever — which 
will certainly happen if you decline to save the in- 
nocent girl’s honor by giving her your name ! ” 

Augusta cried now spasmodically, and with out- 
stretched arms advanced toward the major. 

The latter made a gesture of disgust and turned 
away, but behind him stood the arch plotter, sob- 
bing too, with tearful eyes and supplicatingly clasped 
hands. 

Old Rumpel looked as if he would like to leap out 
of his skin, and he suddenly turned about in the 
hope of escaping from the two earthly angels. 

But it was no use. They dogged his footsteps, 
and the weeping, the wailing, and the sobbing con- 
stantly became more and more vehement ; and 
wherever he went he had a modem Niobe before 
and behind him ; and every time he attempted to 
gain the door of exit he was in danger of falling 
into the outstretched arms of his housekeeper, or 
colliding with the match-maker. 

“ Herr Major, you have resisted us long enough 
now,” said Madame Baldrian, behind him. “You 
may surrender with honor.” 

“ Roderick, my beloved Roderick ! ” sobbed the 
fat Augusta, alternately, first in one ear and then in 
the other. 

The major, however, ran in a zigzag manner 
about his apartment like one bereft of reason, like 
a deer chased by the hounds, speedily to be cap- 
tured ; or like the king in chess, about to be check- 
mated. 

The perspiration stood in drops upon his fore- 
head, his black-dyed mustache that usually stood 
out so truculently, hung down wet and limp at both 
sides of his painfully distorted mouth, and his long 
side- whiskers were blown back like a dark veil. 

His strength at last seemed to give out com- 


OF POTSDAM. 


213 


pletely, for he staggered toward a chair at the win- 
dow, fell into it, leaned his head back, and stretched 
out his lean legs as if he were near his end. 

44 Will you marry that girl, Herr Major? ” sobbed 
Madame Baldrian. 

44 Roderick, my dear Roderick ! ” cried the stout 
Augusta, into his best ear. 

44 I’ll remain here, if necessary, the whole night, 
and will not cease till you consent to marry her,” 
shrieked Madame Baldrian into his other ear. 

44 Roderick, my dear Roderick, give me a kiss ! ” 
cried the fat girl. 

44 Yield, you rough soldier, you ! ” exclaimed the 
match-maker, fondling his cheek with both hands. 

44 Give me a kiss, do, dear Roderick ! ” supplicated 
Augusta, bringing her lips close to his. 

4 ‘ Come now, say you will, like a good old fellow ! ” 
coaxed the matrimonial agent, on one side. 

44 Will you marry me, my beloved Roderick?” 
begged Augusta, on the other side. 

The major had become as pale as a corpse, and 
looked utterly demoralized and exhausted ; his 
countenance twitched, and a ghastly expression of 
despair played around his mouth. 

Suddenly he opened his eyes wide and bounced 
out of the chair, pushed both earthly angels aside 
by violent strokes of his arms, like one swimming, 
and like a hunted deer rushed toward the door. 

44 Yes, yes,” he shrieked in cutting tones, that 
echoed the harrowing pains of his soul. 44 I’ll do all 
you ask of me, only let me out ! ” 

He was just in the act of turning the knob when 
the door was opened from without, and Rarrer, with 
his head thickly muffled in a shawl, entered. 

44 What is it you want here ? ” cried the major to 
the new-comer, still trembling from excitement. 44 1 
thought you went to your dentist ! ” 


214 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


66 Yes, I was theah,” stammered Karrer, woefully 
distorting his face; “but unfohtimately he pulled 
out a wong tooth, and now my pains ah gweatah 
than evah ! ” 

“ Did you come here to tell me that ? ” furiously 
cried the major. 

“ No,” replied Karrer, painfully, “ I only wished 
to infom you that I delivehed the notice at the 
buweau, and that most pwobably a lady would call 
to-day to engage youah housekeepah ! ” 

“ She is here already ! ” yelled the major, 
fiercely. “ 1 was not mistaken in you after all ; my 
apprehensions were correct. You brought me bad 
luck ! ” 

“ I am extweemly sowy foh it ! 55 said Karrer. 
“ Will you pehmit me to sit down foah a minute, I 
have such tevvible pains ! ” 

He dropped into a chair and sat groaning and 
rocking himself to and fro. 

“ I will go now/’ said Madame Baldrian, preparing 
to leave. “ My task is completed here. Your 
promise, Herr Major, is alike satisfactory to me and 
honorable to yourself ; I trust you, for the word of a 
soldier is more reliable than the oath of a civilian. 
Adieu, dear child ! ” she added, turning to the cook, 
Augusta. “I brought you happiness, as I do 
wdierever I go.” 

She was in the act of leaving the room when her 
looks fell upon poor Karrer, who seemed to be suf- 
fering terribly. 

“ Unfortunate young map!” said she, taking a 
small vial of chloroform and wadding out of her 
reticule ; “ you shall have help, too. It is always 
well to have such remedies handy. There, drop a 
drop on the wadding, and then put it into your ear,” 
she added, handing him the cotton and the little 
vial. 


OF POTSDAM. 


215 


Like a drowning man who beholds his last chance 
of saving himself, Rarrer grasped at the offered 
remedy, but in his haste he completely drenched 
the cotton, put it into his ear, and commenced to 
inhale from the bottle besides. 

“ Adieu, my dear major ! ” said Madame Baldrian, 
turning to the panting old man. “I can read the 
gratitude you feel in your eyes, and more than 
that I cannot ask. I wish you joy. The happiest 
days of your life are before you ! ” 

“ Adieu ! ” replied the major, ironically. “ Oh, 
yes, I am very grateful to you ! ” 

Madame Baldrian bowed to him in the most gra- 
cious manner, and with the majesty of a queen 
strutted out of the room. 

“ I sha’n’t do it ! ” exclaimed the major, slamming 
the door, which the lady had left open, and stamp- 
ing with his foot to give greater emphasis to his 
expression. “ I’d be crazy indeed if I allowed my- 
self to be led about by such a termagant. Who is 
this Beelzebub of a woman, any way ? ” 

“ I don’t know,” replied Augusta, sobbing ; “ she 
gave me her card, but I didn’t read the name on it. 
There it is upon the table.” 

The major w T alked to the table, picked up the 
card, and read it. Suddenly his face blanched, his 
eyes became lustreless and staring, his hands dropped 
impotently to his sides, his legs trembled, and from 
between his bloodless and quivering lips, in sepul- 
chral tones, he uttered the words : 

“ Madame Baldrian ! ! ! — one of the most danger- 
ous characters living. She has already poisoned 
more than one person ! ” 

The fat Augusta blubbered louder than ever. 
Wild chaos seemed to reign in old Rumpel’s 
head. 

Presently his gaze fell upon Rarrer, who was re- 


216 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


dining in a collapsed condition in the chair. His 
eyes were shut, his head resting upon one shoulder, 
and in one hand he still held the little open bottle. 

“ Merciful heaven ! ” exclaimed the major ; “ she 
has poisoned this young man, too. The young man 
who don’t know his own name, and can’t pronounce 
the letter Ii. There he lies, dead as a rat ! Hor- 
rible ! horrible ! ” 

The major trembled from head to foot ; his knees 
shook so violently that he was barely able to stand. 

“ She put sugar in my coffee,” he murmured to 
himself, in a hoarse whisper ; u but it was undoubt- 
edly arsenic, for it had a very peculiar taste. Death 
will soon claim me for its own — perhaps in less than 
an hour. It is time to think of the salvation of my 
soul ! ” 

Augusta sobbed as if her heart would break. 
The major directed upon her a sad and lingering 
look. 

“ My thoughts are becoming confused,” said he, 
in a low voice, “ the poison is already beginning its 
work. I may have sinned against you, though I 
am not conscious how. But when one is near his 
end, one must make atonement and make amends, 
even for doubtful wrongs. Come, Augusta, let us 
go to the nearest minister, and get him to per- 
form a distress-marriage for us that will re-estab- 
lish your reputation. Come, quick, ere it is too 
late !” 

Augusta hobbled along, weeping convulsively, 
half-blinded by her tears ; she put on her hat awry, 
the major seized an old military cap instead of 
his high silk hat, and then took another look around 
the room, as if mentally taking leave of it forever. 

“ The body of the young man must remain 
here for the present,” said he, “ but we can tell 
the minister the entire circumstances, and he can 


OF POTSDAM. 


217 


notify the authorities. I will never enter these 
rooms again alive. Let us go, Augusta, my feet 
are beginning to grow cold already.” 

He then threw a sheet over Rarrer’s head, 
clutched the thick arm of his housekeeper, left 
the room with her, shut the door, and got out into 
the street to call a droschki. 

The noise caused by the slamming to of the 
door aroused Rarrer from his stupor. He tore the 
sheet from his head and looked about in astonish- 
ment. 

“ What has become of them all ? ” he asked him- 
self, after collecting his thoughts, his looks wander- 
ing about the room. “ My toothache is gone, thanks 
to the wemedy Madame Baldwian gave me. I must 
save it in case I have anotheh attack. But what 
was she doing heah, that liovvible maviage manu- 
factuwess, who has alweady caused so much misevy 
to mankind ! Wheahevah heah foot tweads no 
gwass of happiness gwows! But wlieah ah' they all 
gone to ? ” 

He got up and looked into the adjoining rooms 
— not a living sonl was to be seen. 

“It is wemahkable ! ” said he to himself. “ I 
must go home.” 

He took his hat and attempted to open the door, 
but found it was locked. The careful housekeeper 
did not forget to take the precaution of making 
everything secure before leaving the house. 

“ This is a pwetty how do you do ! ” said the 
young man. “ These people have locked me in and 
gone away, pevhaps on an exeuvsion, and ah likely 
to be gone the whole day. I am tevvibly liungwy. 
I haven’t eaten a mohsel of food these thwee days. 
This is vevy unfovtunate.” 

He ran to the window, and was just in time to 
see the major and his housekeeper driving away. 


218 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“Hew Majov! Hew Majov!” cried Rarrer. 
“ Hew Majov W-W-Wumpel ! You have locked 
me in ! Hey, Hew Majov W-W-Wumpel ! ” 

But neither the major nor his youthful bride 
heard him, and when he saw the droschki disappear 
around the corner he sank down upon a chair with 
dull resignation, and fell to thinking how long one 
can live without taking any food. 


OF POTSDAM. 


219 


CHAPTER VIII. 

IN DRESSING-GOWN AND SLIPPERS. 

Privy Counsellor Dr. Staberow, sat in a large 
elegantly upholstered chair, looking perfectly con- 
tented and happy. 

He looked somewhat paler than before, and his 
clothes seemed to have become slightly too large, 
but that did not prevent him, as we have said, from 
looking perfectly contented and happy. Just then 
he was engaged in twirling his thumbs, which, as 
everybody knows, only people who are in a very 
happy frame of mind are apt to do. 

Privy Counsellor Staberow was still in the midst of 
his honeymoon, and seemed to be completely intoxi- 
cated with its pleasures, albeit he was a physician. 

But why should not a physician have his joyous 
intoxications too ? Is he not a human being ? 

The honeymoon is so delightful that everyone, 
even a physician, must become intoxicated with its 
delights, for it supplies us with the most complete 
deception of the realities of life, its poetry almost 
completely hides the prosaic part. 

The deception of the realities of life reaches such 
a point during the honeymoon that mankind im- 
agine themselves to be angels, although during that 
period, in particular, they are often reminded that 
they are not angels. 

Dr. Staberow must have been conscious of pos- 
sessing something of an angelic nature, for he looked 
so serene and happy that his face resembled the fat 
angels that flutter upon pictures, or blow the trom- 
bone on the stained windows in the churches. 


220 


THE MATRIMONIAL AO ENT 


“ All ! ” he commenced to talk in a low voice to 
himself — which, in fact, only persons in a happy state 
of mind usually do — “ that was a happy thought 
of mine to get married. How quietly I can remain 
at home and enjoy its delights. I can now realize 
what I longed for all my life. I don’t need to drive 
about the whole day now, look at foul tongues, and 
feel dyspeptic persons’ pulses. All the work 1 do 
now occupies me three or four hours. She is a cap- 
ital woman, that Madame Baldrian ! I never would 
have got so far without her. I cannot imagine at 
all why my mother-in-law gave me her daughter for 
a wife. Such a rich and beautiful and accomplished 
young lady as my wife is, to marry one like me — a 
doctor at that, and one not young any more either ! 
I can’t account for it at all ! But now that it is done 
there is no need to speculate as to the cause. Every- 
thing, however, seems possible ! At any rate, I am 
now in a position to enjoy a quiet, comfortable, and 
happy life. Things will be better yet by and by,” he 
went on, his face assuming an inexpressibly happy ap- 
pearance, “now that my mother-in-law is come to live 
with us. A most excellent woman is that mother- 
in-law of mine ; I respect her very much. Till now 
my little Ida scarcely left my side, and although 
that is very nice, yet one wants to be alone a little 
while occasionally. Now that she has her mother 
for company she w T ill not cling to me so much, and 
I’ll have more leisure time. Beally, I will lead an 
ideally happy life.” 

The privy counsellor was just about to reverse 
the twirling of his thumbs, when the servant en- 
tered and put two packages upon the table. 

“ What are these ? ’’ asked the doctor. 

“ Dressing-gown and slippers for you to try on, 
Herr Privy Counsellor,” answered the servant. 

“Very well. I’ll try them on by and by,” re- 


OF POTSDAM. 


221 


plied the doctor, whereupon the servant with- 
drew. 

After a while he got up for the purpose of open- 
ing one of the parcels. 

“At last!” said he, stretching himself serenely, 
“ I’ll be able to enjoy a dressing-gown and slippers, 
which hitherto I have only known by name. After 
being so many years cramped up in a frock-coat and 
patent leather boots, a dressing-gown and slippers 
will be an inexpressible pleasure. When at home, 
I’ll wear a dressing-gown altogether ; and as I shall 
be at home a good deal now, I’ll order two gowns, 
one a little heavier than the other ; also two pairs 
of slippers ” 

He had almost untied the package containing the 
dressing-gown when the servant entered, and an- 
nounced, “ Madame Baldrian.” 

“ Will be pleased to see her,” said the doctor, 
though, truth to say, he would rather have tried on 
his dressing-gown. 

A moment later and that lady sailed into the 
room. 

“ Good morning, my dear Privy Counsellor ! ” 
she began, immediately upon entering. “ Your ex- 
cellent mother-in-law has informed me of her ar- 
rival, and I hasten to welcome her.” 

“Very kind in you, Madame Baldrian!” said 
Privy Counsellor Staberow. 

“ She wrote me that she intends to go travelling 
with you and Ida through Italy and Switzerland,” 
continued the match-maker. 

The doctor’s face assumed a peculiar expression. 

“My mother-in-law must have meant it as a 
joke,” replied the privy counsellor, casting an in- 
credulous glance upon the lady. 

“ Oh, no,” she remonstrated. “ I think your 
mother-in-law is in earnest about the matter. It will 


222 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


be perfectly charming for you to travel with your 
beautiful wife and handsome mother-in-law, to 
climb the heaven-soaring Alps and Vesuvius ” 

“But I have seen Mount Vesuvius and climbed 
the heaven-reaching Alps, my dear madame,” replied 
the doctor, somewhat apprehensively. U I visited 
them when I was a student. The Jungfrau, the 
Vale of Chamouny, the Grossglockner — I know 
them all. I also ascended Mount Vesuvius. Why 
should I go there again ? It is not likely that those 
places have changed much since I was there ! ” 

“ And your wife ? ” asked Madame Baldrian. 

“ Well, my wife hasn’t seen much,” returned the 
privy counsellor, “ but I’ll describe all those places 
to her.” 

“That will be very entertaining and instructive 
to her!” said Madame Baldrian, an ironic twitch 
playing about the angles of her mouth. 

“ Yes, I think so too !” affirmed Dr. Staberow, 
who after his fright seemed to regain courage and 
assurance. “I did not marry for the purpose of 
tramping about, but in order to rest and to live 
comfortably.” 

Madame Baldrian made a roguish face. 

“H’m ! ” she ejaculated. “ But you will go into 
society and to balls?” 

“ Oh no ! ” replied the privy counsellor. “ I have 
danced enough in my younger days, and have gone 
about so long in tight boots and a frock-coat that I 
am resolved never to put them on again.” 

“ And your wife ? ” asked the matrimonial agent. 

“ My wife has danced enough too,” replied the 
doctor; “moreover, she does not care for dancing. 
She has been brought up by a very strict mother, 
who does not approve of such frivolities, who on 
her side was guided by a very strict husband, the 
late Major Mertens. Ida will, therefore, not miss 


OF POTSDAM. 


223 


what she never possessed. She will be contented 
with quiet happiness and a peaceful life. She will 
be satisfied to make fancy work, play the piano — to 
which I will listen seated while in my comfortable 
chair, and enjoy it very much.” 

“ Very nice ! ” said the match-maker. 

“ Don’t you think so?” asked the privy coun- 
sellor, smiling self-sufficiently. 

“ I fear, though, that the excessive pleasures which 
you map out for Ida may be too taxing for such a 
tender creature as she is,” retorted Madame Bald- 
rian, with another roguish smile. “ Just think : 
playing the piano, doing fancy work, your company 
while you are seated in a large, comfortable chair — 
you must not tax her so, Herr Privy Counsellor ! 
But I must go now and see my dear friend. Adieu 
for the present ! ” 

The privy counsellor looked at her with a puzzled 
expression on his countenance. 

“You need not trouble yourself, my dear ma- 
dame,” said he ; “I hear my mother-in-law-coming.” 

In the next minute the door opened and the relict 
of Major Mertens entered the room. 

The ladies rushed at each other, interchanged vo- 
ciferous kisses, and hugged one another. 

“My dear, dear Emma ! ” joyously exclaimed the 
relict of the Merchant Baldrian. 

“ My dear, dear Eglantine ! ” rapturously cried 
the relict of Major Mertens. 

“ How is dear Ida ? ” asked Madame Baldrian, 
when the ebullition of the happy greeting had sub- 
sided somewhat and the ladies had seated them- 
selves upon the sofa, while the privy counsellor took 
a seat opposite to them. 

“Well, passably,” returned Madame Mertens; 
“ but she is still so agitated, so anxious, so shy — 
but how could that be otherwise ? ” 


224 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“Oh!” exclaimed the privy counsellor, “I no- 
ticed none of her shyness nor any anxiety. Why 
should she be so ? ” 

Madame Mertens threw a stern and reproving 
glance at her son-in-law. 

“ You don’t understand these things, my dear 
son-in-law,” said she, throwing her head slightly 
backward. “ Into a mother’s heart a daughter 
pours out her feelings more freely than into that 
of her newly acquired husband.” 

The privy counsellor looked quite embarrassed. 

“Would you like to see Ida now, my dear Eglan- 
tine ?” asked Madame Mertens, turning to her 
friend. “ She is engaged in selecting ball and 
travelling costumes.” 

The privy counsellor started in affright and 
pricked up his ears. 

“Ball and travelling costumes?” he managed to 
stammer out. 

“ Yes ; what about them ? ” retorted the mother- 
in-law. “We intend to travel first, and when we 
return we will give and attend a number of balls.” 

The privy counsellor began to feel very uncom- 
fortable, and he looked alternately, first at his 
mother-in-law, and then at Madame Baldrian. 

“ How astonished he looks ! ” said Madame Mer- 
tens to her friend. “ It is well we didn’t tell him 
everything beforehand.” 

A cold shiver ran through the doctor’s system. 

“ This is then a sort of pre-arranged scheme — is 
it ? ” he asked. 

“Not at all,” returned his mother-in-law; “it 
was a wise suggestion of our good friend, Madame 
Baldrian, here, who properly weighs all circum- 
stances, and whose experience is very great indeed. 
She has an inimitable way of adapting everything, 
to suit all parties; and if the parties do not suit 


OF POTSDAM . : 


225 


each other, then they must be made to suit. And 
if in this process the lady is cared for more than the 
gentleman, it is not a matter to be surprised at, for 
he is already greatly in advance of her. How un- 
happy our daughters would be if we handed them 
over unprotected to the egotistic will of the hus- 
bands, who only care for their own comfort and 
pleasure, and who are totally regardless of what is 
due to their life-companions.” 

The privy counsellor looked anxiously at Madame 
Baldrian. 

“ And you have arranged it thus ? ” he asked. 

“ It affords me much pleasure to be able to say 
that my efforts have been crowned with success!” 
answered the match-maker, bowing courteously. 
“ Everything that is possible to do I will do. I 
never spare myself any trouble and labor. My 
friend will bear me out in this statement.” 

The relict of the major cordially pressed the hand 
of her coadjutor. 

“Go now, my dear Eglantine, to Ida,” said 
Madame Mertens, “ and assist her with your good 
taste in making the necessary selections. I deem it 
my duty to make my dear son-in-law understand his 
position, and therefore wish to be alone with him 
for a quarter of an hour.” 

Madame Baldrian got up, and although a shudder 
ran through the privy counsellor’s frame, still he did 
not forget the courtesy due to the fair sex, for he 
attended the lady to the door, which he opened for 
her. 

“ What do you wish to convey with those eyes of 
yours ? ” asked Madame Baldrian, as she bowed to 
him before passing out. 

Dr. Staberow stooped a little and, with suppressed 
rage that still had a twang of his old time satanic 
humor, whispered to her : 

15 


226 


TBE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ I solemnly assure you that I'll fight a duel with 
my mother-in-law before I’ll climb Mount Vesuvius 
again.” 

“What are you two gossiping about there?” 
asked the relict of the major, noticing their confabu- 
lations. 

“He has only paid me a nice compliment,” re- 
plied the match-maker, laughingly, skipping into the 
adjacent parlor ; and then the privy counsellor, swal- 
lowing his wrath and determined to brave the worst, 
crawled back to his chair. 

“ How, my good Staberow, come here and listen 
to what I have to say,” said Madame Mertens. 

“ Very well, my dear mother-in-law,” he replied, 
unwillingly moving his chair about an inch nearer 
to her. 

“ As I already told you, I deem it my duty to 
make your position clear to you,” began his dear 
mother-in-law after she had satisfactorily arranged 
the folds of her dress. “ Listen to me attentively. 
It may have appeared strange to you that I have 
not, like so many other mothers, chosen a husband 
for my daughter who had already squandered his 
life in the follies of the world. Such a marriage is 
now-a-days considered a very desirable one. You 
no doubt took me for a very clever woman, but I was 
only wise and cautious. My kind friend, Madame 
Baldrian and I, long sought an ideal man for a son- 
in-law, for I did not want an elegant, fashionable — ” 

“ Used up man,” interrupted the privy counsellor. 
“ You have already told me that, and I hope that 
you have found that I fulfil your expectations.” 

“Entirely, my dear Staberow,” replied the 
mother-in-law, “ and that makes me very happy.” 

“ How, frankness, you know, begets frankness, and 
one confession deserves another,” she added smil- 
ing. “ Tell me candidly, for, I can penetrate into 


OF POTSDAM. 


227 


the very bottom of your soul, did you not think to 
yourself that you had an awfully pokey and tedious 
mother-in-law ? There is no need for you to an- 
swer, for I know what you would say anyway — but 
you are mistaken, although you are a very sagacious 
privy counsellor and an accomplished physician.’ ’ 

The doctor bowed profoundly in acknowledg- 
ment of the compliments. 

“You were mistaken, my apparent rigor was 
only assumed for the purpose of carrying out a 
certain plan,” added the relict of Major Mertens. 

“ Delighted to hear it ! ” said Staberow, bowing 
again. 

“ Let me unfold to you my philosophical plan, 
my dear son-in-law,” spoke Madame Mertens, fur- 
ther, “ which, at the same time, will explain why I 
acted in the manner I did. A young man of twenty 
goes out into the world, and all the pleasures of life 
meet him at every turn. But what use does he 
make of them ? He soon converts all his beautiful 
dreams into ugly realities, and scatters the treasures 
of his love to the four winds. That lasts ten, fif- 
teen, twenty years ; then he says to himself : ‘ I 
have enough ; 5 because he has no more fantasy 
left to dream of, no heart to love with, no legs to 
dance with it. The time has come when he says to 
himself these sensible words, and which, no doubt, 
you have already heard : 4 1 have enough. 5 ” 

“That is not applicable to me,” interjected the 
privy counsellor. 

“I know it very well,” said his mother-in-law, 
nodding her head sapiently. “ You certainly be- 
long to a better class ; you are an example of the 
following, for instance, which says : ‘ The devil take 
this everlasting driving about to visit sick people ! 
When one has done this thing for twenty years he 
gets tired of it, and longs for rest. I would like to 


228 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


marry — that is to say, I want a wife with enough 
money to enable me to live comfortably for the rest 
of my life, and confine my practice to only a few 
hour’s office consultation every day. It might pay 
me for the sacrifice I’d have to make. At any 'rate, 
under those circumstances, one could afford to make 
an end of his bachelorhood.’ ” 

“ She has read my thoughts almost word for 
word,” mentally said the privy counsellor, unable to 
suppress an outwardly pleasing mien. 

“And do you know, my dear son-in-law, the 
meaning of the phrase, ‘ To make an end of it ? ’ ” 
continued Madame Mertens. “ It means this : A 
young and beautiful girl, with her heart, her youth, 
and her beauty entirely preserved, marries one who 
has preserved nothing for her. She still has all the 
bright hopes of the Future; he has only the 
shadowy remembrance of the Past ! ” 

“Perfectly correct ! ” remarked the doctor, smil- 
ing gravely. 

“ She has but just awakened,” continued the 
lady, “ and he is about to fall asleep.” 

“ Perfectly correct,” repeated the privy coun- 
sellor, smiling still more gravely. 

“ She wishes to run, to fly ; he is chained to his 
arm-chair ; not on account of rheumatism or gout, 
but because he is satiated with pleasure, and now 
cares only for his comfort. In one word, my dear 
Staberow, the wife wants to begin life, and the 
husband desires to give it up. That’s unpleasant, 
isn’t it ? ” 

“ Yes, very,” replied the doctor, whose mind was 
busy with some queer questionings. 

“You seem to be convinced of the truth of my 
remarks,” the mother-in-law went on, “ and that 
pleases me very much. For I do not speak theo- 
retically or from mere hearsay, but from personal 


OF POTSDAM , ; 


229 


experience. I have myself gone through just such 
circumstances as these. Look at this medallion,” 
she added, opening a locket that was suspended 
from her neck, and which she held out toward him 
as far as the short gold chain would permit. 

The doctor cast a glance upon it. 

“ Come closer and take a good look at it,” com- 
manded the mother-in-law. 

The privy counsellor, with a low groan, slowly 
got up from his comfortable arm-chair and took a 
good look at the medallion. 

“ A handsome man ! ” said he. “ A fine form ! ” 

“ This is a picture of my dear husband,” re- 
marked the mother-in-law, with a mixed expression 
of pride and resentment; “the deceased Major 
Mertens, of the Hussars, as you readily perceive 
by his uniform. At the time this was taken he was 
still on active duty. Yes, Staberow, he was a hand- 
some man, very handsome — especially on horse- 
back !” she added with increased warmth. 

“ Then why did you have him painted on 
foot ? ” asked the privy counsellor, with a twinge of 
sarcasm, sinking back into his soft arm-chair. 

“ He was the handsomest officer in his regiment,” 
proceeded the relict of the Major, not noticing the 
doctor’s ironical question ; “ the whole town spoke 
of his deeds — of his adventures. Oh, he was 
captivating, my Mertens w r as ; and I allowed my- 
self to be captivated by him,” she added, in a 
rapturously-sadly tone of voice; “but, unfor- 
tunately, I was the last he captivated, for he mar- 
ried me. I was awfully dazzled, and soon found I 
was fearfully deceived. His fame and beauty were 
not destined to cheer my young heart very long, for 
the day after our marriage he handed in his resigna- 
tion, and four weeks later he took off his beautiful 
uniform.” 


230 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Oh,” uttered the doctor, sarcastically, “ what a 
pity ! ” 

u Wasn’t it ? ” observed mother-in-law Mertens, 
regretfully. After a moment’s silence, she went on in 
a half- sad tone that echoed her long past condition. 

“ I gave him my whole heart, my beauty, my 
youth ; I kept nothing from him ; but he had pre- 
served very little for the handsome young girl that 
I then w r as. I was awake and he asleep.” 

“ He did not snore, too, did he ? ” interjected the 
physician ? ” who seemed to be possessed by the 
very devil again. 

But his affectionate mother-in-law was too deeply 
absorbed in dreaming of the past to notice his vile 
insinuation. 

“ I wanted to run, to dance, to fly,” she went on 
with her elegy, in the same sad tone of voice ; “ but 
he had no longer a desire for anything of that kind. 
He sat down in his big arm-chair and smoked a 
long pipe.” 

“ And used execrable tobacco,” threw in the doc- 
tor, contemptuously. After a moment he added : 
“It was a great pity. Ho doubt you supposed that 
you married an officer in active service.” 

u Yes, and found he was only an invalid,” added 
the mother-in-law, sighing deeply, her memory- 
laden head dropping upon her breast. 

“ These majors are terrible creatures ! ” exclaimed 
the privy counsellor, with hypocritical sympathy. 

“ On the day after our wedding he put on a 
dressing-gown,” continued Madame Mertens, with 
her jeremiade. “What a horribly prosaic thing a 
dressing-gown is ! How can one wearing a dressing- 
gown inspire a woman with lofty sentiments ? ” 

The privy counsellor got up, walked to the table, 
took the package of dressing-gowns and stealthily 
hid it. 


OF POTSDAM. 


231 


“ What did you do there ? ” asked the mother-in- 
law, looking around. 

“ Nothing ! I only wanted to catch a fly,” replied 
Staberow, resuming his seat. 

“ But that was not all,” complained the relict of 
the major. “Soon after our wedding my husband 
gave up wearing his beautifully polished boots with 
spurs, the jingling of which was such delightful 
music in my ears, and stuck his feet into horrible 
sleepers. How prosaic such things are ! IIow can 
one inspire a body with lofty sentiment when he 
wears sleepers ? ” 

The privy counsellor got up a second time, went 
to the table, took the package of sleepers and quickly 
hid it. 

“ What made you get up now ? ” asked the 
mother-in-law, looking around again. 

“ I only wanted to catch a fly,” unblushingly he 
replied, resuming his seat. 

“ Where do all the flies come from ? ” asked 
Madame Mertens, gazing about the room. 

“ Probably. from the street,” answered the phys- 
ician. “ Go on with your story, I am highly inter- 
ested in it.” 

The face of his mother-in-law again became over- 
spread with a dreamy expression. 

“ If I asked him to take me to a ball,” she w r ent 
on, “ he would say that he had danced for twenty 
years, and that he now wanted to rest. And if I 
said to him, ‘ You do not love me, you have no heart 
for love,’ he would say, ‘ I have loved entirely too 
much.’ Can one be satisfied under such circum- 
stances, I ask you ? Can a young wife, full of life, 
be contented with what her husband has already en- 
joyed ? You will understand my feelings, my dear 
Staberow.” 

The relict of the major sighed again and fell 


232 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


back in her seat, totally overcome by her sad feel- 
ings. 

“The major was a brute ! ” said the doctor with 
well feigned anger. 

“ I thank you, Staberow,” replied his mother-in- 
law, gratefully pressing his hand. “You have a 
feeling heart, and hence you will admit, if you pos- 
sess the least sense of justice, the sagacity I exer- 
cised in selecting yon as a husband for my daughter. 
Who can blame a mother when she is guided en- 
tirely by love and interest for her child ? But I 
did not deceive you, dear Staberow, my dear friend 
Madame Baldrian and I were actuated by the best 
of motives for you.” 

The privy counsellor bowed gratefully in acknowl- 
edgment. 

“We do not w T ant to lay it at your door as a 
sin,” continued the mother-in-law, “ what is simply 
brought about by the spirit of the times. No doubt, 
like many others, you have thought, 4 1 will now take 
unto myself a little wife and rest from my toil and 
drudgery. It is true I have not enjoyed much of 
what is called life since my student days, but then 
I am now too old and dull for such things ; travel- 
ling and society afford me pleasure no more, I only 
want rest and comfort. My wife, to be sure, shall 
share it with me.’ But too much rest and comfort 
are apt to become monotonous and in the end may 
render life unbearable. But you are still endowed 
with love of life ; my excellent friend quickly per- 
ceived that when we selected you, and you may 
therefore thank us if we stimulate it before it dies 
out altogether.” 

The privy counsellor acknowledged this with a bow, 
but his face bore an expression of wretchedness. 

“ I have related to you my own life,” continued 
Madame Mertens, “ because I do not wish that my 


OF POTSDAM. 


233 


daughter should lead a similar one. Hence with 
the aid of my excellent friend we have selected a 
husband for her who is still uncorrupted, and not 
used up, although he has already passed forty, one 
who is actively engaged in a highly honorable pro- 
fession instead of spending his days in pleasure and 
idleness — one who would bring her a fresh albeit 
no longer young heart, and to whom the joys of life 
would be as new, as they will be to her. You two 
may now partake of all the permissible pleasures 
to your hearts’ content. Tell me, now, whether my 
plan was not a good one, whether I did not act 
wisely and in the best interests for you both ? ” 

“ Certainly, certainly ! ” said the son-in-law who 
seemed to be convinced, but not agreeably. 

“ My daughter Ida,” said the providential mother- 
in-law, “ enjoys going into society very much. She 
is an untiring dancer, she will accompany you every- 
where, Staberow.” 

“Very nice, very nice!” said the physician, 
barely able to suppress his vexation. 

“ And I, too, will accompany you everywhere, 
dear Staberow ! ” cried the relict of the major, jump- 
ing off the sofa in an ecstacy of joy. 

“ You, too ? ” asked the privy counsellor, rising 
from his seat, and seeking to suppress his annoyance 
by walking up and down the room. 

“Yes, I too, I too!” answered the mother-in- 
law, following the doctor step by step. “ I reserved 
this as a surprise to you. Yes, my dear son-in-law, 
you will have the delightful task of making two wo- 
men happy. Having been prevented from enjoying 
life hitherto I intend in the future to make up for 
lost time. I will attend balls and concerts, will par- 
ticipate in all those intoxicating delights that I now 
know only by name. I will enjoy myself, Staberow, 
I will slake my burning desire for pleasure; my 


234 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


daughter and I, under your guidance, will hurl 
ourselves headlong into the whirlpool of social life ; 
we will make a tour of the world and not rest till 
we have seen everything, or until inexorable death 
snatches away the cup of enjoyment from our lips. 
What do you say to that, Staberow? Wouldn’t it 
be grand ? Wouldn’t it be heavenly ? ” 

As an earnest of her delight, she threw her arms 
around his neck and showered half a dozen burning 
kisses upon his left ear. 

“Yes, that will be heavenly,” gasped the privy 
counsellor, almost choked to death by the tight 
arms of his affectionate mother-in-law. 

“We will never part!” rapturously cried the 
relict of Major Mertens, hobbling after the privy 
counsellor, and making repeated efforts to reach 
his ear with her lips. “ Can you imagine what 
happiness there is in store for you, for me, and for 
my daughter ? ” 

She was about to make another effort to reach 
his ear when the door was opened, and Ida entered. 

“ Come here, Ida ! ” cried her mother, in a jubi- 
lant voice ; “ your husband is beside himself with 

j°y ! ” 

“ Oh, this is grand ! this is heavenly ! ” cried the 
jolly little woman, vehemently, throwing her arms 
around her husband’s, and kissing her mother over 
his shoulder. 

She then turned to her husband, and said to him, 
with a most charming pout : 

“How can one dissemble so long, that’s what I 
would like to know ! I thought you said you didn’t 
care to travel for pleasure, but wanted to stay home 
and rest ? ” 

“He is very modest, Ida,” observed Madame 
Mertens. “ He did not have the temerity to pro- 
pose those things to us so soon ; but when I in- 


OF POTSDAM . : 


235 


formed him of the pleasures that were in store for 
him, he literally became wild.” 

“ Oh, you dear, kind, love of a husband ! ” ex- 
claimed Ida, embracing him again. 

“ Oh, you delightful, charming son-in-law ! ” 
cried the Widow Mertens, hugging him from behind. 

The poor doctor looked inexpressibly wretched, 
and had great difficulty in retaining his equilibrium 
between both ladies. 

“ Is it really true that you are happy — perfectly 
happy ? ” asked Ida, suddenly releasing her hus- 
band so that he came near being pulled over back- 
ward by his mother-in-law. 

u Yes, it is true,” answered the privy counsellor, 
in a voice which he would use if he informed one 
of his patients that he had to die. 

“ But you say it so sadly,” said Ida, smiling at 
him. 

“ Did I speak sadly ?” asked the privy counsel- 
lor. “ Then it must be because extremes meet.” 

He now made strenuous efforts to appear happy, 
and repeated the words : 

“ Ah, I am so happy — perfectly happy ! ” 

“ There, that sounds much better ! ” cried the 
little wife, gleefully clapping her small hands. 

She nestled closely to him and said : 

“ Would you prefer to travel through Switzerland 
first ? ” 

“ Ho ! ” replied the privy counsellor, somewhat 
distrait . 

“ Through Italy, then ? ” she asked again. 

“ Ho ! ” replied her husband, once more. 

“ What ? ” asked the mother-in-law, very much 
astonished. 

“ Excuse me! I thought we were still talking 
of Switzerland,” he said, correcting himself, “ To 
be sure I’d like to go to Italy — very much.” 


236 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Then we’ll climb Mount Vesuvius — how delight- 
ful that will be ! ” exclaimed Ida, her face radiant 
with delight. 

“Of course we will climb Mount Vesuvius,” as- 
sented the poor doctor, his face assuming a grave 
expression and a twinge of pain passed through his 
soul. 

“ But it will be some time before we can leave,” 
Ida chatted on, “and meanwhile we will amuse 
ourselves here. We can go riding every day. I 
am passionately fond of riding on horseback.” 

“I, too !” joyfully exclaimed the mother-in-law. 

Everything grew dark before the privy counsel- 
lor’s eyes. 

“ Are you fond of riding on horseback ? ” asked 
Ida of her husband. 

“ No, I never sat on the back of a horse,” re- 
plied the doctor. 

“ Then } t ou must go to the riding-school at once,” 
cried the mother-in-law. “ Ida and I will go with 
you and see that you profit by your lessons.” 

“ O yes, I will watch you, dear hubby, and see how 
you learn to ride,” cried the little wife, ecstatically. 
“You will begin to-morrow, won’t you, dear?” 

“Yes!” replied the doctor, in an undertaker’s 
tone of voice. 

Ida gave him a kiss in gratefulness, and his 
mother-in-law was about to make one more attempt 
to reach his left ear again, but, by an adroit move- 
ment, he avoided it. 

“ Tell me, my dear Staberow,” asked the relict 
of Major Mertens, “ how is it that I did not see even 
one pair of patent leather boots in your wardrobe. 
Have you none at all ? ” 

“ Why, hubby dear, is it really so ? Have you 
no patent leather boots ? ” asked Ida, greatly con- 
cerned. 


OF POTSDAM. 


237 


The privy counsellor groaned lowly from mental 
anguish. 

u I recently threw away the last I had ; but I will 
presently order a new pair.” 

“ Yes, you must order several pairs without de- 
lay,” cried the mother-in-law. 

“ Be sure and don’t forget that,” chimed in the 
little wife. “We have many calls to make.” 

“Yes, and balls and the theatre to attend. We 
even intend to give a ball at our house.” 

Little Ida was literally carried away with joy. 

“ Oh, we will dance a great deal — won’t we, dear ? ” 
she cried. “ Come, let us have a dance now.” 

With these words she seized her husband, who 
stood like a marble pillar, began to sing a merry 
polka, and was just in the act of twirling the husband 
of her choice about the room, when the servant en- 
tered and announced that dinner was ready. 

Ida let go her husband, and the latter, with the 
last remnant of strength left him, gallantly offered 
one arm to his kind, affectionate, and considerate 
mother-in-law, and the other to his charming little 
wife, and led them into the dining-room. 

“ That Madame Baldrian is a dangerous woman, 
after all ! ” he sighed, from the remotest depths of 
his soul. 


238 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


CHAPTER IX. 

YOUNG GIRLS. 

Young girls ! What an amount of poetry is con- 
tained in these two words ! 

Involuntarily one thinks of buds that are just 
about to develop into flowers, when they disseminate 
their first, tender, but, for all that, most intoxicat- 
ing fragrance around them. 

They are still so lovably coy that their leaves 
barely dare to open themselves, for fear that a pro- 
fane gaze would penetrate into the tender mysteries 
within them. 

The bud is still unaware that it charms the be- 
holder, and hence charms him all the more. 

After it has blossomed into a flower it will attract 
the eye more than before, captivate our senses more, 
but our hearts less. 

The bud is undesigning ; the flower is designing. 

In the calix of the bud no particle of dust has 
yet penetrated, no profane gaze has entered. Within 
it pure, uncorrupted nature still reigns. 

The face of the flower, however, has already 
flirted with the sun, and its cheeks have already 
been kissed by the wind. 

The bud divines, but the flower knows. 

The sensible man will, therefore, prefer to pluck 
a bud,; the senseless one prefers a flower. 

The first would like to put the bud to his heart, 
and allow it to unfold itself there; the second to 
stick the flower in his button-hole, to feed his senses 
on it, and to be proud with it. 


OF POTSDAM, 


239 


A bud will arouse one’s enthusiasm ; a flower will 
excite passionate ardor. 

One hesitates to pluck a bud, hut he will quickly 
snatch a flower. 

The bud excites adoration ; the flower affords en- 
joyment. The bud is the blissfully-anxious pre- 
sagement of great happiness ; the flower already 
bears within it the full knowledge of the past. 

The bud serenely develops into a flower ; the 
flower wilts and topples into the arms of death. 

The bud strives to become a flower ; the flower, 
when it begins to wilt, would like to become a bud 
again. 

We would ask the gentle reader to leave dusty 
Berlin and come with us over a dusty road to dusty 
Charlottenburg. 

We will stop here before a park ornamented with 
old trees and young bushes, shake the dust from our 
clothes as best we can, and pass up the shady walk 
leading to an elegant residence. This residence, 
Commercial Counsellor Miller had caused to be 
built for himself when he became rich and had re- 
tired from business. 

From a room on the right-hand side the sound 
of excited, impatient piano playing is heard. As 
some persons must be there, we will turn in that 
direction. 

We enter an elegantly furnished room, from 
which a certain air of refinement that it is impossible 
to describe is wafted toward us, except to say that 
it is one of the utmost refinement. 

A sombre light, dulled by tinted shades, per- 
vades the room, the softest carpets are upon the 
floor, the finest draperies and decorations may be 
seen, pictures and statuary such as one would 
scarcely expect to see in a room much frequented by 
young girls, are upon and against the walls, and, in 


240 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


addition, a gray parrot upon a pole, to whom the 
excited and impatient playing on the piano seems 
to be very annoying. 

Like a ball lost in a soft, upholstered chair, sits a 
little,' pleasant looking man, reading a newspaper. 

The thinly scattered hairs are carefully conlbed 
up from the sides and from behind toward the crown 
of his head, which they only partly cover ; one short, 
sausage-like lower limb is slung over the other, and 
the little round eyes blink as pleasantly as ever in 
the columns of the paper, which is held by short, 
thick arms before a stumpy, roundish nose. ' 

Inow and then a shade of displeasure sweeps over 
the round, fat face, and a nervous twitch of impa- 
tience, like an electric shock, runs through his frame 
from head to foot. 

What could have happened to the commercial 
counsellor to-day, who is usually so good-natured, 
and happy ? 

Is it the toothache that plagues him, or is it be- 
cause his chiropodist has neglected to call to-day ? 

Or is it some deep, tragical mental pain that tort- 
ures his mortal form ? 

Or again, is it because he ate too many grapes in 
his arbor? 

Lfo ! It was none of these causes that, like an 
agonizing flame, coursed through his frame, for 
every time he suffered a spasm, every time the fat- 
imbedded eyes closed convulsively, so that a tear was 
squeezed out of them, every time the shining scalp 
trembled, so that the few hairs that were carefully 
brushed up from behind and sides approached closer 
to one another, like two partners in a contra-dance, 
every time the short, thick limb thrown across its 
fellow jerked in the air, and the newspaper in the 
short, fat fingers rustled as if it sympathized with 
the reader, the commercial counsellor darted an im- 


OF POTSDAM. 


241 


patient, angry look at his youngest daughter, Wanda, 
who sat at the piano and played in that hasty, ner- 
vous, and excited manner which we heard from 
without. 

What had the poor child done to him that he 
darted such angry glances at her ? 

He was always known to be such a kind, af- 
fectionate, and indulgent father, and Wanda such a 
loving and dutiful daughter — though, to be sure, to- 
day her face bore an expression of malice. 

She was a charming girl and, were it not for the 
malicious expression on her countenance, one would 
have been tempted to bite her, she looked so neat 
and sweet. 

The graceful head was enveloped in a profusion 
of fine silky hair ; the forehead denoted a degree of 
firmness ; from the large dark eyes peered feeling, 
childishness, and naivete ; the little dimples in the 
soft cheeks, that were beautifully tinted, denoted 
roguishness, and the full pink lips seemed not indis- 
posed to kiss right heartily if they once got a taste. 

Although the girl was seated, still it was easy to 
see that her figure was charming. 

Her neck was beautifully slender ; her bust was 
enveloped in some white, light fabric that showed 
that the bud was rapidly developing into a flower ; 
her waist was beautifully shaped, without the least 
aid from art, and below, upon the pedal of the 
piano, such a little foot was seen that it was a mys- 
tery how it could sustain her body. 

Wanda played a gay polka, but she herself did 
not look a bit gay, and the longer her white little 
fingers ran over the keys, the more provoked, the 
more displeased, and the more impatient her face 
appeared, and often it seemed to afford her special 
delight to strike a false note with all her might, so 
as to cause the piano actually to shake and jangle. 

16 


242 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


And every time the parrot started up frightened, 
and protested against the noise with a screech. A 
smile of satisfaction and delight would hover for a 
moment around the girl’s pretty mouth, and she 
would give the piano a still louder thump and strike 
a false note still more violently, as if it afforded 
her the greatest pleasure in the world to create as 
much discord as possible. 

“ Don’t you intend to stop to-day at all, Wanda ? ” 
cried the commercial counsellor, whom the jarring 
false notes literally started out of his chair. 

“ Will I never get married, papa ? ” cried the 
young lady, giving the piano a final thundering 
thump, striking half a dozen false notes at once, 
and then facing him with as excited a mien as his. 

The little round man bounced out of his uphol- 
stered arm-chair like a rubber-ball, and remained 
stock-still, staring his daughter in the face in the 
utmost astonishment. 

“ What % ” he exclaimed, when he regained his 
speech. “ What was that you said ? When are 
you going to get married ?” 

u Yes, that’s what I said, papa!” replied the 
young lady, very coolly. a After all,” she went on, 
shaking out and punching a certain part of her 
attire, as ladies do nowadays whenever they rise 
from a sitting posture, “ you needn’t think that 
I am so particularly anxious to get married. I only 
want not to be obliged to play the piano. I can’t 
stand it any longer ! Ma plagues me to death with 
it. I must practise, practise ! And then comes the 
piano-teacher, who finds fault, first with one thing 
and then with another, and who, for the next lesson, 
gives me a passage which I must practise a hundred 
and seventy -five times, and which isn’t right after all 
when he comes again. Oh,” exclaimed the young 
lady, running to the piano and striking the keys a 


OF POTSDAM. 


243 


violent blow, so that the instrument fairly trembled, 
“ I hate this instrument of torture ! ” 

“ Oh, Wanda ! ” cried her father, looking at her 
utterly astonished. 

“ Forgive me, papa,” returned the young lady in 
a pleasant voice, having quickly banished the anger 
from her pretty face. “ But you have no idea how 
terrible and irritating to one’s nerves this eternal 
piano-playing is.” 

u Yes, yes, I believe you,” said the kind little 
man ; “ I am obliged to listen to it often enough. 
I am just as unfortunate as you are, my child.” 

“ ISTo, papa ! ” exclaimed Wanda, with animation ; 
“I am three times more unfortunate than you are ; 
for, in the first place, I have to play the music ; 
secondly, I must listen to it ; and thirdly, I am 
obliged to listen to it oftener than you are, for you 
can at least run away if it becomes very bad.” 

The commercial counsellor became agreeable 
again, and was soon lost in thought. 

“ But when one as married,” continued the young 
lady, with an air of great importance, “ one has 
other matters to attend to than to play the piano. 
The piano is then not regarded as a musical instru- 
ment, but as an article of furniture ; it is not a very 
ornamental article, it is true, but it is at least a 
quiet one, and that is the main thing.” 

“ I don’t suppose all girls think so,” said the little 
commercial counsellor. 

“Most wives act so, any way,” returned Wanda. 
“ There is Annie Frohberg, who as a girl was pas- 
sionately fond of playing on the piano, but as a 
wife she hardly ever looks at it.” 

“ Yes, in that instance you are certainly right,” 
said her father. 

“ Is there no news from the Frohbergs yet ? ” 
asked Fräulein Wanda, quickly. 


244 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ They are still travelling,” replied the little round 
man. 

The young ]ady suddenly became serious and fell 
to thinking. 

“Papa, what made Madame Frohberg leave Ber- 
lin so suddenly ? ” she asked. “ She was always fond 
of living in the city.” 

“ I don’t know,” replied her father with a puz- 
zled air. “ Many reasons are given for it, but none 
of them are correct, I think.” 

Just then the servant entered and reported that 
Madame Baldrian would like to have an interview 
with the master of the house. 

“ With great pleasure ! ” replied the latter, and a 
moment after that lady sailed into the room like a 
ship running before the wind. 

“ Good morning, my dear madame,” cheerily 
addressing her said the little commercial counsellor. 

“ Good morning, my dear Herr Miller. Good 
morning, my dear Wanda,” replied the dispenser of 
marital bliss, on entering, giving the father her 
hand and kissing the daughter. 

“ Well, what is the news ? ” asked the commercial 
counsellor in a low voice. 

“ I just left him ! ” whispered the match-maker. 

“ Ah ! ” ejaculated the little man. 

“Who?” asked Wanda, having overheard the 
word “ him ” uttered by the lady. 

Although it is but a little word, still it is so inter- 
esting to the young ladies that the mere mention of 
it is sure to awaken attention. 

Madame Baldrian winked to the commercial 
counsellor in a most significant manner, and. then 
glanced from the outer angle of her left eye at the 
young lady. 

“ Wanda, my dear child,” said her papa forthwith, 
“go and practise your piano lesson a little more.” 


OF POTSDAM. 


245 


“ Why, papa,” replied the young lady, “you just 
now said that you couldn't stand it any longer.” 

The commercial counsellor turned slightly red in 
the face. 

“That is so,” said he, apologetically; “but our 
dear friend here, Madame Baldrian, likes to hear 
you play so much. Play that polka again for us, 
dear Wanda.” 

The young lady threw back her head in a manner 
to make her ringlets dance around about her neck 
like defiant little snakes, turned quickly on her heel, 
and in the next minute was engaged in thumping 
the keys with so much vehemence that the piano 
shook and jingled. 

“ Oh ! ” cried the commercial counsellor, making 
a wry face, and clapping his hands over both ears. 
“ Not so loud ! That is altogether too loud ! ” 

Wanda slightly moderated the force with which 
she played, and the commercial counsellor took the 
marriage instigatoress to the furthest window, and 
again whispered in her ear. 

“ Well, what does he want ? ” 

“ What do you suppose ? ” she whispered back. 
“ He wants to be your son-in-law 1 ” 

“Oh!” exclaimed the little man, “we haven’t 
got so far yet. It is necessary ” 

“ What more is necessary ? ” asked Madame Bald- 
rian, impatiently, and annoyed somewhat. 

“Thunder and lightning!” suddenly cried the 
commercial counsellor, making a fearful grimace, 
and drawing up one leg in the air. 

“ Heavens, what are you making such a face at me 
for ? ” said Madame Baldrian, recoiling frightened. 

“ I ^m not making a face at you at all, my dear 
Madame Baldrian,” stammered the little man, again 
distorting his features and clapping his hands to 
his ears. 


246 - 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ What ails you then ? ” asked the match-maker, 
apprehensively. 

u It is Wanda’s playing ! ” replied the little man, 
stamping first with one foot and then the other, as 
if he w T as standing on hot coals. “ Heavens, that 
girl is at it again ! Wanda, Wanda ! Not so loud ! 
I can’t stand it any more ! ” 

“ Neither can I ! ” retorted that young lady, 
quickly getting off the piano stool. 

“ You mustn’t forget that the young people have 
known one another nearly six weeks already,” said 
the match-maker, in a low voice, to the commercial 
counsellor when the latter had somewhat regained 
his equanimity. 

“Well, say six weeks,” returned Papa Miller; 
“ what does that signify ? I courted my wife three 
years before we became engaged.” 

“ Oh, my good commercial counsellor,” whispered 
Madame Baldrian, “ those good old days are gone 
forever ! If we did not persevere and with some 
energy, the young men of to-day would fall asleep 
ten times over before a wedding could be brought 
about. Do not plague me so by throwing such fool- 
ish obstacles in my path, but leave me to arrange 
the matter according to my w T ay. You may depend 
on it that I understand how to manage such matters 
ten times better than you do. The affair is ripe for 
final conclusions.” 

“What is ripe, papa?” asked Wanda, whose 
womanly curiosity had led her to creep behind the 
two plotters. 

The commercial counsellor looked around, fright- 
ened. 

“ Our grapes,” returned he, energetically. “Go 
into the arbor and pluck some ; they are very 
wholesome.” 

Wanda very well understood that she was not 


OF POTSDAM. 


247 


wanted at the conference, and that she was only 
sent away so that she would not learn any of the 
secrets they were discussing. She pouted, jerked 
her head a little backward, and then lightly re- 
tired from the room, walking like a sylph upon the 
air. 

“ Where is my dear friend, your wife ? ” asked 
Madame Baldrian, in a sweetly anxious voice. 

“ She does not feel very well to-day,” returned 
the commercial counsellor. “ The sea-baths at Os- 
tend seem not to have agreed with her as well as 
with me. She complains, first of one thing and 
then of another, and often has to keep her room for 
several days together.” 

“I am truly sorry to hear it,” observed the mar- 
riage plotter, in doleful tones. “We will, there- 
fore, have to settle the matter between ourselves 
to-day, although I generally prefer to treat with 
the mothers in all such affairs. They take more 
interest in these things, and give me less trouble and 
less work.” 

“My wife, in fact, hasn’t the least intention of 
marrying off the girls as yet,” remarked the kind 
little man ; “ she thinks they are altogether too young 
to marry.” 

“ Oh, papperlappap ! ” returned the female hy- 
meneal agent. “ That is only thrashing old straw 
over again, often resorted to by the parents, but which 
the daughters do not wish to hear of. What harm 
can it do to the children to marry young ? On the 
contrary, it must benefit them greatly ! ” 

“Do you really think so?” asked Papa Miller, 
looking shrewd. 

“Of course!” replied Madame Baldrian, assum- 
ing a decided air. “I certainly ought to know 
that, if anybody ! ” 

“ Yes, one would think so,” observed the com- 


248 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


mercial counsellor. “I think myself — but it is 
hard to decide ” 

44 What ? ” cried Madame Baldrian, energetically. 
44 Out with it ! What have you got to say against 
the gentleman ? ” 

Papa Miller smiled in an embarrassed manner, 
and looking at the match-maker, apologetically, said : 

“I have no fault to find with him, whatever, my 
dear friend ; he would suit me very well as a son-in- 
law, provided I am not obliged to give him my 
daughter.” 

Madame Baldrian’s face became suffused with a 
choleric redness. 

44 Oh ! you are a fool ! ” she exclaimed. 44 If you 
do not want to part with your daughters, you may 
keep them ! ” 

She then turned abruptly and walked toward the 
door. 

Little Miller stood sad and undecided for a 
moment; then he ran after her, caught her before 
she had reached the door, and held her by her 
gown. 

44 Listen a moment, my dearmadame,” he said. 

“"Well, then speak, but don’t tear my dress,” 
answered Madame Baldrian, turning quickly around. 

44 You ought not to blame a father for hesitating 
between two desires,” said he in a mollifying tone. 
44 What father willingly would part with his daugh- 
ters ; and again, what father wants to keep them from 
marrying? Do you think it affords me pleasure to 
hear foolish people ask me almost every day, 4 IIow 
is it that your pretty daughters do not get married ? 
Such a pair of pretty and rich girls ! Strange, very 
strange ! ’ Do you think, my friend, that that affords 
me any pleasure ? But what answer can I give. 
I certainly can’t chalk it on my back that 4 1 have two 
young, beautiful, and rich daughters to marry. W an- 


OF POTSDAM. 


249 


derer when you read this turn to me and look at 
them. 5 ” 

“ Well then,” she said, “ will you, or will you not ? 
If not, then I’ll have the honor to bid you adieu for 
the last time. Please to decide ! ” 

“ My God ! what a fiery woman you are ! ” groaned 
Herr Miller, who seemed to be completely cowed by 
the onslaught of the match-maker. “Wait a little 
while and let us talk over the matter.” 

“ I have no time to waste in talking,” impatiently 
returned Madame Baldrian, “I must act. Once 
more, will you or will you not ? ” 

Papa Miller breathed heavily. 

“Well, for my part,” said he, “if my daughter 
likes him, I am satisfied. But my child must not 
be forced, must not be compelled to give her con- 
sent. I insist upon that as a prime condition.” 

“ Why, who would compel her to consent ? ” 
replied Madame Baldrian. “ As if I would permit 
anyone to do it ! ” 

The commercial counsellor looked steadily with 
his lively eyes at the matrimonial agent. 

“ Speak seriously with Louisa,” continued the 
matrimonial agent, “ and ascertain whether the can- 
didate may call and propose to her, lest he becomes 
impatient and gives us the slip altogether.” 

“Very well,” said the commercial counsellor, 
deciding finally, after sighing deeply ; “ very well, 
I’ll go and look for Louisa and talk to her. Adieu, 
Madame Baldrian, for the present.” 

“Adieu Herr Commercial Counsellor Miller !” 

After bowing, the tortured little man left the 
room, and barely was he gone when the inquisitive 
Wanda returned. 

She had, in fact, been watching and waiting in the 
garden, and, as soon as she saw that ±vladame Bal- 
drian was alone, she concluded that now was a good 


250 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


time for her to return, in the hope of learning just 
a trifle of what was going on. It was not idle curi- 
osity that prompted her to rejoin Madame Baldrian. 
Oh no ! it was only the great interest she took in 
everything that concerned every member of her 
family which made her anxious to ascertain every- 
thing she possibly could. 

“Well, my little pet,” cried Madame Baldrian to 
Wanda, as soon as she appeared on the threshold, 
“ this is very nice in you to come back and keep me 
company till papa returns.” 

“ Isn’t papa here ? ” asked the young lady, with 
feigned ignorance. 

Madame Baldrian cast a searching look upon 
Fräulein Wanda. 

“ Shall I tell you a little secret ? ” said she, in a 
seductive voice. 

“Yes, do, do, please ! ” cried the young lady, dis- 
carding at once the role she had assumed, and in in- 
quisitive ecstasy clapping her hands. 

“ Will you promise, in return, to assist me a little 
in my plan ? ” asked the match-maker, further. 

“Yes, oh, yes, with all my strength,” replied the 
young lady, hastily. 

The matrimonial agent walked up to Wanda, and, 
with a countenance expressive of the utmost im- 
portance, whispered into her ear, while her face 
spoke a volume of inquisitiveness : “ Louisa will 
probably soon become engaged ! ” 

Barely had the words fallen upon her ear when 
her face assumed an expression of the utmost dis- 
appointment. 

“ Is that all ? ” said she, pouting. 

The marriage-maker was lost in astonishment. 

“ Yes, is that all ? ” repeated the young lady. “I 
have known that long ago. In the first place, I 
gathered as much from papa’s and mamma’s whis- 


OF POTSDAM. 


251 


perings; and in the second, Louisa herself has 
spoken to me about it.” 

“ In that case, it is, to be sure, no news to you,” 
said the hymeneal plotter. 

“ None whatever ! ” substantiated Fräulein Wanda. 

“ Will you, nevertheless, assist me to prevail upon 
your sister that she give her consent ? ” asked 
Madame Baldrian. 

Wanda shook her head sadly. 

“Why should I part with my sister?” said she. 
“ It will be altogether too monotonous to be alone.” 

“ What secret did you expect to learn a while 
ago, my little beauty ? ” asked Madame Baldrian. 
“ Did you have an idea in your head regarding your- 
self ?” 

“ Why, certainly ! ” replied the young lady, pout- 
ing still more, and with still greater disappointment 
expressed in her face. 

“ May one ask what that idea w r as ? ” questioned 
the match-maker, further. 

“Well, I thought that it was now my turn,” 
spitefully answered she, jerking her little head 
slightly backward. 

Madame Baldrian regarded her with a look full 
of admiration and affection. 

“ Are you so anxious to get married, child ?” she 
asked, looking at the young lady tenderly. 

“Wes ; I am awfully anxious to get married!” 
exclaimed Wanda with feverish haste. “ Because I 
will not be obliged to play on the piano then.” 

The matrimonial agent smiled. 

“ Have a little patience,” said she, pressing a kiss 
upon the young girl’s forehead. “It will be your 
turn as soon as your sister has put on the nuptial 
veil. I have already a charming young gentleman 
in prospect for you.” 

“ Beally ? ” cried Wanda, clapping her little hands 


252 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


in pleasurable excitement. “ What is his name ? 
How does he look ? When will I see him ?” 

“ Pst, p’st, my child, not so fast ! You will ascertain 
all that in good time. Will you now assist me to pre- 
vail upon Louisa ? ” she added in a supplicating tone. 

“ Why, of course!” exclaimed Fräulein Wanda. 
“It will be to my interest to get Louisa’s consent. 
You may count upon me as a faithful confederate.” 

Madame Baldrian extended to Fräulein Wanda 
her right hand in token of fellowship, which the 
latter clasped in her’s. 

Just then the commercial counsellor, who was en- 
gaged in a lively conversation with liis eldest daugh- 
ter, came back from the garden. 

When the little round man saw his youngest 
daughter in the room, lie vigorously winked at her 

cT> J ZD J 

to withdraw, but that young lady paid not the least 
attention to him. 

“ Oh, stop that useless comedy ! ” cried the mar- 
riage-plotter, who instantly perceived the wry faces 
Papa Miller was making. “ The little one knows 
what is going on, and she may as well know T every- 
thing, instead of keeping a part of it from her, which 
will only excite her curiosity, and may provoke her 
to spoil our plans.” 

“For my part,” said Papa Miller, whose spirits 
seemed to be depressed, while Wanda ran to her 
sister and began a whispered conversation with her, 
“I consent.” 

The elder sister was the opposite of the younger, 
and they, if seen together, would scarcely have been 
taken for relatives, still less for sisters. 

Louisa was at least half a head taller than 
Wanda; her face was expressive of seriousness 
and calmness, which seemed somewhat strange for 
such a young girl, and it made her look rather 
older than she was. 


OF POTSDAM . ; 


253 


“ Well ?” asked the marriage instigator in a low 
voice, of the commercial counsellor, while the two 
girls were engaged in chatting together, “ Have you 
spoken with her?” 

Papa Miller nodded. 

“ And will she have him ? ” questioned Madame 
Baldrian further. 

“I don’t know!” replied the little man, shrug- 
ging his shoulders and wrinkling his brow. 

“ What ! you don’t know ? ” asked the matrimo- 
nial agent, astonished. 

“ No,” replied the fat little papa. 

“ Then she has rejected him,” exclaimed Madame 
Baldrian, vehemently. 

“ No, not exactly,” returned the commercial coun- 
sellor. 

“Oh, my dear, good Miller, you annoy me to 
death to-day ! ” said the match-maker, somewhat 
irritated. “ What has happened, anyway ? How 
did you represent the affair to her ? What reply 
did she make ? ” 

Papa Miller’s face assumed an expression of 
wretchedness, and he looked at the lady imploringly. 

“ Do not blame me, my dear friend,” said he, 
humbly. “ In fact I did not tell her anything ; I 
was not able to bring it over my lips. Put yourself 
in a fathers place! Talk with her, you will no 
doubt -be able to do it better than I.” 

Madame Baldrian made a movement as if she 
would like to crawl out of her skin. 

“ Oh, these fathers ! ” she exclaimed. “ How hard 
one’s calling becomes when the mothers are ill ! ” 

Like a man of war about to engage in a combat, 
she now steered toward Louisa, put her arm under 
her own, and began the attack. 

“Well, my child,” said she, “I came to-day to 
obtain a decision from you. You know that my 


254 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


protege loves you and seeks your hand. Your father 
has no fault to find with him, and he authorizes me 
to talk to you about this matter. Answer me, are 
you disposed to give your consent ? ” 

Louisa became greatly embarrassed, and the little 
commercial counsellor was not much less so. 

“ Heavens ! ” exclaimed Louisa, after a while, 
“ why this haste ? I am in no such hurry at all ! ” 

The fat face of her little, round papa became 
irradiated with delight. 

“ Bravo! ” murmured he, rubbing his hands joy- 
f uHy. 

The female instigator of matrimony looked at him 
in surprise, and displeased. 

“What was that you just said?” she asked, 
harshly. 

The commercial counsellor became terror-stricken. 

“ I ? ” he managed to stammer. “ I said nothing 
at all ! ” he added, as honestly as he possibly could. 

“ You said ‘ Bravo ! ’ ” cried Madame Baldrian, 
in the voice of a presiding judge. 

“ Oh, no ! ” replied he, defending himself. 

“ Yes, papa, you did say 4 Bravo ! ’ ” said Fräulein 
Wanda, joining the prosecution now. 

Little Miller looked at his youngest daughter in 
dismay. 

“ What is that to you, you little, pert thing ? ” 
he asked reprovingly, but which was considerably 
weakened by his own embarrassment. 

“-My God, the child takes an interest in the 
good fortune of her sister, don’t you see ? ” said the 
match-maker, defending her confederate. “ I think 
it is very kind in her to think so much of another.” 

“ Even you do it, papa ! ” said Wanda, feeling per- 
fectly satisfied with the defence offered in her be- 
half. 

The commercial counsellor cast another look of 


OF POTSDAM. 


255 


reproach at his youngest daughter, but much of its 
force was lost on the way. 

After this little intermezzo , the matrimonial 
agent turned to Louisa again. 

“ Once more to business, my child ! ” she began 
anew. “ If your maidenly modesty and coyness 
do not permit you to admit that you are in a 
hurry, you cannot, on the other hand, blame my 
protege if, burning with ardent desire, he chafes at 
being prevented from throwing himself at the feet 
of his adored one. I am unable much longer to 
curb his impatience, and since you love him ” 

Louisa made a movement as if she was affected 
by a strange sensation. 

Madame Baldrian interrupted herself, and looked 
at tbe young lady sharply. 

“ Or, since you don’t dislike him,” she went on, 
“ for you don’t dislike him ; isn’t it so ? ” 

“ No,” answered Louisa, her cheeks becoming 
slightly suffused, “ I can’t exactly say that I dislike 
him.” 

“ There, do you see?” said Fräulein Wanda, in 
the hope of supporting her sister in her resolution. 

u Then I see no reason for rejecting his hand,” 
continued Madame Baldrian. 

Louisa cast down her eyes and remained silent. 

“Unless you like another better,” proceeded the 
match-maker, casting a penetrating glance upon the 
young girl. 

“ Nonsense ! ” interjected Wanda, again. “ Who 
is the gentleman she could like better ? We live 
here like hermits and see hardly anyone, unless it 
is Herr Barrer,” she added laughingly, “ whom 
papa lately became acquainted with at the Froh- 
bergs, and who has since called on us several times.” 

Louisa smiled. 

“ On one occasion, he put a poppy head instead 


256 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


of a raspberry into his month from sheer embar- 
rassment,” continued Fräulein Wanda, “ and he 
came near being choked to death, and the last 
time he was here he got caught in the iron that 
has been set up in the garden for the moles.” 

“Very w T ell, he is not the one,” interrupted the 
marriage apostle, impatiently. 

“ Or else Privy Counsellor, Dr. Staberow,” added 
Wanda, “but he recently got married.” 

“ That’s an old story ! ” said the hymeneal plotter, 
becoming more and more impatient. 

“ Then there only remains the legation counsel- 
lor, Frohberg,” concluded Wanda, with the enu- 
meration of the probable suitors for her sister’s 
hand. 

Louisa made another movement, but this one was 
altogether different from the former. 

“ But he is too old for you,” went on Wanda. 
“ Thirty-five and twenty don’t fit very well. Besides, 
he held you over the baptismal font, and we can’t 
love a man who has seen us in long clothes, neither 
can he love us. Moreover, were there an} 7 love 
between you two, it would have become apparent 
during your long acquaintance with each other. 
Hence, he too, must be left out of the count, and 
since I know of no other person whom you would 
like better than this gentleman, and since he loves 
you better than anyone else does, I see no reason 
why you should not accept him. Who knows 
whether you will ever make a better partie ! ” 

Louisa was silent a while, and then said : 

“ I’ll think over the matter, and let you know in 
a few days.” 

Wanda beat a devil’s tattoo with her little foot 
upon the floor. 

“ Oh ! Why don’t you say in a few years ! ” she 
cried, jerking her head slightly backwards, as was 


OF POTSDAM. 


257 


customary with her whenever anything happened 
that did not suit her. 

“ Why are you so intensely concerned about the 
matter?” asked Louisa, greatly astonished, gazing 
upon her sister. 

“ Why am I so much concerned about the matter ? ” 
went on Wanda with her customary liveliness. 
“ Well, I should think you would readily guess why.” 

Here she stopped abruptly, became slightly em- 
barrassed, and, in the hope of rectifying her slip of 
the tongue, added : 

“ It is but natural that I should interest myself in 
the future happiness of my only sister ! It would 
be strange, indeed, if I did not do so.” 

Louisa extended her hand to her sister, accom- 
panied by an affectionate glance. 

“ In addition, I venture to say that your intimate 
friend, the legation counsellor, will agree with me 
entirely. I have no doubt he will advise you to ac- 
cept an offer such as is seldom tendered to any young 
lady.” 

“Very well; I’ll consult him about it,” said 
Louisa. “ And, for the present, I’ll reserve my de- 
cision.” 

“ Then you won’t have to wait long, my child,” 
interjected Commercial Counsellor Miller. “I in- 
vited the legation counsellor to dine with us to-day, 
because the idea occurred tome, too, to consult him 
about this affair.” 

“ All right, then,” said Louisa, addressing herself 
to Madame Baldrian. “ I'll consult with Herrn von 
Frohberg, and give you a definite answer this even- 
ing.” 

She bowed gracefully to that lady and then left 
the room. 

Wanda walked close up to the matrimonial agent 
and whispered into her ear : 

17 


258 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“You may depend upon me,” said she; “ you 
will always find me at my post ! ” 

And then she ran after her sister so fast that her 
curls dangled about her head. 

“ This matter, then, is as good as settled,” said 
little Miller, “for whatever Frohberg advises, so 
shall it be. And now Pll go into the garden and 
smoke a cigar.” 

“ No, you won’t, my dear commercial counsellor,” 
said Madame Baldrian. 

“ And why not ? if I may ask,” inquired the 
little man, astonished. 

“ Because I have something more to say to you,” 
answered the match-maker. 

“ What ! another — ? ” asked little Miller, anxious 
and surprised at the same time. 

“ Yes, of course, another proposition,” replied 
Madame Baldrian, as if it were the most natural 
tiling in the world. 

“Wait at least ten minutes,” begged the little 
commercial counsellor, “till I have had a few puffs 
at my cigar. It is utterly impossible for me to 
listen to anything till I have smoked my cigar for 
ten minutes.” 

“Well, if you say it is utterly impossible, then I 
must yield,” said the matrimonial agent ; “ but we 
can kill two birds with one stone, that is to say, we 
will go into the garden, you smoke your cigar, and I 
will lay my proposition before you. Are you satis- 
fied, my dear commercial counsellor?” 

The little papa nodded his head, and then, like a 
ball, rolled himself out into the garden, attended 
by the marriage plotter, like a man-of-war having in 
charge a conquered and disabled ship. 


OF POTSDAM. 


259 


CHAPTER X. 


A MISCALCULATION. 


It was delightfully cool and shady in the garden, 
and when the little commercial counsellor had lit his 
cigar, he started, attended by his companion, for 
the long walk, which was hemmed in on one side 
by the wall and on the other by the espalier, roofed 
oyer with thick, green foliage and vine leaves, be- 
tween which the bright, transparent grapes were 
seen hanging in clusters. 

“ Fire away, in God’s name ! ” began the commer- 
cial counsellor. “You certainly will not talk of 
matrimony again.” 

“ Why, of course I will talk of matrimony,” re- 
turned the match-maker in an astonished voice. 
“ Did you ever hear me talk of anything else ? ” 

Papa Miller sighed, and in his wrath put the 
wrong end of the cigar in his mouth. 

“ Oh, blast it ! ” he exclaimed, making a terrible 
grimace. 

The matrimonial agent looked at him in surprise. 

“What is the matter with you? ” she»cried, mor- 
tally offended. “ Is the subject so disagreeable to 
you that you express your displeasure in terms that 
are not permissible in polite conversation ? ” 

“Nonsense !” sputtered the commercial counsel- 
lor, endeavoring to get rid of the cigar ashes in his 
mouth. “ Leave me alone. Ob, blast it again ! ” 

“Herr Commercial Counsellor, I must beg of 
you to be less offensive in your expressions,” said 
the lady, flaring up, at a loss what to think of her 
companion. “ If you no longer wish to accept my 


260 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


advice and aid, yon certainly can intimate it in a 
manner less offensive to me and more honorable to 
yourself than by oaths and curses ! ” 

The little man made the most horrible grimaces in 
his efforts to get the cigar ashes out of his mouth, 
and finally pulled out his pocket handkerchief 
and held it to his mouth with the intention of wip- 
ing his tongue with it. 

“ You dare to laugh at me ? ” asked Madame Bal- 
drian, highly offended. 

“ Nonsense !” sputtered the commercial counsel- 
lor behind his handkerchief, putting the index- 
finger of his right hand into his mouth and examin- 
ing something very cautiously. 

“ I have the honor to bid you adieu ! ” cried the 
lady with offended dignity, preparing to leave ; “ I 
am not accustomed to such treatment, least of all 
am I inclined to accept it from one to wdiom I have 
rendered such important services. Fare you well. 
Since you reject my aid, I’ll go. I am not disposed 
to force myself upon you or anyone else.” 

The commercial counsellor attempted to reply 
but only sputtered the more, and at last discovered 
something in his mouth, which seemed to cause him 
great discomfort and anxiety. 

“ Nonsense, I tell you !” he mumbled once more, 
making queer manoeuvres with his lips. “ That is 
not the question at all.” 

“ Then what is the matter ? ” asked Madame Bal- 
drian, once more turning back. 

“A blister,” muttered the little man, pointing 
with his finger to the injured spot and attempting to 
speak at the same time. 

The apostle of matrimony became pale with 
wrath. 

“ Herr Commercial Counsellor,” she cried, unable 
to move a limb. 


OF POTSDAM. 


261 


“ Come here, please, and see whether it is a large 
one,” imperfectly articulated the little round man, 
putting out his tongue as far as he could. 

“ Oh, horrors ! ” she exclaimed, her countenance 
becoming overcast with redness. 

“ Heavens, you shouldn’t act so,” cried the com- 
mercial counsellor. “ You might do me the favor 
of pricking it open with a pin right away.” 

The lady was at a loss what to say or do. 

“ Do come,” begged little Miller again. “ It 
must be quite a large one. Fortunately at the time 
I put the wrong end of the cigar into my mouth 
there was a good deal of ashes on it, otherwise I 
would have done myself still greater injury.” 

The expressions of anger and excitement quickly 
vanished from Madame Baldrian’s face and those of 
serenity and embarrassment appeared instead. 

“Well, come here, you careless man, you,” said 
she, examining his tongue, and then puncturing it 
with a pin. “ Why did you not express yourself 
more distinctly ? ” 

“ Why didn’t you comprehend me ? ” growled 
the little man, carefully moving his tongue, and 
pronouncing the words queerly. “ I can’t smoke 
any more now,” he added, throwing away his 
cigar. “ Go on with your old topic. Since my 
daughter’s marriage is as good as settled, I can’t 
think whose you want to talk about now, unless it is 
your own.” 

“ Oh, go away with your foolishness,” said Mad- 
ame Baldrian, coquettishly repelling him. “ I want 
to talk to you about the marriage of your daughter, 
to be sure.” 

“ Don’t jest, my dear madam,” returned the com- 
mercial counsellor. “ That affair, as I said, is as 
good as disposed of, and nothing more can be said 
about it for the present.” 


262 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“You don’t understand me,” cried the match- 
maker, impatiently, as both commenced to walk up 
and down again. “ I am now talking of your other 
daughter, little Wanda ! ” 

The commercial counsellor’s face looked as if he 
had burned his tongue a second time. 

“ What is that you say ? Wanda too ? ” he cried, 
with an expression of the utmost surprise. 

“ Why, of course,” rejoined the matrimonial 
agent. “I see no reason whatever w r hy Wanda 
should not marry as well as her sister. I have a 
young man for her already ! ” she added, with a 
self-satisfied smile. 

“ Well, I never ! ” exclaimed little Miller, press- 
ing his hands over his full, round paunch. 

“ A very nice gentleman ! ” observed the match- 
maker, nodding pleasantly. 

“ Indeed ! ” ejaculated the little man, staring in 
blank astonishment. 

“ But, before I tell you any particulars, it will be 
necessary to enter into a little calculation,” said 
Madame Baldrian. “You give each of your daugh- 
ters one hundred thousand dollars, do you not ? ” 

“Excuse me, eighty thousand!” Papa Miller 
said, correcting her forthwith. “ I told you so 
recently, plainly enough.” 

“ IT’m, li’in ! ” ejaculated the apostle of matri- 
mony, shaking her head, as if displeased with her- 
self. “And I promised Herrn von Collin one 
hundred thousand. My head is so full of fig- 
ures that I sometimes make a mistake. Are you 
sure you said eighty thousand ? ” she added, direct- 
ing a penetrating look upon the commercial coun- 
sellor. 

“Well, I think I ought to know what I said ! ” 
growled the commercial counsellor. “And I think 
that that is quite a respectable sum ! ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


263 


Madame Baldrian lapsed into thought for a little 
while. 

“You might add twenty thousand to that amount,” 
said she, coaxingly, to little Papa Miller. 

“ Iso,” he replied, determinedly. “ I abide by 
what I said ! ” 

“ Then I will have to bid him down the twenty 
thousand,” she murmured, somewhat depressed. 
“ I’ll see him soon, and try to make him listen to 
reason.” 

“ Do so, my dear madame,” said the commercial 
counsellor. “ Never encourage any illusions or 
grand expectations — that’s my doctrine.” 

“ You’ll see him soon,” resumed the matrimonial 
agent ; “ he is coming here.” 

Little Miller looked astonished. 

“ I’ll see him ? He is coming here ? ” he repeated. 
“ Why that is contrary to our understanding ! How 
can you bring a young man to my house that I 
know nothing of, one of whom you are now speak- 
ing to me for the first time ? The young man will 
actually think that I want to dispose of my daughter 
at auction ! ” 

Madame Baldrian smilingly motioned with her 
hand. 

“ Heavens, don’t get so excited ! ” said she, “see- 
ing one costs nothing and compromises no one. 
There will be no public reception. I have ar- 
ranged it so that there will be nothing unusual 
about it. Herr von Collin happens to be in the 
vicinity on official business, and I have asked him 
to call for me here and take me back to Berlin. 
I should think that no one could find fault with 
that.” 

The commercial counsellor gazed upon the match- 
maker in wonderment. 

“ And all this you do gratis,” he cried ; “ from 


264 : 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


mere love of your calling ! What a noble service 
you render your fellow-men ! ” 

They had just reached the end of the vine-cov- 
ered walk, and were about to turn back, when they 
saw a servant coming toward them. 

“ What is up, Frederick ? ” inquired the commer- 
cial counsellor. 

“ There is a gentleman who wishes to see Madame 
Baldrian,” replied the servant. 

“ Ah ! ” whispered the matrimonial plotter, “ that 
is our candidate ? ” 

“ Thunder ! ” exclaimed little Miller, frightened. 

“ Bequest him to come in,” whispered Ma4ame 
Baldrian to her companion. 

“ Conduct the gentleman into the garden, Fred- 
erick,” said the little man to his servant. 

The latter withdrew. 

“ I disclaim all connection wdth this affair, ma- 
dame,” said the commercial counsellor, addressing 
the matrimonial agent. “ I will have nothing to 
do with it. The d — 1 take it all. My children are 
actually torn from my house by main force, and, 
in addition to that, I am asked to give more money 
than I intended !” 

“ But you receive so few visitors, and you take 
your daughters so little into society,” said Madame 
Baldrian, “ that it is impossible for them to become 
acquainted with gentlemen ! Do you want your 
daughters to degenerate into old maids? Girls are 
destined for love and matrimony, and you ought to 
let them indulge in the pleasures thereof as early 
and as long as possible.” 

“ Well, for my part,” rejoined the kindly little 
man, whom the agent easily managed. “ Don’t 
make any more mistakes in the figures.” 

“ No, no ! ” answered the match-maker. “ One 
hundred thousand you said ? ” 


OF POTSDAM. t 


265 


“ Eighty thousand ! ” cried the commercial coun- 
sellor wrathfully. 

“ Then I’ll have to rectify the little error,” ob- 
served Madame Baldrian. 

“The little error! ” cried the little, round papa, 
still more wrathfully, “ One can easily see that 
you don’t have to pay the money.” 

Just then a young gentleman appeared at the 
farther end of the long walk. 

“ Thunder and lightning, there he is already ! ” 
exclaimed the little man, quickly looking around to 
see whether he was not near some passage. But per- 
ceiving none he resolved to run as rapidly as his short, 
stumpy legs would carry him toward the thickly 
covered vine fence. 

He succeeded well enough in getting his head 
through, but his legs and arms became so entangled 
in the branches and bushes that trelissed on both 
sides of the fence, that it became totally impossible 
for him to advance or retreat. 

Madame Baldrian, like a resolute woman, who had 
a remedy for any and every emergency, quickly 
grasped her confederate by the legs and thrust them 
through the fence, enabling the little man to emerge 
on the other side. 

“ Much obliged ! ” groaned the little commercial 
councillor in a low voice. 

“Hot at all ! ” replied the ready-witted woman. 

And then, as if nothing had happened, she walked 
with the most affable mien toward her matrimonial 
candidate, who apparently had seen nothing of what 
had just taken place, and who leisurely sauntered 
down the walk, slowly examining every tree as if 
he intended to tax them to their full value. 

“Ah, here you are, my dear Herr von Collin,” 
said Madame Baldrian, when she had approached to 
within a few steps of him. 


266 


THE MATRIMONIAL AO ENT 


The government solicitor bowed to her in a serio- 
pleasant manner, as if she was the owner of an estate 
which he wanted to purchase. 

“ Punctuality is the first consideration in all busi- 
ness matters,” said the gentleman. “ Will I be able 
to see the young lady soon ? ” he added, quickly. 

Madame Baldrian nodded. 

“ Yes, you will see her,” she answered hesitat- 
ingly, and slightly embarrassed ; “ but before that I 
must make a little confession to you.” 

“ Oh ! ” exclaimed the solicitor. “ She is not 
married already, is she ? ” 

The matrimonial agent shook her head. 

“ Nor a widow ? ” asked the barrister further. 

The apostle of matrimony shook her head again. 

Herr von Collin’s face assumed a puzzled expres- 
sion. 

“ She squints, perhaps ? ” said he, in a low voice. 

The match-maker shook her head once more. 

“ Or is slightly deformed ? ” 

The hymeneal plotter shook her head. 

“ Or has red hair ? ” 

“ Nothing of the sort, my dear friend,” began 
Madame Baldrian. “ The young lady possesses all 
the physical and mental attributes that can render a 
man happy, but it is a question of money — of the 
amount of dowery which her father will give her.” 

“Ah!” ejaculated the solicitor. “ Is it going to 
be larger than the sum you mentioned ? That will 
not prevent me from consummating th z jpar tie N 

Madame Baldrian was obliged to smile in spite of 
herself. 

“ Quite the contrary,” she replied. “ I spoke to 
you of one hundred thousand dollars, but it is only 
eighty thousand.” 

“ Oh ! ” uttered the barrister. 

“ I am sorry,” went on the lady ; “ I must have 


OF POTSDAM. 


267 


misunderstood the old gentleman, but the twenty 
thousand dollars cannot possibly weigh so heavily 
in your scales. You will get into an amiable and 
most respectable family, the young lady is so lovely, 
so talented, so charming ” 

The government solicitor von Collin did not per- 
mit his patroness to finish. He bowed coolly, raised 
his hat, and turned on his heel to go. 

The match-maker looked at him in astonishment. 

“ Where are you going, if I may ask ? ” she in- 
quired. 

“ Why, I am going back whence I came,” replied 
the solicitor. 

“ Going back whence you came ? ’’-repeated the 
lady. 

“ Yes, certainly,” said the barrister. “ But you 
mustn’t think that I am angry with you. You say 
you did not hear correctly ; that is likely to happen. 
You spoke to me of a young lady with one hundred 
thousand dollars, and I showed you my readiness to 
enter into the affair by appearing promptly at our 
rendezvous. How, however, you tell me that she has 
only eighty thousand, which is below the figure I fixed 
upon, so I see nothing more for me to do but to 
go away.” 

Madame Baldrian looked at her client in amaze- 
ment. 

“ Are you really in earnest ? ” said she. “ The 
dower, it is true, has been reduced by twenty thou- 
sand dollars, but the young lady is just the same as 
she was, and in her you must expect to find the 
main guarantee of your future happiness.” 

“ Yes, but that would be a marriage of affection,” 
returned. Herr von Collin. “ I thought you did not 
believe in that article.” 

“ And why not \ ” inquired the lady, slightly 
offended. 


268 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Then you should have told me that before,” 
answered the young man, in a voice of mild re- 
proach. “ Do you not know my theory upon this 
point, hey ? ” 

“ No. What is your theory ? ” asked the match- 
maker. 

“ I can very well conceive,” returned solicitor 
von Collin, “ that a young man, under the influence 
of an irresistible passion, will sacrifice money, am- 
bition, everything, and marry a poor girl with whom, 
he is madly in love ; but what I cannot conceive is, 
how a poor girl can engender love at all.” 

“ Is one always able to control his feelings % ” 
asked Madame Baldrian. “ Can one always restrain 
the promptings of his heart ? ” 

“ Why, of course,” cried the young man, with the 
utmost assurance. “ It is only a matter of a firm 
and unalterable will.” 

“ Then you had better confess at once that you 
have no heart,” said Madame Baldrian. 

“ Excuse me,” quickly replied the barrister. kt I 
have a great deal of heart, but I have still more 
sense.” 

The conversation seemed to affect and excite the 
matrimonial agent very much, for her cheeks be- 
came flushed, and she turned to the solicitor with 
nervous impatience. 

“ You are an unbearable man ! ” she cried, and, 
assuming a tone and mien of an examiner, contin- 
ued : “ Listen to me for a moment. Suppose you 
saw a girl at a ball who charmed you at first sight. 
Can you imagine such an event ? ” 

“ Oh, yes ! ” replied the barrister. 

“Yery well!” continued Madame Baldrian, 
“ what would you do in that case ? ” 

“ What I have done under similar circumstances 
before,” returned Herr von Collin. “ First, I would 


OF POTSDAM. 


269 


ascertain the social position of the young lady, her 
present and prospective fortune, and, if they did not 
come np to my expectations, I would run away from 
her as rapidly as I would go to her in the contrary 
case.” 

“ You are inhuman ? ” exclaimed the matrimonial 
agent. 

u Excuse me ! ” replied the barrister, smiling. 
“ You must not, however, think,” he added quickly, 
with some animation, “ that I would marry a girl 
I did not like merely for her money. I would not 
do that under any circumstances. I have long ago 
resolved to act in accordance with that noble prin- 
ciple.” 

“ Praise be to God ! ” said Madame Baldrian. 
“ I was beginning to despair of you.” 

The solicitor smiled. 

u But since a beautiful and rich girl will certainly 
make one happier than one that is beautiful and 
poor,” continued the barrister, “I only seek one of 
the former kind, and flee the latter with all my 
strength. I have, therefore, the honor once more to 
bid you adieu, my dear Madame Baldrian ! ” 

The matrimonial agent angrily bit her lips. 

“Then you do not even wish to see Fräulein 
Miller ? ” she asked. 

I most gratefully decline that pleasure,” returned 
the government solicitor, gracefully taking off his 
hat to the lady. “ If she is really as charming as 
you have pictured her to be, it will only be a cause 
of great regret to me, which I prefer to avoid. I 
have already told you that I have a great deal of 
heart, but I must not listen to its voice, for if I did, 
I’d suffer for it very much. Adieu, my dear friend ! 
Perhaps you will be more fortunate with me some 
other time ! ” 

Pie turned about and walked away, taking the 


270 TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 

first passage through the garden leading toward the 
gateway, followed by his would-be benefactress, 
who was ready to leave a battle-field upon which 
she seemed destined to win no crown of laurels to- 
day. 

As she was walking along the clean pathway 
silently, with downcast eyes, which was quite un- 
usual for her, she suddenly heard some one say, 
lowly, “ P’st ! ” 

She looked up and beheld von Collin standing a 
few paces away from her, actively gesticulating to 
her to approach him. 

“ What is the matter ? ” asked Madame Baldrian, 
coming close to him. 

“ Don’t talk so loud ! ” he whispered. “ Who is 
that ? ” 

He pointed to a young lady who was busily en- 
gaged in watering the flowers of a beautifully laid 
out plot in the garden. 

“ That young lady ? ” asked the matrimonial 
agent. 

The government solicitor nodded his head. 

“ Fräulein Wanda Miller ! ” 

“The one you had intended for me?” asked 
Herr von Collin, in return. 

“Yes!” 

Her von Collin stared unaffected upon the charm- 
ing girl, who walked from flower to flower, water- 
ing them, and Madame Baldrian regarded her matri- 
monial candidate with a stealthy but triumphant look. 

Just then Wanda disappeared behind a bush which 
completely shut her from sight. 

Herr von Collin heaved a deep sigh. 

“Nonsense, man ! ” said the matrimonial agent, 
with slight irony in her tones ; “ you have no use 
for her ! Girls who only have eighty thousand dol- 
lars can have no interest for you ! ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


271 


The solicitor sighed again. 

But, after a few moments of inward struggle, 
he apparently succeeded in mastering his growing 
weakness, for he smiled as before, and, with affected 
nonchalance, said : 

“ 5 Tis a pity ! But I will run away from her even 
more quickly than from any I have seen before ! ” 

He saluted Madame Baldrian once more, and 
then disappeared behind a cluster of blooming 
shrubberies. 

Yexed and disappointed a second time, Madame 
Baldrian dropped her head upon her breast, and 
slowly walked toward the house. 

But, on turning the corner, she perceived the 
government solicitor standing still and gazing at 
the busli behind which the young lady had disap- 
peared. 

“ Why, I thought you had run away ? ” cried the 
match-maker. “ What are you doing here ? Are 
you fond of looking at oleander-bushes ? ” 

The barrister started as if slightly frightened, and 
sharply gazed at Madame Baldrian. 

“ Beally, I never saw such a beautiful creature ! ” 
lie said. 

A blaze of victory flashed into the eyes of the 
matrimonial agent. 

“ Do you really think old Miller will not add the 
twenty thousand dollars ? ” asked he, after a short 
pause. 

“ I am positive that he will not do it, under any 
circumstances,” replied the lady ; “ he is more likely 
to deduct some more.” 

* The solicitor quickly formed a resolution. 

“ Very well!” said he, coldly. “ Let us talk no 
more about it. Adieu,, Madame Baldrian ! ” 

He then started down the walk toward the street 
leading past the house. 


272 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Almost at the same moment the little commer- 
cial counsellor appeared from an opposite direction, 
limping and sneaking, like a detective. 

As soon as Madame Baldrian saw Herr Miller, 
she remembered the need of maintaining the part 
she was playing toward him, and therefore called 
out loudly : 

“ Don’t be in such a hurry, Herr von Collin. 
Will you not take me with you ? ” 

The young man stopped and looked around, and 
took in the situation at a glance when he beheld 
the little round man, who was still rubbing one of 
his knees. He pleasantly, but unconcernedly, greeted 
him, and waited for the lady, who had stopped to 
say adieu to the master of the house, and both dis- 
appeared soon afterward behind a projecting angle 
of the house, the matrimonial agent leaning upon 
the arm of her candidate. 

Little Miller followed the pair with his eyes as 
far as he could see them, and, while still rubbing 
liis injured knee, muttered to himself : 

“ Thank God he is gone. He will sing a differ- 
ent tune now ! The reduction I made has cooled 
him somewhat. Two at one time is rather too 
much for me ! Everything must go on in proper 
order. It seems to me I have seen this young man 
somewhere. Exactly ! at the Frohbergs’. But that’s 
immaterial. I thank my Creator that I am rid of 
him. I almost broke a leg on his account ! 

He then limped away toward the house, with the 
intention of resting himself a little in his comfort- 
able easy-chair. But on reaching the door he heard 
a carriage approaching, and he remained standing 
stock-still. 

“ Is that another visitor for me?” murmured the 
little commercial counsellor to himself, slipping be* 
hind some bushes, intending from that safe spot 


OF POTSDAM. 


273 


to ascertain who the new-comers were. “ Upon my 
word!” continued he, in his monologue; 44 4 The 
longer the day the finer the callers,’ as the saying 
is. That is my old friend the privy counsellor, Dr. 
Staberow, as I live. But he has two ladies with 
him, and I certainly can’t show myself in my pres- 
ent condition. I must get to my room somehow 
and change my clothes. Frederick will show them 
into the parlor, though, and ask them to wait. He 
is aware that I am in the garden. The good doctor 
does not often show himself, now that he is mar- 
ried. Formerly he used to call quite often, though 
he always was very busy. Yes, yes, newly married 
folks have something more pleasant to do than to 
visit old acquaintances.” 

It was, in fact, privy counsellor Dr. Staberow, 
who had just arrived and was passing up the walk 
toward the house with an elegantly dressed lady 
upon each arm. The poor doctor walked, or rather 
limped, along in the most peculiar manner, bringing 
down his feet upon the ground as if a lot of raw 
eggs were strewn in his path. 

After the doctor and the ladies had disappeared 
in the vestibule of the house the little commercial 
counsellor ventured from behind the shrubbery and 
cautiously crawled into the house by the back door. 

When he reached the parlor, about ten minutes 
later, he found the privy counsellor in a remarkable 
attitude. 

He was leaning back in the most comfortable 
easy-chair ; his eyes were shut and both knees were 
grasped in his locked hands, with his organs of 
locomotion suspended in the air. 

The commercial counsellor was startled at behold- 
ing this sight, all the more so as the doctor did not 
change his position when he entered. 

At last the privy counsellor opened his eyes, 
18 


274 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


jumped to his feet regardless of the agony it caused 
him to do so, as was shown by the painful face he 
made when they touched the floor, and nodded to 
little Miller in a friendly but doleful manner. 

“ What, are you alone, my dear doctor ? ” asked 
the commercial counsellor. “ I thought I saw you 
accompanied by two ladies.” 

“ You are right,” returned the privy counsellor 
drawing up his right leg. “That was my wife and 
my mother-in-law, whom I wished to introduce to 
you and your wife. Thunder and lightning! ” 

The commercial counsellor bowed in acknowledg- 
ment of the honor, and then looked very much 
surprised. 

“Where are your ladies?” he asked, looking 
about the room. 

“Fräulein Wanda informed us that your wife 
is not very well,” replied the privy counsellor, draw- 
ing up his left leg, “ and so my wife and my mother- 
in-law — thunder and lightning ! — have gone to see 
her in her room.” 

Little Miller looked at the doctor, greatly as- 
tonished. 

“ A long while since I had the pleasure, my dear 
doctor,” he began, blinking pleasantly with his little 
eyes. “ But during the early months of matrimonial 
life old friends are forgotten.” 

The privy counsellor made a movement as if he 
would like to take his left foot in his right hand. 

“ Pardon me, my dear Miller ! ” he said ; “ I would 
have called sooner, for the purpose of introducing 
to you my wife and my mother-in-law — thunder 
and lightning ! — but I hadn’t a moment’s time.” 

“ Oh ! ” uttered the commercial counsellor. “ Dur- 
ing the happiest period of your life you might have 
taken more time for enjoyment. How can one 
visit patients during his honeymoon ? ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


275 


The privy counsellor shook his right foot as if he 
would cast it from his body. 

u I didn’t visit any patients ! I was away travelling 
in Italy ! ” he exclaimed, in painful tones. “ My wife 
and my mother-in-law — thunder and lightning ! — - 
suddenly got a hankering to climb Mount Vesuvius, 
and of course I had to go with them. Holy heav- 
en ! thunder and lightning ! ” 

Little Miller retreated a step, frightened. 

“ Why, my dear friend, where did you acquire 
the detestable habit of cursing so ? 55 he asked, look- 
ing at the doctor with big eyes. “ Did you suffer so 
much provocation in Italy as to make you swear ? ” 

“ Ho,” cried the doctor, throwing himself into 
the easy-chair again and drawing up his legs in 
the air. “I have ruined my feet in climbing 
Vesuvius, and now I have to wear these torturing 
tight patent-leather boots which my mother-in-law 
has had made for me. It is enough to drive one 
out of his wits ! ” 

And then he shook his legs as if he -would shake 
the boots off his feet. 

The commercial counsellor smiled. 

“ What ails your wife ? ” began Dr. Staberow’, 
from force of habit, despite his pains. “ Caught a 
cold, hey ? Nothing serious, I hope.” 

“ I don’t know about that,” replied the little com- 
mercial counsellor. “ It is very strange ; my wife 
was always as well as a fish in the water, but since 
our sea-baths at Ostend she is a completely changed 
woman. The North Sea does not seem to have 
agreed with her ; she is constantly indisposed and 
I am at a loss what to make of it.” 

“ It may be due to the weather,” observed the 
doctor, closing his eyes again. “ One often meets 
with such phenomena among the ladies.” 

“Well, let us change the subject and talk about 


276 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


yourself a little,” suggested the little man. “ How 
do you like matrimonial life ?” 

“ Don’t like it at all ! ” exclaimed the privy coun- 
sellor. “ And that comes from not being satisfied 
with the lot a kind heaven gives one. I was 
formerly very busy, but when I came home I could 
rest, and with the money I earned I could buy what 
I chose. How, however, I have no rest at all, 
whether in day-time or at night, and, despite my 
wife’s fortune, I am beginning to be short of funds, 
our expenses being so great. In the end I will have 
to resume the practice of medicine again. And for 
all that, my wife and her mother are really very kind 
persons,” he continued, growing more enthusiastic, 
“ who love me very much and want to make life 
pleasant to me. But what provokes me so is that 
I can find no fault with them, cannot even get angry 
at them and vent my temper, which might relieve 
me somewhat. I am obliged to submit to every- 
thing, accept everything with a smile, and kiss 
the hand that is slowly pushing the stiletto into my 
heart.” 

The commercial counsellor was about to express 
his sympathy with the privy counsellor in his suffer- 
ings when the servant entered and reported that the 
legation counsellor had arrived. 

“ Bequest him to come in here ! ” said Miller to 
the servant. The privy counsellor painfully got 
upon his feet again, and a few moments after 
the legation counsellor, von Frohberg, entered the 
room. 

“ Here I am, as you requested, my dear Herr Mil- 
ler,” said the new-comer on entering, shaking hands 
with the gentlemen present. “ How do you feel, 
my dear Herr Privy Counsellor? ” 

“ I feel bad,” returned the latter. “ I have the 
honor to bid you good day, Herr von Frohberg. ” 


OF POTSDAM. 277 

“ Why, doctor, do yon intend to leave directly 
after I come in ? That is very unkind of you ! ” 

u It has nothing at all to do with kindness, my 
dear friend,” groaned the privy counsellor, taking 
his hat. “ If it depended upon me I’d take off my 
boots and chat with you till evening, but my ladies 
wait for me, as we have seven more visits to make 
before dinner. Apropos,” he said, turning back after 
he had gone a few steps toward the door, and address- 
ing himself to the legation counsellor, “ I met your 
brother and his wife in Italy. They will return soon.” 

“ Why soon ? ” asked von Frohberg, unpleasantly 
affected by the news. 

“ The health of your sister-in-law was not very 
good. The climate did not seem to agree with her 
very well, and consequently your brother concluded 
to return soon. 

66 Y on really think so ? ” asked the legation coun- 
sellor, evidently greatly alarmed at the report. 

“ You may depend upon it. In a week at the 
longest you will have the pleasure of seeing them 
again,” Dr. Staberow assured him. 

“They will be just in time,” muttered the little 
commercial counsellor carelessly, but here he 
checked himself quickly. 

“ Just in time for what ? ” asked the privy coun- 
sellor. 

“ Oh, well, I may as well tell you, since it is sure 
to become known,” replied the little man, consid- 
erably embarrassed. 

Just then Louisa came into the parlor without 
being seen by any of those present. 

The commercial counsellor made a shrewdly mys- 
terious face, puckered up his plump lips, and in a 
low, confidential voice, said : 

“ I will soon celebrate the engagement of my 
daughter Louisa with ” 


278 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Here he checked himself and looked around, 
frightened. Louisa had put her hand upon his 
shoulder and looked upon him supplicatingly. 

“ Papa,” said she, “ you gave me time till this 
evening to think over the matter, and the day is not 
yet gone by. Having heard that Herr von Froh- 
berg is here, I came to consult him about a certain 
matter.” 

“ And I came near doing something very foolish,” 
said Papa Miller, angrily shaking his head. “ That 
shows that I am getting old. Bodily I am wonder- 
fully strong since I took the baths at Ostend, but 
mentally I fear I am getting weak — becoming for- 
getful and babbling.” 

The cloud that overspread the serious countenance 
of the legation counsellor now gave place to an ex- 
pression of astonishment, engendered by the news 
lie had just heard. 

“ Then don’t let me interfere,” groaned the privy 
counsellor, who all this time had been resting alter- 
nately first on one foot and then on the other. 
“ Come, Herr Miller, I will say 6 Good-by 5 to your 
wife, and introduce you to my ladies. Seven more 
visits to make ! When I come home I have to put 
my feet in warm water. Adieu, Herr Legation 
Counsellor! ” 

“ Adieu, adieu, my dear Staberow ! ” 

“ Come and see me once. I have acquired a lot 
of new friends, to be sure, but my old ones are 
doubly dear to me. Will you come ? ” 

“ Yes, yes ! ” answered Herr von Frohberg, press- 
ing the hand of the doctor in his. 

“ You ought to become acquainted with my wife,” 
continued the privy counsellor, again drawing up 
one leg in the air. 

“ Certainly,” replied von Frohberg. 

“ And with my mother-in-law ! ” cried Staberow. 


OF POTSDAM. 


279 


“Thunder and lightning! I can stand it no 
longer ! ” 

lie then flung an arm around the neck of the 
little commercial counsellor, and, thus supported, he 
hobbled away to seek his wife and his mother-in- 
law. 


280 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


CHAPTER XI. 

WANDA PLAYS ON THE PIANO AGAIN. 

After commercial counsellor Miller and Dr. 
Staberow were gone, Louisa seated herself upon the 
sofa, and the legation counsellor took a seat opposite 
to her. 

“ You wish to consult me about something?” 
began Herr von Frohberg, after a long silence. 
“ Am I better able to advise you than your father ? ” 

“ Yes,” said she, with downcast eyes. “As father 
has already given his consent, he is not competent 
to advise me.” Then she added slowly, “ I fear yon 
must be angry with me.” 

“ Why should I be angry with you, Louisa ? ” 
asked the legation counsellor in return. 

“ Because I did not inform you ere this of the 
existence of this project,” answered Fräulein Louisa. 

“ How can I be angry with you on that account ? 
You are mistress of your own affairs, and I least of 
all have any right to control your actions.” 

“ Nothing that is binding has, in fact, transpired 
as yet,” continued the young lady, “ for I wished 
to consult you first.” 

The legation counsellor smiled in a peculiar man- 
ner. 

“ Usually girls consult their own hearts in such 
matters,” said he, shrugging his shoulders. 

Louisa seemed to be struggling with two internal 
forces, both being apparently equally strong. 

“ Tell me candidly,” began she, after a pause ; 
“ would it displease you at all if I was to get mar- 
ried?” 


OF POTSDAM. 


281 


“Yes, it would be both unpleasant and strange to 
me at first,” returned the legation counsellor. 44 I 
have known you as a child, dandled you upon my 
knees, seen you several times every week, and now I 
should as good as lose you all at once, be obliged to 
address you 4 my gracious lady,’ and be an unwel- 
come guest in your house, an eyesore to your hus- 
band ! I must admit that the news at first affected 
me unpleasantly, but when reason comes to help one 
against his egotism, he is even pleased with such 
news.” 

44 Pleased ? ” repeated Louisa, quickly, a momen- 
tary redness overspreading her cheeks. 

44 Well, yes,” substantiated the legation secretary, 
44 for when you marry, it will only be because you 
will be indubitably happy, and I would be a very 
poor friend of yours indeed if I am not glad that 
you are happy.” 

Louisa sighed, and murmured to herself the word 
44 happy ! ” 

44 For you love the man you are about to marry, 
do you not ? ” asked von Frohberg, looking his young 
friend fully in the face. 

Her inward struggle seemed to grow more intense. 

44 Ho,” she exclaimed under the influence of a 
sudden resolution, quickly rising from the sofa. 44 Ho, 
I do not love him ! ” 

The legation counsellor also got up and seemed to 
be both astonished and gratified at the same time. 

44 Ah ! ” said he. 44 You do not love him, but you 
do not dislike him either ? ” 

44 Ho,” said Louisa. 44 He is a man of fine ap- 
pearance, of dignified and agreeable manners, and 
lie really seems to love me.” 

The legation counsellor was silent. 

44 Well?” asked Louisa, after waiting a while. 
44 Tell me your opinion, candidly.” 


282 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“Ye ry well,” returned the legation counsellor. 
“ It is an unquestionable fact that the social condition 
of our times and our manners, have brought about 
a state of things in which the majority of marriages 
are affected in precisely the same manner as yours 
will be. Mothers having marriageable daughters 
will court young men of questionable tendencies. I 
say mothers because I know it for a fact, that in most 
instances it is the mothers who do the courting, 
their sole object being to marry off their daughters, 
and they will do everything in their power to attract 
the young men. If hints and suggestions are not 
sufficient to induce a young man to propose for the 
hand of the daughter, the mother straightway be- 
gins to court another. Whether he is a man of high 
principles, exalted sentiments, kind disposition, or 
the reverse, is totally immaterial, so long as he is 
wealthy, and if in addition he is a man of fine ap- 
pearance. To the daughter, too, one young man 
seems to be just as good as another, provided he is 
‘ well fixed,’ and seems to really love her.” 

Louisa blushed and then replied in a low voice, 
with downcast eyes : 

“ I have been talked to so much about this mat- 
ter that I did not know what to do. I declined to 
listen altogether, at first, but when one is charged 
upon from all sides, one is apt to give assent merely 
to get rest.” 

“ You did not permit me to finish what I had to 
say,” added the legation counsellor. “I said the 
planner in which marriages are brought about now-a- 
daj 7 s is due to the customs and social conditions of 
our times. When a young lady gets to be twenty 
or twenty-two years old, she seems to be ashamed 
before her friends because she is not engaged, and 
she is ready to throw herself into the arms of the 
first young man that comes along, be his disposition 


OF POTSDAM . : 


283 


what it may. The majority of such instances 
do not cause me the least surprise, but what has 
been a great surprise to me,” added von Frohberg, 
in a very serious tone of voice, “ is that you, 
Louisa, should make no exception to the general 
rule.” 

“ Fart of my excuse you will find in the words 
with which I interrupted you,” returned the young 
lady. “ I have nothing additionally extenuating to 
offer, unless it is the circumstance that we lead here 
a very secluded life, and that my free will, my 
resolution, have been so constrained, and such con- 
vincing arguments have been brought to bear upon 
me that, at last, I did not know what to do, and I 
concluded to consult you.” 

“ Before I give .you my unbiassed opinion, I must 
know the name of the gentleman,” said the legation 
counsellor. 

u He is not unknown to you,” replied Fräulein 
Louisa. 

“ He is not unknown to me ? ” echoed the lega- 
tion counsellor, mentally casting in review all his 
acquaintances. 

Suddenly, however, a still more important point 
seemed to occur to him, for he quickly turned to 
Louisa, and said : 

“ And who, if I may ask, hampered your free 
will and resolution so much ? ” 

“ Principally Madame Baldrian,” replied Louisa. 

Herr von Frohberg uttered an exclamation of dis- 
pleasure, and started to walk up and down the room 
with hasty strides. 

Suddenly the door was opened, and Fredrick 
announced that Herr Baron von Branco wished to 
pay his respects to Fräulein Louisa Miller. 

“ That’s he ! ” whispered Louisa, coming close up 
to Frohberg. 


284 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The latter started visibly, stopped short, and 
stared at the young lady. 

“ My God, what ails you ? ” asked she, in alarm. 

“Let him enter,” whispered Frohberg, quickly; 
“ and say to him that you have asked me for ad- 
vice in the matter ; that you propose to abide by it, 
and then make some excuse and leave us two to- 
gether.” 

“ Request the Herr Baron to enter,” said Louisa to 
the servant, and in a few minutes the visitor en- 
tered and bowed very deeply to the young lady, and 
haughtily to von Frohberg. 

“ I will inform my father of your arrival, Herr 
Baron,” observed Louisa, turning to the new comer, 
“ and will leave you with my best and most intimate 
friend, Herr Legation Counsellor. von Frohberg. I 
have informed him of your proposition, and have 
requested him to advise me about it, which advice I 
intend to follow to the letter.” 

She then bowed to the baron in a pleasant manner, 
and left the room. 

The information which Herr von Branco just re- 
ceived did not seem to be very agreeable to him, 
for he bit his lip, and his face became perceptibly 
overspread with a frown ; but in a few moments 
he succeeded in regaining full mastery over him- 
self, and with the agreeable smile of a man of the 
world, he turned to the legation counsellor and 
said : 

“If I understood Fräulein Miller correctly, then 
my future earthly happiness depends upon you, in- 
formation which cannot be otherwise than exceed- 
ingly agreeable to me, since our engagement is likely 
to encounter no hindrances from you.” 

“ It is but a few minutes since I ascertained 
Fräulein Louisa’s projected engagement and the 
name of her intended,” returned von Frohberg. “I 


OF POTSDAM. 


285 


must confess that the news caused me as much sur- 
prise as annoyance.” 

The baron seemed to be greatly astonished at this 
reply. 

44 What is there about it liable to cause you sur- 
prise? ” asked he. 44 Fräulein Miller is in her twen- 
tieth year, and at that age young ladies are apt to 
marry.” 

The legation counsellor made no reply. 

44 And as regards myself,” went on the baron, 44 it 
seems to me that it is none too soon for me to bid 
farewell to bachelorhood.” 

The legation counsellor was still silent. 

44 Evidently these are not the objections which 
you would offer to our engagement,” continued 
Baron Branco. 44 1 will also tell you that Herr Mil- 
ler has instituted inquiries concerning me which, 
I am happy to say, have proved satisfactory to him.” 

The legation counsellor shrugged his shoulders 
almost imperceptibly. 

44 All these, I perceive, would not suffice for you, 
were you in Herr Miller’s place,” spoke the baron 
further, 44 and you therefore propose to question 
me still further. Ask me, I pray you, and I will 
answer you truthfully. Moreover, you have been 
acquainted with me long enough to know that I am 
mo worse, if no better, than most men. That I have 
committed several foolish acts I will not deny, but 
I am done with them now.” 

44 H’m ! ” uttered the legation counsellor. 44 And 
you have no old bond to sever ere you enter into a 
new one ? ” 

44 None whatever ! ” replied the baron, calmly and 
firmly. 

44 Your heart is perfectly free?” asked von Froli- 
berg, further. 

44 Perfectly ! ” answered Branco ; 44 and I may 


286 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


even add,” continued he, after a short pause, “ that 
I have never had a sincere attachment. May I now 
count upon your kind approval?” 

The legation counsellor became lost in thought, 
and the conversation of the two was arrested. 

Just then Fredrick entered, holding a letter in his 
hand. 

“What do you want?” asked von Frohberg, 
aroused by the noise. 

“Pardon me, Herr Legation Counsellor,” replied 
the man. “The valet of your bi other has just 
brought this. -lie says it is from my gracious lady, 
Madame von Frohberg.” 

“ What ! my sister-in-law back in Berlin ? ” cried 
the legation secretary, seizing the letter. 

“ Yes,” reported Fredrick. “ The valet said that 
Herr von Frohberg and my gracious lady had ar- 
rived about half an hour ago.” 

“Very well,” said the legation counsellor, and 
without taking any notice of the presence of the 
baron, he hastily opened the letter. 

He no sooner began to read it than his usually 
pale countenance became suffused with an active 
flush, and the further he read the more his excite- 
ment grew. 

“You have deceived me, you have not told me 
the truth,” said he, vehemently, addressing himself 
to the baron. 

“Herr Legation Counsellor!” exclaimed the lat- 
ter, angrily and offended, falling back a step. 

“ Perhaps you have deceived yourself,” continued 
the legation counsellor. “ You told me that you 
had no bonds to sever, but that was false. Ho 
engagement between you and Fräulein Miller can 
take place ! ” 

“ And why not, if I may ask ? ” inquired Baron 
Branco, almost in a threatening tone. 


OF POTSDAM. 


287 


The legation counsellor seemed unable to utter 
what he wished to say. 

“ Because you are under certain obligations to my 
sister-in-law,” he exclaimed, with vehemence. 

Herr von Branco turned pale. 

“ What, you are aware of it? ” he stammered out. 

“Yes, I know everything ! ” continued Frohberg. 

“ For a certain promise which I gave her, she agreed 
to leave Berlin ; but she credited herself with more 
strength than she possessed, and she has hastened 
back in order to prevent this marriage, which she 
has heard of in some way, even if she has to suffer • 
for it grievously.” 

Baron Branco wrinkled his brow. 

Herr von Frohberg went up close to him, and 
said, in very serious tones : 

“ Such an eclat would also bring shame upon my 
brother, and if you did not hesitate to assail his 
honor, respect at least now his peace of mind.” 

Herr von Branco compressed his lips tightly. 

“ The long and short of it, then, is that you op- 
pose this engagement ? ” he asked, in a dry, un- 
pleasant voice. 

“ Yes ! ” returned von Frohberg, bowing coldly. 

“ And what steps do you intend to take in this 
matter ? ” asked Branco, further. 

The legation counsellor made no reply. 

“Perhaps you intend to inform the commercial 
counsellor of all the circumstances of the case ? ” 

Herr von Frohbero; nodded with his head affir- 


matively. 

The baron reflected for a while. 

“ You forget that you cannot mention the lady’s 
name,” said he. “ She has kept her promise and 
left Berlin ; but the fact that she has returned does 
not release you from your obligation to keep the 
matter a secret. What do you intend to say of me ? 


288 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


That I have a liaison ? It is entirely severed. Can 
you prove the contrary? And even if you could, 
you dare not do it.” 

“ And why not?” vehemently exclaimed the lega- 
tion counsellor. “ The result will justify the means ! 
I shall show this letter to the commercial counsellor, 
Miller ! ” 

“ Oh, no ; you will not do that ! ” said the baron, 
in an exasperating tone. 

“ I can trust to his honor and discretion,” added 
Frohberg, “ to keep this matter an inviolable secret, 
and then he will surely prohibit the engagement.” 

He then quickly turned away, as if to leave the 
room. 

The baron suddenly became fearfully anxious. 

“ Stay ! ” he cried, stretching out his hand as if 
to detain his opponent. 

The legation counsellor stopped and turned around. 

“I withdraw my proposition,” said the baron. 
“ I voluntarily renounce all claim to the hand of 
Fräulein Miller.” 

“Very well ! ” said Frohberg. “ Then we have 
nothing more to do with each other.” 

“ I am sorry I must contradict you on this point,” 
returned Herr von Branco. “ You have driven me 
from this house, and you will give me satisfaction 
for that.” 

“Ah!” uttered the legation counsellor. “ You 
talk of getting satisfaction ? You intend to chal- 
lenge me? That is extraordinary indeed. But I 
will not fight with you, not now at least.” 

“And why not?” asked Branco, with marked 
scorn. 

“ Because my sister-in-law will not have it,” an- 
swered the legation counsellor. 

“ The sister-in-law again ! ” mocked the baron. 
“ Are you the slave of your sister-in-law?” 


OF POTSDAM. 


289 


“Yes, Herr Branco,” said Frohberg, “You have 
employed the correct expression. I am certainly 
now the slave of my sister-in-law, but I will not 
be so long, and therefore I must ask for the post- 
ponement of our affair for a while. You can be- 
lieve me when I tell you that I would much pre- 
fer to settle my account with you now, and that 
it is very hard for me to wait,” he added, with a 
threatening look. 

Baron Branco bowed coldly. 

“Very well, Herr Legation Counsellor,” said he, 
ironically; “ I will wait, but I hope you will not tax 
my patience too much.” 

He bowed once more to his opponent, and then 
left the room. 

Left alone, the legation counsellor became lost in 
thought, and began to walk up and down the parlor, 
as was his habit. 

The otherwise calm and sensible man had allowed 
himself to become inveigled into an affair which his 
soul condemned, but which he was obliged to bear. 

The door was now slightly opened, and in the 
opening appeared the bald, fatty, round, and glossy 
head of the commercial counsellor, behind which 
the tall figure of Louisa was seen. 

When little Miller saw that the legation coun- 
sellor was alone, his face assumed an expression of 
the utmost surprise ; he came nearer to him, and 
asked : 

“ Is the baron gone ? ” 

“Yes!” returned Frohberg, “never again to 
cross this threshold. The baron’s engagement to 
Louisa is an impossibility.” 

An expression of joy and satisfaction was deline- 
ated upon the beautiful face of Louisa. 

“ Oh, how happy I am ! ” she cried, throwing her 
arms around her father’s neck. 

19 


290 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ You are choking me, my angel! ” gasped the 
little, round papa, releasing himself from his daugh- 
ter’s loving embrace. 

After that he rubbed his fat and plump hands in 
the utmost satisfaction, and muttered to himself : 

“ I am not at all sorry for it, my child, for, 
anxious as I am to see you married, still I would 
unwillingly part with you and hand you over to an 
uncertain future. Now we will remain at least for 
a while longer together. But the affair looks very 
strange to me,” he observed, turning to the legation , 
counsellor with a much surprised mien. “ Tell me 
what occurred between you two. You must have 
found out some new fact, or else something unusual 
must have transpired between you two.” 

The legation counsellor approached little Miller 
very closely, and whispered to him : 

“ You shall know everything, but not now ; when 
we are alone.” 

The little commercial counsellor opened his 
plump, voluptuous lips slightly, and gazed upon 
liis friend in still greater astonishment. 

Herr von Frohberg winked at him with his eyes 
to be silent, and little Miller w r as therefore com- 
pelled to subdue his curiosity for the time being. 

In order, however, not to suffer the agony of 
delay very long, Commercial Counsellor Miller 
resorted to a shrewd little diplomatic trick. 
Smiling serenely and in the most off-hand manner, 
he said : 

“Let ns go into the garden, children, for a while. 
It is fearfully hot and close here in the house. I 
feel very uncomfortable here.” 

He then turned to go, in the hope of being fol- 
lowed by Frohberg, whom he intended to draw 
aside and learn from him what had happened be- 
tween him and the baron. 


OF POTSDAM, 


291 


Papa Miller had just reached the door, when it 
was suddenly opened and Wanda rushed in and em- 
braced her father with so much vehemence that he 
came near losing his equilibrium. 

“ Wanda ! ” groaned the little man, when he was 
able to utter between the kisses which his youngest 
daughter showered upon him. “ Wanda, what in 
the world is the matter with you ? Have you re- 
solved to throttle me to-day ? First one chokes me 
almost to death, and then the other.” 

“ Oh, don’t be angry with me, papa,” said Wanda, 
releasing him, “ I thought you were Louisa. I mis- 
took you for her in my haste.” 

“ Ho, I am not Louisa by any means,” returned 
the commercial counsellor, surprised ; “ this is the 
first time in my life, in fact, that I was mistaken 
for her. There is your sister, over there,” he added, 
pointing with his finger to his eldest daughter. 

“Well, Louisa?” exclaimed Wanda, rushing 
away like a cyclone toward her sister, and falling 
upon her neck and showering kisses upon her as 
she did upon her father a little while ago. “Well, 
Louisa, is everything arranged ? Did you consent ? 
When will the wedding take place ? ” 

“ Wanda, let me go ! Are you out of your senses 
to-day ? ” cried her elder sister, in an unusually joy- 
ous manner. 

“Yes, I am almost out of my senses for joy, 
when I see you are so happy,” exclaimed the young 
lady. “Well, when wdll the wedding take place? 
Out with it, quick ! ” 

* “ Thank heaven, I shall not marry that gentle- 
man ! ” said Louisa, happily. 

Wanda looked at her sister with large, but still 
incredulous eyes. 

“ Is that true, papa ? ” said she, addressing herself 
to her father. 


292 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The commercial counsellor nodded his head. 

“.Well, .then, 'we will begin again ! ” cried Wanda, 
suddenly, flaring up in anger, and in the next 
minute she darted away to the piano and began to 
drum her favorite polka with so much vehemence 
and discord that the walls fairly trembled, and the 
commercial counsellor first drew up one leg in the 
air, then the other, and lastly clapped his hands 
over his ears, and finding that that was insufficient, 
he ran away like one bereft of reason, while the 
legation counsellor followed the smiling Louisa into 
the adjoining room. 


OF POTSDAM. 


293 


CHAPTER XII. 

COLD PAN-CAKES AND A HOT LIFE. 

After Major Rumpel, with the fat Augusta had 
driven away for the purpose of executing a distress 
marriage contract, because he believed that he and 
Augusta had been poisoned by Madame Baldrian, 
as the reader will remember, the toothache-afflicted 
Rarrer, who had become stupefied by the chloroform, 
found himself locked in the Major’s apartment. 
The hasty slamming to of the door had aroused him 
from his stupor, and when he pulled off the cloth 
from his face, which the major had thrown over the 
supposed corpse, he found himself alone and locked 
in, and finally he reached the window just in time to 
see the major and Augusta drive away in a droschk. 

But when, to his horror, he found that he was 
not heard, he dropped back into his chair with sad 
resignation, and began to reflect how long one can 
live without any nutriment. 

We find the unhappy Rarrer still busily engaged 
with these thoughts. 

After recovering from the first consternation 
which his peculiar position engendered in him, his 
mind began to clear up once more, and the sharp 
logic of reflection, for which he was so well known, 
reproduced the unfortunate chain of accidents which 
he had experienced that day,- 

Why must he have a toothache ? Merely because 
Privy Counsellor Dr. Staberow asked him whether 
he was suffering from that illness ? That would be 
contrary to all sense, contrary to nature, contrary to 
science ! 


294 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


But that is just the reason why it could only hap- 
pen to him. 

He was, in fact, an exception to all divine and 
human arrangement. 

After he had suffered agonizing torture for several 
days, after he had passed several sleepless nights, 
after famishing all these days and nights, having 
been able to take only a little broth occasionally, he 
had at last heroically resolved to have the painful 
tooth extracted. 

Why must Major Rumpel meet him just as he 
was on the way to his dentist, and have no time to 
carry a notice to the employment bureau ? 

Why must his accommodativeness, which .never 
brought anyone good luck, induce him, on this day 
of all others, to relieve the major of a task and per- 
form a commission for him ? 

Why must the dentist pull out a wrong tooth for 
him ? 

Why must his conscientiousness, despite his terri- 
ble pains, drive him to Major Rumpel again for the 
purpose of reporting the favorable result of his com- 
mission ? 

Why did all these events happen ? 

Only to cause him more and greater embarrass- 
ments ! 

How did it happen that he fell asleep at all, after 
the toothache had disappeared from using the rem- 
edy which Madame Baldrian had given him ? 

Ah ! most probably because of the great exhaus- 
tion after suffering so many days, after the many 
nights that he had passed without refreshing slum- 
ber. 

But why did the major throw a cloth over his 
face? 

Flies there were none, for it was already late in 
the autumn and a cold north wind carried the fallen 


OF POTSDAM. 


295 


leaves with a rustling sound over the dusty prome- 
nade along the canal. 

His eye wandered about the room. 

Ah ! there was one fly still to be seen, but it 
seemed to be very tired already, for its podagrical 
feet moved very slowly and with great uncertainty 
upon the window pane. 

A happy smile overspread Rarrer’s pale coun- 
tenance. 

“ The majoh is weally a good man,” he mentally 
said, “ to be so thoughtful when theah was only one 
pooh disabled fly ! That’s weally a fine twait of 
chawactah in him ! ” 

But a few minutes later a cloud of grief and anx- 
iety overspread his countenance. 

Why did the major leave him alone ? Why did 
he drive away with his housekeeper, something, in 
fact, which Rarrer’s bashful nature deemed alto- 
gether unseemly ? 

He might at least have left the key upon the 
table, or thrown it back into the room over the 
transom, but to make a prisoner of him, perhaps for 
a very long time, that was altogether thoughtless, 
not to say cruel, to one who had been so obliging to 
him. 

But that is the way of mankind ! Ingratitude is 
the reward of the world ! 

Rarrer sat «a long while totally collapsed in his 
chair, when suddenly his face assumed a very pain- 
ful expression, and he passed a hand over the region 
of his stomach. 

“ I am hungwy ! ” he groaned, lowly. “ And why 
should I not be hungwy ? ” he added, after a little 
while. “ Duwing the last two days I have had 
nothing but two bowls of oat-meal gwuel, and now 
that my toothache is gone my appetite begins to 
tohchu me ! ” 


296 


TBE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Karrer allowed his head to sink upon his breast, 
he pressed with both hands upon his stomach, and 
uttered a low r moan. 

Then he began to rock his body to and fro, like 
the bears in the Zoological Garden when the pangs 
of hunger have made them restless, and finally he 
leaped to his feet, ran about the room several times, 
and, provoked by an inward spasmodic wrath, with 
which he was not unusually affected, cried : 

“ I can stand this no longah ! I have had nothing 
to-day but a cup of coffee, which, as evewy one 
knows contains no nowish men t. It is alweady 
gwowing dahk, and the majoh and his housekeepah 
ahe not coming yet. Heavens, what if they stay 
aw r ay all night, too ; oah, ahe gone on some pleasah 
twip — which, at this time of the yeah, I’d considah 
a cwazy notion, then I will pevish from hungah 
lieali, and not even a woosteh will cwow oveh it.” 

Suddenly, however, he stopped, crossed his arms 
over his breast, and his countenance assumed a 
beatific expression of resignation. 

“ And would it be such a gweat misfovtune if I 
weah to pevish from hungah, and theahby escape 
futuh twoubles ? ” he began, in gloomy tones. “ At 
fivst, dying by hungah is, it is twue, painful, just 
as I suffah now; soon, howevah, a blissful ecstasy 
comes ovah the dying pehson, he imagines himself 
to be in celestial halls, he sips nectahfand feasts on 
ambwosia. Did not Ugolino, with his sons, die of 
hungah ? I wead it in Gweisenbehg. How good he 
felt at last, what noble and elevating convevsation 
they kept up between them befoali death, in the 
shape of a bwight angel, closed theah eyes ! I will 
wap myself in the gwaveyahd philosophy of the 
melancholic Dane,” he continued, after a brief pause ; 
“ whenevah I see that piece played I always feel as 
if I want to die too. And would not death be a 


OF POTSDAM. 


297 


benefit to me ? 6 Of what use is it foh cwea- 

tulies like me to cwawel about between heaven and 
earth ? ’ Let ns then wap onhselves in the necessavy 
wesolution and dignity, twanspolit ouhselves into 
heavenly dweams, and gwadually and delightfully 
twansfer ouhselves into a bettah and a moah wight- 
eons life.” 

After uttering these obituary remarks to himself, 
Karrer walked with pathetic stage steps to the place 
he had previously occupied, cautiously and dignifi- 
edly dropped into the seat again, assumed an artis- 
tically negligent posture, and closed his eyes, under 
the supposition that he would never open them 
again. 

In this position he remained for a good half hour. 

At first his respirations were deep and heavy ; 
after a while his breast rattled a little, and finally a 
heavy sigh escaped from him. 

After that everything was as silent as death. 

It was doubtless the last sigh that bore his re- 
leased soul into the celestial regions on high. Peace 
to his ashes ! 

As the clock upon the escritoire of the major be- 
gan to strike, with its harsh, shrill tones, a tremor 
ran through the body that was once Karrer’s. Is it 
likely that a little spark of life had actually re- 
mained in it? 

Immediately thereafter his legs stretched them- 
selves out, the shoulders were raised up a little, and 
the head rolled over to the other side. 

Then the lips parted slightly — at first as if they 
would only allow the breath of life to slip through, 
but gradually they separated more and more. 

In a tired person this act would have been con- 
sidered a hearty, powerful yawn ; in one who is 
dying it would have, perhaps, been looked upon as 
the last spasmodic flicker of expiring life. 


298 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


After the mouth had closed itself, the lips began 
to move again quietly and slowly, and, had an atten- 
tive ear been in the room, it would soon have heard 
the following words pronounced at low breath : 

“ Ah ! I have ovehcome my suffeving ! I pictuhed 
to myself stawation to be much wohse than it weally 
is ! I am now in heaven, and all my eathly toh- 
tuahes ahe behind me ! ” 

But suddenly a shudder ran through Barrer’s 
frame. 

“ Oh, oh!” he murmured again. “ Weally, I 
always supposed it was much wahmeli in heaven. 
I feel as if I was fweezing, and my body is icy cold. 
But then I have no body at all now. I am an angel, 
thehfoah I must be mistaken. I am not yet accus- 
tomed to the climate, that’s all. I’ll feel all wight 
soon ! ” 

But it was not long before the upper part of 
Barren's body raised itself from its reclining posture, 
both hands forcibly compressed his stomach, the 
knees were drawn up spasmodically against the ab- 
domen, and the eyes, that were closed till now, 
were forcibly opened, and he stared with constantly 
increasing horror. 

“ Ah ! ” cried the unfortunate youth at last, on rec- 
ognizing his surroundings by the flickering light of 
a gas-lamp on the sidewalk. “ What is this ? Why 
I am still in Majoh Wuinpel’s woom ! And I thought 
I had ovehcome all my twoubles and was in heaven ! 
Unfohtunate man that I am ! I was only stupefied 
from exhaustion foil a time, and now the tohtuahes 
of hungeh commence anew ! No ! ” he exclaimed, 
jumping up and running about 4he room like mad ; 
“no amount of gwave-yahd philosophy is pwoof 
against such tohtuahes as I am now suffewing ! If 
I do not succeed vewy soon in getting out of this 
wetched situation, I’ll suhley pevish ! ” 


OF POTSDAM . ; 


299 


Rarrer stopped and looked out into tlie street. 

A cold November wind was whistling through 
the streets ; the light in the gas-lamp flickered and 
flared, throwing an uncertain spectral shadow upon 
the surrounding objects, and the clothes of the per- 
sons who passed by were blown ahead of them, as 
if the wind desired to study the plastic art on the 
reverse side of the living statues. 

Rarrer seemed to be greatly interested in this 
simple side-show, for his pale, weak face, lit up by 
the gaslight, resembling that of a spectre, became 
more and more animated, as if he was mentally 
planning a* scheme whereby he would be able to 
save himself. 

“If a small boy should pass by, I’ll get him to 
bwing me something to eat, oh wepoht me to the 
watchman ! ” he murmured to himself. 

He then opened the window and leaned out, so 
as to be able to call the expected messenger. 

An errand-boy soon came clattering along on the 
other side of the street, whistling loudly the 
Düppel March. 

“ Hey ! ” exclaimed Rarrer, “ hey, boy ! ” 

The boy looked at him for a moment, began to 
whistle still louder, and walked along leisurely with- 
out taking any further notice of him, while a gentle- 
man who happened to pass by beneath him looked 
up and laughed. 

Rarrer began to reflect why the gentleman 
laughed at him. 

A few minutes later a little girl came along, her 
cheeks blue from the cold, and her hands tucked 
away under a little shawl. 

“ Hey, little one, look up heah ! ” cried Rarrer. 

The little one looked up for a moment, and then 
ran away ; but a jovial young gentleman who came 
by, lustily called out to him ; 


300 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Shut the window, boy ! Shut the window ! 
You’ll catch cold ! ” 

Karrer thought for a moment, and then blushed 
so actively that it could almost be seen in the dark. 

“ Oh ! this is tewible ! ” he cried, pulling down 
the window slowly. 

But Hunger is a terrible master, that submits 
neither to impertinence nor to delay. 

The shrill tunes of the Düppel March again fell 
upon Rarrer’s ears, and seemed to come nearer and 
nearer. 

The unfortunate young man opened the win- 
dow again, cautiously, leaned out as *far as he 
deemed prudent, and as soon as the errand-boy ap- 
proached near enough, he took courage and called 
out loudly : 

u Hey, boy ! ” 

The boy stopped whistling, stretched out his 
ndck in the direction whence the sound came, and 
being unable to see any one, he was just about to 
proceed on his way, when Rarrer called to him 
again, louder than before : 

“ Hey, boy ! ” 

“ "What yer want ? ” asked the boy. 

“ Come heah, neali the window, and I’ll give you 
something.” 

These words always have a good effect in Berlin. 

The boy first carefully looked around to see that 
no trick was intended to be played upon him, and 
then approached the window and cautiously glanced 
at the person whose body he could now see dis- 
tinctly by the light of the gas-lamp, and then quite 
agreeably and inquisitively asked : 

“ What yer want me to do ? ” 

“ Can’t you get me some cwackahs and cheese, oh 
cold woast beef and wwy bwead ? ” asked he, lean- 
ing out as far as he dared, with the intention of 


OF POTSDAM. 


301 


dropping the necessary amount of money close to 
where the boy stood. 

The boy thought a moment, and then with the 
impertinence peculiar to the Berlin gamin, burst 
out into a long guffaw and retorted in a voice loud 
enough to be heard all over the street, mimicking 
Rarrer’s way of pronouncing the words : 

“ c Cwackahs and cheese or cold woast beef and 
wwy bwead ! 5 My jolly bird ! Get them yerself, 
why don’t eher!” and without waiting he started 
off at a brisk walk, leaving poor Rarrer in an almost 
disconsolate condition. 

“ ‘ Of what use is it for eweatuhs like me to cwawl 
about between heaven and earth ? ’ ” murmured he 
to himself after a while. “ This djung of hungah 
after all is not as poetical as Gweisenbehg deseweibes 
it in his Ugolino,” added he, after another pause. 
“ I can’t beali it any longah. I must get something 
to eat, oh 1 will pevish. I shouldn’t have asked that 
boy to bwing me things whose names contain that 
unfortunate lettah. I will twy again,” 

He leaned out of the window and glanced up and 
down the quiet street, but not a soul was to be seen, 
for after dark the streets on the outskirts of the city 
having no direct connection with any thoroughfare 
are totally deserted. 

From looking out so much into the darkness 
Rarrer’s eyes were enabled to detect objects a good 
ways off, and in that way a new thought sprung up 
in his mind. 

«I’ll get out thwough the window,” said he to 
himself, joyfully. “ It is not vevy high, and as 
the stweet is unfwequented no one is likely to 
see me. I’ll thus get out of my pwison and wusli 
away to the neawest ‘Westuwant and eat a heahty 
dinnah.” 

He then opened the window as far as he could, 


302 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


grasped the sill with his right hand and stuck his 
left leg outside. 

Suddenly he thought he heard a peculiar noise 
behind him, like the growling of a dog. 

Karrer looked around frightened, but he couldn’t 
see anything. 

“ It must have been the wustling of one of the 
curtains,” said he to himself consolingK, and then 
he began anew by putting out his other leg. 

Again the same noise was heard as before, but 
much louder, and more energetically. This time, 
however, Karrer was not frightened, and did not 
look around for the cause. 

“ Ah ! ” he murmured, with stoical resignation ; 
“ I know now what was the mattah. My fohmeh 
twousers weah too wide, and these ah too nawow. 
‘ Of what use is it foil cweatuhs like me to cwawl 
about heaven and eawth?’ But this little accident 
shall not p we went me fwom making an attempt to 
save myself. Heah goes, once moah ! ” 

He then grasped the window-sill with his left 
hand, raised his right leg energetically, totally re- 
gardless of the repeated ripping and tearing sounds 
thereby produced ; regardless, also, of the cold air 
blowing upon the exposed part, and then thrust his 
leg out. 

“ So fah, so good ! ” said he to himself. “ How, 
then, foaliwads, once moah ! ” 

By another movement he found himself sitting 
across the window, one leg dangling outside in the 
air, which struck him as being very cold. He then 
turned around, so that his back was to the street, 
and began to meditate what to do next. After a 
while he began to angle with the outside leg, and 
soon he felt that his foot touched some hard object. 

“ Ah ! ” thought Karrer. “ How I am down. God 
be pwaised ! ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


303 


“ Oh ! 55 a voice suddenly exclaimed below. “ Thun- 
der and lightning ! who is treading on my head, 
there ? ” 

And in the next minute the strong, callous hands 
of the occupant of the cellar, who happened to come 
out of doors just then, grasped Karrer 5 s leg, and 
began to tug at it with great force, as if he wanted 
to tear it from the body. 

“ Heaven help me ! 55 groaned the poor youth. 
“ The wascal will teah my limb off . ! 55 

But the more the fellow pulled, the more tena- 
ciously Karrer clung to the window, and the more 
energetically he sought to release his foot. 

Suddenly a tremendous crash was heard. 

Like the end of a strong rubber-band that had 
been stretched to the utmost, Karrer rebounded into 
the room, when his pedal extremity was released 
so suddenly as to almost break every bone in his 
body. At the same time a noise was heard as of a 
body falling violently upon the stoney pavement 
outside. 

“ God be pwaised ! 55 groaned Karrer, lying upon 
the floor immovable. “ I am at least safe now, but 
what a bump I have on my bwow ! 55 

“ Drat that fellow ! 55 cursed the man on the side- 
walk. “ I pulled something off him, but it slipped 
out of my hands ! 55 

After lying a while on the floor, Karrer got up 
and walked to the window again. 

“ What is this ? I am limping ? 55 said he, look- 
ing down at his feet. 

“ Ah ! 55 he exclaimed, after he had examined . his 
lower extremity. u The fellow has pulled my boot 
off. That is weally unpleasant, but it is bettah 
than having a leg pulled off. My God ! 55 he added, 
“ what a howible day this has been. I am unable 
to get anything to eat, oh to escape from this dwead- 


304 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


ful twap ! My strength is entirely gone. How will 
this end ? how will this end ? ” 

He then limped to the sofa, sank down upon it 
and groaned : 

“I must lie down, I am unable to beah it any 
longah ; I am so exhausted that I am becoming in- 
diffewent to what happens to me.” 

And he stretched himself out at full length upon 
Major Bumpel’s sofa, closed his eyes and relapsed 
into a state of utter impotence. 

Pretty soon lie heard a dull murmur outside 
which gradually roused him from his helpless con- 
dition, for the words, which presently became dis- 
tinct enough for him to hear, evidently related to 
him. 

“ There is the window still open,” said a harsh 
voice, “ from which he tried to get out, and in doing 
so trod upon my head. How bold the thieves are 
getting to be now ! Barely is the major and his 
housekeeper gone when they break into his rooms.” 

Harrer trembled. 

“ The scoundrel must be inside still,” said an- 
other voice. “ We ’ll root him out ! ” 

Parrer leaped off the sofa upon his one-boot and 
one-stocking foot. 

“ God have mehcy upon me ! ” moaned he. “ My 
suffe wings are not yet at an end ! I may be awested 
and punished for a thief ! ” 

“ We’ll make him smart when we catch him,” 
said a hoarse, fiery voice, and then the sounds died 
away as if the persons were retreating. But after 
a few minutes the noise reappeared from a different 
direction, and then there was begun a dreadful 
knocking at the door of the room, as if it was in- 
tended to break it down. 

“Come out o’ there!” cried a voice, “or we’ll 
get an officer to fetch you out ! ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


305 


“ Merciful heavens ! ” groaned the poor youth. 
“ I am lost ! ” 

Fear lent him new strength. With a bound he 
reached the window to see whether he could now 
venture to jump out. But, oh, horrors ! in the 
darkness he recognized below a big errand-boy with 
a broom on his shoulder, evidently on the lookout 
for him. 

“It is impossible foh me to get out this way!” 
said he with a moan, recoiling from the window. 
“ My woad to the stweet is cut off. I must hide 
myself heah, somewheahs.” 

Again the thundering noise was heard at the 
door, and a voice called out loudly : 

“If you don’t come out voluntarily, we’ll maul 
you.” 

A cold sweat broke out upon Karrer’s forehead. 

“ c Of what use is it for misevable cweatures like 
me to cwal about between heaven and earth ? ’ ” 
groaned he, instinctively. 

However, with two hasty strides he hurried 
through the ante-room and while the threatening and 
rapping at the door became louder and louder, he 
penetrated into the darkness of the adjacent room 
in which he blindly felt about with outstretched 
hands. 

Suddenly he ran against a table that stood in the 
middle of the room with so much vehemence as to 
tilt it up on two of its legs. Instantly there re- 
sounded a rattling and sliding noise followed by a 
crash of dishes upon the floor. 

It was the coffee service which the fat Augusta 
had left standing upon the table before she rode 
away with the major. 

“It’s getting woss and woss ! ’’ groaned poor Rar- 
rer. “ I have huht my leg dweadf ully ! ” 

The rattling of the door sounded to him as if a 
20 


306 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


key was being inserted into the lock, and he rushed 
away into the Egyptian darkness of a room with an 
open door and soon encountered an object which 
by the sense of touch he recognized to be a bed 
w T ith bedding. 

“Just the thing! ” said he, much pleased with his 
discovery. “I’ll get into it and hide myself in 
it.” 

He was about to suit the action to the w T ords 
when he thought he heard footsteps in the front 
room and he started again like a scared hare, rushing 
on with outstretched hands as fast as his trembling 
legs could carry him. lie now stopped for a mo- 
ment and snuffed the air. 

“Ah! ” said he. “I am in the kitchen. I smell 
some victuals heah. If I weah not puhsued I could 
wevel heah in some eatables.” 

“ Climb in through the window, Fritz,” he heard 
a voice from the outside say, “ and rout him out.” 

Harrer dashed forward and ran against the chim- 
ney, striking his head with such vehemence as to 
make it ring. 

After resting a moment for the purpose of recov- 
ering from the shock, Harrer stooped and began to 
feel about with his hands, and in doing so he made 
such a racket by the upsetting of the tin pans, ket- 
tles and pots that it must have been heard on the 
street. He then climbed upon the hearth, stepped 
into the hot ashes with his bootless foot, which made 
him hop, and then climbed up into the chimney, 
where he braced himself with his back against one 
side and his knees against the other, and in this 
position he stuck. 

“Let the bloodhounds come in now!” he mut- 
tered, with the utmost satisfaction. “I don’t 
think they will find me now. But if the unhappy 
thought should occuah to them to build a fiah, I’ll 


OF POTSDAM. 307 

be woastecl and suffocated by the flames and the 
smoke ! ” 

He had not been long in the described position 
when his knees began to pain him dreadfully. 

“ I am no better adapted to be a chimney sweep- 
ah than anything else/’ murmured he to himself. 
“ And when the little stwength I have should give 
out I’ll fall into the hot ashes with my wipped open 
twousses oah into a pot full of hot watah.” His 
situation became so painful and dangerous that he 
concluded to get down and seek a hiding place that 
was less so, but in his attempt to extricate himself 
from the chimney he tried to steady himself with 
his hands in order to release his knees, but failed, 
and he came down all in a heap, plump upon the 
pile of hot ashes on the hearth. 

“Just as I thought!” he groaned, endeavoring to 
get up, but only succeeded in upsetting a kettle with 
hot water, which fortunately fell with its mouth di- 
rected away from him. 

“ Let’s go, boys,” Karrer heard one of the men 
outside say. “ The fellow is in all probability gone. 
There is no use our freezing here in waiting for him 
to come out. Let us tell the policeman when he 
comes along, and let him watch for him. Old 
Rumpel will not thank us for our trouble. Shouldn’t 
wonder if the thief already got out by the rear 
window ! ” 

After a little more conversation, Rarrer heard the 
persons walk away, and then everything was quiet. 

“Pwaised be the heavenly powehs! ” exclaimed 
Rarrer, in tones that sounded almost as joyous as 
those of the three men in the fiery furnace. 

With the disappearance of danger his pangs 
of hunger reappeared, more intensified than ever, 
and he said to himself : 

“ Theah must be some eatables lieah. Ah, heah 


308 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


is something,” he added, quickly, snatching some- 
thing he found lying on a pan, and with feverish 
haste carrying it to his mouth. 

“ Oh, blast it ! ” he exclaimed, dropping it 
quickly. “It is a liowible dish wag. What a 
disgusting taste it has ! ” 

After sputtering a number of times and wiping 
his tongue repeatedly, he began to feel about cau- 
tiously again. “Ah ! ” he continued, “here is some- 
thing that is soft and cold, but I must not be so 
hasty with it.” 

He, therefore, first carefully smelt it and then 
broke off a small piece and tasted it. 

“ Ah ! ” said he, smacking his lips, “ it is cold 
pancake. It tastes delicious, pehfectly delicious! ” 

He was just in the act of breaking off a larger 
piece when he distinctly heard a noise in the front 
room. 

He listened and cast a hasty glance through the 
doors, which had been left open. 

The noise became louder and more distinct, and 
by the light from the lamp in the street he plainly 
saw figures moving about in the room. 

A cold sweat broke out again upon Rarrer’s fore- 
head. 

“My puhsuas ! ” he gasped, terror stricken. 
“ They only pwentended to go away, and managed 
to gain an entwance into the room. They mean to 
do me mischief, the heartless cweatues. I must get 
into the chimney again.” 

“ Where is he ? ” he heard a rough voice asking 
in the front room. 

“ I don’t know, I am sure I can’t find him either,” 
replied a softer voice. 

“ They are looking for me ! ” gasped Rarrer,with 
lightning-like rapidity mentally resolving upon a 
plan of action. “ To twy to get into the chimney 


OF POTSDAM . 


309 


will make too much noise, and moahovali it will 
also take too long to do it. What is to be done ? ” 

“ Perhaps he is in the kitchen,” said the rough 
voice again. 

“Very likely he is. I’ll go and see,” returned 
the other. 

Karrer now heard steps approaching. 

“ They ah coming,” he moaned, and urged on by 
the instinct of self-preservation, he snatched the al- 
most whole cold pancake, thrust it under his 
buttoned- up coat, and with a few rapid strides rushed 
into the room adjacent to the kitchen, felt about 
quickly for the bed which he had previously discov- 
ered, dived into it with the rapidity of thought, and 
pulled the feather bed over his head. 

In a few moments he heard some one treading 
upon the broken pieces of china which were still 
lying upon the floor, followed by the wailling voice 
of a female. 

“ What is the matter ? ” asked the gruff voice in 
the ante-room again. 

“ Thieves must have been here,” replied the 
softer voice. “ The coffee service has been thrown 
upon the floor and broken. My God, what a loss ! ” 

“ Of what use will a coffee service be to us now ? ” 
groaned a bass voice. “We will drink no more cof- 
fee. Make a light.” 

Karrer again heard the rattling and crackling 
noise in the room, and soon the rays of light pene- 
trated between the bed clothes. 

“ God help me ! ” growled at the same time the 
voice in the ante-room. 

“ Holy angels protect me ! ” screeched almost sim- 
ultaneously a female voice in the back room. 

“ Augusta, the corpse has jumped out through 
the window ! ” cried the bass voice in the front 


room. 


310 


THE MATRIMONIAL AO ENT 


“ Herr Major, there is a man in my bed I ” 
shrieked the housekeeper in the back room. 

The major seized the rusty unloaded pistols and 
rushed to the protection of his housekeeper. 

“ Roderick, my dear Roderick, spare me ! I am. 
innocent ! ” cried the fat Augusta, throwing her 
thick arms around the major’s neck, still holding the 
burning candle in her hand. 

“ Go away! You’ll burn me with the light!” 
cried the major. Augusta put the candle on the 
table and blubbered again : 

“ Roderick, my dear Roderick, I am innocent ! ” 
throwing her fleshy arms around the major’s neck 
again. 

“ Thunder and lightning, you are choking me ! ” 
gasped old Rumpel. 

“ Believe me, Roderick, I have no cause to blush 
before you,” added Augusta, “ 1 know not how this 
man got into my bed.” 

“ How do you know it is a man ? ” asked the 
major. 

“ Oh Roderick ! ” said Augusta, blushingly, “see 
he has a boot on ! ” And she pointed to a booted 
foot which stuck out from beneath the bed covering. 

“ It is a woman ! she has one stocking on ! ” re- 
torted Rumpel, feeling at Rarrer’s bootless foot 
which stuck out beyond the bed-clothes too. 

“Foah heaven’s sake don’t tickle the sole of my 
foot. I’ll get cwamps if you do,” cried Rarrer 
throwing back the feather bed and raising himself 
into a sitting posture. 

Major Rumpel and the fat Augusta recoiled in 
horror. 

“ The corpse ! ” cried the major. 

“God forgive me my sins! ’’ moaned Augusta, 
throwing the apron over her head, to shut out the 
horrible sight from her eyes. 


OF POTSDAM. 


311 


“ Thank Heavens that you have weturned, Hew 
Majoh W -W -W um pel ! ” said Karrer. 

‘ ‘ Sir, you are dead ! ” cried Rumpel. 

“No, sah; not yet,” returned Karrer, “but it 
would not have been vewy long now, and I would 
have pevished from hungah ! ” 

“ Talks of perishing fi*om hunger ! ” cried the 
major. “ Your mind is affected. You are poisoned 
just as I am, and Augusta ! ” 

Karrer jumped out of bed and stared at the major 
aghast. 

“ You must have a strong constitution,” continued 
old Rumpel. “ You haven’t drank any milk at all, 
have you ? ” 

Karrer did not know whether he was awake or 
asleep. 

‘•You were dead already, wasn’t you?” asked 
Kumpel. 

“ I was dead alweady ? ” repeated Karrer, a chill 
running through him. 

“ Yes ! ” asserted the major. “ The poison must 
have taken a terrible effect upon you, for you are 
already black in the face ! ” 

The unfortunate Karrer felt that his legs were 
about to give way beneath him, he glanced about 
the room for a mirror, but not seeing one he held 
up his hands to his face. 

They were black too ! 

Tie shuddered, and felt about with his hands for 
some support. 

“ Come, unfortunate boy, and drink with us,” said 
Kumpel, gloomily. “Mayhap you can still be saved, 
but I fear it is too late.” 

He then seized Karrer by the waist with one 
hand and the candle with the other, and followed 
by Augusta, he conducted him into the front 
room. 


312 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Sit down ! ” said he, dropping Rarrer like a 
bundle of straw into a chair. 

He then picked np a large tin can, took a long 
draught at it himself first, and then put the beak 
into Rarrer’s mouth, and said to him : 

“ Drink ! ” 

Rarrer swallowed mechanically the tepid warm 
milk. Soon he winked with his eyes that he had 
enough. But the major paid no attention to his 
gestured. 

“ Drink ! ” he thundered, again holding the can 
still higher. 

“ I can’t dwink any moah ! ” gurgled Rarrer, 
grasping the tin beak with both hands to keep it 
away from his mouth. 

But the major pushed it all the more forcibly 
toward him, and held it up all the higher behind. 

“ Drink, unfortunate man ! ” he roared. 

Rarrer’s head began to swell and his eyes to bulge 
out of their sockets. 

“ He is dying ! ” shrieked the fat Augusta. 

The major put down the tin can and looked his 
patient in the face. 

u I think so, too ! ” said he, sighing deeply, taking 
a long draught at the milk-can again. 

“ I’ll buhst ! ” groaned the poor young man. 

“ Heavens ! don’t burst upon my clean floor ! ” 
shrieked the housekeeper, who was a true exponent 
of “ the ruling passion strong in death,” — mindful of 
cleanliness to the last. 

“ I’ll see whether his heart is still beating,” said 
the major, and suiting the action to the words, he 
put his hand into Rarrer’s bosom, but quickly 
pulled it out again with an outcry as if he had en- 
countered a reptile. 

“ His heart is cold ! ” said he, looking at his 
housekeeper horrified. 


OF POTSDAM. 


313 


“My Heavenly Father !” cried Augusta, again 
throwing her apron over her head. 

“Feel his heart, Augusta!” urged the major; 
“ it’s perfectly cold.” 

“ I can’t ! ” cried the fat housekeeper. 

“ Feel it ! ” ordered old Rumpel. 

“ I can’t, I can’t ! ” replied Augusta, beseechingly. 

The major began to roll his eyes threateningly, 
grasped Augusta’s right arm, and, despite her resist- 
ance, thrust her hand into Rarrer’s bosom. 

Augusta uttered a shriek loud enough to awaken 
the dead, the moment her hand came in contact 
with the cold heart of Rarrer. 

“ Isn’t it so ? ” asked Rumpel, forcibly keeping 
her hand in Rarrer’s bosom. 

“ Oh, heavens ! ” said the stout maiden, after a 
moment’s silence, “ what is this, and how did it get 
here, I wonder ? ” she added. 

“What new discovery have yon made now?” 
asked Rumpel, alarmed. 

“Well, this beats everything! Flow did it get 
here, I’d like to know ! ” she repeated, amazed. 

“ Who ? What ? ” asked old Rumpel, bewildered. 

“Why, my pancake!” replied Augusta, unbut- 
toning Rarrer’s coat and taking possession of her 
pastry again. 

“ Well, well ! ” was all the major could utter, so 
completely was he overcome by surprise. 

Then he raised his voice, and called to his ward : 

“Young man, where did you get our pancake ?” 

At the word pancake some very pleasant recol- 
lections seemed to pass through Rarrer’s mind. His 
pale countenance became somewhat animated ; he 
opened his tired eyes, smiled a little, and put out 
his hand toward the pastry, which Augusta held in 
her arms like a recovered flag. 

“ For heaven’s sake, don’t,” exclaimed the ma- 


314 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


j or, pushing his housekeeper away. “ It may kill 
you on the spot. But drjnk some more milk ! ” 
added he, raising the tin can with the long spout 
once more, and placing it to Rarrer’s lips, 

“ No ! ” cried the latter fiercely. “ Leave me 
alone. I shan’t dwink anothah dwop ! ” 

He then jumped up from his chair, pulled out 
his handkerchief from his pocket and wdped the 
cold perspiration from his brow. 

Old Rumpel gazed upon Rarrer with an expres- 
sion of the utmost horror. 

“My God, young man, your face is becoming dis- 
colored in streaks, and your skin is pealing off ! ” he 
cried. “ These are the worst evidences of poison- 
ing.” 

Rarrer w r as so frightened now that every nerve in 
his body trembled ; he then looked at his handker- 
chief. 

“ Has the poison already paralyzed your tongue ? ” 
asked the major, sympathetically. 

“ Tell me what makes you think that I am 
poisoned ? ” returned Rarrer, who seemed to compre- 
hend how matters stood. 

“Why,” replied Rumpel, in a tone of voice as if 
it was perfectly natural ; “if Augusta and I are 
poisoned, then you must be still more so ! ” 

“ Foah my pah t, you may be poisoned as much as 
you like,” retorted Rarrer, who was getting angry ; 
“ but do me the favoh, and leave me out. As I told 
you befoah, I am famished, but not poisoned ! ” 

He then limped to where Augusta stood, broke 
off a piece of the cold pancake, and hastily thrust it 
into his mouth. 

When the major saw what Rarrer had done, he 
ran for the milk can again, but the poor fellow 
got quickly behind the table and made repellent mo- 
tions with his hands. 


OF POTSDAM. 


315 


“ Keep away fwom me with yoah wetehed milk ! ” 
cried he to Rumpel, who was about to charge upon 
him with the can. “ I feel dweadful after dwink- 
ing it ! ” 

u Don’t be so reckless, young man ! ” thundered 
old Rumpel. “ You don’t understand this thing at 
all. Milk is an antidote, if used early ! ” 

“ But I am not poisoned ! ” retorted Rarrer, who 
was becoming angry. u And who would poison 
me ? ” 

Don’t you know ? ” cried Rumpel. 

“ No, I don’t ! ” 

“ Why, that woman, Madame Baldrian ! ” 

Rarrer looked abashed. 

“ What ? ” asked he, believing that he had not 
heard aright. 

“ Madame Baldrian!” cried the major. “The 
poison seems to have affected your hearing now.” 

“ You want to amuse youahself at my expense,” 
said Rarrer; “but I must sewiously wequest you 
to end the mattah and give me something to eat, 
foah I am stawing ! ” 

He then walked up to the fat housekeeper again, 
broke off another piece of pancake and hastily swal- 
lowed it. 

“ You do not seem to know much about what is 
going on in Berlin,” began the major again, “if 
you are unaware of the doings of that woman and 
her occupation.” 

“ Why, what does she do ? and what does she 
occupy herself with ? ” asked Rarrer, becoming quite 
inquisitive, despite his torturing hunger. 

“ She poisons the hearts of men in cold blood ! ” 
said old Rumpel. 

Rarrer laughed. 

“She undermined the life of poor Frohberg,” 
observed the major. 


316 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Rarrer’s face at first expressed surprise, and then 
thoughtfulness. 

44 Madame Baldrian gave him slow poison,” con- 
tinued Rumpel, 14 though he may not yet be aware of 
it. But the dose is large enough either to cause his 
death gradually or quickly.” 

Rarrer was thinking profoundly. 

4 4 In one word, Madame Baldrian is a heartless 
poisoner.” 

44 Nonsense ! ” cried Rarrer, 44 who has been fool- 
ing you ? ” 

44 Fooling me ? ” cried old Rumpel, boldly. 4 4 How 
dare you use such an expression, young man ! 
General Hufenagel spoke of it in our club, and the 
other gentlemen are aware of it, too.” 

44 You misunderstood the whole affaih,” cried 
Rarrer. 

44 Sir!” roared the major, becoming purple in 
the face. 44 How dare you say I misundertand a 
thing? Either I understand it correctly or I do not 
understand it at all. It seems more likely that you 
know nothing at all about it, your mind not being 
able to comprehend much anyway ; I saw that the 
moment I first laid my eyes on you.” 

44 Flow ? ” exclaimed Rarrer, becoming red in the 
face. 

44 1 wish Iliad never met you,” went on the major, 
who did not seem to hear Rarrer’s question. 

44 Why ? ” roared the latter again, angrily rolling 
his eyes, something he had never done before. 

44 Because every time I meet you, you bring me 
misfortune ! ” cried the major. 

44 That’s not twue, eithah ! ” exclaimed the young 
man. 44 Didn’t I wendah you excellent sehvice to- 
day ? ” 

44 To the devil with your excellent service ! ” 
growled Rumpel, becoming hotter and hotter. 44 1 


OF POTSDAM. 


317 


gave you a notice to deliver at the employment bu- 
reau, and you sent a poisoner to me.” 

“ To the devil with youah untwuthfulness ! ” re- 
torted Karrer. “ Despite my excwuciating pains I 
agwee to cawy a message foali you to the beauwau, 
so as to save you a walk. Being conscientious, I 
attend to youah affaih first, and seek my dentist 
afterwards. After this bwute has pulled out a wong 
tooth I am still considevate enough to go and we- 
port to you, notwithstanding my tevvible pains, 
that evewything has been done as you wished, and 
that a lady would come to-day to engage youah 
housekeepah.” 

“ She engaged the d— 1, and not my housekeeper,” 
exclaimed the major, wrathy. 

“ But how do you wecognize my seh vices? How 
do you compensate me foali my twouble ? ” con- 
tinued Karrer, hotly, without taking any notice of 
the major’s remark. “ Having fallen asleep heah 
f worn slieeah exhaustion, you and youh housekeepeh 
go away, lock me in youah wooms and leave me to 
pevish from hungeh ! ” 

“We left you because you were dead!” cried 
old Rumpel. “Dead men require no food ! ” 

“ Wubbish ! ” holloaed Karrer, “I am not a dead 
man. It seems to me you have dwunk a little too 
much on yoali pleasuali twip which you made with 
youah cook oh housekeepeh ! ” 

“To the devil with such pleasure trips! ” cried 
the major, pulling his hair. “ And I drank nothing 
but milk, milk, milk ! Do you understand me ? ” 

“ That’s all the same to me !” cried Karrer in re- 
turn, becoming still more provoked. “ One can get 
dwunk on milk, too, if indulged in to excess, as you 
evidently have done. Y ou cannot, howevah, deny the 
facts that you locked me in yoali wooms and left me 
in a helpless condition. On awaking I found my 


318 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


toothache gone, hut the pangs of hungah weah ah 
most unbeawable, not having eaten anything in 
th wee days. I called to a boy fwom the window to 
get me something to eat ; but he only laughed at me. 
I attempted to get out of the window, but a fellow 
caught me by the leg and pulled so that I feaahed he 
would teah my limb fwom my body. And after I 
got back into the wooms, the people thweatened to 
captuah me and awest me foh a thief. I wetweated 
into the weah wooms, and sought to hide myself. 
In the dahkness I upset a table, but finally got up 
into the chimney, fell down into the hot ashes upon 
the heahth with my twousahs weaped — ” 

Karrer, despite the animation which he had 
worked himself into, cast a glance of anxiety upon 
the stout Augusta, quickly buttoned up his coat, and 
then went on : 

“ Upset a kettle of hot watah, but which fohtun- 
ately was turned away fwom me.” 

Again Karrer cast a glance full of apprehension 
upon the stout Augusta, and again went through the 
motion of buttoning his coat . 

“Are you through with your story?” inquired 
the major. 

“ No ! ” cried the youth, becoming eloquent again. 
“Afteli beawing all these tohtuahs, I healid my 
puhsuehs go away, and then uhged on by my hun- 
gah pains, I sought to find something to eat in yoah 
kitchen, but found only that cold pancake, and was 
about to devouah it, when I lieahed people walking 
in the fwont woom. I natuwally thought that some 
one had got in to look foh me, so I wushed away 
and hid myself in the bed.” 

“ Do you see now, Roderick, that I am innocent ? ” 
exclaimed the fat maiden, rushing up to the major, 
with the evident intention of embracing him with- 
out putting down her pancake. 


OF POTSDAM . 


319 


“ B’rr ! ” uttered the major. “ Go away with that 
detestable thing ! I am unable to hear the sight of 
it when it is warm, but now it is actually disgusting 
to me ! ” 

“Well, the west you know,” continued Rarrer. 
“You come home, fwighten me by telling me that 
I am poisoned, fill me to ovehflowing with hovvible 
milk, and in the end maintain that I bwought you 
bad luck, but which is just the wevehse. How can 
you excuse youh conduct ? ” 

“ You are crazy ! ” said the major. 

“ Ho, you ahe cwazy ! ” retorted Rarrer. “ You 
tweat me shamefully afteh being so obliging to you, 
and sending you a lady to engage you ah house- 
keepah.” 

“ But she did not engage her ! ” roared old 
Rumpel. 

“ What did she do, then ? ” asked Rarrer. 

“ In order to a weaken no suspicions against her, 
and to have full play, she prevailed upon us to 
believe that we are in love with each other, and that 
we must get married,” retorted the major. “ And 
after she had obtained from me a compulsory prom- 
ise, she left us. She had accomplished her object. 
She put arsenic instead of sugar into the coffee. I 
only ascertained that she was Madame Baldrian 
after I had swallowed the poison.” 

Rarrer’s face at first looked like that of a cat 
when it hears a terrible thunder ; then he puffed 
out his cheeks as far as he could, like one who 
wishes to suppress a violent outburst of laughter. 

“ Well,” continued the. major, “ I had given my 
word, and we all must die once, anyway ; so what 
did I risk by marrying Augusta ? You see I wanted 
to die with a clear conscience, and that woman told 
me such awful things, that I packed Augusta into a 
droschke, drove to the nearest pastor, told him that 


320 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


I had been poisoned, had him perform a distress- 
marriage for us, and after that the holy sacrament.” 

Karrer was now' unable to restrain himself, but 
burst out in a loud guffaw. 

“ Sir, how dare you laugh at such things ? ” cried 
the major, greatly incensed. “ You are totally de- 
void of reverential feeling ! ” 

“ Heavens, is it possible ; is it possible ? ” cried 
Karrer, clasping his hands to his sides to restrain 
his laughter. 

u Of course, it is possible ! ” retorted the major. 
“ After the holy service was performed the humane 
pastor urged it upon us as a holy duty to seek medi- 
cal aid, for the purpose of saving our lives. To tell 
you the truth, I had no great desire to do that,” he 
added, looking at his housekeeper, who returned his 
glance with a bewdtching smile ; “ but Augusta there 
plagued me so, and self-preservation is a Christian 
duty, the good pastor told us, so we drove aw T ay to 
a doctor, though I was convinced that it was alto- 
gether useless.” 

The fat Augusta blubbered into her apron, and 
Karrer availed himself of the opportunity to break 
off another piece from the cold pancake, and swal- 
low it. 

‘ { I certainly might have spared myself the trouble 
and expenses of driving about so much,” went on 
the major, “for at this time of the day no physician 
is at home. We called on twenty-seven doctors, 
but every one of them was out, and as I was growing 
constantly weaker, and knowing that milk is an 
antidote for arsenic, I purchased a can of milk, and 
actually think that this article has prolonged my 
life. Still, death is sure to take place, perhaps this 
very night,” he added gloomily, “ for whomsover 
Madame Baldrian lays her hand upon, his end is 
near.” 


OF POTSDAM , : 


321 


“ No, it is just the wevehse,” cried Karrer. “ His 
twoubles only just begin.” 

“ How so ? ” asked Kumpel, unable to comprehend 
him. 

“Because Madame Bald wian is not a poisonah, 
as you suppose,” answered Karrer, u but a well- 
known, much sought foil, and a much cussed match- 
makeh ! ” ✓ 

The major looked as if he had been struck by 
lightning, for he started as Othello did into whose 
ear lago instilled the first drops of jealousy. 

“ As I told you, you misunderstand the whole af- 
faih,” went on Karrer. “ What was told to you we- 
gahding that woman destwoying the hearts of men, 
and poisoning tlieah lives, was only meant fig- 
watively.” 

The major heaved a painful sigh. 

“ And Frohberg ? ” asked he, with a gurgling 
noise in his throat. 

“ She p we vailed upon him also to mawy,” went 
on the young man, a dark shadow passing over his 
pale countenance. “And you, too, have fallen a 
victim to the adwoit mawage plotteh,” he added, 
after a brief pause. “ That is the cowect explana- 
tion of the gweat misundehstanding that has caused 
us so much twouble and much bad blood between 
us to-day.” 

The major began to totter. 

“Roderick, my dear Roderick, what ails you?” 
cried the fat Augusta, bursting out in a tumult of 
joy and clasping her arms around the drooping ma- 
jor. “ Has the sudden joy affected you so ? Are 
you stupefied by the happiness, that we belong to 
each other forever ? Oh, I’ll make you so happy, so 
happy ! You shall get no more oatmeal broth nor 
any more pancakes ! When you’ll want to sleep af- 
ternoons, I’ll polish no windows, but rock your dear 
21 


322 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


head tenderly upon my bosom. I’ll not leave your 
side ; I’ll nurse you, and tend you so lovingly, as no 
man was nursed or tended before.” 

A shudder ran through the form of the old major. 
Augusta led him to a chair and tenderly deposited 
him in it. 

“ Sit down, my dear Roderick ! ” said she, 
smiling. “ The joy was too much for you. That 
good, dear, prophetic lady, Madame Baldrian,” she 
added, “ predicted everything. To her we are in- 
debted for our happiness ! ” 

The major feebly clinched his fists, and a dark 
and threatening scowl overclouded Rarrer’s counte- 
nance. 

“ She will get her desehts some day,” he mur- 
mured to himself. 

He now roused himself and added, quickly : 
“ Row that mattahs between us have been satisfac- 
tovily explained, Hew Majoh, I will leave you to 
youah happiness.” 

Rumpel nodded feebly, and Rarrer was about to 
leave, when Augusta seized him by the arm and 
cried : 

“ Stay ! You musnt’t leave us ! ” 

“ And why not ? ” asked Rarrer, frightened. 

The housekeeper became dreadfully embarrassed, 
her cheeks flushed crimson, her eyes sank to the 
floor, her fingers played with her apron strings, and 
her lips murmured, lowly : 

“ Because — heavens — don’t you understand the 
position I am in now ? ” 

“No!” answered Rarrer. 

“ Why you have just heard,” gasped the fat Au- 
gusta, “that a distress-marriage has taken place 
between us, because we supposed that we were 
poisoned. But, since we are likely to live, it is 
necessary that a proper marriage ceremony be per- 


OF POTSDAM. 


323 


formed between us, before — before — everything is 
in order ! ” 

“ Yes, that is so,” said Rarrer. “ Now, however, 
I can go.” 

“ Stay ! ” cried Augusta again, quickly. “What 
are you thinking of?” and then she added, with 
charming modesty : “ I am, in fact, only engaged to 
him ! ” 

“ Certainly, you are only engaged to him ! ” con- 
firmed Rarrer. “ But now pehmit me to go. I am 
tevvibly hungwy.” 

“ Stay, stay, I beg of you, for heaven’s sake, 
stay!” cried Augusta again, beseechingly. And 
then, with downcast eyes, she breathed the words: 
“ I can’t remain with him alone to-night in these 
rooms ! ” 

Rarrer looked as if he would like to creep out 
of his skin. Then he said, looking for his hat : “ I 
must go now. I can’t wemain heah any longah 
undeh any cihcumstances.” 

Augusta seemed disposed to submit to the inevit- 
able, and she sighed from the very bottom of her 
soul. 

Suddenly, how r ever, her gaze fell upon Rarrer, 
who was still looking for his hat, and a new hope 
blazed up in her eyes. 

“ Sir,” she cried, “ you can’t leave us ! ” 

Rarrer started frightened. 

“ Because you have only one boot on ! ” joyfully 
exclaimed the fat maiden. 

“ Blast it ! ” exclaimed Rarrer, contemplating his 
stocking- foot, which, however, was as black as his 
boot. “ Ask the fellow in the basement,” said he, 
addressing himself to the housekeeper, “ to wetulm 
me my boot.” 

“The man in the basement is already asleep,” 
said Augusta, delighted. 


324 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Rarrer looked sad and reflected. Suddenly he 
seemed to have hit upon something. 

“Hew Majov! ” he cried, into Rumpel’s ears. 

The old man started up and looked around fright- 
ened, as if he feared a new calamity had befallen 
him. 

“ Lend me a wight boot,” cried Rarrer into his 
ears. 

The major did not seem to understand him. 

“Be so kind as to lend me a boot for my wight 
foot ! ” repeated Rarrer. “ I told you that the fel- 
low in the basement pulled my boot off when I at- 
tempted to get out at the window’.” 

“ Jest so ! ” answered Rumpel, mechanically, 
without making any attempt to rise. 

“I cehtainly can’t go out into the stweet in my 
stocking-foot,” continued Rarrer. 

“Jest so!” remarked the major, mechanically 
again, without making any attempt to rise. 

“ The Herr Major — I meant to say, my Roderick — 
has spurs on his boots ! ” observed Augusta, v r ho 
had not yet given up all hopes of detaining Rarrer 
as the guardian of her virtue for the night. 

“Yes, I have spurs on my boots. It is a relic of 
our military service. All the members of our club 
have spurs on their boots.” 

“ It don’t mattah,” replied the young man. “ A 
spuhed boot is bettah than none at all, anyw^ay. I 
beg of you, Hew Majov, to accommodate me with a 
boot.” 

The major’s face became overcast vdth a pain- 
fully bitter remembrance. 

“ Bring one of my boots,” said he, addressing his 
charming bride. 

The fat cook departed very unwillingly, and stayed 
away so long that Rarrer was beginning to suffer 
from spasm of the stomach again. When at last 


OF POTSDAM. 


325 


she returned she had something in her hand, which 
she carried at arm’s length. 

“ There ! ” said she, holding the article toward 
Earrer with two fingers. “ It is not polished, and 
will also be somewhat too large for you ! ” 

Karrer recoiled a step, and, with the upper part 
of his body bent forward, he contemplated the ar- 
ticle very thoughtfully which Augusta held out to- 
ward him. 

“ Is that a boot ? ” he asked, in amazement. 

“ Certainly ! ” returned the cook. “ What did 
you take it for ? ” 

“ Foh a boot that was ! ” said Earrer. “ Foh the 
ghost of a boot that has no west in its gwave, and 
lias to woam about in this world to fwighten 
people.” 

It certainly was a queer-looking thing, and Earrer 
could not be blamed for not taking hold of it. 

The age of the article, which was supposed to be 
a boot, w r as difficult to surmise ; at any rate, it un- 
doubtedly dated back from the time that the major 
was in the service. That was proved by the fierce- 
looking and rusty spur, with its large wheel, but 
which no longer revolved on its axis. 

Ten years of inactivity and an unhealthy deten- 
tion in a dusty and dark room had completely dried 
up, shrunk, and twisted the brave major’s pedal 
covering, so that the part that usually covers the 
ball and adjacent portion of the foot now stood al- 
most at right angles with the worn-off, gaping sole, 
and resembled the head of a trout with widely 
stretched open mouth, as it is generally served in 
the hotels in Saxonia and Silesia. 

The old, emaciated straps looked like the ears of 
a lazy clod-hopper that had been frequently pulled ; 
the leg resembled the wrinkled skin of an old ape, 
and the whole boot was so thickly covered with 


326 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


mould and dust that its former black color could 
no longer be seen. One would have been more 
likely to suppose that it was an old, formerly white, 
dirty stocking. 

“ Well, why don’t you take it?” said the house- 
keeper, becoming impatient. 

Karrer bent his head a little nearer to the prob- 
lematical boot, blew upon it with all his might, and 
then quickly drew back his head and upper part of 
his body. 

A thick, heavy, foul-smelling cloud of dust rose 
up high, like the dreams of a long-forgotten period, 
and like a powder-mantle enveloped the three per- 
sons present. 

“Hatschie ! hatschie ! hatschie ! ” ejaculated first 
the major, then Augusta, and then Rarrer. 

The housekeeper now dropped the boot, and it 
lay upon the floor helpless and forsaken, like a dis- 
abled, decrepit old man without his crutches. 

“ Have you no othah to offah me? ” asked Karrer 
of th q fiance housekeeper. 

That lovely creature shook her head so decisively 
and so energetically, that Karrer deemed it best for 
his health to lose no more time in useless attempts 
to obtain another. 

He therefore rolled up the right leg of his trousers 
as far as his knee, seized the old boot very carefully 
by its emaciated straps, stuck his foot in at the top 
and pulled. 

But he barely got his big-toe down upon the sole. 

“ Stronger ! ” said the bride-elect, encouragingly. 

Karrer pulled till he was black in the face. 

“ Stronger !” cried the fat cook, like a commanding 
general who is leading a column against an enemy. 

Rarrer bent all his energies, braced himself 
against the table, and pulled till his eyes protruded 
from their sockets. 


OF POTSDAM. 


327 


Suddenly there was a crash, and in the next mo- 
ment Rarrer lay upon his back with a strap on the 
index finger of each hand, and the old boot dangling 
on his big-toe. 

“ What fell there ? ” asked old Rumpel, without 
looking around. 

u Nothing, my dear Roderick ! ” cried the stout 
Augusta into his ears, and as Rumpel heard that sweet 
voice he lost all desire to make further enquiries. 

Then the cook, who now gave up all hopes of de- 
taining the young man over night, kneeled down, 
forming a foot-stool for him, took his right foot 
upon her lap, pressed the old boot forcibly, and 
thumped and hammered upon the sole in a merci- 
less manner, in order to get the heel in. 

“ Oh ! ” cried Rarrer, “ you will bweak my leg oh 
wuptuah my sinues. Oh, Oh ! ” 

“ Be still, and let me get it on for you ! ” said the 
fat virgin, constantly hammering and pressing so 
that repeated clouds of dust rose up from the old 
boot. “ There ! ” said she, giving the heel a final 
blow so violently that Rarrer almost made a back 
somersault. “ There, now get up ! ” 

She now got up from the floor and then assisted 
Rarrer to rise. 

As the sorely tried youth once more formed a 
perpendicular line to the surface of the earth, he 
made a wry face and painfully drew up his right 
foot in the air. 

“ I can’t twead the gwound,” said he. “ I feel as 
if I had a lot of sharp nails in my boot.” 

“ It will not be so bad after you have walked a 
little,” said the housekeeper, consolingly. 

Rarrer took courage, and while suffering agony 
walked through the room like a lame crane who had 
been ill for a long time, and once more had got out 
into the open air. 


328 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“Do you see!” said the fat cook. “You are 
doing very well ! ” 

Karrer cast an angry glance at her. 

“ Would you like to twy it ? ” he asked. 

a Ko, thanks ! ” she replied. “My Parisian shoes 
are quite good enough for me.” 

After limping up and down the room once more, 
Rarrer concluded to try and reach the nearest 
restaurant ; he therefore picked up his hat and 
said : 

“Adieu, Hew Majoh ! ” into Rumpel’s best ear, 
who still sat in an apathetic condition. 

The old man got up. 

“ Do you want to go already ? ” he asked, smiling 
sadly. 

“ Yes ! It is high time. If I don’t I’ll become a 
corpse in weal earnest. Good-night, and pleasant 
dweams to you ! ” 

The major smiled in a woe-begone manner. 

“ Oh, my Roderick ! ” cried the affectionate cook, 
embracing the major from behind. “ You’ll dream 
of me, w r on’t you ? and it will be a pleasant dream ! ” 
she added, with charming naivete. 

“I thank you, young man,” said the major, giv- 
ing Rarrer his hand after he had succeeded in re- 
leasing himself from the loving embrace of his 
housekeeper-bride. 

The latter opened the door for Rarrer, w r hich led 
out into the dark hallway, and he hobbled out in 
the blissful expectation of soon gratifying the crav- 
ings of his stomach. 

“You should have shown him the way out with 
a light,” said the old man. 

He then went to the still open door and called 
out : 

“Take care, young man, there are two short steps 
near the front door ! ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


329 


At the same time a noise as of the falling of a 
heavy body was heard. 

“You ah vevy kind ! ” cried Karrer’s voice. “I 
fell just now, but it is of no consequence ! ” In the 
next minute the hall-door was slammed to and then 
everything was quiet. 


330 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


CHAPTER XIII. 

DOMESTIC COMFORT. 

Why are mothers-in-law in such bad repute ? Do 
they deserve to be denounced so throughout the 
whole world? 

Doubtless there is some reason for it. And it is 
a remarkable fact that the best mothers become the 
worst mothers-in-law, and the best mothers-in-law, 
as a rule, were not particularly good mothers. 

This is easy to explain. 

The good mother or the weak mother, which 
amounts to the same thing in our social life, loves 
and spoils her daughter so, cares for her so con- 
stantly, and becomes accustomed to think and act for 
her from infancy up, in the minutest detail, till at 
last she comes to regard the little one as part and 
parcel of her own soul. 

The mother loves the child as herself, and that is 
saying a good deal, for in loving others we usually 
only love ourselves, and the daughter recompenses 
the mother for her love in precisely the same man- 
ner. 

They satisfy each other completely ; they recipro- 
cate their desires ; they have no other wish than to 
remain together ; they never wish to leave one an- 
other. 

But the times change, and we change with them. 

The little doll constantly grows larger and larger ; 
the long braids of hair which she was wont to dis- 
play so proudly, hanging down her back, are now 
twisted into a fashionable coil upon the top of her 


OF POTSDAM. 


331 


head, the short frock is replaced by a long one with 
a marked protuberance over a certain part of her 
anatomy, and she assumes other paraphernalia for 
the purpose of indicating that she is a “ young 
lady ” and ready to accept attentions from the 
sterner sex. 

And as the young lady grows in body so grows 
also her own self-sufficiency, so grows also her 
heart ; indeed, the latter organ grows even faster 
than the rest of her body. 

But then, if the other parts of the body grow, it is 
not possible for the heart to remain at a stand still. 

That would be contrary to all justice, contrary to 
the laws of nature. 

And barely has the heart acquired sufficient room 
to palpitate in when it avails itself of it for the pur- 
pose of palpitating to the utmost extent. 

The child no longer enjoys her mother’s company 
as she formerly did. 

She deems it now" altogether too prosaic, too 
much like being a hired companion or maid. She 
prefers to walk alone now, in the quiet, shady alleys 
of the park, and to dream. 

This is longing ; and in this manner the heart is 
prepared to receive impressions, like a prepared 
photographic paper. 

A sunny glance from the eye of the right one, 
sometimes also from that of the wrong one, and his 
heart is indelibly impressed in the deepest depths 
of the heart. 

This is love, and it now takes complete and ex- 
clusive possession of the young girl’s breast. 

Her mother, so far, does not actually feel of- 
fended at it. 

She sees in the love of the daughter for her hus- 
band the love-life of her own youth reflected ; her 
own courtship and marriage is re-enacted, at the 


332 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


sight of which she becomes young again ; her van- 
ity engenders in her another deception. 

But now the bridal condition of her child is at 
an end ; she has become a wife, and assumed the 
name of her husband, says good-by to her mother, 
and goes away to her new home. 

Barely is she gone when the mother feels the gap 
in her house, and in her heart. 

She envies the son-in-law, she becomes jealous of 
him ; in her heart she accuses her daughter that she 
loves her no longer as she did formerly ; indeed, she 
finds fault with her for loving her husband. She 
becomes unjust. 

The correspondence now begins between them. 
The written intercourse is intended to take the 
place of the oral ; the former influence must be main- 
tained. The pure love of the mother becomes tainted 
with selfishness and imperiousness. 

She writes an eight-page letter every other day. 
She inquires concerning the most private matters, 
even such things as one does not like to reveal, 
nor which concern her. She gives a hundred 
good advices; she meddles with everything; she 
promises presents if this and the other thing will 
be done according to her wishes; she feels offended, 
and slighted at the least disobedience ; she becomes 
unbearable. 

The better the mother was, the more intimate and 
purer the relations between the young married 
couple are, the more unbearable the mother-in-law 
becomes. 

She never thinks how disagreeable the meddle- 
someness of her own mother-in-law was to her, and 
how she battled with her own mother for her own 
independence. 

She does now what the latter did in times gone 


OF POTSDAM. 


333 


Are the mothers and mothers-in-law to be con- 
demned on that account ? 

Oh, no ; for it requires a woman with a generous 
and noble soul to tear the child from her heart and 
give it to a stranger, to possess the noble self-sacrifice 
of finding her own happiness in the undisturbed and 
uninfluenced happiness of her child, and to abstain 
from meddling with the latter. 

Those mothers and mothers-in-law who do not 
possess such high and ennobling souls are suffi- 
ciently punished by converting the blessing which 
they intended to confer upon their offspring into a 
curse, in making unhappy those they intended to 
make happy. 

One’s happiness cannot be planned and contrived 
by another, but must develop itself independently 
from the inward consciousness of each individual. 

The poor mothers and mothers-in-law are like the 
florists who, by great labor and trouble, raise beau- 
tiful and fragrant flowers, and then crush them 
under their own feet. 

The poor mothers and mothers-in-law gradually 
quench every particle of credit in the breasts of 
their daughters, gradually tear one thread after the 
other that holds their souls together, and at last 
they stand alone and deserted, not because they 
were isolated by others, as they claim to have been, 
but because they isolated themselves. 

Those who know enough to give up their claims 
at the right time gain in the end by the apparent 
loss. 

After Rarrer had recovered somewhat from his 
fall in the hall, and had bidden the major a last 
good-night, he limped with his spurred and spurless 
boot along the dark street. 

A cold, dry October wfind swept through the de- 
serted thoroughfare and stirred up the lights and 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


334 

fires upon the peat and apple barges into fantastic 
flickers, a slight but frosty wind rustled through the 
green but dusky arbors in front of the restaurants, 
the semi-somnolent droschkies rolled in the distance 
with a dull, strange noise, the night watchmen ap- 
peared already upon the scene of their labors, and 
Karrer dragged himself along with one clanging 
and one dull step upon the smooth, resounding 
pavement. 

In a few minutes he reached the Cafe Boulevard, 
which, as we know, is the headquarters of the club 
of the Old Gentlemen. 

Karrer would have preferred, from habit, to go to 
the Cafe Mielenz, where the club of the Young 
Gentlemen managed to kill a few hours every after- 
noon, but the Cafe Mielenz was fifty paces farther, 
and Karrer was hungry. 

In the little garden in front of the Cafe Boule- 
vard not a soul w T as to be seen, and only the flicker- 
ing gas-lights cast ghostly shadows and danced upon 
the white tables and chairs. 

As Karrer hobbled along through the covered 
walk leading to the entrance of the restaurant, an 
elegiac waiter, with a not very clean towel upon his 
arm, hurried toward him and asked him what he 
wished. 

“ Look heah, waitah,” said Karrer, a little out of 
breath and considerably embarrassed, attempting to 
hide his cavalry foot behind his infantry foot, “ can 
I have a pwivate woom heah ? ” 

The elegiac waiter made big eyes at him, and 
the not immaculate towel upon his arm seemed to 
blush. 

“ Be quick, will you, I am in a huvvy,” added 
Karrer, casting an anxious glance out into the gar- 
den, and drawing up his cavalry foot toward the 
knee-joint of his infantry leg. 


OF POTSDAM. 


335 


The elegiac waiter assumed a highly offended 
mien. 

“ No, sir ! We don’t permit such things here. 
None but respectable people frequent this place ! ” 
said he, turning away in a dignified manner. 

It was Rarrer’ s turn to blush now, and lie blushed 
as intensely as he possibly could. 

But another and more powerful feeling — his hun- 
ger — made itself felt. 

“You don’t undahstand me, at all ! ” began Karrer. 
“You ah altogethah wong in attwibuting to me 
anything impwopah. I only want to be alone foah a 
while, because an accident occuahd to me.” 

The waiter was about to return an angry reply, 
but Karrer gave him no time to do that. 

“ Yon see,” he w^ent on, producing his mouldy 
cavalry foot, “ one of my boots has been taken by 
mistake, and it is impossible foah me to show my- 
self among nice people with this hovvible thing. 
Foah this weason and no othah would I like to have 
a woom to myself.” 

The waiter burst out laughing. 

“ This is fun ! ” said he. “ There is one comical 
gentleman in that room who brought his slippers 
with him, in order to make himself comfortable 
here, tie, too, wanted a private room ; but that 
was the last we had.” 

Rarrer sadly allowed his head to sink down upon 
his breast, and he again hid his cavalry foot. 

“ Perhaps that comical gentleman will allow you 
to go into his room,” said the waiter. “ After all 
he can’t object,” he added, “ for he pays nothing for 
the use of the room, but only for the refreshments 
he consumes. Shall I show you into the room ? ” 

Rarrer reflected for a moment, but his constantly 
increasing hunger overcame all other considerations 
and he assented. 


336 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The waiter led him through a short angular pas- 
sage, and opened a door. 

“ Here, sir ! ” said he. 

Harrer entered hesitatingly and somewhat embar- 
rassed. 

At a table in a corner sat a gentleman, with his 
back toward the door and his feet stretched out 
upon two chairs, blowing immense clouds of tobacco- 
smoke before him. Hear him upon the floor stood 
a pair of patent-leather boots. At the noise made by 
the opening of the door he unwillingly turned around. 

“ Harrer ! ” he exclaimed. “ What in the name 
of all that is strange brings you here ? ” 

The young man laboriously hobbled to the table 
near which the doctor was seated. 

“ Well, take a seat, anyway,” said Staberow, notic- 
ing the intruding waiter. “ Do you intend to par- 
take of something so late ? ” 

“ Of course I do ! ” cried Harrer, almost fiercely, 
seating himself and thrusting his cavalry foot under 
the table. 

“Would not advise you to,” replied the privy 
counsellor. “ It is not healthy to eat so late.” 

“ Excuse me, eating will be vewy healthy foil me 
to-night,” exclaimed Rarrer. “ Give me a bill of 
faiah.” 

The elegiac being complied with his request. 

“ Drink a cup of tea,” said the doctor ; “ that is 
the only thing which, as a physician, I’ll allow you 
to take.” 

At the word “ tea ” Karrer’s face assumed an ex- 
pression of contempt, and with an almost rabid in- 
terest perused the bill of fare. 

“ A beefsteak with potatoes,” he finally cried ; 
“ but a very large beefsteak and plenty of potatoes,” 
he added, with strong emphasis. 

The waiter was about to withdraw. 


OF POTSDAM. 


337 


“ But, my dear friend,” interposed the doctor, “do 
you want to kill yourself? A large piece of meat 
and indigestible potatoes, shortly before going to 
bed ! that’s very much like committing suicide.” 

“No!” protested Karrer. “It is just the we- 
verse. I am tevvibly hungwy ; I am stavving ! 
Quick, waitah ! ” he added, addressing himself to the 
elegiac attendant. “ And a bottle of pohtah ! ” 

The privy counsellor suffered great professional 
provocation. 

“ This is folly ! ” he cried, raising himself out of 
his comfortable position. “ Don’t mind the gentle- 
man, waiter, but bring him a cup of tea and some 
toast !_” 

Rarrer cast a highly offended glance upon the 
doctor and called out to the waiter : 

“A vewy large beefsteak with plenty of fwied 
potatoes!” adding, imperatively, “and a bottle of 
pohtah, double stout ! ” 

The automatic attendant smilingly turned to go. 

“ Stay ! ” ordered the privy counsellor. 

“ Go ! ” ordered Rarrer, more imperatively. 

The waiter did not know what to do. He felt the 
correctness of the Holy Scripture : “ No man can 
serve two masters ! ” 

“ Go ! ” cried Rarrer. 

“ Stay ! ” cried Staberow, still louder. 

This w T as altogether too much for the unfortunate 
youth. 

Impelled by a sudden and firm resolution he 
sprang to his feet, limped with his partly rattling 
and partly dull tread toward the frightened waiter, 
grasped him by both shoulders, whirled him around, 
and pushed him out through the door, calling after 
him in a thundering voice : 

“ A vewy large beefsteak with plenty of potatoes, 
and a bottle of pohtah ! ” 


338 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


And then he limped back to his chair. 

“ Why do you make such a queer noise when you 
walk ? ” asked the privy counsellor, the new T phenom- 
enon diverting his mind from the old subject. 

“I’ll tell you all about it after I’ve had some- 
thing to eat,” returned Rarrer. “ Foil the pw^esent, 
leave me alone, please, foh I am completely used 
up.” 

The doctor was disposed to be more inquisitive, 
and he eyed the young man with interest as the 
latter rested his head upon his hands, shut his eyes, 
and refused to utter a w r ord. 

In this w r ay about ten minutes might have passed 
when the door was opened and the w r aiter entered, 
bringing the ordered refreshments. 

Rarrer started up with lightning-like rapidity 
from his apathetic, dreamy attitude. 

The waiter placed the steaming beefsteak and large 
plate full of potatoes before him, wedged the bottle 
of porter between his knees, and pulled out the cork 
with a whistling, squeaking sound. He then held 
the large pot-bellied tumbler a little slantingly and 
allowed the dark brown foaming liquid to flow into 
it carefully and slowly. 

Rarrer seemed to revel in the odor of the beef- 
steak with one nostril, and in that of the porter with 
the other, and his countenance became irradiated 
with the anticipation of the enjoyment of earthly 
bliss. 

. After arranging everything the w r aiter disap- 
peared. Rarrer grasped the knife and fork, and 
was just in the act of making a fearful gash into the 
steaming meat when Dr. Staberow snatched the 
plate away from him, and he cut into the table-cloth 
instead. 

“Don’t eat this, young man,” said the privy coun- 
sellor, with professional benevolence. • “I assure 


OF POTSDAM. 


339 


you eating such heavy victuals late at night is like 
poison. Leave it alone, please ! ” 

Karrer grew red in the face from anger. 

‘ Iievv Fwivy Counselloh, I most wespectfully we- 
quest you to weturn me my plate ! ” cried the young 
man. “ Why do you meddle with my affaiahs ? ” 

“ Because I am concerned about you, and I deem 
it my duty as a physician to prevent you from in- 
juring your health,” returned the doctor, pushing 
the plate away still farther. 

“But you ah doing just the weverse ! ” thundered 
Karrer. “You ah doing me an injuwy by depwiv- 
ing me of sustenance, you short-sighted man, you !” 

He put out his hand toward the glass, in which 
the foam had somewhat subsided, when the privy 
counsellor snatched it away and put it out of his 
reach. 

“ Don’t drink it, my friend ! ” said he ; “ you are 
still too hot. You will catch your death if you drink 
this cold beer.” 

Karrer stood up, and as he stood there with the 
knife in one hand and the fork in the other, he 
looked like a juvenile Shylock who wanted to cut a 
pound of flesh from the heart of the Merchant of 
Venice. 

“ Give me my beefsteak and pohtah ! ” he hissed, 
like an irritated snake. “ If you don’t give me my 
wefweshments I’ll pevish.” 

The privy counsellor pushed both plate and glass 
to the farthest end of the table. 

Karrer stood like an anaconda that had reared 
itself up and only waited for a favorable moment to 
pounce upon its prey. 

But while the doctor took a puff at his cigar, in 
order to keep it burning, the left arm of Karrer sud- 
denly became elongated in such a way that he looked 
like one of the famous Roman gladiators fencing, 


340 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


the sharp tines of the fork, sank into the juicy beef- 
steak, and in the next moment he carried it with 
lightning-like rapidity to his month, and, urged on 
by his ravenous hunger and the sense of safely 
getting it down, allowed it at once to disappear into 
his preternaturallv distended mouth. 

“ Heaven preserve us ! ” cried the doctor, spring- 
ing up for the purpose of saving Rarrer from what 
seemed certain death by choking. “ You will surely 
kill yourself ! ” 

He was about to approach the young man, whose 
eyes were already bulging out of their sockets, but 
the latter made a lunge at him with the knife, and 
he recoiled in affright. 

“ Have you become crazy, Rarrer ? ” he cried, 
actually alarmed. “ Why, you act like a veritably 
crazy man ! ” 

Rarrer shook his head so energetically that Stabe- 
row was still more amazed, and could only stare at 
him. There was certainly good and sufficient reason 
for causing the doctor surprise and apprehension. 
For Rarrer made strenuous efforts to master the 
large and hot piece of meat which he was masticat- 
ing furiously, the effort of which caused his cheeks 
to become puffed out and his face bluish-red, his 
bulging eyes now shut and then opened themselves, 
and his mouth opened and closed with that wild 
haste and energy which one sees only in the wild 
animals in the Zoological Garden when they obtain 
their day’s allowance of meat. 

At last, after a great deal of effort and labor 
Rarrer’s cheeks gradually became thinner and the 
end seemed to have arrived, for he shut his eyes 
once more, clinched his fists, drew his shoulders up 
preternaturally high, gave his whole body a violent 
jerk, and the beefsteak had arrived at its destina- 
tion. 


OF POTSDAM. 


341 


“ Ugh ! ” Tittered Earrer, when he opened his 
eyes again and his shoulders had returned to their 
natural level. 

“ Is it down ? ” asked the privy counsellor, and 
Earrer nodded affirmatively. 

“ Hope it’ll do you good ! ” added Staberow. 

“ Thanks ! ” responded the youth, as if he was en- 
joying combined earthly pleasures. 

Again he suddenly stretched out his right hand, 
and, before the doctor could prevent him, seized the 
glass of porter and poured the dark brown liquid 
into his gullet, from whence it disappeared into the 
mysterious depths of his inner man. 

“ That tasted good,” said he, replacing the goblet 
upon the table and wiping the foam from his lips. 

“ Are you done now? ” asked Staberow. 

“No! ” replied Earrer. 

“ What do you intend to do now ? ” continued the 
doctor. 

“ Eat ! ” returned Earrer. 

“ Hey ? ” eried the privy counsellor, incredulously. 

“ And dwink ! ” added Earrer. 

Again he limped to the door, pulled the cord 
till the bell resounded like a fire-alarm gong, and 
returned to the table for the purpose of examining 
the bill of fare. 

He was not quite done when the elegiac waiter 
entered. 

“ Did you ring ? ” he asked. 

“Yes!” replied Earrer. “I want to eat some- 
thing ! ” 

u Take something light now,” Dr. Staberow ad- 
vised him, who gave up all hope of opposing Ear- 
rer’s greediness while the latter seemed capable of 
swallowing a wax- taper, or even him. 

Earrer looked up from the bill of fare. 

“ Bwing me anothah beefsteak with potatoes,” 


342 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


said he, “ but a good large one, and anothah bottle 
of pohtah ! ” he added. 

The waiter disappeared with a sad smile on his 
countenance. 

“ You must excuse me,” said the privy counsellor, 
“ but I really fear you will get ill from eating so 
much late at night.” 

“ You need have no feah foh me,” replied 
Karrer. 

“ Will you not, at least, explain ? ” asked Stabe- 
row, further. 

Karrer shook his head and said : 

“ When I have had my suppah ! Till then I will 
not say a wohd ! ” 

He ate another beefsteak with potatoes, drank 
another bottle of porter, and after that he ate still 
another beefsteak with potatoes, and drank still an- 
other bottle of porter, and when the waiter offered 
to bring him bread and butter and cheese, he re 
fleeted a while as he feared that so much food, late 
at night, might overload his stomach. 

After he had swallowed the last draught of the 
porter he lit a cigar, stretched out his legs under 
the table, contentedly blew bluish clouds of smoke 
before him, which mingled with those of the privy 
counsellor and formed a heavy, grayish- white mist 
that enveloped both gentlemen almost completely. 
How and then he uttered a low grunt of happiness. 

“Well, my dear Karrer, will you have the kind- 
ness now to tell me how you got this cavalry article 
and acquired such a ravenous hunger?” began the 
doctor again. 

“ With pleasah,” said Karrer, and then he related, 
with the minutest detail, the events that happened 
to him from the moment that he collided with the 
Major till he entered the restaurant. 

The privy counsellor listened with the utmost at- 


OF POTSDAM. 


343 


tention ; however, he frequently interrupted the re- 
later with a low titter or even loud laughter. 

But when the young man reached that part wdiere 
Madame Baldrian almost forcibly compelled the 
major to marry his cook, and described in glowing 
terms the old man’s silent despair, the expression 
of the countenance of the privy counsellor under- 
went a serious change ; his laughing mien became 
overclouded by a dark veil of silent grief. 

When Rarrer reached the end of his story the 
doctor allowed his head to sink upon his breast, and 
remained silent. The young man looked at him 
and said : 

44 Well, why so silent all at once? Did my stowy 
amuse you ? It was no laughing mattali to me, yet 
to anothah it must seem vewy comical.” 

The privy counsellor sighed. 

44 Oh, pehhaps I caused you sowow ? ” asked 
Rarrer once more. 

The privy counsellor sighed again. 

44 1 thank you foil youali sympathy,” said Rarrer, 
pressing Staberow’s hand, that hung down nerve- 
lessly in his. 

44 Don’t mention it! ” returned the doctor, rousing 
himself from his unpleasant revery. 44 1 sighed at 
my own sorrow ! ” 

44 Console yourself with me,” said Rarrer, 44 foh 
theah is scahcely anothah man who meets with so 
many misfohtunes as I.” 

44 In the first place,” replied the doctor, 44 1 have 
never been able to console myself with the fact that 
another is as unfortunate, or more unfortunate, than 
I am. When I have the toothache and I am told that 
Rarrer has it still more severely, will mine thereby 
become any the less? Ro ; on the contrary, I feel 
for the other sufferer too, for, unfortunately, I have 
a very sensitive nature. In the second place,” con- 


S4A 


TBE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


tinned Staberow, “ I have met with a great misfort- 
une, while yours are only slight annoyances.” 

“ What you call slight annoyances ahe enough to 
dwive one f wan tic.” 

“ What’s that ? ” asked the privy counsellor, with 
a puzzled face. 

Karrer distorted his face as if he wanted to con- 
strict the chink of his glottis, and then squeaked 
out, even less distinctly than before : 

“ Why, you know— fwantic ! ” 

The privy counsellor laughed. “Oh, you mean 
frantic ! ” 

“Yes, of couhse ! ” answered Karrer, pouting 
angrily. “You know well enough that I can’t pwo- 
nounce the 6 av.’ ” 

After that his face again assumed an agreeable ex- 
pression, and, bending over toward the doctor, he said: 

“ Now tell me why yon bwought you ah slippahs 
with you. Is it too cold for you heah ? ” 

“ No, but it is too hot for me at home,” replied 
the privy counsellor. 

Karrer looked decidedly puzzled, and then he 
asked : 

“Why do you have such lahge fiahs in youah 
woo ms ? ” 

“ I have no fire in my rooms at all, but my mother- 
in-law makes it hot for me,” returned Dr. Staberow, 
bitterly. 

Karrer seemed not to understand him, and feel- 
ingly asked : 

“ Youah ladies ahe kind to you, ahe they not ? ” 

“Yes, very!” replied the privy counsellor, who 
was gradually getting back his Mephistophelian 
humor. “ They have an unconquerable desire to 
make me happy, and that is my great misfortune. 
The wise rule of Frederick the Great, that in ‘my 
domain everybody may be happy in his own way,’ 


OF POTSDAM. 


345 


has no application in my house. My mother-in-law 
imagines that I have not yet enjoyed much of life, 
that I have become ossified and petrified while 
practising medicine, and it is therefore her duty to 
awaken me and make me enjoy myself again. But 
the truth of the matter is that she herself hasn’t 
seen much of life, and now wants to make up for 
lost time. She is an egotist.” 

Karrer’ s face bore a thoughtful expression. 

“ Yes, my fwiend,” replied the young man, “you 
belong to the same class, only we west. You want 
to west, and theliefoh you want youah ladies to west 
with you. You ah indeed an egotist ! ” 

The privy counsellor was silent, because he didn’t 
know what reply to make, but his blood had begun 
to boil, and he was unable to calm it, and therefore 
proceeded with the recital of his woes : 

“ My mother-in-law has acquired a sort of Sa- 
tanic logic. She says, 6 1 enjoy travelling, conse- 
quently you must enjoy it too ! ’ And then my 
little, charming wife joins, as an echo, and says in 
her seductive voice, 4 1 can’t imagine why one does 
not enjoy travelling. Why, it is heavenly, it is 
grand ! ’ And in order to excite in me a desire to 
travel, my kind mother-in-law reads to me badly 
written letters descriptive of travels, every evening 
till midnight, which I have to listen to in full dress 
and tight patent-leather boots, because she main- 
tains that a married man who wears a dressing-gown 
and slippers robs his young wife of the illusion, 
and charm of matrimonial life, and that that may 
lead to very serious consequences. However, listen- 
ing to descriptions of travel under such trying con- 
ditions renders travelling to me still more unbeara- 
ble. And when at last she stops at midnight, and 
my wife and I wish to retire, my mother-in-law 
says : 4 Come, Ida, dear, and see me to my room, as 


346 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


you used to do before you were married, do you re- 
member?’ ‘Yes, mamma, that was delightful!’ 
answers Ida, and then she tells me : 4 Just you go 
to bed, my dear hubby ; I shan’t disturb you when 
I come back.’ Of course she doesn’t disturb me 
when she comes back an hour later, for I am fast 
asleep. But the next morning when I come down to 
breakfast in those torturing patent-leather boots of 
mine, my mother-in-law and wife meet me with 
radiant faces, and the former says : 6 My dear son-in- 
law, we have a delightful programme for to-day.’ 
4 Oh, perfectly delightful,’ echoes my charming wife. 
4 We’ll go to the concert this afternoon.’ ‘ Yes, Patti 
sings to-day.’ 4 And in the evening we’ll have a re- 
ception and a dance.’ 4 Hurry with your breakfast, 
dear hubby, and then we’ll rehearse the minuet.’ 
Everything grows dark before my eyes, and my coffee 
tastes to me as bitter as morphia. 4 It will be delight- 
ful, my dear son-in-law,’ says my mother-in-law, beam- 
ing with joy. 4 It will be perfectly charming, my dear 
little hubby,’ echoes my fascinating Ida, dancing in 
ecstatic joy. I then assume the bearing of a master 
of the house, wrinkle my forehead a little, and ex- 
plain to them, from the stand-point of a physician, 
that this eternally restless life of enjoyment affects 
one’s health seriously, that my mother-in-law is al- 
ready suffering from it, and that to my wife it may 
even become dangerous, especially since she may 

be . But my mother-in-law only looks at me 

with a partly mocking and partly indifferent smile, 
and says, repellantly : 4 Oh, please don’t let us think 
of such things yet ! ’ ” 

The privy counsellor was silent for a while, and 
then w r oef ully said : 

44 You have no idea how that annoys me.” 

44 Oh, yes, I believe you,” replied Rarrer, almost as 


OF POTSDAM. 


347 


The doctor looked at him sharply, but embarrass- 
ingly, and then continued with his confession : 

“ When I succeed in recovering my forces after 
this preliminary and unsuccessful skirmish, I give 
in so far as to attend the concert, but protest seri- 
ously against dancing in the evening because it af- 
fords me no pleasure. ‘ But I can’t conceive how 
one is unable to derive pleasure from dancing ! ’ 
shoots off my mother-in-law. 6 Neither can I, my 
dear hubby ! ’ chimes in my little wife. Well, shall 
I go on with this picture ? A little scene takes place, 
everyone loses her or his temper, and, in order to 
avoid a period of anger that may last several days, 
I, of course, give in to everything. This is the final 
result one time as another.” 

Rarrer became thoughtful. 

“ Still, you haven’t told me why you bwought 
youah slippahs with you,” he began, after a while. 

“ I should think you would be able to answer 
that question yourself, from what I have just told 
you,” returned the privy counsellor. “The inces- 
sant wearing of tight and hot patent-leather boots is 
enough to drive one to distraction, and having with 
indescribable toil and trouble brought it so far that 
my ladies should hold a ladies’ reception one evening 
in the week, which I need not participate in, I avail 
myself of this happy evening to enjoy comfort here 
which I have renounced at home ; that is to say, I 
put my tortured feet in slippers and smoke seven 
cigars one after the other, because my wife and 
mother-in-law are unable to see how smoking can 
afford one any pleasure.” 

Rarrer became still more thoughtful. 

“ However, Madame Baldrian is chiefly to blame 
for my misfortune,” continued Dr. Staberow, after 
a pause. “ Had she not urged me on, I would never 
have carried out a not very firmly resolved intention.” 


348 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Evevywheh one heahs the name of Madame 
Baldwian ! ” muttered Karrer to himself. 

“ Yes, poor Frohberg can sing a similar song,” 
said the privy counsellor with a bitter smile, “ and 
now she is busy with machinations at the Commer- 
cial Counsellor Miller in Charlottenburg. Pd be 
very sorry indeed if she should succeed in her plans 
there of making that good Miller and his charming 
daughters unhappy for life.” 

“And the seventy-yeah-old Majoh W — W — 
Wumpel,” added Karrer. “Isn’t it a wevitable act 
of deviltwy to tie that honowable old wawioh to his 
cook ! ” 

“ My dear friend, I can show you a hundred 
similar instances,” replied the doctor. “ Where- 
ever you look you will find a pair that was 
brought together by that woman, a marriage which 
she instigated. And almost every one of them 
is an unhappy marriage, either openly or secretly, 
for even when appearances seem to be perfectly 
pleasant, if you look deeper you will see the 
worm. I do not mean to convey thereby that other 
marriages are not equally unhappy. These, how- 
ever, were entered into by the parties with their 
free will and eyes open. Madame Baldrian con- 
trives to arrange things just as she pleases, without 
caring whether the parties harmonize and sympa- 
thize with each other ; without caring what horrible 
results will follow from such careless combinations. 
She is actuated by a maniacal passion to bring about 
acquaintances and to form marriages, and since 
the number of collaborators and interested persons 
that flock to her side is uncountable, I consider her 
one of the most dangerous beings to the State, a 
secret poison that destroys the peace and happiness 
of families, a cancel’ of society, but which, unfortu- 
nately, cannot be removed by law.” 


OF POTSDAM. 


349 


Some very active thoughts seemed to be passing 
through Rarrer’s mind, for in a moment his eye 
glistened and his hands clinched as if he had re- 
solved upon some heroic act, only to be followed 
by an inexpressible shade of pain, sorrow, and anger 
that spread over his countenance. 

“ What is the matter with you, Rarrer?” asked 
the doctor, gazing upon him in alarm. 

“ * Of what use is it foil cweatuhs like me to cwawl 
about between heaven and earth ? ’ ” muttered he, 
with pale lips, gazing away off gloomily. 

Staberow, in spite of himself, was obliged to 
laugh. 

“ You have drunk too much porter, Rarrer,” said 
he. 

“ Oh, no,” returned Rarrer, looking up. “ I 
could dwink moah yet, foh I am so thihsty that my 
tongue cleaves to the woof of my mouth.” 

“ Then why do you mutter such nonsense ? ” con- 
tinued the privy counsellor. 

“ It is not nonsense ; it is a quotation fwom Ham- 
let ! ” replied the young man, whose head, after all, 
did seem to be somewhat affected by the strong 
porter. 

“ I know that very well,” said the doctor ; “ but 
I can’t conceive how you come to quote Hamlet just 
now, and especially that passage.” 

“I am in a situation somewhat similah to that of 
the melancholy Pwince of Denmahk,” declared Rar- 
rer. “ It is twue no fatheli of mine was tweach- 
wously muhdehed, by having poison instilled into 
his eah ; but, like Hamlet, I am uhged on to do a 
deed, and, like him, I delay to pehfolim it.” 

Staberow smiled, and asked : 

“ And what is that deed ? You do not think of 
killing anyone, do you ? ” 

Rarrer gazed at him, gloomily frightened. 


350 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ 6 Of what use is it foil cweatuhs like me to cwawl 
about between heaven and earth ? ’ ” he repeated, de- 
claiming tragically. “ I am an unfohtunate fellow 
who nevah enjoys any pleasah, but suffehs vewy 
much. It is not likely that any good luck will evah 
befall me, fob I am not destined to have any in life. 
‘ I am cull tailed by natuh of my pwopeli pwopoh- 
tion,’ as Wichahd the Thihd expwesses himself.” 

“ Who ? ” inquired Staberow, curiously. 

Earrer gazed upon him with a look that was al- 
most threatening. 

“ King Wichahd the Thihd!” he squeezed out 
from between his lips. “ Why do you intewupt me 
so often ? ” 

“Pray excuse me,” returned the privy counsel- 
lor, bowing suavely. 

“ I don’t know now wheah I was,” said Earrer, 
sadly. 

“ ‘ Nature has curtailed you of your proper propor- 
tions,’ as Eichard the Third expresses himself,” the 
privy counsellor reminded him. 

“W-wight!” said Earrer; “that is to say, I 
am not minus a leg but only a boot, but I am widic- 
ulous, and that is wohse than being a cwipple. I 
cannot put my nose out of doohs without a swallow 
that happens to fly by, oh a spawow that is sitting 
upon a twee, leaves a wemembwanee upon it. My 
whole life is an endless sewies of annoyances and 
accidents. My life is uttehly wohthless. I must, 
thehfoh, make use of it foh the puhpose of sehwing 
others.” 

“ Whom, for instance ? ” asked Dr. Staberow. 

“ Society ! ” replied the youth, with increasing ani- 
mation. “ I’ll offeh myself up as a mahteh for 
the sake of society, for the puhpose of bwinging it 
luck, and of fweeing it fwom an evil spiwit.” 

“ You do not intend to cause yourself to be 


OF POTSDAM. 


351 


burned at the stake, do you ? ” smilingly asked 
Staberow. 

Karrer cast upon him a still more angry look. 

“ Don’t talk foolish ! ” said he, with a gravity 
that was unusual for him. “ I do not intend to 
sacwifice myself in any such mannali at all, but in a 
way that is nobleh and gwandeli, like a twue mall- 
teh.” 

‘ ; You don’t intend to have yourself flayed alive, 
do you ? ” asked the privy counsellor, with a pecu- 
liar twinkle in his eye. 

“No,” answered the young man. “ I only know 
that I’ll do something, but what it is is not yet 
quite cleali to me. But something must be done ! ” 
he added, with increasing ecstasy, getting up from 
his seat and beginning to limp up and down the 
room, with long strides, so that the old spur 
resounded through the quiet, semi-darkened room, 
with a ghost-like scraping whirr. “ Something must 
be done. I am uhged on to it by a powah within 
me to which I was hithehto a stwangeh.” 

“ That’s the porter, double stout,” said the privy 
counsellor sarcastically. 

Karrer, however, could not be deterred by the 
malevolent remarks of his scoffing friend, but with 
dark, sinister looks and glowing cheeks declaimed 
fragments from Hamlet’s well-known monologue : 
“Yet I, 

A dull and muddy mettled wascal, peak, 

Like John a-dweams, unpwegnant of my cause, 

And can say nothiog ; no, not foil a king, 

Upon whose pwopehty, and most deah life, 

A damn’d defeat was made. Am I a cowahd ? 

Who calls me villain ? bweaks my pate acwoss ? 

I am pigeon -liver ’d and lack gall, 

Wemohseless, tweachewous, lecliewous kindless villain ! ” 

“Upon my word, Karrer, you are drunk !” said 
the privy counsellor ; “ go home and go to bed ! ” 


352 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Unpoetic man ! ” continued the youth, flaring 
up still more. “ To be suah, you cannot com- 
pwehend the deep twuth contained in the wohds of 
the immohtal bahd.” And then he added : 

“ Oh, what an ass am I! ” 

“ Oh, how true ! ” exclaimed the doctor, looking 
puzzled and amused. 

Karrer stopped and looked at him with big eyes. 

After gazing at him for some time he strode to- 
ward him with pathetic steps, laid a hand in a dig- 
nified and prophetic manner upon his shoulder, and 
in a mysterious tone of voice said : 

“ You will live to see it ! ” 

“ Live to see what ? ” asked Staberow. “ The 
truth of what you just said ? ” 

“ You will live to see it ! ” repeated Rarrer, with 
like gloomy pathos. “ Twue, I cannot welease you 
and many otliehs from youh thwaldom, but many, 
many shall be wescued in the futuh fwom a tewible 
fate ! ” 

“ Noble j T outh ! ” said the doctor, blinking with his 
eyes as if he wanted to squeeze out a tear. “ Prom- 
ise me at least that you will not sacrifice yourself in 
a too horrible manner — no burning yourself alive at 
the stake, do you hear ? No flaying alive ! No dag- 
ger! No poison!” 

Barely had he uttered the last two words, when 
Rarrer’s face contracted painfully and he pressed his 
hands over his stomach. 

“ What is the matter with you, Karrer ? ” ex- 
claimed Dr. Staberow. “ Have you already executed 
your wild threat ? Speak, young man, 1 conjure 
you ! ” 

“Oh ! ’’groaned the youth, drawing up his cavalry 
foot in the air. 

“You have taken poison, hey?” exclaimed the 


OF POTSDAM. 


353 


privy counsellor. “You must drink milk instantly, 
a large quantity of milk ! 55 

He immediately started for the door to call the 
waiter. 

“ Hold ! 55 cried Harre r, overtaking him with two 
hasty strides, and holding him back by his coat-tails. 

“ Milk, milk ! you must drink milk, do you hear ? ” 
cried the doctor, seeking to release himself. 

“Ho ! 55 vociferated Rarrer. “ I have d wank enough 
milk at Majoh W — W — Wumpel’s alweady, to my 
gweat misfohtune.” 

“ What is your great misfortune ? ” asked Stab- 
erow, anxiously. 

“ The milk and the pohteh do not agwee ! ” said the 
young man, drawing up, for a change, the infantry 
foot now. 

“ Oh, I see !” smirked the doctor, who was again 
full of Mephistophelian humor. “ Well, sit down 
and let us talk a little ; perhaps the milk and the 
porter will come to an amicable understanding .’ 5 

“Ho ! 55 groaned Rarrer. “I must get out. I 
must leave you ! 55 

As soon as he got momentary release by a cessation 
of the cramp, he pulled the bell-cord as if he in- 
tended to tear it from its fastening, bringing the 
waiter into the room quite lively. 

“ My bill ! 55 cried Rarrer, as soon as the latter ap- 
peared. 

“ Three beefsteaks with potatoes and three bot- 
tles of porter, one dollar and sixty cents , 55 calculated 
the attendant, in sad tones. 

Rarrer, like one in despair, hunted for the proper 
amount in his pockets, while the privy counsellor, 
sighing, took off his warm, and comfortable slippers 
and squeezed his feet into the tight patent leather 
boots with a prolonged groan. 

“ My usual ill-luck , 55 he muttered, sotto voce. 

23 


354 : 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ I neveh have change about me. The smallest I 
have now is a Y. Theah ! ” said he, handing it to 
the waiter. 

The waiter searched in his pockets, while Rarrer 
seemed to be standing on hot coals, and finally said, 
in his soft, smooth voice : 

“ Have you no change ? ” 

“ If I had I would have given it to you ! ” angrily 
cried Karrer. 

“ Then you will have to wait a few minutes till I 
change this,” said the waiter, and then he went out 
at the door into the passage. 

“ Say ! ” cried Rarrer, suddenly, who had contin- 
ued to search in his pockets. 

The waiter stopped. 

“You needn’t mind changing it,” said Rarrer, 
who found six quarters in various pockets of his gar- 
ments. 

The waiter at first looked very much surprised, 
then his countenance became irradiated, and with 
overflowing gratitude, said : 

“ I am exceedingly thankful to you, sir ! ” 

“ Cawambo ! ” cried Rarrer. “ Ro, sah ! That 
was not what I meant. Give me back my five dol- 
lah bill,” he added, rushing after the waiter, who 
had already left the passage, and had not heard his 
last statement. 

“ Oh ! ” he groaned, u I must let the money go ; I 
haven’t any time.” 

“ Won’t you shake hands with me, and bid me 
good-night before you go? ” called the privy coun- 
sellor after him. 

“ Ho ! ” returned Rarrer, stumping down the stairs 
with his rasping, clanging cavalry boot. “Ho, I 
haven’t time ! ” 

And away he went, plunging into the dark night 
which had been so very disagreeable to him. 


OF POTSDAM . ; 


355 


The doctor, too, started away soon afterward for 
his home, where his mother-in-law and his wife 
awaited him in order to surprise him with some new 
amusement which they had planned for the next 
day. 


356 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


CHAPTEK XIV. 

A REMINISCENCE OF OSTEND. 

Privy Counsellor Dr. Staberow gave a great ball. 

The salon and all the other rooms were brilliantly 
lit up, and beautifully decorated with flowers, and 
tropical plants, and a soft, warm, and fragrant at- 
mosphere streamed through the different apartments. 

In the principal reception-room the doctor, as 
host, stood ready to receive his guests, greeting the 
gentlemen with a socially warm squeeze of the hand, 
and the ladies wflth a profound bow and an agreeable 
remark. 

The doctor, however, did not stand in the middle 
of the room, as hosts usually do, and rub his hands 
complacently, but was seated, because his patent 
leather boots were too tight for him, and they 
pained him. In an adjoining parlor, on the way to 
the dancing-room, were his wife and mother-in-law, 
who seemed to be perfectly happy, and every now 
and then they cast a look into the large plate-glass 
mirror for the purpose of reviewing and admiring 
their toilette. 

Every two or three minutes the mother-in-law 
would put her head into the ante-chamber and call 
out in a not very pleasant and surprised tone of 
voice : 

“ I declare, my dear dear son-in-law, you are sit- 
ting down again ! ” 

And every time the dear son-in-law was caught 
sitting down, and thus reminded of his neglect of 


OF POTSDAM. 


357 


duty, he would start and jump up as if some one 
had thrust a dagger into him. But no sooner had 
the mother-in-law drawn back her head into the 
second room, when the poor privy counsellor would 
$it down again. 

Thus quite a long while passed before the guests 
began to arrive. 

The mothers, draped in heavy silk garments, 
rustle on in advance, the beautiful feathers in their 
hair undulating gracefully, sweet smiles hovering 
around their lips, dangling chains hanging upon their 
voluptuous necks, and their persons diffusing an in- 
toxicating aroma around them. 

Behind them came, treading gingerly, their little 
daughters, whose pretty figures were robed in the 
customary innocent white fabrics of the ball-room, 
the wasp -like waist decorated with a beautiful bou- 
quet, a blushing red rose or a languishing white 
one in their hair, neck, breast, and arms, with no 
other ornaments than those which nature endowed 
them with, and surrounding them there hovered an 
aroma which only youth and beauty is at all times 
capable of diffusing. 

And bringing up the rear, came the father, the - 
author of their existence, dressed in sober black coat 
and trousers, and glossy white vest and tie. In his but- 
tonhole a bit of ribbon of an order might be seen, 
partly hidden, which he had received for some 
kind of service to his country and to his own bene- 
fit ; upon his countenance there hovered a pleasant 
smile, that only appeared there at the moment he 
took off his paletot in the cloak-room and put on 
the cream-colored kid-gloves that but recently re- 
turned from the cleaning establishment ; and, from 
the aroma which he disseminated, a not entirely oc- 
cluded nasal organ might easily perceive that he had 
thrown away a cigar stump just as he reached the 


358 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


front door, and that in his left breast-pocket a pleth- 
oric snuff-box was stowed away. 

As soon as a mamma rustled into the room, Dr. 
Staberow seized her arm, and conducted her to his 
wife and mother-in-law in the second room, wherq 
a perfect flood of greetings was poured out, followed 
by the interchange of the latest scandal that had oc- 
curred in their set. The little daughters then formed 
groups by themselves, or straightway betake them- 
selves to their “ happy hunting ground ” — the dance 
hall— where they seek to capture prizes of the oppo- 
site sex, and interchange the most important event 
that has happened to their friends ; and the fathers, 
after having delivered a few stiff compliments, re- 
turned to the first room, where they bored one 
another to death, wandered about aimlessly, and 
suffered from tediousness to a degree ; while the 
young gentlemen, with their goodly-sized dancing 
organs encased in the regulation patent leather 
pumps, and their hair dressed so as to hide the 
nakedness of the skull and the emptiness within 
it, fluttered around the white and red roses, who, 
sooner or later, opened their calixes to them. 

Ere long the music strikes up a prelude to the 
dance, the engaged couples flutter to their places, 
and life is infused into the scene, and the different 
figures of the polonaise are gone through with. 

Then follow other dances. The little feet and . 
the big feet tread quickly ; the dresses fly ; the 
gay sashes of the young ladies ensnare both danc- 
ers as with an affectionate love-band ; the glances 
become more free ; the cheeks glow ; the bosoms 
heave ; the brains reel ; the red and white roses 
tremble and encourage the young gentlemen ; and 
the hearts flutter and yearn, and open themselves 
so far — so far 

Let us roam about for a little while through the 


OF POTSDAM , ; 


359 - 


different rooms ; let us approach the various groups, 
and listen to their conversation, and divine their 
thoughts. 

Being invisible, we can easily indulge in these 
delights. 

“ Really, this is a most delightful ball which you 
are giving,” said Herr von Frohberg, approaching 
Privy Counsellor Staberow, who, after the labors 
of giving general introductions, withdrew to the re- 
cess of a window, and alternately raised up one foot 
and then the other. 

“ You think so?” returned Staberow, making a 
terrible effort to smile and look gratified. 

“Yes, without flattery, old friend,” continued 
Frohberg. “ You display a degree of luxury, and 
make a glittering show which I never expected 
of you — you especially, pardon me for saying it — 
who always professed such diametrically opposite 
principles and inclinations. Do you remember? ” 

The doctor sighed. 

“ You must spend a nice sum of money now,” 
went on Frohberg, allowing his gaze to wander 
about the elegantly appointed room. “ I know 
what such things cost.” 

The doctor sighed again. 

“But besides that, the danger to the health, my 
dear friend,” spoke Herr von Frohberg, further. 
“ Really, you seem to be utterly regardless of your 
health now. I never would have expected it of you. 
This continual pleasure and social life does not 
agree with your wife at all. That’s quite apparent 
to me too. I wonder you, as a physician, don’t see 
it.” 

“ I see it well enough, but what can I do ? ” said 
the privy counsellor, helplessly shrugging his 
shoulders. 

“What can you do ?” zealously said Frohberg. 


360 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ That’s a strange question. When you see that 
this Berlin life of pleasure is not good for your 
wife, you ought to go into the country with her ; 
that is your duty as a man and husband.” 

“ It is easy for you to say that,” replied the privy 
counsellor. “The air of Berlin does not agree with 
your wife either, and yet yon brought her back 
here.” 

A shade of grief passed over Frohberg’s usually 
serene countenance. 

“ The Italian air agrees with her still less,” re- 
turned he. “ What can we do ? ” 

The privy counsellor made a face like a lambkin. 

“ What can we do ? ” asked he, laying his hand 
upon Frohberg’s shoulder. “ What we have done 
till now, old friend : do as our wives want us to, so 
that we may live long upon this earth. However, 
I must make a tour of duty through my company 
now,” lie added, after a brief pause, with a painful 
effort and heroic resolution, rising from his seat. 
“If you will look me up here in about half an 
hour, I’ll be very much pleased.” 

Thus saying, he crowded his feet entirely into 
his tight patent leather boots, which he had partly 
slipped off, and was just in the act of leaving the 
embrasure of the window, when a heavy silk dress 
rustled against him, and. a voice, which he knew but 
too well, sounded in his ear : 

“ Why, my dear privy counsellor,” said Madame 
Baldrian, in her dulcet voice, “ what shall I think of 
you ? Is it in this way you do the honneurs of the 
liost. ? The whole world is asking for the host, and 
here he is hidden in the recess of a window.” 

“ I am coming, I am coming ! ” said Dr. Staberow, 
somewhat unwillingly. * 

• “ Do you know, my dear doctor,” continued the 
match-maker, detaining him, “ that your wife makes 


OF POTSDAM. 


361 


a charming hostess. She understands how to man- 
age an establishment like a countess. Really you 
don’t deserve to have such a wife, you don’t under- 
stand how to prize such a jewel.” 

“ Pardon me, my dear Madame Baldrian,” said 
Staberow, “ my duties as host make it necessary 
for me, to my great regret, to leave you.” 

The matrimonial agent measured him with a 
peculiarly deprecating look. 

“ Evidently you have already forgotten, Herr 
Privy Counsellor,” said she, sharply, “ that you are 
indebted to me for your happiness.” 

“ Pardon me ! ” returned the doctor. “ I’ll never 
forget all that I am indebted to you for.” 

“ And for your fortune too !” continued the lady, 
casting another sharp glance upon him. “ Ida 
brought you a nice dower ! ” 

“ Of what good is it to me ? ” burst out the privy 
counsellor. “ It has only been used to provide me 
with trouble and annoyances, and a very high price 
has been paid for them too, I can tell you. So much 
so that I am not only not benefited by the money 
she brought me, but I have to spend a good deal of 
my own.” 

“Ungrateful man ! ” said the instigatoress of mar- 
riages. “ I pity you ! ” 

“Then we are both engaged in the same occu- 
pation,” returned her former matrimonial candidate. 

“ And that is ? ” 

“ I too pity myself, very deeply,” exclaimed 
Dr. Staberow, angrily. “But I am going to adopt 
another course,” he added, becoming heated and 
excited. “ I am going to exercise the authority 
which I legally possess ; I am going to put an end 
to this wasteful, profligate, and senseless life ; I’ll 
resist to the utmost the sway of this female rule, to 
which only a slave submits.” 


362 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


As the privy counsellor uttered these words, 
breathing fire and his eyes flashing, he stood there 
resembling an angry god wrathfully shaking his 
locks. The apostle of matrimony manifested the 
utmost surprise ; she opened her eyes to their ful- 
lest extent, being totally at a loss what to make of 
it, because she had never seen the weak Staberow 
so wrought up before. 

Just then a slim little dancer, with panting breath 
and his blond hair flying behind him, came running 
up to them and said : 

“ Please, Herr Privy Counsellor, your mother- 
in-law requests you to come to her instantly.” 

The privy counsellor was startled, but he did not 
stir, he remained standing like an angry god. 

Gradually, however, the energy and the spirit 
that had puffed him up so began to ooze out of him, 
his body collapsed somewhat, his arms hung down 
impotently by his side, the noble fire in his eyes 
died out, and he turned so suddenly to obey the 
summons of his good mother-in-law that he collided 
with a gentleman who had been blowing his hot 
tea for the purpose of cooling it a little. 

“ Pardon me!” said Staberow, and he was about 
to move on. 

“ Excuse me ! ” responded the gentleman, blowing 
upon his hand now instead of the tea. “I only 
scalded my hand a little with the hot tea. It is of 
no consequence.” 

“ What, is that you, my dear Karrer ? ” asked 
Staberow, for the first time recognizing the young 
man. 

“ Yes, it is I,” replied Karrer. “ Since you weah 
so kind as to invite me, I have the pleasah of being 
heah. Youh ball is pehfectly gwand.” 

“ You think so ? ” said the doctor. “ I hope you 
are enjoying yourself.” 


OF POTSDAM. 


363 


“ Yes, vevy well indeed ! ” returned the young 
man, still blowing upon his hand, which already 
presented a blistered appearance. 

“ I haven’t seen you for a long time — not since 
that evening we met in the Cafe, where you ate and 
drank so much — do you remember ? ” 

Rarrer’s spirit seemed to become overcast by a 
dark shadow. 

“ Those horrible intentions of self-sacrifice — you 
have given them up, I hope ? ” 

Rarrer’s countenance instantly assumed the de- 
moniacal expression which we observed on that 
occasion. 

“ Herr Privy Counsellor,” this gentleman heard 
the dulcet tones of the slim little dancer with the 
blond hair say a second time, just then, “your 
mother-in-law requests ” 

The privy counsellor started as if he had been 
caught in some grave sin of omission. He did not 
permit the blond dancer to finish his message, but 
hurried off, winding his way through the crowd like 
a snake. 

Madame Baldrian had observed the entire scene 
with her eagle eye. And when she saw the doctor 
obediently and hastily comply with his mother-in- 
law’s request, the expression of her face underwent 
a change, and a bright triumphant flame of joy 
blazed up from the ashes of her surprise and as- 
tonishment. 

Just then her gaze encountered that of Rarrer. 
At first she was frightened at beholding that malevo- 
lent pair of eyes of his riveted upon her. After 
a while she seemed to be trying to recall to mind 
where she had seen him, but being unable appar- 
ently to do so, she turned to Herr von Frohberg 
and entered into a prolonged conversation with 
him. 


364 : 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Rarrer stalked along like a dark shadow, mutter- 
ing to himself : 

“Yet I, 

A dull and muddy mettled wascal, peak, 

Like John a-dweams, unpwegnant of my cause, 

And can say nothing ; no, not f oh a king, 

Upon whose pwopehty and most deah life, 

A damn’d defeat was made. Am I a cowahd ? 

Who calls me villain ? bweaks my pate acwoss ? ” 

On he stalked, thus muttering to himself, like a 
gloomy spirit, till he felt something jerking beneath 
his feet. He stood still and felt the jerking re- 
peated. 

“ Excuse me, you are treading upon my dress ! ” 
he heard a charming voice say, close to him. 

Rarrer raised up his eyes and beheld a ravishing 
creature, beseechingly gazing up at him over her 
shoulder, and slightly bending to avoid having her 
robe torn. 

“I beg youh pahdon a thousand times!” cried 
the unfortunate youth, becoming dreadfully em- 
barrassed, and, with a backward bound, releasing 
the young lady. 

“ Excuse me, you are treading upon my dress ! ” 
he again heard someone say close to him ; and as he 
looked around he beheld another ravishing creature 
gazing up at him beseechingly over her shoulder, 
to avoid having her robe torn. 

“ I beg youh pahdon a thousand times ! ” Rarrer 
managed to stammer out again, his face livid and 
drops of perspiration trickling down his forehead 
from embarrassment, jumping backward a second 
time, thereby releasing the young lady’s garment ; 
but in coming down upon the highly polished floor 
his feet slipped, and as, horrified, lie saw that he 
was in danger of falling upon the lap of a corpulent 
elderly dame, he instinctively reached out with his 


OF POTSDAM. 


365 


hands in the hope of grasping something whereby 
he might save himself from such a calamity. 

“ Oil ! thunder and lightning!” exclaimed a 
deep rough voice. “ Let go my whiskers ! You are 
pulling my hair out! P otstausendsacr ament ! ” 

On regaining his equilibrium, Rarrer looked 
around and beheld, to his dismay, that he had 
clutched at Major Rumpel’s side-whiskers, and 
whose mouth had thereby been completely pulled 
out of shape. 

“In the name of all the furies ! ” cried the major, 
when Rarrer had released him, “ must some calam- 
ity happen to me whenever I meet you ? I wish you 
would avoid me entirely ! ” 

“ I beg youah pahdon a thousand times, Hew 
Majoh W — W — Wumpel,” stuttered the young 
man. “I accidentally twod upon a lady’s dwess, 
and in jumping off it I slipped.” 

“ And saved yourself from falling by seizing hold 
of my side-whiskers,” interrupted the major. “ But 
then, you are a man of remarkable habits, and con- 
sequently one must not be so particular with you.” 

Rarrer w^as overjoyed at getting off so cheaply 
from his latest encounter with the old warrior, and 
in order to divert the latter’s mind from it he 
asked, with much concern : 

“ May I take the libehty to inquiah how youah 
health is, my deah Hew Majoh ? ” 

“Well,” replied Rumpel, stroking his side-whis- 
kers, “you might easily imagine how it is.” 

Rarrer made a face as if lie would like to contra- 
dict him if he dared. 

“I have been married a week now,” added the 
major. “ You know how that affair came about.” 
u After all ! ” observed Rarrer, looking sheepish. 
“ Well, yes,” said the major. “ One must al- 
ways keep his promise, come what may ! ” 


366 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Karrer became embarrassed, being unable to de- 
cide how to act in reference to this fact, and asked, 
because he felt that it was incumbent upon him to 
ask or to say something : 

“ I twust it has agweed well with you ? ” 

Kumpel gazed upon him with a peculiarly sharp 
look. 

“ Why should it not agree with me ? ” he cried, 
rolling his eyes and twisting his coal-black dyed 
mustache. 

Karrer now became still more embarrassed. 

“ Oh, I meant — that — that — ” he stammered. 

“ Ah, yes, you mean in reference to the temper 
of my cook — I would say my wife,” returned Rum- 
pel. “ It is vastly better now. Since she has be- 
come my wife she annoys me much less than for- 
merly ; and if she does it from sheer habit once in 
a while, I am not as affected by it as I used to be. 
Having married her, I have acquired the privilege 
of submitting to her tyranny.” 

The major now suddenly interrupted himself, 
turned slightly pale, and stared at a certain spot in 
the crowd. 

“ Excuse me ! ” he said, somewhat embarrassed, 
turning to the young man. “ I think my wife 
wishes to see me. I see her motioning at me. Most 
probably she wants me to get her something from 
the buffet” 

Karrer followed the gaze of the major, and soon 
discovered the red, angry face of the stout Augusta, 
dressed in a costly silk robe, and who kept on tele- 
graphing very energetically with her right arm to 
her husband. 

“ That’s what the unhappy man calls motioning 
at him,” mentally said Rarrer. “ The good old 
man is to be pitied, but he beahs his misfovtune 
like a liewo ! I’ll do something that will console 


OF POTSDAM. 


367 


his spivit.” Then he grasped the major’s arm, and 
cried into his ear : “ I’ll wevenge you, Hew Majoh ! ” 
“ Wliat will you do to me ? ” asked Kumpel, sur- 
prised. 

Karrer compressed his windpipe, and fiercely ut- 
tered : “ I’ll w-wevenge, w- wevenge you ! ” 

“ Oh ! ” exclaimed the major ; “but upon whom 
do you intend to revenge me ? ” 

“ On Madame Baldvian ! ” cried the young man 
into Kumpel’s ear. “ I have a plan wheby I’ll make 
heh hahmless to society ! ” 

The major looked, horrified, at Karrer, and anx- 
iously and in trepidation at his wife, who again tele- 
graphed to him with her massive arm, but fiercely 
and more threateningly than before. 

“ Young man, you don’t intend to ” he asked, 

in a low voice. 

“ Yes, 1 will ! ” Karrer replied, vehemently. 
“Think of what you are doing,” said the old 
man, ready to dart away. “ You are of an excitable, 
nervous temperament, and have strange ideas. 
Don’t let your passions lead you into committing a 
rash act.” 

“ West easy, my deah majoh ! ” said Karrer, with 
a beaming countenance. “ She shall sow no moah 
misfovtunes ; I’ll make heh hahmless ! ” 

Major Kumpel, who had so often looked death in 
the face, turned pale at Karrer’s dark hints, and was 
about to caution him once more, when his gaze again 
fell upon his wife, who made gestures denoting that 
she would presently come and fetch him. 

“Fare you well, young man ! ” he said, in a low 
voice, impressively. “ I beseech you not to commit 
any rash act ! ” 

And, anxious and excited to the highest degree, 
he forced his way through the crowded room to join 
his wife. 


368 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Rarrer, his eyes glistening, betook himself to the 
buffet , and drank two glasses of punch to prevent 
his hot resolution from growing cold. 

Madame Baldrian, meanwhile, had been calmly 
conversing with Herr von Froh berg, without having 
the least idea in what way her life and future had 
just been resolved upon. 

Thus a person will often pluck flowers from the 
brink of his own grave, without knowing it. 

Suddenly Madame Baldrian espied, at the other 
end of the room, Government Solicitor von Collin, 
who seemed to have but just arrived, and whose 
gaze wandered through the crowd of people as if he 
was seeking somebody. 

The matrimonial agent’s countenance suddenly 
became illuminated with the rays of joy. 

“ Excuse me, my dear friend,” she said, quickly 
extending her finely gloved hand to von Froli- 
berg; “I see an acquaintance of mine over there 
wdiom I wish to talk to. Farewell for the pre- 
sent ! ” 

She quickly started off, rushing through the 
crowded room as fast as she could, steering directly 
towards Herr von Collin. 

“ Is that you, my friend ? and how do you hap- 
pen to get here ? ” she began, as soon as she got 
within talking distance of him. “ I was not aware 
that you were acquainted here. You must have 
been introduced quite recently.” 

“ Yes, quite recently,” returned the barrister. 
“ I heard so much about these balls that I resolved 
to attend one.” 

Madame Baldrian threatened him jestingly with 
her fan. 

“ AYliy, this is the first ball ever given by the privy 
counsellor,” she whispered to him ; “ but if you 
are still uncertain of your own feelings, shall I tell 


OF POTSDAM. 


369 


you why you are here? Because you know that 
Fräulein Wanda Miller is here to-night.” 

The government solicitor blushed. But he who 
is yet capable of blushing still has a heart, though 
it may be encrusted with the rind of selfishness. 

“ Come, now, confess, isn’t it so ? ” queried the 
match-maker, who had perceived him blushing. 

“ Well, then, yes!” returned Herr von Collin, 
who inwardly seemed to be battling with conflicting 
emotions. “ I am here because of the reason you 
mentioned. I have become unfaithful to my prin- 
ciples, but I cannot help it, I am caught. I have 
tried my best to put my theory into practice, for I 
deemed it very good ; I wanted to run away, but 
I was unable to do it. Indeed,” the young man con- 
tinued, warmly, “I constantly seek opportunities to 
see her, to speak to her ; in one word — I am caught ! ” 

The matrimonial missionaiy cast a triumphant 
look upon her convert. 

“ And has love made you somewhat more sensi- 
ble in regard to the amount?” she asked. 

“ Yes,” replied the barrister, though with a slightly 
heavy heart. • “ Since it turns out to be a marriage 
of love, I’ll forego the twenty thousand dollars and 
content myself with eighty thousand.” 

“ You are charming ! ” exclaimed the matrimonial 
agent, joyfully. 

Collin made an unhappy face. 

“ No, I am foolish,” he returned. “ But it isn’t 
my fault. Why is she so beautiful ? ” 

The match-maker blissfully rubbed her hands. 

“ Then I may broach the matter to-night ? ” she 
asked. 

“ Yes, if you will be so kind,” Collin replied, 
sighing almost comically. 

u There comes Papa Miller with his two daugh- 
ters ! ” suddenly cried the apostle of matrimony, 
24 


370 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


starting for the door, through which the parties 
alluded to had just entered. 

Herr von Collin followed in her wake, and forth- 
with addressed himself to W anda, who glowed in all 
the loveliness of beautiful girlhood. 

“ May I beg for the pleasure of the first dance 
to-night ? ” he asked, shyly. 

Wanda replied, with a pleasant nod of the head. 

“ Ah ! ” said the marriage instigator, not a little 
surprised. “ You are already known to each other ? 
I w r as just about to introduce you.” 

“Yes, yes, w T e have had that pleasure,” remarked 
the little commercial counsellor, whose face was not 
as happy nor as bright as usual. “ Recently, at the 
Court Physician Schwangelmeier, and at — at- ” 

At this point his thoughts wandered away from 
the subject under consideration, and seemed to be 
centered about some dark affair, which to-night ap- 
parently occupied his mind exclusively. 

Meanwhile Herr von Collin had entered into a 
low, but very lively, conversation with Fräulein 
Wanda, who seemed to derive a great deal of pleas- 
ure from it, for her eyes sparkled delightfully, as if 
nothing but spring and sunshine w T as in her heart. 

Madame Baldrian, who had entered into a con- 
versation with Louisa, watched the young pair with 
beaming eyes and a joyful countenance, and little 
Papa Miller, w r ith his hands crossed over his stom- 
ach, stood with downcast eyes staring at the floor. 

At that moment the music struck up the prelude 
to a dance. 

Herr von Collin offered Wanda his arm, in which 
she smilingly placed her own, and in the next mo- 
ment they disappeared in the crowd on their w T ay 
to the dancing-room, after casting another blissful 
glance upon his patroness, who, with little Miller 
and Louisa, remained behind. 


OF POTSDAM. 


371 


For a long while Madame Baldrian watched little 
Commercial Counsellor Miller’s strange manner. 

“Tell me, my dear friend, what ails you?” she 
said, addressing the little papa. “ You look awfully 
gloomy to-night ! ” 

Little Miller started up from his dreams, blankly 
stared at Madame Baldrian, and, like one who does 
not know what he is speaking about, asked : 

“ How so, my dear madame ? ” 

The matrimonial agent smiled. 

“Yes, that’s what I would like to know, too ! ” 
she said. “ Has anything happened to you to put 
you in such bad spirits ? ” 

“ Oh ! ” returned Herr Miller, passing his hand 
across his forehead, as if to wipe away some unpleas- 
ant thoughts from his mind, “it is nothing; only a, 
slight headache. Let us speak no more about it.” 

He then tried to appear pleasant and cheerful, 
but did not succeed very well. 

“ Did not your wife come along with you ? ” 
asked the match-maker, further. 

Instantly a shade passed over the fat countenance 
of the commercial counsellor again. 

“ My wife?” he repeated, as if again reminded of 
an unpleasant subject. “ What a question ! ” 

“ What do you mean by that ? ” inquired the in- 
stigator of marriages, looking inquisitively. 

Papa Miller cast an anxious and surreptitious 
glance upon his daughter Louisa, winked at the 
matrimonial missionary out of the corners of one 
eye, gently plucked at her dress, and whispered in 
her ear : 

“ Don’t ask ; I’ll tell you all about it some other 
time ! ” 

“ But I have something to tell you now,” whis- 
pered Madame Baldrian. “ It is a matter of great 
importance.” 


372 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The commercial counsellor sighed mournfully. 

“ Oh, spare me with matters of great importance 
to-night!” begged the little papa. “I am totally 
unable to collect my thoughts now.” 

At this moment the legation counsellor came up 
to Louisa and invited her to dance a quadrille w 7 ith 
him. 

The commercial counsellor paid no attention to 
it. Louisa, agreeably surprised, put her arm into 
that of the legation counsellor, and Madame Bald- 
rian jestingly threatened the departing gentleman 
with a finger : 

“ Why, my good legation counsellor, what’s got 
into you to-day ? I thought you did not dance ? ” 

However, as the pair disappeared without tak- 
ing any notice of her, she seized the commercial 
counsellor by the arm and whispered to him : 

“ Come over to that half-darkened window recess! 
I have good news to tell you ! ” 

Papa Miller sighed once more from the very 
bottom of his heart, and helplessly allowed himself 
to be dragged to the spot indicated by Madame 
Baldrian. 

“ Herr von Collin is desperately in love with 
Wanda!” began the matrimonial agent, as soon as 
she found that they were somewhat isolated from 
the rest of the company. 

Papa Miller turned up his nose and made a 
motion with his hand as if he didn’t deem the 
matter of any importance. 

“ He is satisfied with eighty thousand ! ” the 
match-maker whispered, further. 

Papa Miller turned up his nose still more, and 
made a still faster motion with his hand. 

Madame Baldrian looked at him in astonishment. 

“ What do you mean with those gestures of 
yours ? ” she said, somewhat annoyed. 


OF POTSDAM. 


373 


“ Who talks of eighty thousand ! ” murmured 
little Miller, making a quick motion with his hand, 
as if he was playing on his ear for a jewsharp. 

u Are you disposed not to give that amount 
either ? ” continued Madame Baldrian, becoming 
serious. 

“ What has one’s disposition to do with it ? ” 
muttered little Miller, casting a peculiar side glance 
upon the agent. 

u I don’t understand you ! ” said the latter, coldly. 

“ I can’t give so much, now ! ” whispered Papa 
Miller, further. 

“ Have you suffered any losses ? ” inquired the 
lady, with evident concern. 

u Hone whatever ! ” returned the little commercial 
counsellor. u I might, in fact, say I have gained ; 
but yet I am not now able to give each of my 
daughters eighty thousand, although I have a 
fortune of three hundred thousand dollars. I must 
keep something for myself to live upon ! ” 

“ Well, I thought ” interjected the match- 

maker. 

“ Dbn’t think my dear friend, for you are apt 
to be wrong,” quickly interrupted the commercial 
counsellor. “ If I tell you I can’t, then 1 can’t, and 
I have a good reason for it ! ” he added. 

Madame Baldrian’s face denoted the utmost 
astonishment. 

“ But, heavens, how did that happen ? ” she 
asked. 

The commercial counsellor drew up his shoulders 
as high as he could, and with the utmost assurance 
said : 

u I do not know, my dear friend, how it hap- 
pened, but that it has happened, is a fact ! ” 

“ And to what sum have you reduced us now ? ” 
asked the matrimonial negotiator, in a low voice. 


374 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ You may figure it out for yourself, my dear 
madame ! ” replied the commercial counsellor. “ I 
have three hundred thousand dollars, the half of 
which I must reserve to myself, and the other half, 
about one hundred and fifty thousand, is to be 
divided for three.” 

“For two!” corrected the conjugal schemer. 

“ Excuse me, for three ! ” reasserted little Miller. 
“That is the d — 1 of it. Thus, about fifty thousand 
dollars for each ! ” 

Madame Baldrian’s face bore an expression as if 
she had been struck by lightning. 

“ What ! is it possible ? ” she exclaimed. 

Little Miller nodded proudly but somewhat sadly. 

“ The illness of your wife is then ” went on 

Madame Baldrian. 

The commercial counsellor nodded. 

“Who would have thought it!” said the match- 
maker. 

“Not I! ” sighed Papa Miller. 

“On the whole, I congratulate you!” added 
Madame Baldrian. 

“ Thanks ! ” said Papa Miller, pressing the offered 
hand in his. 

A pause ensued, during which both were occupied 
with their own thoughts. 

“ I am totally unable to explain the matter ! ” 
began the marriage mediator, again. 

The commercial counsellor looked up from his 
dreams. 

“The sea-baths at Ostend do wonderful things ! ” 
he said, in tones of deep conviction. 

“You don’t say so ?” remarked the matrimonial 
missionary. 

“ Don’t you go to Ostend, my dear friend,” pro- 
ceeded the commercial counsellor. “ It is dangerous 
for one of our age to go there ! ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


375 


Madame Baldrian looked up, offended. 

“ I beg your pardon, a thousand times ! ” the little 
prapa said, correcting himself, greatly embarrassed. 
“ I had forgotten entirely that you — pray don’t be 
offended ! ” 

And then, in order to regain the good will of his 
friend, he placed two chairs close together and was 
soon engaged in a lively and cheerful conversation 
with her, that seemed to have no end. 

Let them gossip on. We can very well conceive 
what they are talking about. 


376 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


CHAPTER XV. 

A COLD STROKE. 

Legation Counsellor von Frohberg had danced 
three dances with Fräulein Louisa, and the commer- 
cial counsellor still sat with Madame Baldrian in 
their half-darkened window recess, when the music 
of a quadrille ceased, and the gentlemen brought 
the young ladies back to their parents. 

Madame Baldrian seemed to await the return of the 
now somewhat impatient Solicitor von Collin with 
some anxiety, for after the information which little 
Miller had just imparted to her, she could not go on 
with the matter till she had informed the solicitor of 
the reduction that had again been made in the pros- 
pective dowry. 

Presently they returned, glowing with internal 
and external excitement, winding their w 7 ay through 
the crowd like a pair of snakes. 

While Wanda sat dowm upon a chair which the 
solicitor had placed near that of her father, he 
seated himself behind the manager of his matri- 
monial affairs and wdiispered to her : 

“ Well, how is it ? ” 

The match-maker shrugged her shoulders. 

“ Heavens, is it not settled yet ? ” continued the 
barrister, with hot breath, but in a hoarse voice. “ I 
am going to dance a mazurka with Fräulein Wanda 
now, please see to it meanwiiile ! ” 

Just then the orchestra struck up the prelude to a 
mazurka, Herr von Collin shot off his seat like a 
flash of lightning, with the intention of going to 


OF POTSDAM. 


377 


Wanda for the purpose of leading her to the danc- 
ing-hall. As he passed Madame Baldrian, she stealth- 
ily and lightly pulled at his coat-tails, and whispered 
to him : 

“I have something to say to you.” 

«Not now, not now,” he whispered back, releas- 
ing himself from her hold, and with beaming coun- 
tenance approached Wanda, who, with like beaming 
countenance stood waiting for him, and in the next 
minute, arm-in-arm, both disappeared among the as- 
sembled guests. * 

The matrimonial proctor and the commercial coun- 
sellor gazed after them as long as a fringe of Wan- 
da’s sash was visible. 

« It’s a pity ! ” thought Madame Baldrian. “ That 
would have been one of my best partis ! ” 

“ It’s a pity ! ” thought little Miller. U I like that 
young man very well ; if he would only give up his 
habits of idleness ! ” 

And when the mazurka was in full blast he turned 
to the lady and said : 

“ My dear madame, please inform the young man 
as speedily as possible how the matter stands, so that 
he could withdraw before his'condnct to my daugh- 
ter Wanda becomes noticeable.” 

Madame Baldrian bowed affirmatively. 

“And in order that the same thing does not hap- 
pen with Wanda and this young man that hap- 
pened between Louisa and Baron Branco,” went on 
Commercial Counsellor Miller. “ That affair was 
kept up altogether too long — certainly not through 
any fault of yours, but by peculiar and unforeseen 
circumstances.” 

“ I hope I don’t intrude,” they heard someone 
say pleasantly ; and upon looking up they recog- 
nized the elder Frohberg, wdio was holding out a 
hand to each of them. 


378 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ By no means, my dear friend,” Miller replied, 
pointing to the chair vacated by Wanda a little 
while before. “ Sit with us a while ; we have no 
secrets which we would keep from you.” 

Herr von Frohberg accepted the invitation. 

“We were just talking of Herrn von Branco,” 
said the commercial counsellor. “You know that 
affair of my daughter ? ” 

“ Yes ! ” replied von Frohberg, becoming serious. 
“It is still a mystery to me why Baron Branco 
withdrew, after the affair had gone so far.” 

“ What ? ” cried the commercial counsellor ; “ the 
baron withdrew ? ” 

“It is so reported everywhere,” replied Froh- 
berg ; “ and undoubtedly he was the originator of 
that report.” 

The commercial counsellor gazed at Madame 
Baldrian. 

“ Yes,” remarked the latter, nodding her head 
seriously ; “ unfortunately that is true.” 

“ And I hear of it only at this late day ? ” cried 
Miller, pale from anger. 

'Frohberg shrugged his shoulders. 

“ Those concerned in such affairs ascertain what 
is reported of them very late, or never ! ” said he, 
never supposing that this rule was also applicable to 
himself. 

“ But that is a shameful lie, an infamous slan- 
der!” cried the commercial counsellor hotly, rising 
from his seat. “ The baron did not withdraw. I 
gave him to understand that he should retire.” 

“ You did that ? ” asked Madame Baldrian, a 
little astonished. 

“ Well, when I say that, I mean that Herr von 
Froh berg did it by my authority,” little Miller modi- 
fied his statement. 

“Who? my brother?” asked Frohberg, surprised, 


OF POTSDAM . 


379 


also rising from his seat. “ IIow did lie come to do 
that ? ” 

“ Louisa asked him for his advice concerning the 
engagement,” replied Miller, “ and he afterward 
told me that no marriage could take place.” 

“ Well, this is very interesting,” interjected the 
matrimonial agent. “I never even had an intima- 
tion of this. And may one ask the reason why it 
was declared impossible for an engagement to take 
place ? ” 

The commercial counsellor drew up his shoulders. 

“It seems that Baron Branco had made certain 
promises to a married woman,” he replied. 

“ P’st ! not so loud ! ” whispered Madame Bald- 
rian. “ There is the baron just passing.” 

Both gentlemen looked in the direction indicated, 
and beheld the baron walking by with a lady upon 
his arm who was as yellow as saffron, and whose 
nose was more like the proboscis of a tapir than a 
human nasal organ. 

“ Who is the lady with him ? ” asked the com- 
mercial counsellor, in a whisper. 

“Fräulein Silberstein,” whispered the match- 
maker, who knew everybody ; “the daughter of the 
rich banker.” 

“But I can’t understand,” the older Frohberg 
])egan, after a brief pause, “ how my brother Her- 
mann happened to get mixed up in this affair ? ” 

“ I don’t know either,” returned Miller. “ I can 
only say that Baron Branco claimed to be free from 
all entanglement, and yet he was under a pledge to 
some lady, who threatened to expose Jiim if he en- 
gaged himself to another one. I asked Hermann 
if he was sure of it, and he told me that he had the 
proofs in his own hands.” 

“What was the proof?” asked the elder Froli- 
berg. 


380 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“It was perfectly reliable proof ! ” answered the 
commercial counsellor. “'A letter from the lady 
alluded to ! ” 

“Did you read the letter?” Madame Baldrian 
threw in, with impatient inquisitiveness. 

“ No,” said Miller. “ It was only necessary for 
me to be convinced, and for that purpose Hermann’s 
word w T as enough. But now, when the reputation 
of my daughter is in question r the matter is alto- 
gether different. I must have the proof ! ” 

Just then Legation Counsellor von Frohberg 
joined the group. 

“ Excuse me, my dear Herr Miller,” said he, ad- 
dressing himself to the commercial counsellor, “for 
not bringing back Louisa to you. A gentleman 
robbed me of her, who under no circumstances 
would be denied the pleasure of dancing with her.” 

“ It is well you came,” returned the commercial 
counsellor forthwith, without taking any notice of 
what the legation counsellor had said. “You must 
give me that suspicious letter ! ” 

The legation counsellor was somewhat startled, 
and threw a quick and surreptitious gaze upon his 
brother. 

“First you must tell me, my dear Herr Miller,” 
he then answered, “ what you want it for.” 

The little commercial counsellor manifested an 
amount of energy which no one thought he pos- 
sessed, and his round, globular form actually assumed 
a dignified bearing. 

“ For what do I want it ? ” he said. “ To put 
down the false reports against my daughter, and to 
purify her reputation from apparent taint.” 

The legation counsellor shook his head. 

“Louisa was never seriously compromised,” he 
said. 

“ What do you mean by saying ‘ seriously ? 5 ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


381 


continued Herr Miller, becoming red in the face. 
“ If she is compromised in the least, it is already 
too much, for I will not permit it ! ” 

The legation counsellor became greatly embar- 
rassed, which he vainly tried to cloak by outward 
calmness. 

“ Oh ! ” he said, “ reports that have no founda- 
tion and are devoid of truth are soon forgotten. 
Moreover, you must not forget that you can only sup- 
press those reports at the expense of exposing that 
lady, and thus ruin her reputation.” 

“ Bah ! ” exclaimed the commercial counsellor. 
“ That lady has already ruined her reputation.” 

“ What if you thereby disgrace her innocent hus- 
band ?” continued Hermann von Frohberg. 

Her Miller shrugged his shoulders indifferently. 

“ That husband is already the laughing-stock of 
the town,” zealously he exclaimed, “ and he will be 
less so if I open his eyes, for then he can at least 
revenge himself, can slap his enemy in the face, 
and cease to be the cheated and betrayed husband 
of a faithless wife ! ” 

Little Miller had worked himself up into such a 
state of wrath and excitement that his whole body 
trembled, while the legation counsellor inwardly be- 
came constantly more worried and restless. 

“ Your anger leads you too far, my dear Herr 
Miller,” said he, pacifyingly, to his old friend. 
“ You are bent upon doing a rash act ; but you shall 
not do it ! ” 

u Who will prevent me, I’d like to know?” im- 
petuously exclaimed Herr Miller. 

“ I! ’’replied Hermann von Frohberg, who now 
seemed to have regained his former self-possession. 
“ Your threats can only become effective through 
my assistance, and I decline to assist you.” 

The commercial counsellor would have become 


382 THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 

still more angry, but when he gazed upon the 
firm, calm, and kindly face of his friend, his heated 
passions gradually grew cool, and after a while he 
said, quite calmly : 

“ This is a queer world ! Our just laws of social 
life are mixed with frightfully unjust ones ! A 
woman proves false to her husband, yet the world is 
silent, and the whole world by its silence becomes 
alike guilty. The guilty woman is surrounded by 
a protecting wall, as it were ; an impenetrable bar- 
rier is formed between her and her husband, which 
prevents the truth from reaching him. But with a 
young girl the case is totally different. If an inno- 
cent creature is shamefully defamed, she is sur- 
rounded by no protection, and there is no one to do 
her justice. But you will be an exception, Herr 
Frohberg,” said he, addressing himself to the lega- 
tion counsellor; “you are incapable of being unjust 
— all the more so when it is a question between a 
guilty woman and an innocent girl ! ” 

“ Herr Miller is right, Hermann,” said the elder 
Frohberg to his brother. “ You must not forget that 
as soon as a part of the secret has become known, 
public opinion and general curiosity will ferret out 
that woman. Misled by appearances and resem- 
blances, one is likely to suspect the wrong person, 
and an innocent woman may be condemned instead 
of the guilty one. It is necessary to guard against 
such accidents, since any lady, even my wife, is 
liable to be suspected ! ” 

The legation counsellor trembled. 

“ Oh ! ” exclaimed little Miller, doubtingly, rock- 
ing his head to and fro ; “ please leave my wife out 
of the count in such matters. She certainly cannot 
be affected by that kind of scandal.” 

“ And why not ? ” asked the elder Frohberg, 
totally oblivious of any presentiment in the remarks 


OF POTSDAM. 


383 


he made, and which cut his brother to the heart. 
“ .Baron Branco, for instance, has been on very inti- 
mate terms with all of us for a long while. That 
in itself is sufficient to give rise to the most scan- 
dalous rumors.” 

Madame Baldrian, so long as there was any pros- 
pect of having her curiosity gratified, listened with 
the keenest attention ; but when she saw that in all 
probability she would learn nothing more, got up 
from her seat with her accustomed suddenness, and 
with a mien as if she had inherited all the wisdom 
of Solomon, said : 

“ Excuse me, gentlemen, but it seems to me that 
you are disputing about the Kaiser’s beard — in 
other words, thrashing old straw over again.” 

“How so?” asked the gentlemen, almost simul- 
taneously. 

“ The Herr Legation Counsellor may, in God’s 
name, keep his secret to himself,” proceeded the 
matrimonial agent ; “ it will not be necessary for 
him to divulge it, the great mystery will soon be 
exposed.” 

The three gentlemen looked surprised. 

“Yes!” spoke Madame Baldrian, further, “you 
said a while ago that that lady threatened to expose 
the baron if he should get married ? ” 

“ Certainly,” answered the commercial counsellor, 
“but is he about to get married ? ” 

“Yes!” replied the marriage missionary, with 
the utmost certainty. 

“And to whom?” inquired the legation coun- 
sellor, turning pale. 

The match-maker actually swelled with self-im- 
portance. 

“What am I here for, think 'you, gentlemen?” 
said she, proudly looking around the circle. “The 
affair is as good as settled, and by arranging this 


384 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


match I have accomplished three good ends. In 
the first place, I have disposed of the baron, for he 
had to be disposed of, somehow ; I considered it my 
duty to do that. In the second, I’ll expose the lady 
and force her to confess ; and thirdly, I will thereby 
release Louisa from the coils of slander.” 

“ And whom does the baron many ? ” Hermann 
von Frohberg repeated, his question trembling 
slightly. 

“That little creole-looking woman he had with 
him a while ago,” returned the marriage instigator, 
“ the daughter of the rich banker Silberstein, who 
disregards all questionable matters in order to be- 
come Madame la JBaronne. The wedding will soon 
take place, and then the guilty woman will be com- 
pelled to show her hand.” 

While Madame Baldrian was talking, the dark 
shadows gradually disappeared from the fat counte- 
nance of the little commercial counsellor, like a 
mist before the conquering rays of the sun. His 
cheeks began to glow again, mouth and eye to 
smile, and while gleefully rubbing his plump hands 
so that they actually tingled, he said, with the ut- 
most inward satisfaction : 

“Yes, my dear friend, you are a clever woman, 
and are almost always in the right. But without 
pretending to much wisdom, I have an idea whereby 
■we can fulfil your prophecy very briefly.” 

Madame Baldrian and the gentlemen looked at 
Herr Miller, inquiringly. 

“ I’ll tell the news to everybody I meet,” smirk- 
ingly said the latter, still rubbing his pudgy hands, 
“and thus it will reach the woman very quickly 
and will lead her to commit herself.” 

The marriage plotter was about to compliment 
little Miller upon his shrewdness, when the latter 
opened his eyes very wide and joyfully exclaimed : 


OF POTSDAM. 


385 


“ Here is your wife coming into the room with 
the doctor, Herr Frohberg. I must go and greet 
her, and at the same time will tell her all about the 
affair. It will amuse her very much.” 

At this statement the legation counsellor again 
turned deathly pale. 

“ Stop, unhappy man ! ” he whispered into the 
commercial counsellor’s ear, stealthily detaining him 
by the arm. 

Little Miller looked at him in surprise. 

“ You will kill Annie ! ” the legation counsellor 
whispered, further. 

“ What ? How ? ’’ gasped Miller, forgetting him- 
self. 

“ It is she ! ” added the younger Frohberg. 

Everything became black before the eyes of the 
commercial counsellor, a cold sweat broke out upon 
his forehead, and helplessly he dropped into a chair 
to avoid sinking down on the floor. 

“ Heavens ! what is the matter with you, Herr 
Miller?” asked the older Frohberg, as Madame 
Baldrian approached him in alarm. 

“ Oh, nothing, nothing ! ” stammered Herr Mil- 
ler, with closed eyes. “ It is fearfully hot here. It 
is suffocating ! ” 

“ So it is,” assented the legation counsellor, seiz- 
ing the idea. “ Come, brother, let us go into the 
music-room.” 

Thus saying, he left Miller to the care of Madame 
Baldrian, and seized liis brother by the arm to lead 
him away. 

Meanwhile Annie had approached the group. 

“ Wait a minute,” said Karl von Frohberg to his 
brother, “ till I tell my wife about the baron’s en- 
gagement.” 

“ Oh, you have plenty of time to do that,” cried 
the legation counsellor, attempting to pull his 
25 


386 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


brother away. “ I don’t think the news is so inter- 
esting after all.” 

“What news ?” asked Annie, who had by this 
time joined the tw r o brothers. 

A great fear seized upon the legation counsellor. 

“ The approaching marriage of Baron Branco to 
Fräulein Silberstein,” answered the elder Frohberg, 
while the younger had a sensation as if the blood 
had frozen in his veins, and the commercial coun- 
sellor groaned from mental anguish. 

But Madame von Frohberg, upon whose counte- 
nance the legation counsellor had fixed his gaze, did 
not move a muscle. 

“ I have heard of it already,” said she, with icy 
indifference. 

The commercial counsellor groaned now quite a- 
loud, but this time it was more like a sigh of relief. 

“Didn’t the news surprise you at all?” asked 
the elder Frohberg of his wife, in some wonder. 

“ Surprise me ? ” returned the latter, with a mark- 
edly contemptuous smile. “Well, yes. We have 
judged the baron incorrectly, and will lose noth- 
ing by being thus undeceived by him now.” 

The heart of the legation secretary now beat 
immeasurably easier in his breast. 

“ God be praised ! ” he mentally exclaimed. 

“Are you coming? ” asked the elder Frohberg of 
his brother, piqued at having disposed of his news 
to so little advantage. 

“No,” returned the legation counsellor, who was 
very anxious to remain where he was. “ I don’t 
feel quite so warm now. I presume someone has 
opened a window somewhere.” 

“ I am ! ” suddenly cried the little commercial 
counsellor, jumping from his seat like an india-rub- 
ber ball. “I feel fearfully hot. Come along, my 
friend.” 


OF POTSDAM. 


387 


Just then a servant passed by with glasses on a 
salver, filled with lemonade. 

“ Hold on a minute, Karl ! ” cried Miller, helping 
himself to one glass of the cooling drink after 
another till he had emptied three. “ All ! ” he said, 
agreeably rubbing his round paunch ; “I was awfully 
thirsty.” 

Then he seized the elder Frohberg by the arm, 
nodded pleasantly to the latter’s wife, and departed 
with his friend to seek a place where he would com- 
plete the cooling off of his external surface also. 
The legation counsellor remained behind and appar- 
ently watched the company. 

Madame Baldrian sat down near Madame Froh- 
berg, in the recess of the window vacated by the 
gentlemen, and began a conversation with her which, 
however, did not flow fluently. 

Hence the restless matrimonial agent was unable 
to stand it very long, and under some pretence dis- 
appeared in the crowd to seek Government Solici- 
tor von Collin. 

“ At last I have disposed of the baron ! ” she 
murmured, with the utmost complacency. “ He 
has given me trouble enough ! ” 

After Madame Baldrian was gone the legation 
counsellor approached his sister-in-law, who was 
awaiting him calmly. 

“ You manifested remarkable self-control a little 
while ago, Annie,” he began, in a subdued voice, 
“ and I was pleased to see you capable of it.” 

His sister-in-law was silent. 

“ Or was this wonderful tranquillity merely the 
precursor of a storm that will be all the more dan- 
gerous?” asked the legation counsellor, further. 

“ Have no fear for me,” returned Madame von 
Frohberg, in a firm and confidence-inviting tone of 
voice. “ One cannot be jealous of a man who sells 


388 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


himself for gold. Herr von Branco lias turned out 
to be such a miserable specimen of humanity, that I 
have lost all interest in him.” 

The legation secretary seemed to be wonderfully 
elated at the words his sister-in-law had uttered. 

“ Indifference is the inexorable destroyer of love,” 
continued the lady ; “ it soon causes one to forget the 
object of his affections.” 

The legation counsellor was silent for a while. 
After the first gratification he felt his thoughts 
seemed to have arrived at another dark subject. 

“ Your heart is perfectly free now,” he said, after 
a pause ; “ may one hope that it will be inspired with 
a desire to fulfil its noblest mission ? ” 

A light blush suffused the pale countenance of 
Madame von Froh berg. 

It may have been the blush of gladness, perhaps . 
that of shame ; most probably it was a mixture of 
both. 

“ My future life,” she returned, with downcast 
eyes, and in a low voice, u will, if it cannot blot out 
my fault, at least, I hope, greatly mitigate it. I 
might say, in extenuation of it, that I was } 7 oung 
and led into a marriage I had no heart for, and that 
from this bad seed worse fruit subsequently sprouted. 
Still I do not want to excuse myself. A young girl 
may be misled, a married woman stands upon a 
different footing ; she has the means to defend her- 
self with, provided she chooses to use them. I 
thank God that Ivarl has not the least knowledge of 
the whole affair. He would not be able to bear the 
pain.” 

Annie sighed painfully ; then she quickly raised 
her head, looked her brother-in-law firmly in the 
eye, and said : 

“ Fate has imposed a mild and an agreeable 
punishment upon me. Your brother never liked 


OF POTSDAM , ; 


389 


life in Berlin. I will now request him to remove to 
our estate in the country. As he lived here in the 
capital for my sake, so will I henceforth reside in 
solitude for his. My hand on it, Hermann ! ” 

The tears welled up in the lady’s eyes as she said 
these words, and the legation counsellor was only 
able to suppress his emotions by an effort. 

“ I thank you, Annie,” he managed to utter, “ in 
the name of my good-hearted brother, who loves 
you better than anything on earth ! ” 

Madame von Frohberg pressed his hand a second 
time. 

“ Please take me to another room,” said she to 
her brother-in-law, rising. “ I feel so choked here 
and oppressed ; 1 would like to go home soon.” 

The legation counsellor offered her his arm. 

When they reached the centre of the room, they 
met Baron Branco, who stepped aside, and then 
bowed profoundly to Annie ; the legation counsellor 
he merely noticed with a disdainful look. 

Madame von Frohberg did not even turn her 
head toward him, but proudly and coldly passed him 

b y- 

After the legation counsellor had taken his sister- 
in-law into another room, he returned, and hastily 
walked up to the baron. 

“ You .here too, Herr Baron ? ” asked he, with a 
smiling mien, beneath which a dangerous calm 
seemed to be hidden. 

“ Does my presence here surprise you, Herr Lega- 
tion Counsellor ? ” returned Branco, with a like cold 
demeanor. 

“Ho, at least not very much,” said Frohberg, 
“ for when one possesses the principle of engaging 
in a certain kind of transaction, he doubtless has the 
courage to consummate it.” 

“ Ah, you refer to ” 


390 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“I wanted to speak to you about the business 
matter that has taken place between you and Fräu- 
lein Silberstein,” interrupted the legation counsellor. 

“ The business matter ? ” asked the baron, highly 
insulted. 

“ Or, if you wish that I should express it in a 
milder form,” continued Frohberg, “ of your sensible 
marriage. How much has Herr Silberstein paid 
you for your name, if I may ask ? ” 

The baron became livid. 

“ Let us end this talk,” said he, quickly ; “ if you 
seek to quarrel with me, Herr Legation Counsellor, 
you may be able to recall the fact that I have long 
ago challenged you ; that you declined to accept it 
under some pretence, which I have already for- 
gotten.” 

The legation counsellor was about to utter an 
angry reply, but he checked himself. 

“ Some pretence ! ” said he. u You are mistaken, 
Herr Baron ! The reason why I refused to fight 
you was due to a circumstance that was much 
stronger than my will.” 

“ I regret very much to be unable to comprehend 
you,” said Baron Branco, slightly shrugging his 
shoulders. 

“ I’ll take the liberty to explain myself,” returned 
the legation counsellor ; and then he proceeded with 
his statement: 

“A lady who loved you had placed herself be- 
tween you and me, made me promise not to fight 
with you, because your life would thereby be en- 
dangered, and she would be exposed. For these 
reasons, and for none other, Herr Baron, I declined 
to accept your shameless challenge. You will, per- 
haps, be able to conceive how much I have suf- 
fered during this time to see my brother dis- 
honored, and in addition, a young and innocent girl, 


OF POTSDAM. 


391 


who was very dear to me, placed in danger of being 
cheated out of her life-happiness by you. I was 
unable to punish so much shamelessness, Herr 
Baron, because that lady loved you ; but this love, 
fortunately, was not of an undying nature, and 
has now been completely metamorphosed into con- 
tempt, which, as is well known, has nothing in com- 
mon with jealousy. Being now master of my own 
actions, I am in a condition to settle my account 
with you.” 

The baron bowed with the refinement of a man 
of the world. 

“ I am always at your service ! ” returned he, and 
walked away, and was soon lost in the crowd. 

A load seemed to have been taken off Counsellor 
Frohberg. His eye became brighter, his face serene 
and pleasant, and he retired to an adjacent room 
to find his brother and the commercial counsellor. 

We will leave him now, and return to Madame 
Baldrian, who had gone away to seek her client, 
Government Solicitor von Collin. 

She had been looking for him some time unsuc- 
cessfully, when she heard hurried footsteps behind 
her, and presently felt a severe tug at her rustling 
silk dress, which made her look around quickly. 

“ Is that you, Herr von Collin ? ” said she, in an 
injured tone. “ You take familiarities which ” 

“ Oh, come now,” returned he, interrupting, in an 
excited and hurried manner. “ Don’t be so punctil- 
ious with me, but tell me quickly the result ! ” 

In the love of her calling Madame Baldrian over- 
looked the little familiarity which Herr von Collin 
took with her, and, taking up the main topic directly, 
she said : 

“ I have been looking for you for a long while, 
for I have something to tell you which ” 

“ Oh, if you knew how charming she is ! ” ex- 


392 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


claimed the barrister, in an outburst of joyous 
frenzy. 

The mat ch- maker looked upon him in a slightly 
injured manner. 

“ Herr von Collin,” repeated she, speaking 
sharply and emphasizing the words, “ I have 
something very important to tell you, which- ” 

“ Oh, how lovely she is — how ravishing ! ” again 
burst out Herr von Collin, in ecstatic ardor. 

The apostle of matrimony drew herself up to her 
full height and cast a severely repellent look upon 
her client. 

“ Herr von Collin,” she began a third time, in a 
still sharper tone, u I have the honor to inform you 
that ” 

“ I not only love her, but I idolize her — I idolize 
her ! ” interrupted the barrister again, in a transport 
of frenzied affection. 

Madame Baldrian seemed disposed to become real 
angry now, for her brow wrinkled, and she looked 
much provoked. 

But to the lover everything seemed to be so rosy, 
so beautiful, that he did not notice the anger of his 
mediator. 

“ My dear Madame Baldrian ! ” he cried, in an 
outburst of blissfulness, “ do you know what ? I am 
so happy that Pd kiss you, if I thought no one 
would see me ! ” 

“ Herr von Collin,” said the matrimonial mission- 
ary, pretending to be quite offended, retreating a 
step, “ I must seriously request you ” 

“ What is it you wish to say ? ” asked the solici- 
tor. “ You torture me unnecessarily with suspense. 
Speak, for pity’s sake, speak ! ” 

The hymeneal plotter made no reply, but, like an 
angry queen, turned to go away. 

“ Where are you going to ? ” cried the barrister, 


OF POTSDAM. 


393 


detaining her again by a tug at her dress, so that 
she was obliged to remain stock-still to avoid having 
it torn. 

“Herr von Collin!” exclaimed the angry lady, 
her countenance becoming suffused with a deep red 
tint. “Is this the way a gentleman ought to be- 
have ? Is this the way to treat a lady to whom you 
owe so much ? You ought to be ashamed of your- 
self, Herr von Collin ! ” 

“ Why, no, my dear friend,” cried the barrister, 
in another ebullition of joy. “ One so madly in love 
as I am need not be ashamed of anything. Such a 
love excuses everything ! You ought to take that 
into consideration instead of blaming me. Don’t 
you see that my soul is on fire ? I tell you, Madame 
Baldrian, I’ll marry Fräulein Wanda Miller even if 
she has not a penny ! ” 

“Ah, that is beyond all expectation,” said the 
match-maker, already considerably mollified, “ and 
it saves me the disagreeable duty of telling you the 
result of my efforts in your behalf.” 

Herr von Collin’s face assumed an expression like 
one who is suddenly awakened from a frightful 
dream. 

“ What do you mean ? ” asked he at last, staring 
at his matrimonial manager. 

“If you hadn’t interrupted me so often,” con- 
tinued the latter, “ I would have told you long ago 
that it was still optional with you to withdraw your- ^ 
self honorably.” 

“ To withdraw myself honorably ? ” repeated the 
government solicitor, quite taken aback. 

“Yes,” said the matrimonial agent, “because 
Commercial Counsellor Miller now finds himself 
in a position to be compelled to again reduce the 
dowry of his daughters considerably.” 

“ To again reduce the dowry of his daughters 


394 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


considerably ? ” repeated the barrister like an echo, 
still looking foolish. 

“ That’s what I said,” went on Madame Baldrian. 
“ Instead of dividing the half of his fortune by two 
it will now have to be divided by three. You com- 
prehend how that happened, don't you ? ” 

The government solicitor made a shrewd face, 
and jocularly threatened the maker of marriages 
with his finger. 

“Oh, you rogue, you!” said he. “You only 
want to try me ! ” 

“ On my honor, no ! ” returned the conjugal mis- 
sionary, solemnly putting her right hand over the 
region of her heart. “Herr Commercial Counsel- 
lor Miller has just informed me of the unlooked 
for, unexpected, and interesting future family event, 
and his resolution. Fräulein Wanda will now get 
only fifty thousand dollars.” 

The government solicitor’s face lost its shrewd 
expression, and his head sank upon his breast. 

“ And in addition, the commercial counsellor says 
that he will not give his daughter to a man who 
has no position or calling whereby he can earn 
money,” went on the matrimonial agent. “ His 
views upon that point seem recently to have become 
more fixed than ever. Indeed, I cannot blame him 
for it,” she added, “for a man without any occupa- 
tion, and unable to earn any money, who submits 
to be fed by his wife, sitting with his hands in his 
lap, soon loses the respect of his wife, and with the 
loss of respect some of the love and domestic happi- 
ness also subsequently disappears.” 

The barrister sadly and hopelessly shrugged his 
shoulders. 

“ I cannot undergo a third examination,” said he 
mournfully to himself. “That is utterly impos- 
sible, liow T ever much I would like to do it.” 


OF POTSDAM . : 


395 


“Well, then, I will inform the commercial coun- 
sellor that you have retired honorably,” said Madame 
Baldrian. “I have the honor to bid you a good 
evening, Herr von Collin.” 

She then turned to go away. 

But she had not yet left the room when she felt 
another tug at her dress, but such a strong one that 
she was obliged to step backward several paces. 

“ Heavens, Herr von Collin, I am at a loss what 
to think of you to-night ! ” said the match-maker, 
as she turned around and again beheld her jprotege 
standing before her. 

“ I want to say something to you,” whispered 
Herr von Collin, looking happy. 

“Well?” inquired Madame Baldrian, partly 
angry and partly impatient. 

“ I’ll be satisfied with the fifty thousand dollars ! ” 
whispered he into the lady’s ear. 

Despite li6r displeasure, Madame Baldrian gazed 
upon the young man with an interest that soon 
would have surmounted all other emotions. 

“ Well, but that will not bring about the desired 
result,” said she, in a tone markedly tinged with 
sadness, “ when you say that you are incapable of 
passing a third examination.” 

The barrister shrewdly shook his head. 

“ It is not absolutely necessary,” said he. 

The matrimonial agent looked at him inquir- 
ingly. 

“ Those who have passed the second examination 
are already qualified to become district judge and 
mayor, and these are quite respectable positions.” 

“What? ” asked the match-maker. “ Have you 
changed your views ? The posts which formerly 
you would have refused with disdain, you will now 
accept? Who, or what, achieved that change in 
you ? ” 


396 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


u Love ! ” whispered the barrister, with a beam- 
ing countenance. 

“ 1 have but one thing more to tell you,” pro- 
ceeded von Collin, further, coming close up to his 
matrimonial mediator. 

“ Well?” asked the latter, smilingly, and inquisi- 
tively holding her ear to him. 

“ Go back to the old man and talk to him,” whis- 
pered the solicitor hotly, and then he imprinted 
such a vehement kiss upon her cheek as though he 
intended to bite it. 

The apostle of matrimony put on a mortally of- 
fended appearance, and seemed undecided whether 
to upbraid him or hold out her other cheek to be 
kissed by him. 

“ Come, come, don’t make any fuss about it,” he 
whispered again in her ear. “ It was only an ex- 
pression of my heartfelt joy. If you make an out- 
cry or faint, I’ll give you another kiss ! ” 

“ I dare you to ! ” cried his matrimonial commis- 
sioner, suppressing a smile and nimbly skipping away. 

On the way she murmured to herself, excitedly : 

“ Well, I never had anything like that happen to 
me before ! Hot many show such feelings of grati- 
tude ! ” 

The ball took its course. 

Government Solicitor von Collin danced several 
more times with Fräulein Wanda; Legation Coun- 
sellor von Frohberg was remarkably attentive to 
Fräulein Louisa; Baron Branco was the subject of 
the constant whisperings of the company, and tor- 
tured himself with the society of Fräulein Silber- 
stein ; Karl von Frohberg and his wife soon drove 
home ; Commercial Counsellor Miller was unwilling 
to listen to any more matrimonial projects, notwith- 
standing the importunities of Madame Baldrian ; 


OF POTSDAM. 


397 


Privy Counsellor Dr. Staberow, was compelled to 
walk so much in his tight patent leather boots, that 
at last his feet burned, while his wife and mother-in- 
law amused themselves splendidly ; Major Kumpel 
had fallen asleep in a corner, and Madame Majoress 
'{nee Augusta ilotliver) related to eveiyone who 
would listen to her that she had refused to dance 
with several gentlemen, because that was somewhat 
risky for a young wife ; and Karrer drank so much 
punch that he came in collision with several persons 
in the course of the evening. 

At last the lights gradually burned lower, a cloud 
of dust floated in the music hall, the little feet of 
the ladies and the big feet of the gentlemen began 
to ache, the eyes of the fathers and mothers began 
to close, the musicians frequently blew beside instead 
of into the mouth-pieces of their instruments, and 
bowed the finger board instead of the bridge of the 
violins, the servants stood in the hall to assist the 
guests with their wraps and overcoats, and yawned, 
while the drivers nodded upon the coaches in front 
of the house; pleasant words and tender glances had 
been exchanged, and everybody yearned for rest in 
order to extend the remembrance of these pleasures 
into dreams, the sweet, delightful dreams, in which 
everything is allowable. 

The guests take their leave of the host, hostess, 
and mother-in-law, and then depart ; some in their 
own conveyances, others in hired ones, and still 
others on foot. 

As Major Kumpel, utterly tired out, and unsteady 
in his gait, was walking down the stairs, leaning upon 
the thick arm of the stout Augusta, who walked 
very slowly, carefully taking short steps, he noticed 
in advance of him a young man in a remarkably 
short and tight paletot , whom he subsequently found 
waiting on reaching the lower hallway. 


398 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Is that you, Herr Bowwows,” said he, opening 
his eyes wide. “ What a queer overcoat you have 
on ? ” 

u It isn’t mine,” replied Barrer, who was some- 
what confused and melancholy from the punch he 
had imbibed. “ I got a new coat fvom my tailoh 
only day befoh yestehday, and to-day someone took 
it by mistake and left me this abweviated galiment.” 

The major would have liked to say something to 
him, but he was too tired, and therefore, by the aid 
of his wife, steered directly for his carriage. 

Barrer, of course, was as gallant as ever, and as- 
sisted Madame the Majoress into her conveyance, 
that had just driven up. 

“ Good night, young man ! ” said the tired major, 
climbing into the vehicle after his lady. “ Don’t 

forget ” In reality he wanted to say, “ Don’t 

forget to get back your overcoat ! ” but his eyelids 
closed before he could finish the sentence, and he 
omitted the rest. 

At the words, “ don’t forget,” a burning admoni- 
tion shot through the soul of Barrer ; and while 
shutting the carriage door, he whispered to the 
major : 

“ Bevah feah, wohthy man ! That Baldwian 
woman shall be wendehd hahmless ! ” 

In the next minute the driver started the horses, 
one of the carriage-wheels passed over Barrer’s big 
toe, and then rolled away. 

“ Oh ! ” uttered the major, sleepily, falling back 
into a corner. “ That excited young man still har- 
bors his horrible idea. If I don’t forget it, I’ll 
notify Madame Baldrian anonymously that her life 
is in danger.” 

“ Oh ! ” exclaimed Barrer, painfully drawing up 
his foot. “ That blasted cawiage-wheel has wun 
oveh my toes! Fohtunately I am not huht vewy 


OF POTSDAM. 


399 


much. What an evening this was again ! But I 
am rnoali detehmined in my idea than evali. I 
can be of no bettah use than to sacwifice myself foil 
the puhpose of saving otliehs from injuwy, and make 
life easy foil them. I am a modewn Ahnold von 
Winkel wied ! ” 

This thought seemed to have strengthened him, 
for he hobbled along, on his way home, as well as 
he possibly could, shivering in his tight and short 
paletot. 

One equipage after another drove away from the 
residence of Dr. Staberow into the dark night, and 
finally sounded, in the distance, like the melancholy 
buzzing of a large bumble-bee. 

And wherever a carriage stopped, some of the 
windows displayed a light ; the servants received 
their masters and mistresses at the door, relieved 
them of their wraps or overcoats, and they then 
quickly sought their rooms. 

Bright ball robes are soon cast off, like a dusty 
flower, but in the hearts of some of the young 
dancers a different kind of flower has blossomed — 
love, genuine or imaginary. 

How happily Wanda, stretched herself out in her 
white, little bed and soon closed her eyes to dream ! 

Louisa was obliged to put out the light, and then 
she, too, dreamed. 

The privy counsellor, Staberow, soaked his feet 
in cold water for a whole hour after the guests were 
gone ; then he dreamed that he was placed in the 
stocks like the evil-doers in Shakespeare’s time. 

The fat Augusta dreamed not that the major was 
tired and snored, but that he was young and hand- 
some as at the time of the Battle of Waterloo, where 
he made such bold attacks. 

Everybody dreamed. 

The city had again become perfectly silent. 


400 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The mundane night-watchman slept in the hall- 
ways or alleys, but the moon— the ancient, celestial 
watchman — listened to the dreams of the terrestrial 
sleepers, and seemed to be greatly amused, for he 
made an awfully funny face, and seemed to be 
laughing at them. 


OF POTSDAM. 


401 


CHAPTER XVI. 

TWO SHOTS INTO THE HEART AND TWO NEAR IT. 

Late in the forenoon of the day following the ball 
of Dr. Staberow, Madame Baldrian hurried away to 
Charlottenburg to bring to an end the affair of her 
client, the government solicitor von Collin, since 
she found it was totally impossible to do anything 
with Papa Miller on the evening of the ball. 

Indeed, Papa Miller was not yet visible, but, in the 
desire of the matrimonial agent to complete the 
business such small things did not count for much, 
for she had resolved to make an attack upon the 
centre now, and was therefore seated with the 
youngest daughter of the commercial counsellor 
upon a sofa in the parlor opening out into the gar- 
den, with the intention of breaking down the slight 
resistance at this fort. 

The pretty Wanda still looked a little tired, her 
cheeks were somewhat paler than usual, her whole 
bearing denoted languor, and her dark eye was a 
little veiled. 

But behind that veil a fire could be seen burning 
that seemed to be nourished in the heart. 

Wanda reclined gracefully backward, her head, 
with the elf-like locks, resting upon a cushion, and 
listened to what Madame Baldrian was saying in 
her usual didactic style. 

Till now, however, the apostle of matrimony did 
not seem to have achieved very much. There was 
evidently some obstacle in the mind of the young 
girl which she was unable to remove, for the brill- 
26 


402 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


iant description she gave of conjugal bliss elicited 
not one word of response. 

The matrimonial agent was becoming impatient, 
her dry tongue clung to the roof of her mouth, her 
hands and cheeks burned with feverish heat, and her 
eye hung upon the lips of the young girl, as if she 
wished to draw a final resolution from her very soul. 

But Fräulein Wanda remained in the corner of 
the sofa, kept her head turned slightly sideways, 
and listened quite indifferently, without taking the 
least part in the conversation. 

This is a habit, or at least a peculiarity, that one 
often meets with in young ladies. 

They frequently remain for hours in their pecu- 
liar sulks. They witness the approach of a storm, 
the destructive effects of which they know very 
well, but still allow the lightning to flash, the thun- 
der to crash, and the storm to rage; they know that 
they are capable of controlling the hurricane with 
one word, with the motion of a hand, or by raising 
one finger, yet the mouth remains closed and the 
little white hand remains quietly and negligently in 
their laps. 

But when the lightning has struck, when injury 
has been done, when the floodgates of the heavens 
have been opened and the shattered clouds crash 
down upon the earth, then the drops flow from my 
young lady’s eye, the crust of sulky stubbornness is 
dissolved by the welling up of the tears, the lips 
open to utter a tender, loving word, the eye assumes 
a beseeching expression and the little white hand 
is raised from the lap and seeks the hand of some 
dear friend. 

It was not, to be sure, quite so bad to-day in the 
case of Fräulein Wanda. 

An attentive observer and connoisseur of the 
female heart would have quickly perceived that 


OF POTSDAM , ; 


403 


a struggle was going on within this lovely young 
creature between a very deep and a very superficial 
emotion, such as often occurs in life in its most 
varied forms. 

The old saying, that “ If you can pass the dog, 
you will also pass his tail,” loses much of its force 
through instances like those alluded to. 

How often does it happen that one will entertain 
his friends at dinner, give them the best the market 
and his cellar afford, yet economize on the cigar, 
and thus perhaps destroy all the pleasures of the 
meal. He was willing to spend many dollars on a 
dinner, but was loath to spend a proportionate 
amount on a cigar. 

He passed the dog readily enough, but he was 
unable to pass the tail. 

A lady will pay a hundred dollars for material 
for a dress and spend fifty dollars for trimmings, 
and then spend a whole day in looking for lining on 
which she can save a few cents. 

She was able to pass the dog easy enough, but 
not the tail. 

In the end, however, it was more than the famous 
apostle of matrimony, Madame Baldrian, could 
stand. 

“Well, child,” said she, at last, “you keep me 
talking here till my breath gives out, without saying 
a word. Do you think I have nothing else to do ? 
Come now, answer me. Bouse yourself from your 
sweet languor, and let me know whether you will 
marry him or not.” 

Fräulein Wanda made a very slight movement, 
but still she did not answer. 

“ What is the matter with you, any way ? ” cried 
the instigator of marriages. “ Have you any fault 
to find with the young gentleman ? If you have, 
then speak out ! ” 


404 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Fräulein Wanda cleared her throat as if she was 
about to speak. 

“Well?” asked the apostle of matrimony, her 
face glowing with impatience. 

“ Mayor’s w T ife or district judge’s wife,” said 
Wanda, puckering up her mouth a little ironically. 

“Ah!” uttered Madame Baldrian, “ 4 There’s where 
the dog is buried,’ as our immortal bard says. Your 
love, then, cannot put up with such a slight draw- 
back ? ” 

“And such small salary ! ” added Fräulein Wanda. 

The matrimonial agent looked at her reproach- 
fully. 

“ Yes,” went on the young lady, coloring slightly 
beneath her mentor’s gaze, “ I myself wouldn’t mind 
these trifles ; but what will the world say ? Papa 
is now able to give me fifty thousand dollars only.” 

Here she stopped, blushed still more deeply, and 
then in indescribable confusion cast down her eyes. 

The matrimonial agent was obliged to smile in- 
voluntarily. 

“Well,” she began once more, after a slight si- 
lence, in order to relieve her young friend from 
embarrassment. “Well, can’t two persons live on 
two to three thousand a year ? ” 

“ Oh, yes ! ” returned Fräulein Wanda. “ As I 
said, if I was the only person concerned in the mat- 
ter it would be of no moment ; but what will my 
friend Mary say, who lately was married to the rich 
lumber merchant, Kranz, and Augustie, whose hus- 
band owns such a beautiful turnout? They will 
think that I have not enough to eat at home, and 
alongside of them I will look like a poor woman.” 

“ And will not your love compensate you for the 
lack of riches ? ” asked the match-maker. “ Did 
Mary marry the fifty-year-old lumber merchant, 
Kranz, for love ? Does Augustie feel happy beside 


OF POTSDAM. 


405 


her gouty husband in his beautiful turnout ? Don’t 
you think that those two young wives feel a greater 
void in their hearts from the lack of love than you 
will feel from the lack of certain luxuries ? That 
kind of happiness is only imaginary and superficial. 
One may be bedecked with jewels, yet the heart 
be not gladdened by a single ray of sunshine and 
love.” 

Madame Baldrian uttered these words so impres- 
sively and with so much feeling that it was apparent 
that she really felt them. 

In other cases, again, it is true, she would argue 
just the reverse, because her untiring, restless nattire, 
impelled by an irresistible passion to form combi- 
nations, dispensed with fixed principles. 

The formation of marriages was the goal of her 
life, and she took so great an interest in it that her 
whole mind and being knew no other gratification. 

Fräulein Wanda listened to the marriage-maker’s 
talk with a very attentive ear, and her soul seemed 
to be reflecting now. 

“ Well? ” began the apostle of matrimony again, 
who expected a greater effect from her w T ords. 
“ Decide now, my child, for a decision you will have 
to make. I am in a great hurry. I am sitting upon 
hot coals, so to say ! ” 

“ Yes, it is easy enough for you to say, ‘ Decide, 
decide,’ ” exclaimed Fräulein Wanda, imitating the 
marriage proctor, and rising from her reclining 
attitude, “ but it is evident that you are not the 
person to become engaged. I cannot get it out of 
my head that I shall be obliged to become Madame 
the Mayoress. Really, I am not stout enough to 
occupy that position — or Madame District Judgess, 
for this, again, lam not slender enough, and when I 
think of these two titles I become hungry straight- 
way.” 


406 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The marriage missionary sympathetically shrugged 
her shoulders. 

“ Well, yes,” said she, “ if your happiness consists 
in eating, drinking, and dress, then you do right in 
rejecting Herr von Collin. Still, one more question 
before I go ! Tell me, candidly, what you think of 
him.” 

“Oh,” replied Fräulein Wanda, smiling, a proof 
that she was telling the truth, “ I think he is very 
nice and agreeable ; I have a great deal of sympathy 
for him.” 

“ In a word, you love him, hey ? ” asked Madame 
Baldrian, moving slightly on the sofa. 

Wanda blushed again and cast down her eyes. 

“Well ? ” urged the match-maker once more. 

Fräulein Wanda nodded. 

“Even as Madame Mayoress, or Madame Dis- 
trict Judgess ? ” went on the marriage instigator. 

Wanda waited a moment, and then nodded again. 

“Well, God be praised!” exclaimed Madame 
Baldrian, like one who has finished a tedious and 
laborious piece of work. “‘All is well that ends 
well. 5 I have seldom had a more difficult case than 
yours, and you will, therefore, be the happier for it !” 

After these words Madame Baldrian was about 
to rise and say ‘ good-by 5 to Wanda, when the 
servant entered and said that the Herr Government 
Solicitor von Collin was without, and would like to 
speak to the lady privately. 

“Well, here we have it,” said the marriage pro- 
moter, while Wanda’s heart began to beat a thou- 
sand times a minute. “ Upon my word, it was high 
time. Shall I ask him to come in here ? ” asked 
she, in a low voice. 

Fräulein Wanda nodded almost imperceptibly, 
got up, and then said aloud : 

“ I’ll leave you, Madame Baldrian.” 


OF POTSDAM. 


407 


And tlien she made a slight bow, smiled at her 
confidentially, and left the room. 

44 Tell Herr von Collin that I await him here,” 
said Madame Baldrian to the servant, taking a seat 
upon the sofa, and spreading out her dress as much 
as possible. 

A few minutes later the government solicitor en- 
tered the room. 

He was in a great hurry and excited, sat down 
without the least ceremony upon a chair, and said, 
in a breathless voice : 

44 1 am exceedingly glad to find you here. I have 
been looking for you all over. I hope I come in 
time ! ” 

Madame Baldrian controlled herself, but looked 
at her client in surprise. 44 First of all, I have the 
honor to bid you good-morning ! v said she, remind- 
ing the young man that he had neglected the 
common proprieties. 

44 Good morning ! good morning ! v returned von 
Collin affably, not perceiving, or not wanting to per- 
ceive, that he had been corrected for lack of 
manners. 44 Come, tell me quickly, what you have 
done ? How far have you gone ? ” 

44 Don’t you see that I have lost no time in 
carrying out the instructions which you gave me 
last night, and which I was then unable to do ? ” 
returned the lady, somewhat piqued. 

44 Did you say that I would come and propose 
to her ? ” quickly inquired the barrister, further. 
44 Did you tell her that I am serious and unal- 
terablv resolved to ask for the hand of the young; 
lady?” 

Madame Baldrian looked very much surprised. 

44 Why do you ask me these questions ? ” she ex- 
claimed, somewhat hurt. 

Herr von Collin seemed embarrassed as to what 


408 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


reply he should make; he twirled his hat in his 
hands till it became quite rough. 

“ Mayhap you have changed your mind again, my 
fine Herr mathematical counsellor ! ” asked the mat- 
rimonial agent, ironically. 

The barrister twirled his hat still more, and re- 
plied, while laboring under considerable embarrass- 
ment : 

“ I don’t intend to say that, but since yesterday 
evening certain circumstances and changes, or rather 
changes in my circumstances, have occurred ” 

“May one ask what these circumstances or changes 
of circumstances are? ” asked the match-maker, be- 
coming intensely anxious. 

“I told you once of my old uncle,” returned 
Herr von Collin, “ whose sole heir I presumably 
w T as.” 

Madame Baldrian nodded her head. 

“ This morning while still in bed I received a 
dispatch stating that the old gentleman had an at- 
tack of apoplexy and had soon after expired,” con- 
tinued the solicitor. 

The match-maker was silent, but she made a face 
as if she already divined what was coming. 

Herr von Collin raised his head and looked at 
her. 

“ Do you know how much he has left me ? ” he 
asked. 

The marriage procuress shrugged her shoulders. 

“Two hundred thousand dollars ! ” said Herr von 
Collin. 

The apostle of matrimony was still silent. 

The barrister now tried to restore his hat to its 
former smooth condition, and still did not seem to 
know how to get at his subject. 

“ Yes,” he went on at last, as if his patroness had 
given him an answer to the question. “ A nice sum 


OF POTSDAM. 


409 


of money. But you will admit, Madame Baldrian, 
that with such a fortune — ” 

“ One does not feel bound to keep his promise,” 
suddenly interrupted the matrimonial agent, greatly 
annoyed. “Yes, I can very well conceive that you 
are capable of that.” 

Herr von Collin shook his head, and made her a 
sign to sit still and listen to him. 

“ Ho,” he began. “ You are altogether mistaken 
in your inference, Madame Baldrian. I am still in 
love with Fräulein Wanda — indeed, even more so,, 
and it is still my intention to marry her; but, since 
I am resolved to marry for love, I would like to 
know whether she will have me for my own sake 
and not for the sake of my riches, for riches 
bring doubt ; and although she may still be una- 
ware of my good fortune she is likely to hear of it 
soon, and for that reason I have hurried hither for 
the purpose of testing Wanda’s heart.” 

“Ah!” uttered the marriage missionary, beam- 
ing with joy. “ Albeit, you are a great egotist, 
like all men, still an honorable man — a blase youth 
with a heart that can melt. I have no fault to find 
with such a proposition,” she added, rising, “ and I 
will make some excuse for sending Fräulein Wanda 
to you directly.” 

“ You are very kind,” said the solicitor, likewise 
rising, involuntarily casting a glance in the mirror. 

Who can find fault with him for doing that ? 

Indeed, Fräulein Wanda was also standing be- 
fore the mirror in her room at that moment, and 
was prinking herself as much as she possibly could. 

“ Come now, do your best,” his matrimonial men- 
tor admonished him. “Don’t be too long with your 
prelude, and don’t be too bluff in putting the ques- 
tion. Both are dangerous. Always keep the happy 
medium ! ” 


410 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Thanks ; I’ll conduct myself very properly,” re- 
turned the solicitor, self-complacently. 

“ Adieu, then ! ” said the matrimonial agent. 

“ Adieu ! But not one word ! ” returned von 
Collin, admonishing her with a finger. 

The lady placed her right hand upon her heart, 
and then disappeared. 

Herr von Collin found himself alone, and in the 
most charming and peculiar situation of his whole 
life. 

He expected the entrance into the room of the 
girl of his choice, the one he loved, and whom he 
intended to make his wife ; and from her lips he 
wished to hear the confession that his love was re- 
ciprocated. 

He walked up and down with big strides, and 
repeated to himself the speech which he had com- 
posed in the morning, and rehearsed some fifty 
times while dressing himself, so that he had it per- 
fect while taking his coffee. He would have been 
able to deliver it correctly, even if he had been sud- 
denly awakened from a sound sleep. It is a won- 
derfully important moment of life. 

Engagements that are not of a business nature are 
brought about by a mixture of poetry and prose, of 
idealism and rationalism, of fantasy and thought- 
lessness, of enthusiasm and sense, but without the 
least aid from calculation and reflection. 

The mind and the body are attracted, transported, 
and the fear of loss spurs on the desire to gain pos- 
session with irresistible force. 

One often enters into a life engagement quicker 
than he forms a resolution to buy an article, which 
can be sold if it does not suit. 

But then passions would not be passions if they 
were amenable to reflection. 

His heart beat so violently that the left lapel of 


OF POTSDAM , ; 


411 


liis coat trembled perceptibly, while the right one 
was perfectly immovable. 

All the articles in the room looked totally differ- 
ent from usual. In color they all looked brighter 
and pleasanter. The trees in the garden, which he 
saw through the window, nodded at and wafted to 
him their greetings and best wishes. 

They must have known how it was with Wanda’s 
heart, for the young girl doubtless had talked to 
them about her love and also of his. 

The birds carolled and twittered differently from 
usual ; some of them repeatedly turned and twisted 
their pretty little heads, and flirted with their seduc- 
tive tunes, in order to attract the attention and 
admiration of the others. 

The former, probably, were the females who 
wanted to be regarded pretty by the males. 

The same phenomenon is observed in man. 

If an engagement is announced to a company of 
young ladies, the others soon brace up, prink them- 
selves, and begin to turn their pretty little heads as 
if to say : “ H’m ! We could have engaged ourselves 
just as well as she. Indeed, we are much prettier 
than she is; just look at us well, and your heart 
will soon begin to beat ! ” 

The little birds outside, then, must have known 
the young man’s business here and what he might 
expect. 

Suddenly, however, he started from his reverie 
as if he happened to think of something very im- 
portant. 

“ Heavens!” he thought; “ do I remember my 
pretty speech, which I intend to make to her ? ” and 
he began to rehearse it again, probably for the fiftieth 
time. “ My dear Fräulein — my dear Fräulein — my 
dear Fräulein— Heavens, how my thoughts have be- 
come confused and my mind upset ! I knew it so 


412 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


well, so fluently ! It would be terrible if I should 
act like a dunce or be unable to address her prop- 
erly, or say what I want to say in proper language ! 
The first impression is always the best, and if I 
should seem laughable to her to-day, she will per- 
haps laugh at me all through life. My dear Fräu- 
lein — er — er — courage ! I think, however, it is only 
the anticipation of meeting her that confuses me, 
because it is usually more powerful than the reality. 
Hence, when Fräulein Wanda enters, I’ll advance 
and with the most courteous demeanor say to her 
earnestly, but most pleasantly : My dear Fräulein — ” 

At the very moment he was saying these words, 
the door was slowly opened, and Wanda appeared 
with as much freedom from embarrassment as a 
young actress who had firmly resolved not to be 
shy, yet the instant she beholds the foot-lights and 
the audience, loses,, all her courage. 

How Wanda likewise stood quite a wdiile outside 
and endeavored to rid herself of her embarrassment, 
so as not to make an unfavorable impression ; but 
when at last she opened the door and beheld her 
audience that was just in the act of addressing a 
speech to her, all the good resolutions she had 
formed were suddenly dissipated, and she became so 
confused, shy, and perplexed, that she even forgot 
to shut the door after her. 

The government solicitor was just as much upset 
by her unexpected appearance as she was at behold- 
ing him. He stood stock-still, like one petrified, 
and stared at Fräulein Wanda, who cast her eyes 
down to the floor and began to tremble. 

“ Heavens ! ” thought the solicitor. 

“ Heavens? ” thought Fräulein Wanda. 

“What will she think of me ? ” thought the bar- 
rister. 

“ What will he think of me? ” thought Wanda. 


OF POTSDAM. 


413 


“ I£ I could only think of my speech ! ” thought 
von Collin. 

“ I hope he will say something ! ” thought Fräu- 
lein Miller. 

“ If she had only closed the door after her,” 
thought the solicitor. “ How can one say what lie 
wants to say with the door open ! ” 

“ I wonder whether he has lost his tongue ? ” 
thought the young lady. 

“ I must try to shut the door first ! ” thought Herr 
von Collin. 

He now took courage and started on tip-toe to- 
ward the door, making a circuit around the young 
lady. 

“ At last he is coming nearer ! ” thought Fräulein 
Miller. 

The solicitor was making his way gingerly toward 
the door, with his hat in his right hand, and was now 
not far away from the young lady. The latter was 
glowing, her heart throbbed in her bosom like a 
trip-hammer ; there was a buzzing sound in her ears 
like a strong wind sweeping through the streets. 

How he was close to her ; now his hat brushed 
her dress, and the noise which she had heard she 
mistook for words that he had said. 

“What did you say?” she stammered out just 
then in her almost indescribable confusion. 

The solicitor stopped as if he had been suddenly 
turned into stone. 

When a young man at last gathers up sufficient 
courage to propose to a young lady, and she says to 
him, “ What did you say ? ” it requires a good deal 
of presence of mind and a good deal of mental de- 
termination to repeat that proposal. 

But when he has not yet said anything at all, 
but only wished to shut the door, like our friend, 
Government Solicitor von Collin, and a young lady 


414 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


asks him “ What did you say ? ” the affair usually 
suffers a severe blow from it — a blow from which it 
does not soon recover — and so it was in this case. 

Herr von Collin now stood trembling and em- 
barrassed before Fräulein Wanda Miller, and, since 
Fräulein Wanda Miller in the noise in her ears, 
heard no answer to her question, it was not to be 
expected that she would repeat it. 

In the first few moments Government Solicitor 
von Collin was unable to think of anything, his 
mind was a total blank, and that of Fräulein Miller 
was in a like condition. 

Soon, however, the head of the former began to 
get clear and his thoughts to come back to him, and 
he mentally sought for a measure whereby he might 
save his position. 

When one sits near a strange lady at a table, to 
whom, for the sake of propriety, it is necessary to 
say a few words before the soup is served, he will 
generally, after discarding many sensible and good 
remarks, say something about the everlasting 
weather. 

Solicitor von Collin found himself just then in a 
similar situation. 

He taxed his mental faculties to the utmost ; he 
exerted his mind all he could to conjure up some- 
thing and say, but discarded first one remark and 
then another, till at last he began to grow apprehen- 
sive that everything would be lost, and that it was 
high time for him to say something and end a 
scene which was alike embarrassing to him and to 
Fräulein Miller. 

“ I think there is a draught,” he finally managed 
to utter, after a great deal of mental exertion. 

“ Yes, I think so too,” gasped Fräulein Wanda. 

And in the next minute both started for the door, 
and then stopped, and started again, in order to 


OF POTSDAM. 


415 


close it, and the hands of both parties met upon the 
door-knob. 

There must be a good deal of electricity in a 
human being. 

As the two warm hands thus rested in each 
other, a hot wave or current coursed toward the 
hearts of each individual where all the warmth of 
the body now seemed to concentrate. 

Hence their heads became a little more free, and 
their thoughts a little more clear. 

The barrister forgot all about his speech, but he 
had no need for it, as he might have known ; for 
when the heart talks, words from the mouth are 
altogether unnecessary. 

The heart talks vastly better and more under- 
standing^. 

After the hands had 'shut the door conjointly, 
they remained in each other for a little while ; but 
as the hearts, with their dumb language, had 
reached an understanding upon the principal topic, 
his hand ventured to take hers from the door-knob, 
and so conduct her to the sofa, upon which she me- 
chanically sat down. 

For himself he pushed a chair as closely to her as 
possible, and then again took her hand in his, which 
she willingly permitted. 

“I love you ! ” he stammered, in a low voice. 

The young girl trembled. 

“ Will you be mine ? ” he continued. 

Wanda did not answer, but, in such cases, no an- 
swer is, still, an answer — in fact, it is a very suffi- 
cient one. 

“ Even if I should be a mayor ? ” inquired Solici- 
tor von Collin. 

W anda was silent. 

“ Or a district judge ? ” 

Wanda still did not answer. 


416 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


A great joy began to blaze up in the heart of the 
young man. 

“ W e will have to live very modestly,” added the 
barrister. “My uncle is by no means as rich as you 
may have supposed, and he may live many years 
yet. 1 presume you will reject me now, since I can 
only offer you such a modest support ? ’’ 

The young girl raised her head and gazed upon 
him so tenderly and faithfully with her big eyes, in 
which tears began to form, that the joy in his heart 
blazed up still more. 

“ Will you ? ” asked von Collin, in a transport of 

j °y- . 

“ No ! ” replied Wanda, at last, with overpowering 
emotion, and in the next moment he pressed an 
ardent kiss upon her lips, and they lay in each 
other’s arms. 

Neither of them could tell how it actually hap- 
pened, though, to be sure, they were never asked to ac- 
count for it, since it concerned no one but themselves. 

Thus they stood, blissfully oblivious of every- 
thing around them, when they thought they heard 
footsteps approaching them, and presently a familiar 
voice mellifluously close to them, said : 

“ I congratulate you both ! ” 

They tore themselves apart and beheld Madame 
Baldrian, bowing to them profoundly as an accom- 
paniment to the words she had just uttered. 

For a moment Fräulein Wanda seemed to be 
affected by a new embarrassment, but soon her 
youthful, happy, vivacious temperament asserted 
itself, the long-suppressed joy and happiness were 
bound to find an escape ; so she rushed upon the 
matrimonial agent, gave her a hearty kiss, grasped 
her about the waist with both arms, and dragged 
her, dancing, around the room several times, like a 
happy child, joyfully exclaiming : 


OF POTSDAM. 


417 


“ I’ll be Madame the Mayoress ! I’ll be Madame 
the District Jndgess ! ” 

“ Heavens help me! Let me go, child! You 
squeeze the breath out of me ! ” gasped the apostle 
of matrimony, who, at every additional step, was 
becoming more and more short of breath, when 
Wanda at last allowed her to drop into a chair, 
from the cushioned seat of which she at first re- 
bounded a little, and then, like a bent lily, sank back 
utterly exhausted. 

“ Whew ! ” puffed Madame Baldrian, fanning her- 
self with her handkerchief. “ If this thing goes on 
I’ll soon be obliged to renounce all interest in un- 
married people. One risks her health with such 
ardent clients. What nonsense was that you were 
talking about becoming Madame Mayoress or Ma- 
dame District Judgess, anyway? ” added the match- 
maker, after a little while. 

‘‘Well,” returned the young lady, “we will have 
to be either mayor or district judge, as our uncle is 
not near as rich as we supposed.” 

“ Oh, papperlappapp ! ” laughed the apostle of 
matrimony. “ He only wished to test you,' whether 
you really loved him. He will never be mayor, for 
his rich uncle is dead and has left him two hundred 
thousand dollars ! ” 

The young lady looked inquiringly and somewhat 
reproachfully upon von Collin. 

“Don’t be offended, Wanda, dear,” said he, going 
to her and taking her hand. “ I know now that you 
love me. Grant me the joy that will make me 
happy all through life.” 

At this moment Louisa entered the room, and on 
beholding the tell-tale group, was at first at a loss 
what to say or how to conduct herself toward the 
different individuals forming it; but Wanda did not 
keep her long in suspense, for she rushed up to her, 
27 


418 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


gave her a hearty kiss, and was about to present her 
to her intended, but the match-maker forestalled her. 

“ Now to papa! ” urged the latter, in the hope of 
mollifying Wanda, who seemed to feel hurt. u Pie 
is already forewarned, you will therefore have no 
difficult task with him.” 

“ Papa has gone out for a walk after his nap,” said 
Louisa. 

“Oh!” exclaimed the barrister, provoked, “I’ll 
have to wait before I can obtain his consent.” 

“Mamma is awake!” exclaimed Fräulein Wan- 
da, with the usual impatience of a young girl who, 
whatever she possesses already, would like to possess 
it still more justly, especially if it is a matter be- 
longing to the domain of love. 

In matters of love girls and women are imbued 
with actual avarice, and anything of that kind they 
may have acquired they will begrudge even to their 
dearest, best, and most intimate bosom friends. 

“ Well, if mamma is awake, obtain mamma’s con- 
sent first ! ” said Madame Baldrian. “ At any rate, 
it is your duty to wait upon her forthwith, especially 
as you have not yet had the opportunity of being 
presented to her. If you will have the kindness to 
follow me, it will afford me great pleasure in being 
able to perform that delightful duty.” 

“ I am at your service ! ” returned the solicitor, 
going to Wanda for the purpose of taking leave of 
her for the first time. 

“ Don’t stay long — do you hear ? ” she whispered 
to him. 

Herr von Collin shook his head, kissed her, and 
then followed the apostle of matrimony to his 
future mother-in-law. 

The sisters remained in the room. 

“What do you think, Louisa ?” began Wanda, 
after a lengthy silence. 


OF POTSDAM. 


419 


“ I am delighted, and wish yon joy with all my 
heart upon your engagement,” said the sister. 

“Do you like him?” asked little Wanda, after 
another silence, glancing at Louisa stealthily. 

“ He is a handsome man, and, I hope, a good 
man, too ! ” returned her sister. 

“ Of course, he is good ! ” burst out Wanda. “ He 
loves me, and when a man loves he is invariably 
good ! ” 

Louisa smiled. 

“You are not angry with me because I engaged 
myself before you did, are you ? ” asked Wanda, 
further. “ As the eldest sister, you should have 
had the precedence ! ” 

A dark shadow passed over Louisa’s countenance. 

“ If you were to wait till I am married, you might 
remain single all your lifetime ! ’’ 

“Oh!” exclaimed Wanda. “Then you don’t 
approve of marrying ? ” 

Louisa had to laugh, in spite of herself. 

“ Oh, yes,” she returned, “ but only upon condition 
that one loves her husband.” 

“Well, who would prevent you from loving ? ” 
asked Wanda, with naive wonder. 

“ Perhaps it is impossible for me to marry the 
man I love,” said Louisa, sadly. 

Wanda looked serious for a little while, then 
shook her head impatiently and cried : 

“ Oh, this is altogether too tragic and too com- 
plicated for me ! I have enough to think about 
my own affairs now r . Adieu, Louisa,” she con- 
tinued, giving her sister a hearty kiss. “Do you 
know where I am going now ? To my room. 
There I can hear through the keyhole quite dis- 
tinctly everything that goes on in mamma’s room ! 
I’ll have real fun ! Good-by, and don’t look so 
sad ! ” 


420 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


After these remarks she ran away happy and 
joyous, like the spirit of love itself. 

Left alone, Louisa sat down by the window, rested 
her beautiful head upon her hand, and gazed into 
the garden. 

Lor her, however, the trees had no greetings and 
no good wishes, and even the little birds did not 
seem as happy as they did a while ago to the fortu- 
nate Collin. 

If a gloomy face gazes into the mirror, a gloomy 
face is also reflected back again. 

A picture stood before her mind, which she had 
gazed upon from childhood up ; but now it ap- 
peared to her in a totally different light, and she 
felt altogether different when she gazed upon it. 

When the heart is full with a sweet secret, it 
longs to relieve itself of it — to impart it to some- 
one, and the most serious natures, under such cir- 
cumstances, become talkative like the most serene 
and childish. 

Still one is very cautious how he imparts such a 
confession to another. 

At first the secret is deemed so sacred that one 
fears to profane it by clothing it in rough words. 
Indeed, one scarcely ventures to think of it. Grad- 
ually, however, one becomes more familiar with it, 
and when the heart is so full that it is ready to 
burst, then the first shy words are uttered, very, 
very lowly, to one’s best friend — that is, to one’s 
self. 

Then come the trees, and the flowers, because 
they are so kind, and listen so patiently, and are not 
apt to divulge a secret. 

Later, much later, a friend— a sister or a mother — 
is confided in. 

Louisa’s secret was just passing into the second 
stage, for she spoke the first few shy words to herself. 


OF POTSDAM. 


421 


“ The good Wanda ! 55 she whispered. “ She will 
be happy ! ” 

While gazing thoughtfully upon the trees in the 
garden, she heard light footsteps coming through 
the room. 

She turned quickly around, and was somewhat 
startled at seeing Hermann von Frohberg, ap- 
parently lost in thought, with his head slightly bent 
forward, walking through the room. He did not 
see her before she turned around, and then he 
nodded to her and smiled sadly, and was about to 
pursue his way. 

“Herr von Frohberg!” said Louisa, in a very 
low voice. 

The legation counsellor stopped and looked at the 
young lady inquiringly. 

“ Why do you not bid me 6 good morning,’ as 
you are accustomed to do ? ” asked Louisa, a dark 
shadow passing over her beautiful countenance. 

“ Good morning, dear Louisa,” said the legation 
counsellor, still preoccupied. “ Don’t be offended. 
I am looking for your papa. I wish to speak to 
him ! ” 

The dark shadow upon Fräulein Louisa’s counte- 
nance gave way to a happy smile of hope. 

“You, too, wish to speak with papa ?” asked the 
young lady, breathing hurriedly. 

The legation counsellor gazed upon her somewhat 
surprised. 

“ Yes,” he replied, “I wish to speak with him ; 
and why that ‘ too,’ upon which you lay so much 
stress ? ” 

Fräulein Louisa turned red in the face, but the 
voice of the heart had once begun to speak, and her 
feelings welled up so violently that she was incapa- 
ble of suppressing them. 

“ Because, about a quarter of an hour ago, a young 


4-22 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AO ENT 


gentleman left this room to seek papa, for the pur- 
pose of ” 

“ Of asking for your hand ? ” interjected the lega- 
tion counsellor, quickly — almost vehemently. 

Louisa began to tremble beneath the gaze that 
accompanied these words. 

“ Oh ! ” said she, “ in what a tone you said 
that ! And why did you say it ? ” she added, in a 
still lower voice. 

“Why?” repeated Hermann, again lapsing into 
thought. “ Why ? I don’t know myself.” 

Fräulein Louisa’s eyes assumed a wild, staring, 
and beseeching expression. 

“ If you know,” said she, “ and do not want to 
tell me, I think you are very unkind.” 

“ Yes,” returned the legation -counsellor, after a 
brief silence, “ you are right, Louisa. There is a 
barrier between us which must be removed ; there 
are certain fears which, on your side, perhaps, are 
based upon imaginations. But what am I talking 
about?” he continued, quickly passing his hand 
over his forehead. “ I may be mistaken ; I am 
mistaken, but I want to know in what, at least.” 

A whole flood of emotions seemed to well up 
in the young lady’s heart. 

“ Oh, speak ! ” she began anew. “ I beseech yon, 
speak, and I’ll answer you as candidly and honestly 
as if I was talking to myself.” 

The legation counsellor’s face again became over- 
cast. 

“Ho,” said he, “not now. The time for con- 
fessions and admissions is not well chosen.” 

The legation counsellor seemed to be attacked by 
a strange nervousness as he made this reply. 

“ Soon,” he ejaculated, “ in half an hour, perhaps ; 
yes, yes, in an hour, we will speak about it without 
reserve — or never ! ” he added, quickly. 


OF POTSDAM , ; 


423 


Fräulein Louisa was frightened at these words 
and at the tone in which they were uttered. 

“ ‘ Or never, 5 55 she repeated, sadly. “ Why this 
terrible word ? 55 

Hermann von Frohberg wrinkled his brow. 

“ Please forget it if it alarms you,” he said. “It 
is of no consequence ; I know no more what I say.” 

Just then Commercial Counsellor Miller was 
heard speaking outside to a servant. 

“ Papa is coming,” cried Louisa, going quickly to 
the door. “ Shall I tell him you wish to see him 
here alone ? ” 

“ Yes ! ” replied von Frohberg, pressing the hand 
of the young lady. 

Fräulein Louisa gazed into his eyes once more, 
beseechingly. 

“ Why never ? ” she asked, in a low voice. 

“ It is nothing. Please forget that word ! ” re- 
plied the legation counsellor, trying to make a pleas- 
ant obeisance. 

Louisa sighed involuntarily and deeply, and then 
left the room. 

A few minutes later the little Commercial Coun- 
sellor Miller entered. 

He was very much heated ; big drops of perspir- 
ation were gathered upon his high, bald forehead ; 
his fat, glistening countenance bore an expression 
of great concern. 

“ What is the matter ? 55 he asked, immediately 
upon entering, breathing hurriedly. “ I can make 
neither head nor tail of the people outside there ! 
A young gentleman, I am told, is here, who wants 
to speak with me, and now you too are here and 
want to talk with me 1 It is enough to alarm one ! 
I am so apt to be frightened now — since the— happy 
information 1 recently obtained.” 

The legation counsellor seemed to be standing 


424 : 


TBE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


on glowing coals while little Miller was delivering 
his speech, which lasted altogether too long for 
him. 

Barely did the little man pause, probably to be- 
gin again with fresh breath, when Frohberg grasped 
his arm, and in a low voice whispered to him : 

“ I am very sorry that I am, nevertheless, com- 
pelled to frighten you, my dear friend, but I will 
not keep yon Jong in suspense ; I’ll be brief, because 
I have little time to spare. Here is a letter,” he con- 
tinued, taking a sealed note from the breast-pocket 
of his coat and handing it to the commercial coun- 
sellor, who stood there very pale and with open 
mouth. “ These are my last wishes, which I con- 
fide to you ; for well-known reasons, I cannot 
leave them with my brother. For your information, 
let me say that I am going to fight a duel in the 
course of an hour with Baron Branco, in a secluded 
spot about ten minutes walk from here. Every pre- 
caution has been taken to avoid our being surprised, 
which I would deem very unfortunate.” 

The little commercial counsellor still stood like a 
stone pillar. He held the letter in his hand, gazed 
upon his friend with big eyes and a frightened ex- 
pression of countenance, and said not a word. 

“Yon understood what I said, did you not, and 
you will comply with my requests ? ” asked the le- 
gation counsellor. 

“ Yes ! ” ^aid little Miller, with a hoarse rattle in 
his throat as if he was being strangled. “You are 
about to fight a duel with Baron Branco, to avenge 
the honor of your brother.” 

“ And yours, too,” returned the legation counsel- 
lor, quickly ; “or rather Louisa’s, which this dis- 
reputable fellow has traduced. I concede that duel- 
ling is a savage, immoral, and unbecoming custom 
for our time ; but there are conditions that cannot be 


OF POTSDAM. 


425 


settled in any other manner. Prejudice is still too 
strong in the breast of man.” 

The commercial counsellor wiped the cold sweat 
from his forehead. 

“ Don’t you fear that your brother will learn of 
this bad business ? ” he asked, as if his windpipe 
was constricted. 

“ No ! ” he replied. “ The affair has been ar- 
ranged with the greatest secrecy, since the baron, 
too, has every reason for wishing it kept a profound 
secret. W ell, now, put the letter away, my dear 
Herr Miller ; don’t worry, and don’t betray yourself 
by looking so terribly alarmed. Fare you well ! ” 

“ Fare you well!” repeated little Miller, putting 
the letter into his pocket, and trying to look uncon- 
cerned. 

“ To meet again ! ” 

“ To meet again ! ” returned Miller, with a groan, 
whose heart beat like a hammer in his breast. 

The legation counsellor hastened out of the room 
with hurried strides. 

There are undoubtedly premonitions in life, but 
in this case they amounted to actual fears. 

When Fräulein Louisa went out and left her 
father with the legation counsellor, her fears in- 
creased with every minute. She hurried down the 
garden, because she felt that she must be alone ; for 
in some situations of life, solitude, where one can 
speak to himself, is more consoling than the mind of 
the most sympathizing friend, who can never feel 
so strongly, and consequently is not as soothing as 
the oppressed heart requires. 

But she could not go away far from the house. 
She felt as if a magnet was within it that attracted 
her, and therefore she only w r alked back and forth a 
few paces in a hidden path near by, in order to 
keep an eye upon the window, and also upon the 


426 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


wide gravel walk leading from the hall-door to the 
gate opening out upon the street. 

The few minutes of conversation between the 
legation counsellor and her father seemed to Louisa 
so many hours of torturing suspense, and every 
moment her head became more feverish, and her 
blood coursed more rapidly. 

Suddenly she saw the legation counsellor walking 
down the gravel walk with hasty steps toward the 
street gate. 

Louisa felt as if her heart w r as compressed in a 
vice. She wanted to cry out loudly, and call him 
back ; she wanted to hurry after him and cling to 
him, but her voice failed her ; her feet remained 
immovable, as if rooted to the spot. She was only 
able to stretch out her arms toward him mutely and 
beseechingly, yearning to detain him. 

But the legation counsellor had no idea what 
emotions were excited near by for him, he walked 
along the path deeply lost in thought, opened the 
gate, stepped into the street, and took the first 
droschki that drove by, giving the driver certain 
instructions which Louisa did not understand. 

Hardly was he out of her sight when the ban that 
held her so firmly vanished. 

“ Or never ! ” gasped her oppressed breast. 

Immediately afterward she uttered a heartrend- 
ing cry, and ran as fast as her feet would carry her 
toward the house. 

The poor Commercial Counsellor Miller, who was 
still suffering from the crushing effects of the secret 
confided to him, had sunk down upon a seat and 
dropped his head upon his hands, in the hope that 
in quietness he should be able to somewhat arrange 
his dreadful thoughts, and rally from the shock 
which had almost bereft him of reason ; then the 
door was suddenly torn open, and he, as we know, 


OF POTSDAM. 


427 


had become nervous and easily frightened, started 
as if a bucket of cold water had been poured upon 
his bald head. 

“ Father ! ” cried Louisa, in soul-rending tones, at 
the same moment dropping down before him upon 
her knees, and clasping his legs. 

“ God have mercy upon my poor soul ! ” cried the 
little man. “ What has happened? Is he dead? ” 

Louisa stared at him, horrified. 

“ Who ? ” she asked, in tones of the greatest agony. 
“ Who do you suppose is dead ? ” 

Papa Miller became so dreadfully embarrassed 
that he actually trembled, and Louisa gazed upon 
him with looks that seemed to penetrate into his 
very soul. 

“ Why, who should be dead ? ” asked the commer- 
cial counsellor, shutting his eyes to avoid the burn- 
ing gaze of his daughter. “What do you want? 
Why do you frighten me so? I feared that Wanda 
had fallen into the water and was drowned ! ” 

“ Father ! ” cried Louisa, shaking him so that the 
limbs of the now completely crushed Miller actually 
flopped about. “ Father, do not deceive me, do you 
hear ? You cannot do it ! See how embarrassed yon 
are ! You did not expect to hear the news of a fatal 
accident, you want to hide one from me. Tell me, 
I beseech you, whether my fears are well grounded.” 

The commercial counsellor trembled from head 
to foot. 

“I am convinced,” continued Louisa, “that you 
are trying to keep secret a danger that threatens 
me. I saw Hermann Frohberg alone here for a 
few moments. He was gloomy and apprehensive, 
uttered words that caused the blood to freeze in my 
veins, and when he heard you coming, he sent me 
away so that he might be alone with you ; after- 
ward I saw him go away. Where did he go to ? ” 


428 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ I do not know ! ” answered the commercial coun- 
sellor, hoarsely. 

“ lie has confided a secret to yon,” spoke Louisa, 
becoming more passionate. “ When I came rushing 
in here to you a few moments ago, you thought I 
brought you bad news, and you asked whether he 
was dead. Father,” she cried, seized with sudden 
premonition of danger, “ Frohberg is fighting a 
duel ; his life is in jeopardy ; I know it ; 1 feel it ! ” 

“ Why, child,” said her father, in a voice that 
was meant to be quieting, but which really sounded 
alarming, “ I can’t imagine how you got such ideas 
into your head.” 

“ You can’t imagine ! ” cried Louisa, squeezing his 
hands between hers. “ Then you have divined 
nothing ! You do not know, then, that I love him ? ” 

“ God help me!” ejaculated the severely tried 
Papa Miller. “ That was all that was necessary to 
make my misfortunes complete ! ” 

His body sank back helplessly in the chair like an 
inanimate thing. 

“ Then it is true ? ” cried Louisa, and, impelled by 
an inward fever and impatience, she sprang up again. 

At that moment the servant entered and reported 
that Herr Karl von Frohberg and his wife had just 
arrived. The lady was already gone to Madame 
Miller’s room, and the gentleman wished to «speak 
with Herr Miller. 

“ The world is coming to an end to-day ! ” mur- 
mured Papa Miller. “ The d — 1 ! Heaven forgive 
me my sins. What brings Karl here to-day, I won- 
der ? ” 

‘“What shall I say to Herrn von Frohberg?” 
asked the servant, respectfully. 

“Will be pleased to see him,” said the commer- 
cial counsellor, feebly and laboriously rising from 
his chair. 


OF POTSDAM. 


429 


The servant disappeared. 

“ Compose yourself, for heaven’s sake, compose 
yourself ! ” said Miller to his daughter, quickly, who, 
with rapid strides and anxious demeanor, walked up 
and down the room. “ Frohberg, in all probability, 
is here only for a short call. What will he think if 
he sees you in such a state of excitement ? ” 

Louisa endeavored to control herself. 

A moment later, and the elder Frohberg entered 
the room. 

“ Good morning, my friend ! Is not my brother 
here ? ” was his first query. 

“ I thought so ! ” mentally said little Miller, 
a chill running through him. “ That’s the way he 
begins ! As I said, the world is coming to an end 
to-day ! Your brother ? ” he then asked aloud, try- 
ing to master his feelings, and throwing an en- 
couraging glance at Louisa ; “ your brother, Her- 
mann ? ” 

“Yes, of course, Hermann,” returned the elder 
Frohberg, somewhat surprised. “ Have I any other 
brother ? ” 

“ FTo, that’s true,” returned commercial coun- 
sellor Miller. “ Pray excuse me ; I was thinking.” 

“Well, is he not here? Have you not seen 
him ?” asked Frohberg, further. 

“ Calm yourself 1 ” whispered Miller to his daugh- 
ter, who was in danger of betraying herself by her 
excited condition. 

“ Speak ! What ails you ? You look so fright- 
ened ! ” said Herr von Frohberg. 

The commercial counsellor tried his utmost to 
master himself. 

“ Y es, to be sure ! ” he said. “ Hermann was here 
for a few minutes, and then went away.” 

“And where did he go to?” asked Frohberg, 
who likewise now seemed to become alarmed. 


430 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ I don’t know,” returned the commercial coun- 
sellor. 

“ Did lie not tell you ? ” 

“ No» 

“That is very strange, indeed,” said Herr von 
Frohberg, beginning to walk up and down the room. 

“ But why all these questions and apprehensions ? ” 
asked Miller, who was beginning to feel very un- 
comfortable. 

“Because I have reason to fear,” returned Froh- 
berg. “Last night, on taking leave of him after 
the ball at Dr. Staberow’s house, he told me that he 
had accepted an invitation to go hunting with a 
neighbor. But he seemed to be so distraught, so 
excited, that an inexplicable fear drove me to 
inquire of his servant for more particulars about 
this invitation. The servant knew nothing con- 
cerning it, and as I thus became still more alarmed 
I caused Hermann’s rooms to be opened, and ob- 
served there, immediately upon entering, his double- 
barrelled gun, and the rest of his hunting outfit, in 
their proper places. You may judge how the pres- 
ence of these things staggered me. I immediately 
returned home, and as my wife desired to call upon 
you I accompanied her hither, in the hope of obtain- 
ing an explanation of the strange conduct of my 
brother. But since he told you nothing of his in- 
tentions, I am totally at a loss how to explain his 
conduct, and am greatly alarmed about him.” 

“ Oh ! ” exclaimed little Miller. “ Beally, you 
have no cause whatever to be alarmed.” 

“ Why, how do you know ? ” asked Herr von 
Froh berg, quickly. 

Miller became greatly embarrassed again. 

“ I meant to say that I think you have no cause.” 

Frohberg gazed upon his friend suspiciously. 

His looks then fell upon Louisa, who stood with 


OF POTSDAM. 


431 


her heated forehead leaning against the window 
pane, anxiously gazing out upon the garden. 

“ I hope to God you are right ! ” he said. 

He then approached the young lady and asked 
her, as* she had not, to his surprise, taken the least 
notice of him so far : 

“ What ails you, Louisa ? You seem to be as ex- 
cited as your father ? Why do you stare so anx- 
iously out of the window ? ” 

Louisa started and quickly turned to Frohberg. 

“Hothing ails me,” she returned, barely able to 
control her fear. “ My head aches from yesterday’s 
ball. It seems to have agreed with none of us.” 

“Strange, yery strange,” said Frohberg, seating 
himself in a chair. 

Several minutes passed in painful, anxious silence. 

Louisa looked out at the window again ; Lien- 
Miller restlessly w r alked up and down the room, and 
LYohberg looked apprehensively first at one and then 
at the other. 

It was so quiet in the room that the breathing of 
the three persons could be distinguished. 

Outside the trees and bushes stood still and mo- 
tionless ready to enjoy a most refreshing rain from 
the clouds that were gathering. 

Suddenly there were heard two pistol shots quickly 
following each other, the sounds being somewhat 
weakened as if coming from a distance. 

Almost instantaneously Louisa uttered a piercing 
scream, and half-fainting sank down upon a chair. 

“What was that?” asked Karl von Frohberg, ris- 
ing and casting a searching look upon the commer- 
cial counsellor. 

“ What ? When ? ” said the latter, trying to ap- 
pear unconcerned, while in truth his heart stood still 
from fright. 

“Two pistol shots have just been fired off, I 


432 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


should say, some ten minutes’ walk from here,” said 
Froh berg. 

The commercial counsellor trembled like an aspen 
leaf at these words. 

“ Excuse me, they were rifle and. not pistol shots,” 
added he quickly and thoughtlessly. 

Herr von Frohberg looked at him in surprise. 

“ Ilow do you know that ? ” he asked. 

Papa Miller was at a loss what to do from sheer 
embarrassment. 

Fie would have liked very much for the earth 
to open itself under his feet and engulf him, and, still 
better, to have flown up to heaven, but as he was un- 
able to do that, he had no other alternative but to 
cut as pitiable a figure as possible. 

He was now totally disinclined to make any reply 
because lie feared that he would only say something 
foolish and thus make things worse still. 

“ Oh, God, he is perhaps killed ! ” just then ex- 
claimed Louisa, starting up from the dazed con- 
dition she was in and beginning to wring her deli- 
cate white hands. 

“ Killed?” asked Karl von Frohberg in dismay, 
turning to the frightened girl. “ Who may be 
killed ? ” 

“ Hermann ! ” answered Louisa, mechanically, not 
thinking who it was that asked her that question. 
“ He is fightingaduel probably with Baron Branco ! ” 

The commercial counsellor started as if he was 
stung bv a viper. 

With two lateral strides, which seemed totally im- 
possible for a person with such short legs as little 
Miller to accomplish, he gained his daughter’s side, 
squeezed her arm and whispered to her to be silent 
and not betray her fears. But Herr von Frohberg 
could not be deceived now. He felt convinced that 
the words which Louisa had involuntarily allowed 


OF POTSDAM ; 


433 


to escape her contained the truth, and that an effort 
was made to keep it from him. 

“Oh, God!” exclaimed Karl von Frohberg, al- 
most distracted when the full force of Louisa’s 
words dawned upon him. “ But for what reason is 
he fighting this duel with the baron? ” 

Louisa now perceived how incautious she had 
been, and that she had informed the very person it 
was desirable to keep in ignorance of the affair. 

“ I don’t know,” she stammered, with the utmost 
confusion, casting her eyes down upon her lap. 

■“ That poor girl is still so worked up from the 
ball that she doesn’t know what she says,” inter- 
jected thd commercial counsellor, flattering himself 
with the thought that he had said something very 
smart. “ You don’t feel quite well, do you, Lou- 
isa ? ” he added, turning to his daughter. 

His daughter did not answer because she did not 
know what to say. 

In order to avoid any future meddling with the 
affair the little commercial counsellor betook him- 
self to the furthest window and began to gaze into 
the garden with his mind in a chaotic condition, but 
to his misty vision it now appeared to have been en- 
tirely blotted out or bedecked with a coating of 
green paint. 

Karl von Frohberg became more and more im- 
patient and anxious, and with his head sunk upon 
liis breast, walked up and down the room with hur- 
ried strides. 

Just then the door turned upon its hinges, pro- 
ducing a slight, grating noise. Louisa, who had 
been listening with her heart, was the first to turn 
around, and, on beholding Hermann von Frohberg, 
she uttered a loud cry of joy. 

The commercial counsellor and the elder Froh- 
berg now likewise looked toward the door. 

28 


434 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


The latter, as soon as he beheld his brother, gave 
a deep sigh of relief, rapidly approached him, and 
said in a firm and calm voice : 

“ You have just fought a duel with Baron Branco, 
have you not ? ” 

On beholding his brother so downcast and dispir- 
ited the legation counsellor was disposed to with- 
draw again, but when he found that he was seen, he 
boldly advanced toward him and replied with the 
utmost calmness : 

“ Yes, certainly ! ” 

The elder Frohberg was silent for a moment, as if 
he was hurt at this nonchalant reply, and then he 
added, with a perceptible tinge of annoyance in his 
tones : 

“ It seems to me that everyone in this house has 
been initiated into the secret except me. And 
what makes the matter worse, the whole affair was 
purposely kept from me. Why this mysterious 
behavior toward me, if I may ask ? ” 

“ Because I wished to spare you anxiety,” Re- 
turned the legation counsellor, assuming a noncha- 
lant air. “ What would have been the use of alarm- 
ing you unnecessarily ? ” 

The elder brother doubtingly shook his head. 

“ You never had a secret from me before, dear 
brother,” he said. “ Why therefore — I must repeat 
the question — this first untruth of your wdiole life ? 
The affair must be based upon a deeper and more 
important reason.” 

The legation counsellor was at a loss what reply 
to make and cast his eyes down before the searching 
gaze of his brother, while Louisa allowed no move 
to escape her of the man she loved. 

“ There is a secret between us two, Hermann,” 
went on the elder Frohberg in a voice that went to 
one’s heart, “ between us two, who are not only 


OF POTSDAM. 


435 


brothers but friends, and this latter status, in which 
we stand to each other, lvalue higher even than the 
first. I know you too well, Hermann, not to be able 
to conclude from your mysterious behavior, that, 
having a prior right, in a case of this kind to be 
your second, and you not according me that privi- 
lege, it can only be because you fought on my ac- 
count, which undoubtedly is the case ! ” he added 
with the utmost conviction. 

The legation counsellor became greatly embar- 
rassed, and he sought in vain to cloak his embarrass- 
ment by outward calmness. Little Miller preferred 
to look out at the window again, and Louisa pressed 
her right hand upon her forehead as if to devise an 
explanation that would be deemed satisfactory. 

“ Hermann, answer me truthfully, you have fought 
on ijiy account ? ” inquired the elder brother once 
more, in whose mind dark and vague fears seemed 
to be springing up. 

“ This is a very foolish, and a totally groundless 
assumption,” returned the legation counsellor, eva- 
sively. “ How can you think of such a thing ? ” 
“Very well!” said Karl. “If you did not 
fight on my account, I see no reason why you 
should not tell me on whose account you fought ? ” 
Hermann von Frohberg bit his lip, and was si- 
lent. Lie was in a very critical and unpleasant situ- 
ation, indeed, and saw no way out of it. 

At this moment, Louisa suddenly got up, and 
addressed herself to the elder Frohberg. “ The 
duty now devolves upon me to speak, in order not 
to appear ungrateful to your brother. He did not 
fight for you, but for me ! ” 

The legation counsellor started, and actually 
beamed upon the girl with delight. 

“ For you ? ” asked Karl von Frohberg, marked- 
ly surprised, while little Miller now again turned 


436 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


around and smiled agreeably. “ And how did that 
occur, if I may be allowed to ask ? ” 

“Baron Branco had conducted himself toward 
me,” replied Louisa, “ in a manner which attracted 
considerable attention. The many visits of Mad- 
ame Baldrian to our house made the affair still 
more conspicuous ; papa and mamma, on the whole, 
w^ere not indisposed to give their consent to the 
engagement, and I myself was in doubt, and only 
desired to consult my god-father and old friend, 
Herrn Hermann von Froh berg, in regard to this 
matter. I did so, and he not only advised me not 
to enter into an engagement with the baron, but 
personally informed him of my decision. Baron 
Branco, it seems, started reports to the effect that 
he had reasons for breaking off the engagement, 
and which reflected upon me. This is the reason 
why your brother has deemed it necessary to de- 
fend me, and out of feelings of delicacy lias also 
kept my name from the public.” 

The little commercial counsellor came rolling 
like a ball toward the group. 

“ How you have got the whole story,” said he 
to Karl von Frohberg. “How you see plainly 
enough that you had no reason to be alarmed.” 

The elder brother still shook his head doubt- 
ingly. 

“ I will not permit the least doubt to affect the 
explanation which you just stated, Louisa, but, 
assuming it to be perfectly true, I ask again, why 
make such a profound secret of a simple affair, and 
guard it so zealously from me, an old friend of the 
house ? ” 

“ Heavens ! What a sceptic you are ! ” hotly cried 
the commercial counsellor, running both hands 
through his scanty hairs. 

“Well, why then ?” addressed himself the elder 


OF POTSDAM. 


437 


Frohberg, smilingly, to the little man. “ Maybe 
you will have the kindness to tell me ? ” 

The commercial counsellor again became markedly 
embarrassed, and gazed stealthily at the legation 
counsellor and Louisa to see whether one of them 
would not help him out of his dilemma. 

“ Heavens ! ” he blurted out at last, not daring to 
prolong the silence any more. “ That, too, is per- 
fectly plain. It was out of regard for your health ! ” 

“ For my health ? 55 asked the elder brother, smil- 
ingly. 

“To be sure! Whose else?” burst out the little 
man, again, drawing up his shoulders very high, as 
if vexed at such manifest dulness of comprehen- 
sion.* 

“Ah!” exclaimed Karl von Frohberg, bowing 
affably to little Miller, “ I am exceedingly beholden 
to you for your tender considerations.” 

“ Look here, now ; don’t treat us so ironically ! ” 
continued the commercial counsellor, who was now 
in full swing. “ That is actually the case. The 
good Dr. Staberow recently told us that you had 
appeared to be in a very serious state of nervous 
irritation, and that he deemed all kinds of ex- 
citement dangerous to you. For this reason alone 
we unanimously resolved to spare you the horrible 
affair till it was disposed of. Are you convinced 
now ? ” 

Karl von Frohberg was at a loss what to say, 
especially since he felt rather flattered at the con- 
sideration's shown for his. health. 

“ Hm, lim I ” he muttered. “ That good Dr. 
Staberow always exaggerates a little. I know of 
another instance where his diagnostic acumen did 
not prove correct.” 

“You are still disinclined to believe it, it seems,” 
cried the commercial counsellor, greatly provoked. 


438 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ Oh, no,” returned the elder brother, who, truth 
to say, still retained a modicum of distrust. 

But after a little reflection, he added : 

“It is rather unusual for one to fight a duel for 
his god-child or for his girl friend. The father 
being so much nearer to her, it is his place to de- 
fend her.” 

At this new turn of the conversation papa Miller 
made a wry face. 

This time, however, Hermann von Frohberg 
helped him out of his embarrassment. 

“ I did not fight merely in behalf of a girl friend, 
but on account of my bride and future wife !” 

Louisa uttered a low cry of delight. 

The face of the commercial counsellor became 
serene again, as when the sun breaks forth from be- 
hind dark clouds. 

“Here you have an additional conviction,” cried 
he, with a comical mixture of pride and importance. 
“ Of course, as her father, I would not have hesi- 
tated to punish the base defamer äs he deserved ; 
but since Louisa is Hermann’s bride, and will be his 
wife, you will admit that I was obliged to give him 
precedence in the matter.” 

The legation counsellor meanwhile had advanced 
to Louisa and whispered to her : 

“ You will not contradict me, I hope ! ” 

The girl placed her hand in his and overcome by 
her emotions, laid her head upon his shoulder. 

“Do you love me, darling ?” asked Hermann von 
Frohberg in a low voice. 

“ Passionately ! ” she breathed. “ And you — do 
you love me likewise ? ” she added almost inaudibly. 

The legation counsellor imprinted a kiss upon 
her forehead. 

“ Yes, ever so long ! ” he whispered back. “ But 
it seems neither of us was aware of the true state 


OF POTSDAM. 


439 


of our feelings till we almost simultaneously con- 
fessed to one another.” 

The elder Frohberg could doubt no longer. ITe 
approached the couple, tendered them his best 
wishes, and after heartily pressing his brother’s 
hand in his, he added : 

“This mutual inclination has existed fora long 
time then ? And yet I never observed it at all ! 
It is remarkable how blind one is sometimes ! ” 

“Yes to you it is a surprise,” chimed in again 
the little man, pretentiously. “ How any one could 
have failed to notice such a thing, I am unable to 
conceive ! ” 

“ Oh, well, you are the father ! ” said Karl von 
Frohberg, apologetically. “It is altogether differ- 
ent in your case ! ” 

“ To be sure, it is altogether different in my case,” 
repeated the commercial counsellor, rocking his 
head w r ith the utmost self-sufficiency. 

But on perceiving Louisa’s smiling glance, who 
stood hand in hand with the legation counsellor, he 
became slightly embarrassed and had to drop his 
eyes like a bashful girl. 

“ What will Madame Baldrian say to this affair? ” 
the elder Frohberg remarked after a brief pause. 

“ What do you mean ? ” asked papa Miller, in 
whose mind things were still a little disturbed. 

“ Because she did not make the match,” said 
Frohberg, finishing the sentence. 

The commercial counsellor turned up his round 
nose and scratched his head in embarrassment. 

“ She is here, even now ! ” he said. 

“ Where ? ” asked Karl von Frohberg, looking 
around the room. 

“ By my wife,” returned Miller. “ The servant 
told me so, a little while ago. She has a young 
gentleman with her.” 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


MO 

At that moment voices could be heard of persons 
coming through the adjacent room. 

“ They are coming,” said the commercial coun- 
sellor, retreating a little. 

In a few moments Madame Baldrian, followed 
by Government Solicitor von Collin and Wanda, 
entered the parlor. 

The gaze of the female advocate of marriages in- 
stantly fell upon Hermann and Louisa, whose de- 
meanor to each other was such as she had never 
seen about them before. 

She stood still and cast an inquiring glance 
upon papa Miller, who had hidden himself be- 
hind the elder Frohberg to escape being seen by 
her. 

“ I have the honor to present to yon my future 
wife ! ” said the legation counsellor, bowing pro- 
foundly to the apostle of matrimony. “ Louisa and 
I have just engaged ourselves ! ” 

The matrimonial agent snapped her eyes, and 
threw back her head. 

“ Without me ? ” she asked, in a tone of offended 
dignity. “ I trust it will not be followed by any ill 
effects ! ” 

Afterward, however, she approached the newly- 
engaged couple and tendered them her formal 
congratulations. 

“Yon see, mv friend,” said little Miller, joyfully, 
behind Karl von Frohberg, tapping him on the 
shoulder, “ how everything is cleared up in the 
course of time ! Having thus acquired a son, who 
is very acceptable to me, I have altogether four 
children.” . 

“ Three,” corrected the elder Frohberg, facing 
his friend. 

“Four! I certainly ought to know,” protested 
Miller, making a remarkably shrewd face. 


OF POTSDAM. 


Ml 


“ And I maintain yon have five!” said Madame 
Baldrian, coming forward. 

The Commercial Counsellor Miller became fright- 
ened. 

“ Thunder and lightning ! ” he mentally ex- 
claimed. “ It isn’t possible that she knows already, 
that — two at once — that would be too rough al- 
together. God save me from such a trial! I’ll 
never take sea-baths again as long as I live ! ” 

Herr von Collin now took Wanda’s hand, ad- 
vanced to the little man, and in a most agreeable 
manner said : 

“ Madame Baldrian was so gracious as to des- 
ignate me as the fifth child, although I am not yet 
aware how that comes, but that has nothing to do 
with my affair, for I now take the liberty of asking 
of you for the hand of your daughter, Fräulein 
Wanda. Your wife and daughter have already 
been so kind as to give their consent.” 

An awful load fell from the spirit of the little 
Commercial Counsellor Miller. 

“ God be praised ! ” he mentally exclaimed. “ If 
it is nothing worse than that ! I really thought that 
that woman had already found out — but that would 
have been altogether too bad and too ridiculous ! ” 

Then he spoke aloud to the solicitor, who stood 
awaiting a reply. 

“ Then it was you who was by my wdfe? Well, 
since my wife does not object, then of course I ” 

Here, however, he interrupted himself, as if a 
troublesome thought had just occurred to him, and 
he dexterously manoeuvred to gain Madame Bal- 
drian’s side, into whose ear he whispered : 

“ You have told him distinctly that the dowry 
has been diminished again, have you not ? ” 

Hymen’s agent nodded. 

“ Well, then, since my wife does not object,” papa 


442 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Miller commenced again, “ I don’t either ; I like 
your appearance and I ” 

“ He has inherited two hundred thousand dollars 
from his uncle ! ” whispered Madame Baldrian at 
this point into his ear. 

The commercial counsellor was agreeably sur- 
prised. 

“ I like your appearance very %vell indeed,” he 
w r ent on, addressing himself to solicitor von Collin. 
“ Well then, take her and make her happy!” he 
added, stooping a little to imprint a kiss upon his 
daughter’s forehead. 

But at that moment the impetuous Wanda 
jumped from her chair toward him and his nose 
collided quite severely with her head. 

When she looked up to him the tears were 
streaming from his eyes. 

“ Please don’t cry, papa ! ” begged the wild creat- 
ure, thinking the tears were an expression of joy 
on his part instead of pain. “ I am not crying 
either ! ” 

“ Never mind, child, never mind ! It will soon 
pass over ! ” said the commercial counsellor, turning 
away for the purpose of drying his tears. 

Madame Baldrian, impelled by curiosity w r hich 
cast into the shadow even the sense of injury, now ap- 
proached the legation counsellor and Louisa to learn 
how the affair came about so quietly and without 
her intercession ; and Wanda took her intended to 
the window where they interchanged the first tender 
manifestations, frequently glancing around to see 
whether they were observed by anyone. 

“ Well, when will the wedding, or rather the 
weddings, take place?” asked the elder Frohberg, 
“for I intend to remove to the country with my 
family soon and would like to arrange it so as to 
be present at this double family festival.” 


OF POTSDAM. 


443 


Little Miller, who had already been looking per- 
fectly happy, now made a sad face. 

“ Both my children will be taken from me at 
once ! ” he murmured gloomily to himself. 

Madame Baldrian came to his side with a smile 
upon her face and a twinkle in her eye. 

“ You still have a little one in reserve ! ” she 
whispered into his ear. 

The commercial counsellor nodded, and in silent 
pleasure rubbed his hands. 

“ That's so ! ” he murmured in a low voice. 
“ After all, this remarkable affair has also some 
good points about it.” 

The elder Frohberg now wished to withdraw for 
the purpose of calling for his wife, who was still 
with Madame Miller, to whom he desired to tender 
his congratulations. 

The legation counsellor and Louisa followed him 
to present themselves as an engaged couple to the 
mother of the affianced young lady, with little 
Miller bringing up the rear, and the matrimonial 
agent took her leave, as she had many important 
matters to attend to yet. 

Only Herr von Collin and Fräulein Wanda re- 
mained in utter blissfulness hidden in the recess of 
the window, and when a little later the mid-day 
meal reunited the family some of them had less ap- 
petite than at any time during their lives. 

Love satiates one, but one soon becomes hungry 
again. 


444 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


CHAPTER XYII. 
rarrer’s great deed. 

On the afternoon of the same day Madame Bald- 
rian sat in her room and read the announcements of 
the engagements and marriages in the newspaper. 

She hardly ever read anything else. Births had 
no interest for her, for the subjects were too young 
to be of any use, and deaths only in so far as it 
would be possible for her to arrange marriages be- 
tween the resulting widows and widowers. 

On examining the room somewhat more closely a 
number of peculiarities might have been noticed. 

The window curtains were not of white lace or 
white cotton stuff, such as are usually found in 
ladies’ apartments, but red and blue, the colors of 
love and faithfulness, from which it could be seen 
that Madame Baldrian possessed more solid princi- 
ples than she was usually credited with. 

It is often possible to judge of the character of 
the occupant of a room from the manner in which 
he or she furnished and arranged it. The carpet 
w’as likewise bkie and red, with a few scattered 
white flowers, which was, perhaps, intended to 
denote how rare innocence is. 

Green, the color of hope, was not represented in 
the room at all. Madame Baldrian, as we have 
said, took very little interest in prospective matters. 

The walls of the chamber were covered with 
many steel engravings, all of them representing en- 
gagements and marriages. 

x There was to be seen the marriage of Napoleon 
with Josephine Tascher de la Pagerie, Peter I. of 


OF POTSDAM. 


445 


Russia with Martha Rabe, subsequently Empress 
Catherine I. ; Erich XIV. of Sweden with the beau- 
tiful Court Lady Mans, and many others. 

The floor was almost entirely covered by a large 
carpet, which was not nailed down, but, after the 
latest fashion, merely spread out loosely, a narrow 
strip only, near the walls^ remaining exposed. In its 
centre was represented, in life-size figures, the cere- 
mony of the marriage of the Doge of Venice to the 
Adriatic Sea. 

After the agent of the god Hymen had read care- 
fully through the marriages and the engagements she 
put the paper away, and, as if dissatisfied with her- 
self, murmured while looking down upon the ani- 
mated street below : 

“ That’s really too bad that I should have failed 
to consummate the engagement between Hermann 
and Louisa. I think I ought to be ashamed of my- 
self. I have been visiting that house for ever so 
many years, brought about an engagement between 
Solicitor von Collin and little Wanda with a great 
deal of trouble and labor, and yet completely over- 
looked the growing attachment between the eldest 
sister and her godfather. Really it seems as if it is 
becoming more difficult for me to accomplish any- 
thing of late,” she added, after reflecting gloomily 
for awhile. “ The time for quick conclusions and 
keen resolutions seem to have gone by. Things I 
formerly accomplished with the utmost ease, I now 
find very difficult to do. Is my star declining? 
Have I reached the end of my renowned career, like 
Hapoleon after his unfortunate expedition to Russia, 
during which his whole army was frozen ? ” 

Hymen’s agent for the promotion of matrimonial 
combinations rested her head in her white, soft 
hand and reflected : 

“ Hothing, however, is frozen in me,” she went on, 


446 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


after a lengthy silence. “ Impediments may occur in 
every industry and profession, and yet the guiding 
spirit need not be the cause of them. This one de- 
feat shall not put a period to my usefulness. I will 
not be discouraged nor lose hope,” she added, 
bracing herself up energetically. “ When one loses 
confidence in herself, she cannot expect to succeed 
in any undertaking.” 

The eye of Madame Baldrian glowed again with 
its wonted fire, but its glow quickly began to sub- 
side, and presently she stared with the same degree 
of dejection on the street below. 

“ I feel very queer to-day,” she began once more. 
“ A net seems to have been cast around my heart, 
like a premonition of some evil which I shall not 
be able to escape. Is it possible that I am really 
at the turn of my life, or, still worse, at the end of 
it ? ” 

A deep sigh escaped from the breast of the mat- 
rimonial' agent. 

“ Death sometimes overtakes one quickly,” she 
intoned to herself ; u well for those whose accounts 
in life are always settled.” 

A tear dropped from the eye of the marriage 
instigator upon her silken robe. 

“ Is this a tear of pain or of joy ? ” said she sadly. 
“ Will it be the only one or followed by many 
‘glistening sisters, 5 as our charming Henry Heine 
expresses himself ? ” 

The match -maker remained lost in thought, then, 
upon a sudden resolve, she raised her head and said 
the words with the same defiant ring in her voice 
as Parthenia in “ The Son of the Wilderness: ” 

“ I will cry no more ! ” 

And having fully regained her old energy and 
determination, she continued : 

“Let come what will, the contingencies of des- 


OF POTSDAM. 


447 


tiny shall find me prepared for every occasion. I 
have suffered this forenoon in the house of the 
commercial counsellor a humiliating defeat, and in 
order to convince myself that I possess as much 
capability as ever I will this very day put it to the 
test. Before the sun goes down another happy 
couple shall be added to the inhabitants of this 
bright and beautiful world. The ground work has 
already been laid and. if fortune will smile but a 
little upon my efforts it will not even be necessary 
for me to rise from this chair in order to unite two 
hands in conjugal felicity.” 

After these remarks the apostle for the promul- 
gation of the gospel of matrimony pulled the bell 
cord that hung within the reach of her hand. 

A few minutes later a female form appeared 
whose sex no one would have been able to designate 
were it not for the fact that she had on female ap- 
parel and evidently was a cook. 

The creature looked like the most uncouth farm 
laborer, who took it into his head to go to a ball 
masked in the garb of a female cook. 

She was of a large man's stature and the visible 
parts of the body were of Herculean size. The 
shoulders were remarkably broad and strong, and 
the fiery red naked arms were surely able to carry 
a full grown calf. The trunk was surmounted by a 
large head, overgrown with black, shaggy hair ; the 
cheeks were livid and puffy, the eyes small, but had 
a good-natured expression about them, amounting 
almost to simplicity, and which had nothing in com- 
mon with the savage-looking mustache that shaded 
the thick upper lip. 

“ Did madame ring ? ” asked the colossal female 
in a deep, masculine, bass voice, while the eyes 
glanced about childishly, as if to say : ‘ Fear not, I 
will not hurt you ! 5 


44:8 


TUE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“Yes, Rosa!” said the mistress. “I am sorry 
to say I haven’t made much progress in your 
affair, notwithstanding all the trouble I, have 
taken.” 

The colossal creature made a face as if she was 
about to cry. 

“ The men are constantly becoming more diffi- 
cult to suit,” continued Madame Baldrian, “they 
demand more now than ever.” 

“ Oh, Heavens, I am willing to do anything,” 
said the giantess, in a mournful voice. 

The matrimonial agent smiled. 

“ So far I have always succeeded in marrying off 
all my servant girls,” she went on, “ and it will go 
very hard indeed if I don’t succeed in your case too. 
You have scarcely any clothes, and saved noth- 
ing ” 

“ Because I am always so hungry, Madame Bald- 
rian,” said Rosa, interrupting her mistress. 

“ And, in addition, you are not very pretty,” the 
latter added, in a tone that could easily be heard 
how hard it was for her to utter the words. 

The colossus now cried in earnest. 

“ That is true, that I am not very pretty,” said 
the giantess, “ but I would be so good to him, so 
good ! ” she added, with a sudden outburst of ardor, 
amounting almost to frenzy, making a movement 
as if she would crush someone in her Herculean 
arms. 

“ Come, come,” said Madame Baldrian, motion- 
ing with her hand to pacify her ardent cook. 
“ Don’t be so violent. I believe you ! ” 

At this slight reproof, the cheeks of the female 
colossus became livid, she cast down her eye s, fum- 
bled confusedly with her apron-strings, and rotating 
the gigantic upper part of her body, like a little 
girl that is in a pet, said : 


OF POTSDAM. 


449 


“ But I am not to blame if I like the men so 
much ! ” she added, with another ebullition of furi- 
ous passion, going through the same crushing move- 
ment as before. 

Hymen’s agent was obliged to turn away her 
head to avoid laughing a-loud. 

“Now, for several days^I have resorted to a 
measure which I do not, as a rule, like to make use 
of,” said she, after a little while. “I have adver- 
tised for you in the newspaper.” 

Ilosa jumped for joy, and when she came down 
again upon the floor all the plates, the cups, and 
the saucers in the closet trembled, the furniture 
shook, and Madame Baldrian involuntarily grasped 
the arms of her chair to keep from falling. 

“Bosa!” she cried, “take care, the ceiling will 
fall down upon people’s heads below us.” And then 
she went on again in her friendly-protectoral tone. 

“ I have, then, advertised in the newspaper to 
the effect that a poor but virtuous girl ” 

“ Yes, I can swear to that by all the heavenly 
powers ! ” cried the colossal girl, stretching out an 
arm like a tower toward the ceiling. 

“ One not exactly beautiful, but all the more 
faithful, and affectionate,” continued the matrimo- 
nial agent. 

“Yes, oh, yes, I’ll be so good to him, so good,” 
cried the cook again, shaking her clinched fists 
as if she would like to smash somebody or some- 
thing. 

“ Who seeks a life companion. Particulars will 
be supplied at my residence,” said Madame Bal- 
drian, as she completed the reading of the advertise- 
ment. 

“ Oh, if one would only come, if one would only 
come ! ” cried the colossal cook with such vehement 
passion again that it would have required a very 
29 


450 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


brave man not to have become panic-stricken at the 
thought of calling such a creature his own. 

At that instant the house-bell rang. 

Rosa made a movement as if she wanted to leap 
in the air again. 

“No jumping, no jumping!” admonished the 
match-maker, in a low but firm voice. 

“ Maybe it is a man ! ” whispered the giant cook, 
beaming for joy, stopping short in the attempt at 
jumping. 

“ Be still ! ” commanded her mistress. 

Again the bell rang, but stronger and louder. 

“ How impatient he is ! ” cried the colossal girl. 
“ He must be in an awful hurry — don’t you think 
so, Madame Baldrian ? ” 

“ Go and open the door, see w r ho it is and what is 
wanted ! ” said the latter impatiently. 

The colossus started to execute the commands of 
her mistress. 

The bell rang a third time, lasting at least a minute. 

On the way Eosa turned around and made a 
movement as if she would like to fly. But, at the 
behest of her mistress to go on, she turned about 
once more and left the room. 

When, in the course of a few minutes, she re- 
turned she made a face from which Madame Bal- 
drian was unable to say whether it denoted joy, 
disappointment, or anything else. 

“ Well ? ” she asked, impatiently. 

The colossal girl shrugged her gigantic shoulders, 
and did not answer. 

“ Who is it ? ” asked her mistress. 

The giantess shrugged her shoulders once more. 

“ Is it a man ? ” 

“Yes; at least he so appears to me,” answ r ered 
Rosa, her countenance again assuming an animated 
friendly expression. 


OF POTSDAM. 


451 


“ You are certainly able to distinguish a man 
from a woman, are you not ? ” said the matrimonial 
agent, somewhat provoked. 

“ It is not a woman ! ” returned the colossal cook, 
positively. 

“ I really think you have lost your reason through 
your marriage affair, you stupid thing you ! ” cried 
Madame Baldrian, angrily. “ Didn’t you ask whom 
you had the honor to announce ? ” 

Rosa nodded. 

“ Well, then, what is his name? ” asked the mis- 
tress, further. 

“ I don’t know,” replied the colossal girl. “When 
I asked him for his name, he made such a horrible 
face that I became anxious and frightened.” 

“It is not an ape, is it?” asked Madame Bal- 
drian, anxiously. 

“ Oh, Heavenly Father ! don’t frighten me so!” 
cried Rosa, holding her big open hands before her 
eyes. 

“ Didn’t he speak at all ? ” 

“Yes, of course he spoke,” returned the cook, 
“ and therefore it can’t be an ape. He told me dis- 
tinctly and sensibly that he wanted to see Madame 
Baldrian, but when I asked him for his name he 
seemed to be seized with a spasm, and then he made 
such a horrible face that he did not look like a 
human being at all.” 

Madame Baldrian reflected for a moment. 

“ I presume it is some jolly devil who wants to 
have some fun with this big goose ! ” mentally said 
the lady. “At any rate, I must see him, for lie un- 
doubtedly comes in response to the advertisement in 
the Intelligence newspaper. Tell the gentleman 
that I beg him to come in,” said she, addressing her- 
self to the cook. “ And as regards yourself, go 
back to the kitchen as soon as you have shown him 


452 


TEE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


in here, and under no circumstances must you dis- 
turb our conversation, if you do you may spoil 
everything.” 

“ Do you think, Madame Baldrian, that he comes 
to see me ? ” Rosa asked, shyly, before leaving the 
room. 

“I judge so,” returned the match-maker. 

“ I wish he hadn’t made me such a terrible face ! ” 
said the girl, shuddering. “ If I am good to my 
husband, there is no occasion for him to frighten 
me.” 

Then, upon a commanding wink from her mis- 
tress, Rosa went to the door. 

Madame Baldrian quickly spread out the skirt of 
her dress as much as possible, leaned back serenely 
in her chair, and, with a lovely smile on her lips, 
waited for the person who was to come in. 

Suddenly she heard a loud noise, and on directing 
her glance toward the door, she saw a man, lying 
stretched out at full length upon the floor, who evi- 
dently had stumbled over the loose carpet. 

“ I wanted to enjoy the pleasah of calling on you ! ” 
said the stranger, still prone upon the floor, but in a 
pleasant tone of voice. 

Delighted to see you,” returned Madame Bal- 
drian greatly annoyed at the strange occurrence. 
“ Won’t you rise and take a seat ? ” 

“ You ahe vewy kind,” groaned Barrer, with dif- 
ficulty rising from the floor and picking up his hat, 
which in falling he had flattened like a pancake. 

He then sat down upon a chair offered him by 
the lady. 

Despite the fact that Rarrer had drank a wdiole 
bottle of wine before setting out upon this 
visit, in order to have the required amount of 
courage, he was nevertheless not in a condition; in 
the presence of Madame Baldrian, to initiate the con- 


OF POTSDAM ; 


453 


versation, nor even to continue it. He merely sat 
there twirling his flattened hat between his hands 
and every now and then looked at the lady as if 
he wanted to say something ; but the moment she 
looked at him his glance dropped to the floor, and 
he became greatly embarrassed. 

When Madame Baldrian became convinced that 
the young man was not disposed to begin the con- 
versation she resolved to take the initiative. 

“ Doubtless you come in reference to a certain 
affair,” said she, very affably, accenting the words. 

Barrel* looked very much surprised. 

“A certain affaih?” said he mentally. “ IIow 
can this woman know what I have told to no one ? 
Does she possess any supehnatuwal powahs ? At 
any wate, it will be well foh me to be vewy cautious 
and diplomatic, so that my gweat plan is not spoiled. 
To listen and not to speak is now my main task ! ” 

Hence Karrer did not speak, and only made a pe- 
culiar movement which might just as well have 
been taken for an affirmative as a negative expres- 
sion. 

Madame Baldrian took it as an affirmative ex- 
pression. 

“ And your haste was only a proof of the excus- 
able interest which you take in the matter?” she 
added, with the same affability. 

Karrer repeated his twofold meaning movement, 
but mentally he said : 

“ The d 1 may understand what she means by 

that, I don’t. But patience and I will soon find out 
where she is d wiving to ! ” 

“After all, I can only tell you what you know 
already,” continued the match-maker. 

“ I don’t know anything,” mentally said the young 
man. ■ “ But patience, patience ! ” 

“ Now, since you have already seen- 


went on 


454 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


the matrimonal agent, roguishly bowing to him and 
gazing into his eyes with a peculiarly enchanting 
look. 

As Karrer was always a very agreeable fellow, 
and, in addition, just now was very much embar- 
rassed, he therefore bowed, too, but not roguishly, 
simply awkwardly. 

“ I haven’t the least idea what she means by say- 
ing that I have alweady seen,” mentally said he. 

“And since you like her ” continued the 

preacher of the gospel of matrimony, still more af- 
fably and roguishly. 

The youth bowed again. 

“ Then w T e can easily settle the matter,” said she. 

Karrer looked at her with staring eyes. Mentally 
he said : “ I am quite w^eady to settle the matteh 
with } T ou, though I can’t imagine what you mean,” 
while his face became overcast with a sinister ex- 
pression. 

“ If agreeable to you ” insinuatingly said the 

agent, rising from her seat. 

“ With pleasuah ! ” returned Karrer, likewise ris- 
ing, his countenance gloomy, pulling up his kid 
glove. 

Madame Baldrian regarded him with a beaming 
face. 

“ Please wait one minute ! ” said she, in dulcet 
tones, preparing to leave. 

Karrer unconsciouslyJ;ook a step toward her and 
raised his right hand. 

The w r eaver of the sweet chains of matrimony 
smiled roguishly and bowed to him profoundly. 

“ Wait only one minute, please ! ” she repeated, 
with a seductive glance from her divine orbs. 

And then, quick as a flash, she turned and left 
the room. 

Karrer remained standing in the centre of the 


OF POTSDAM , ; 


455 


room, with his hand raised and a sinister expression 
upon his countenance. 

“ The favowable moment is lost ! ” he murmured, 
sadly, his courage seemingly oozing out of him with 
the disappearance of the match-maker. “ Weally, 
it seems vewy liahd to get the best of lieh,” he con- 
tinued, brooding darkly. “ She is as sleepewy as 
an eel, but the deed will, nevehtheless, be accom- 
plished when she wetuhns.” 

Having delivered himself of this speech, his fore- 
head became wrinkled still more, his face assumed 
a still darker expression, and he folded his arms 
across his breast, inclined his head forward, and 
strutted up and down the room, lost in deep thought. 

He seemed to have already forgotten his surround- 
ings when the door was noislessely opened a little 
and two female heads peered into the room. They 
were those of the matrimonial agent and of her her- 
culean cook, Rosa. 

“ Is it really true ?” whispered the Colossus into 
the ear of her mistress. 

“Yes,” the agent whispered. “He came for you, 
immediately took a fancy to you, and is waiting now 
to tell you everything himself, which no doubt will 
be much sweeter and more delightful to you than if 
I told you.” 

The giantess cook was on the point of shouting 
for joy, but Madame Baldrian clapped a hand upon 
her mouth in the nick of time. 

“Will you be still?” she said. “A girl must 
never display her feelings to a man too soon, and 
above all things not in such a vehement man- 
ner ! ” 

“ What may he be thinking of ? ” asked Rosa, 
whose head was actually swelling with the passion- 
ate excitement that was boiling in her. 

“ He is most probably preparing a speech which 


456 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


he will deliver to you upon your entrance ! ” replied 
the match-maker. 44 It will be splendid, Rosa ! ” 

The colossal spinster wanted to kiss her mistress, 
from an ebullition of blissful frenzy, but the latter 
by an adroit movement averted it. 

44 You must behave yourself till I introduce you,” 
said the latter. 

44 I can’t stand it any longer ! ” gasped the giantess 
squeezing her glowing and massive head more and 
more into the partly open doorway. 

Rarrer still walked up and down the room lost in 
thought ; now lie struck his heart with his right 
hand like a gloomy tragedian who thrusts a dagger 
into his manly breast. 

44 What is he doing now?” asked the colossal 
woman who presided over the agent’s culinary de- 
partment. 

44 He seems to have reached the point when he 
relates to you in fiery words his love and his ten- 
derness for you,” returned Madame Baldrian. 

That was too much for the gigantic love-struck 
Rosa. Uttering a cry like a wild beast that furi- 
ously rushes upon its prey, she tore open the door, 
almost knocking her mistress down, rushed upon 
Earrer, who just then had his back turned toward 
her, seized him like a child with her herculean 
arms and kissed and hugged him till his five senses 
left him. 

44 Rosa!” cried the matrimonial agent after she 
had somewhat recovered from her surprise, 44 what 
are you doing? Control yourself, I beg of you ! ” 

44 But I can’t control myself any more ! ” cried 
the colossal creature, squeezing and hugging poor 
Barrel*. I am so fond of the dear little darling, 
so fond of. him ! ’’she added with passionate ecstasy, 
kissing Barrel* till his lips and teeth ached. 

44 Help ! ” cried the unhappy youth when he got 


OF POTSDAM. 


457 


a chance to breathe. u Save me ! I can’t stand it 
any longali ! ” 

“ Can’t you stand it any longer either, my dear 
little darling ? ” cried the love-frenzied giantess. 
“ Then you are so fond of me, hey ? I’ll show you 
how fond I am of you ! ” 

And then she threw him up in the air as if he 
was a chip of wood, and caught him again in her 
muscular arms. 

“ Help ! Save me ! ” cried again the maltreated, 
unhappy young man. 66 She will destwoy me ! 
Muhdali ! wobbahs ! ” 

May I take him into the kitchen for a little 
while, Madame Baldrian ? ” asked the colossal girl, 
beaming with joy, addressing herself to her mistress. 

On hearing this request on the part of the gi- 
gantic Rosa, Rarrer exerted all his powers to. ex- 
tricate himself from her powerful arms. 

“ Ho ! ” he cried in mortal dread. “ You can’t 
take me into the kitchen, noli any otheh place, you 
hovvible thing ! ” 

And despite the efforts of the giantess to retain 
him in her embrace, he succeeded, by kicking with 
his feet, and beating with his hands, in escaping 
from her clutches, but not until he was completely 
exhausted, when he fell upon the floor like one dead. 

“ Rosa ! Rosa ! ’’ kept on the matrimonial agent, 
calling to her cook, provoked in the highest de- 
gree, “ what are you doing ? Are you crazy ? 
Why don’t you give the young gentleman time to 
say what he wants? He intends to marry you, but 
you ought to give him time to ask you for your 
hand ! ” 

Meanwhile Rarrer had managed to get upon his 
feet again. 

“ This seems to be a weal wobbah’s den ! ” he 
groaned, examining his ribs. “ Why did you allow 


458 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


this she-devil to maltweat me so ? ” cried he, ad- 
dressing himself to the mistress of the Amazonian 
cook. 

Rosa turned deathly pale when she heard Rarrer 
bestow upon her that uncomplimentary term. 

“ I protest against your using such terms to this 
young woman,” returned the matrimonial agent, in 
an earnest and disapproving tone. “ I think it is 
decidedly reprehensible in you to use such an ex- 
pression to a person you were disposed to give your 
hand to, which, of course, makes it impossible for 
the contemplated engagement to take place now. 
What the girl has done is only an evidence of her 
great love for you, which any man would not only 
excuse, but 'be proud of, and not repay with such 
insulting and obnoxious terms. Go back to the 
kitchen, Rosa,” said she, then turning to her cook, 
“ You will never see this man again ! ” 

The colossal girl sobbed in an alarming manner. 

“ Oh what a pity ! ” she cried. “ I am so fond 
of him ! ” 

“ You will find another who is more w r orthy of 
you ! ” said Madame Baldrian, and then she repeated 
in the strict voice of a mistress who permits no con- 
tradiction : “ Go to your room now ! ” 

Rosa obeyed, and walked away, sobbing as if her 
heart would break. 

The marriage missionary stood before Rarrer like 
an angry goddess. 

“You have just broken a heart that was inex- 
pressibly devoted to you ! ” said she, with tragic 
“ Was it for that purpose you came here, 

Rarrer stared at the promoter of connubial bliss 
in the greatest surprise. 

“Excuse me,” he returned, in a firm but repellent 
tone ; “I did not come lieali fob the puhpose of 


dignity 
sir ? ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


459 


bweaking hearts, and I want to have nothing to do 
with that cwazy woman.” 

“ What ? ” asked Madame Baldrian, surprised in 
turn. “ Did you not come on account of the mar- 
riage notice which I caused to be inserted in the 
Intelligence paper ? ” 

Rarrer’s countenance assumed an expression of 
ineffable contempt. 

“ 1 am not a man who is attwacted by mawiage 
advehtisements !” said he, drawing himself up proud- 
ly, and like a Girondist, flinging his compressed hat 
under his left arm. 

“ Then what brings you to me, if I may ask ? ” 
spoke the advocate of matrimony, somewhat an- 
noyed at the mistake and its effects. 

Karrer seemed now to be gathering up all the 
strength he could muster ; for he drew himself up 
proudly, threw his head back slightly, and was just 
about to begin to talk when he became somewhat 
frightened, and quickly looked around. 

Madame Baldrian regarded the conduct of hei- 
st range visitor in silent amazement. 

Barrel* soon regained his self-possession, and 
turned once more to the marriage plotter, deter- 
mined now to execute his long-cherished project, 
so he took a step forward, put his right hand under 
his frock-coat, and opened his mouth to speak, when 
he again became frightened and looked behind him, 

“ He is a very strange man, and I am beginning 
to feel uncomfortable in his presence ! ” mentally 
said the matrimonial agent. 

However, she took heart, and with forced amia- 
bility asked : 

“ May I have the honor to learn what your name 
is ? ” 

The question seemed to affect the young man 
very unpleasantly, but he seemed to be imbued to- 


460 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


day with a rare degree of self-possession. Instantly 
he pinched together his eyelids, distorted his face 
in a spasmodic manner, and opened his mouth so far 
that the root of the tongue could be seen. 

“ Oli ! ” cried the marriage promoter, frightened, 
recoiling several steps. 

Karrer closed his mouth and opened his eyes, 
and gazed at the lady very much astonished. 

“ Heavens ! I hope he is not crazy ! Keally he 
looks as if he wanted to bite me ! 55 mentally said 
Madame Baldrian, retreating still farther. 

Just then the bell rang. 

The interruption seemed to please the lady, but to 
displease the young man. 

Both waited with the greatest impatience to see 
what was going to happen. 

A few minutes later the colossal cook appeared, 
with a tear-stained face and reddened eyes, handed 
Madame Baldrian a letter, burst out in spasmodic 
sobbing anew on beholding Karrer, and then disap- 
peared again in an adjacent chamber. 

“ Excuse me ! ” said the matrimonial agent to the 
strange young man, glancing at the superscription 
on the envelope and then breaking the seal. 

“ Cehtainly. Don’t let me liindah you ! ” said 
Karrer, bowing pleasantly. 

The female apostle of matrimony went over to the 
window, unfolded the letter, and began to read it. 

Already at the first few words, her face under- 
went a great change, and it soon assumed an alarm- 
ing expression. And the further she read the more 
her fears grew, for she turned pale and glanced over 
her letter in a stealthy manner at Karrer, who, 
proudly, had drawn himself up again, and seemed to 
be resolved upon some heroic deed. 

But, on throwing liis head backward a little, a 
sudden fright overtook him again, and he looked 


OF POTSDAM. 


461 


around like a person who fears that someone be- 
hind lii m is about to do him an injury. 

Madame Baldrian trembled. 

“ How anxious and apprehensive he is con- 
stantly looking around,” said she, mentally, “ as if 
he is troubled with an evil conscience, or imagines 
that he is watched. Is it possible that this is the 
very young man against whom this anonymous 
writer warns me ? ” 

With rapid and burning looks she glanced over 
the- following lines once more : 

“ An excited young man will call upon you one 
of these days, who has some evil intentions against 
you. Be on your guard ! ” 

“He is certainly young and excited, too. But 
what evil intentions can he have against me ? ” re- 
flected Madame Baldrian, in the depths of her soul. 
“ I would like to ring for Iiosa to protect me, but, 
with her love for the rogue, she would in all proba- 
bility take his part against me! ” 

Barren took another step toward her, and again 
thrust his right hand inside the left flap of his frock- 
coat, like an actor who is about to deliver a speech. 

The matrimonial agent retreated behind a little 
table. 

“He must be a thief!” she said, mentally. “He 
is going to attack me now — place a loaded revolver 
to my breast, and rob me of my money ! ” 

Barrel* advanced another step. His face ex- 
pressed a firm, unalterable determination, and his 
eye glistened with the fire of a fanatic. 

The matrimonial agent cried out from fear. In 
feverish haste and with trembling hands, she 
snatched her well-filled purse from the pocket of 
her dress, and threw it at him. 

“ There, take it ! ” she cried, in tones of the great- 
est alarm. “ That is all that I have at present.” 


462 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Rarrer kicked back the purse with his foot, con- 
temptuously, and his countenance assumed an ex- 
pression of deep insult. 

“ What do you take me foh ? ” said he, with in- 
imitable dignity. “Do you think I am a thief oh 
a wobbah ? Oh, how you have been mistaken in me ! ” 

After these remarks his whole being, impelled by 
the influence of some powerful resolution, seemed 
to be roused to the highest pitch of determination, 
he took another long step forward, stretched out his 
arm, his eye became illuminated, and his breast 
heaved vehemently. 

“ This is vewy stwange ! ” murmured he, with 
trembling lips. 

“ What is strange ? ” asked the match-maker. 
Although terribly frightened, she still retained a 
certain degree of nervous curiosity. 

“ Someone is constantly stwiking me on the back 
of the head,” answered Rarrer, in a low voice, “ and 
when I look awound I see no one.” 

“ He is crazy ! ” mentally said Madame Baldrian. 
“ If I could only get out of this room ! ” 

She then gave a jump from behind the table, 
and had almost reached the door. 

“ Stay ! ” cried Rarrer, leaping suddenly forward 
and thus getting between her and the door. 

“ What do you want of me, you horrible man ? ” 
asked the lady, almost frightened to death. “ If 
you do not want my money, is it your intention to 
murder me!” 

“ Oh, no ! ” declared Rarrer, whose courage and 
resolution now seemed to be fully worked up. “ It 
is just the wewese. I do not intend to muhdali 
you, but to wob you.” 

“ Then, for heaven’s sake, take the purse and 
go ! ” exclaimed the match-maker, attempting to pick 
it up from the floor. 


OF POTSDAM. 


463 


44 Leave it theah ! ” said Karrer, restraining her 
by a motion of the hand. 

He then seemed to work himself into a vehement 
state of excitement, his eyes rolled wildly in his 
head, his bosom heaved, and his nostrils became di- 
lated. 

Had Karrer gazed into a mirror and seen how he 
looked, he would certainly have been frightened. 

64 What do you want, you horrible man ? ” 
cried the matrimonial agent, again. 44 Take every- 
thing I have got, but go, go ! ” 

44 1 don’t want youah money, noh youah pwop- 
ehty,” returned Karrer, in a subdued, passionately 
hot voice. 44 1 want something mohe valuable ! ” 

Madame Baldrian opened her eyes to their ut- 
most, and stared at him with a horrified expression 
of countenance. 

The young man advanced another step toward her. 

44 1 must and will possess you ! ” he went on, in a 
lower voice, but with more vehemence. 44 1 want 
to mawy you ! ” he added, passionately. 

The matrimonial agent opened her mouth, pressed 
her hands upon her breast, uttered a low moan, and 
sank down upon a chair, as if in a faint. 

Karrer gazed upon her with a peculiar gleam in 
his eye. 

44 If the sudden joy has killed heh, it will, on the 
wdiole, be the best thing that could happen to both 
of us,” said he to himself, sadly, in a low voice ; 
44 albeit, as twue as God lives, the thought nevali oc- 
cuhed to me to injuh her. I am only desihwous of 
sacwificing myself in olideh to make heh halimless 
in the fucliuh.” 

Karrer tiptoed toward her. 

44 1 wandah whetheh she is weally dead,” he con- 
tinued. 44 Theh ahe vawious ways of ascertaining that 
point. Thus, if a miwoli is held to heh mouth, and 


464 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


it wemains unclouded, it pwoves that she is dead. 
Oh, a feathah nndeh lieh nose, and if it is motionless, 
it is also a suah sign of death. Oh, laying a hand 
upon the heaht to feel whetheh it beats.” 

Karrer glanced around the room to see whether 
he could find the necessary articles. 

“Theali is no small miwoh to be seen anywheah,” 
reflected Karrer, u and I cehtainly can’t hold that 
big, heavy wococo miwoh to hell mouth. I must 
ascehtain whethah lieh heaht beats. No miwoh is 
necessawy foil that, only the hand.” He stretched 
out his dexter member to make the experiment, but 
pulled it back before touching her, and blushed. 

u No ! ” said he, eyeing the upper part of the lady’s 
body, “I do not know how to do it, noli do I think 
that it is pwopeli. I must twy the featheli test.” 

Again his gaze wandered about the room, and he 
discovered a goose-quill among some writing mater- 
ials. 

Stealthily he tiptoed to the desk, took the quill , 
hurried back, and held the stiff end under the lady’s 
nose. 

He held it for a long time, and watched it care- 
fully, but it remained perfectly motionless. 

“ She is dead ! ” gasped Karrer. “ The suhpwise 
has killed heh. The gods do not want me to sacwi- 
fice myself ! ” lie went on after a pause, in a low 
voice. “ They have taken the deali cweatuh to 
theih ahms instead of me, and will pweseve heh bet- 
teh than I could have done it. One must be satis- 
fied with whateveh happens, and he must submit to 
the inevitable ! ” 

Karrer sighed, and was busy trying to restore his 
flattened hat into shape again, when he suddenly 
started and turned as pale as a corpse. 

He now gave up the attempt to smooth out his 
hat, allowed his arms to fall to his sides impotently, 


OF POTSDAM. 


465 


and cast a horrified look upon the still motionless 
Madame Baldrian. 

“ Gwacious heavens ! ” he moaned, “ I was the 
only pehson in the woom wdien she died ! I’ll suhly 
be taken foh lieh muhdeweh ! If I should call in 
that cwazy cook of hehs, I’ll only make things woss, 
foh that cweatuh will sooneli testify against me than 
foh me. Although nothing could be pwoven against 
me diwectly, still it will look vewy bad foh me. With 
my usual ill luck they might even find sufficient 
evidence to convict me of foul muhdeh and exe- 
cute me ! Iiowevah wetched my life has been, 
still the thought of being twied and hung as a muh- 
dewah is too howible to beah. I must seek my 
safety in flight. That cwazy woman,” he went on 
with his soliloquy, ‘‘may come in at any moment, 
and 1 must thehfoh get out of this woom without 
any delay ! ” 

Suddenly his wandering glances fell upon the 
window. With fear and trembling he stealthily 
crawled close up to it and looked out. 

“ It is not high ! ” he went on. u I think I can 
wisk it, no one will see me if I get out this way ! ” 

Carefully and cautiously he opened it and put out 
his head for the purpose of reconnoitring the sur- 
roundings. 

“ Thebe is no one living in the cellah of this 
house,” he continued, “ so that I need not feah any- 
one seizing my foot and pulling my boot off, as 
happened to me in Majoli W — W — Wumpel’s wesi- 
dence.” 

He cast a hasty glance up and down the street, 
quickly and dexterously threw his light leg over the 
window-sill, and was in the act of following it up 
with his left, when he suddenly felt a violent tug 
at his coat tails behind him that completely ar- 
rested his progress. 

30 


466 


THE MATRIMONIAL AO ENT 


Rarrer became stiff and motionless from fear. 
Wild, harrowing thoughts chased each other in a 
chaotic mass through his agonized mind. 

“ It is all up with me now ! ” he murmured. 
“My attempt at flight will be wegahded as evi- 
dence of guilt ! I pwesume it is that cwazy woman 
who is holding me.” 

But the instinct of self-preservation blazed anew 
in him with lightning-like rapidity, and took entire 
possession of him. 

“ I must fight foh life now ! ” he went on, mut- 
tering to himself. “Fohwahd! Behind me is 
death and destwuction ! ” 

He clutched at the window-sill, made a desperate 
effort to release himself, but at the moment when he 
exerted all his strength to get away, he was jerked 
backward so violently that, in an instant, he found 
himself lying on the carpet inside the room. 

“ It is all up with me now ! ” he groaned, with 
closed eyes, as if to shut out some dread calamity. 
“ If this cwazy cook would only stw T angle me at 
once, so that I might be spahed the disgwace of 
being twied and executed for mulideh ! ” 

“ You young hot-head, you ! ” said a tender, pas- 
sionate female voice, which Rarrer instantly recog- 
nized as that of Madame Baldrian. “ What are you 
up to ? Who would be so foolish as to take his life 
hastily and lose hope ! One should never give up 
hoping, especially in his dealings with the ladies.” 

Rarrer groaned. 

“ Heavens, how he suffers ! ” wdiispered the mat- 
rimonial agent to herself. Then she said aloud : 

“ Is it actually true ? And do you really love me 
so passionately ? ” 

u Yes! ” replied the youth, who was again trans- 
ported into an ecstatic delight by the sudden turn in 
his fate. “ Yes, I weally love you to distwaction ! ” 


OF POTSDAM. 


467 


He then rallied from his unpoetic attitude and 
kneeled before the lady. 

The latter likewise seemed to have been suddenly 
overcome by similar emotions, and which she for 
herself had long ago renounced — for she allowed 
her round, shapely head, with its mass of 66 scram- 
bled bangs ” overhanging her brow, to droop forward, 
and her plump, white fingers to meander in happy 
blissfulness about Rarrer’ s coarse and curly hair. 

“ Oh ! 55 she cried, suddenly withdrawing her 
hand, and putting a plump, white finger into her 
mouth. 

Rarrer thought some new misfortune had hap- 
pened, and he quickly looked up. 

“ Have you got any thorns or needles in your 
head ? ” asked the contriver of marital affiliations, 
sucking her bruised finger. “I have pricked my 
finger, and it is bleeding.” 

“ Whetheh I have any thohns oh needles in my 
head?” repeated Rarrer, looking surprised, and ex- 
amining the back of his head with his right hand. 

But who can describe his astonishment when he 
discovered a long comb sticking in his hair ? 

“ What is that ? ” asked Madame Baldrian, as- 
tonished. 

“ A comb ! ” replied the young man, very care- 
fully examining the article. 

“ Are you a hair- dresser, that you carry a comb 
in your hair ? ” asked the matrimonial schemer. 

“ I am not a haiah-dwessah ! ” returned the young 
man, with a slightly injured air. 

Suddenly he happened to remember something. 

“That could only happen to me!” he went on. 
“ I got shaved a while ago, and the bahbeh left his 
comb in my haiah.” 

The lovely relict of the Merchant Baldrian 
laughed. 


468 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


“ That’s what stwuck me in the head wepeatedlj 
and made me suppose that theali was someone be- 
hind me,” went on Karrer. 

The matrimonial agent seemed entirely satisfied 
with this explanation, and she asked, in a tone easy 
enough to perceive that she w T as ready to answer it 
herself : 

“ Then you are no thief nor robber? ” 

“ How can you think of such a thing ? ” said the 
young man, looking up in surprise. 

“I certainly would not have believed it if I had 
not received an anonymous letter warning me against 
a young man, and which excited great fears in me.” 

But suddenly she stopped fondling the kneeling 
youth, and blushed crimson. She drew back a little, 
and with genuine or affected modesty muttered, half- 
audibly : 

“ What am I doing ? How immodest in me to 
be so familiar with an utter stranger ! I don’t know 
your name, even. Pray tell me it ? ” 

This question seemed to have a most dispiriting 
effect upon the poor young man. 

He got up from his kneeling attitude, bowed 
graciously to the lady, and said : 

“Pehmit me to intwoduce myself. My name 
is ” 

Here he stopped as usual, in order to compress 
his vocal organs, and in doing which he always made 
those fearful grimaces ; but suddenly he suspended 
these actions, because he seemed to have bethought 
himself of a better method, for he took a card 
from an elegant card-case and handed it to the bash- 
ful widow. 

“ Kurick Karrer! ” she read in dulcet tones, and 
the owner of this beautiful name acknowledged it 
with a bow and a gratifying expression of counte- 
nance. 


OF POTSDAM. 


469 


44 Cowect !” said he. 44 Wuwick Wa — , just as it 
is pwinted theh.” 

44 My dear Rurick!” whispered the captivating 
match-maker. And then she added, with charming 
naivete and cast-down eyes, 44 My name is Eglan- 
tine.” 

44 Oh, Eglantine ! ” burst out Rurick, in an ecs- 
tacy of joy. 44 Thank God, you ah called Eglantine.” 

44 Do you like my name ? ” asked the matrimonial 
agent, tenderly beaming upon her youthful adorer. 

44 Extwemely well,” said Rarrer, rapturously. 

44 Because it is mine % ” inquired the love-stricken 
dame, further. 

44 No ; because it contains no Avv ! ” cried Rarrer, 
forgetting himself. 44 Just think how unhappy I 
would have been if I had to call you, a hundwed 
times a day, Wosa, Wicca, or Wegina ; foil as you 
have no doubt alweady obsehved, I am so unfoht- 
unate as to be unable to pwonounce the lettah Avv. 
But that is only one of the annoyances that make 
my life misevable.” 

Madame Baldrian gazed upon him in an inex- 
pressibly tender manner. 

44 1 will make you happy ! ” said she, in the most 
dulcet tones. 

Rarrer suppressed a mournful sigh. 

44 ITow could I mistake you for that dangerous 
person against whom the anonymous writer warned 
me ! ” went on the enraptured match-maker, tender- 
ly gazing upon her youthful lover. 44 1 feel as if I 
have known you a long while. I must have met 
you somewhere. I feel quite sure of that.” 

44 You saw me at Majoh W-w-wumpePs,” an- 
swered Rarrer. 44 1 had a shawl wapped about my 
head, because I was plagued by a tevvible toothache, 
and you gave me a wemedy that welieved me ! ” 

“Correct!” cried the infatuated widow. 44 See 


470 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


how indelibly your dear picture was impressed in 
my heart ! ” 

They then sat down near each other upon the 
sofa and chatted for a full hour, and Rarrer often 
thought that he had made a great sacrifice and was 
doomed to suffer real martyrdom, since, if the lady 
was so tender and affectionate now, what more could 
he expect in the future ? 

But when it began to grow dark it occurred to 
him that it was time to go, especially as he had 
missed his dinner. 

“ Rosa will show you the way out wfith a light,” 
said Madame Baldrian, tenderly, after the last 
parting words had been said. 

“ No, no ! ” cried Rarrer, vehemently, stopping 
on the door-sill. “If you weally love me, then 
leave that cwazy Wosa in hell kitchen ! I’ll be 
gwateful to you fob it ! ” 

“ Just as you wish ; but take good care of your- 
self ! ” whispered the matrimonial agent, with 
languishing looks. 

“ Nevah feah, dear Eglantine ! ” 

“ Be sure that you come early to-morrow ! ” 

“Yes, certainly ! ” 

“ Good-night! ” 

“ Good-night ! ” 

When he closed the door behind him the apostle 
of matrimony went to the window, leaned her heated 
brow against the cold pane of glass, and gazed after 
her adorer. 

And after her adorer closed the hall-door he started 
on a run, as if he was chased by Old Nick himself. 

u Ah ! ” he reflected, just as he had started, “she 
is pwobably at the window. I must look back 
again.” 

And without slacking his pace he turned his head 
and gazed in the direction of her apartment. 


OF POTSDAM. 


471 


“ Just as I thought !’’ murmured he to himself. 
“ It was well that I turned awound, foh politeness 

always makes a good imp 

Just then he ran against a tree with so much force 
that all his bones rattled. 

Instantly a window was opened in the apartment 
occupied by the beloved being, and a clear, tender 
voice was heard to ask anxiously in the twilight : 

“ Did you hurt yourself, dear Kuriek ? ” 

“ No ! ” he replied, yet feeling sore all over. “ I 
am not huwt at all. I only wan against a twee.” 

“ Thank God ! you are not hurt. Good-night, 
dear Rurick ! ” 

“ Good-night, Eglantine ! ” 

Rarrer rushed on his way further. 

“ The deed is done ! ” he muttered to himself. 
“ I have sacwificed myself and will rnawy hell, and 
when she is my wife I’ll give heh no time to make 
others unhappy. This is the cwowning wohlc of 
my life. Whetheh I am unhappy in this way oh 
in anotheh,” he went on with his soliloquy, “ is all 
the same in the end, and if 4 1 gwoan and sweat un- 
deh life’s buhdens,’ as my fwiend Hamlet says, I 
have at least the consoling and ennobling thought, 
that many others will theheby be wendehed happy, 
oh, at least, not be wendehed unhappy. I wondah 
what will Behlin say when my engagement is made 
public ? My f wiends will say that I am cwazy ; they 
•will laugh at me, as usual. But what does that 
signify ! I am a mahtyh to a gweat and holy cause ! 
That thought waises me above dewision ! ” 

Although he went direct to the nearest restau- 
rant and ordered a good meal, yet he was unable to 
eat it ; and when lie went home that evening he 
found that he could not sleep, his nervous system 
being so fearfully excited by the occurrences of that 
day. At last, toward morning, sleep finally closed 


472 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


his tired eyelids, and in the dream he appeared 
to himself as an angel with beautifully pink wings 
floating in an azure ether. 

But the dream lied, as dreams usually do ; for 
Karrer was no angel, as we will indisputably prove 
in the next chapter. 


OF POTSDAM. 


473 


CHAPTER XVIII. 

THE LAST CHAPTER. 

The critical period in the lives of the individuals 
whom we have described in the course of this narra- 
tive has been passed. 

Time, with its soothing and appeasing hand, has 
smoothed the hearts and minds, and dampened alike 
the hopes of too great bliss as the fears of great 
tortures. 

The anticipations are, indeed, always greater than 
the realities. The expectations of pleasure are al- 
ways greater than the pleasures themselves. 

This is sad, but true and logical, for in anticipat- 
ing a pleasure a portion of the real pleasure has al- 
ready been discounted ; and so, again, is the pain 
lessened in prospective sufferings, because a good 
portion of it has already been experienced in ad- 
vance. 

A remedy against these two conditions is found 
in imagining a thing neither too good nor too bad. 

In the first case the actual joy will be vastly aug- 
mented, in the latter the torture will be lessened. 

Baron Branco, after he recovered from the not 
dangerous flesh-wound which he received in the 
duel with Legation Counsellor von Frohberg, mar- 
ried Fräulein Silberstein, with the tawny skin and 
nose like the beak of an eagle. 

It is not absolutely necessary to describe particu- 
larly what sort of a life they led. 

He gave her his high-sounding name, and, in re- 
turn, he got some ringing dollars. 

Since both of them made a good transaction they 


474 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


might be deemed as "being well satisfied. It all de- 
pends upon the expectations one may entertain in life. 

Karl von Frohberg and his wife left Berlin and 
went to live upon their estate in the country, where 
Annie faithfully kept her promise. 

"Well for those marriages in which neither spring 
nor autumn storms, which often ruthlessly tear up 
the happiness of life, occur. 

Deception is poetry ; truth is reality. 

Legation Counsellor Hermann von Frohberg and 
Government Solicitor von Collin celebrated their 
marriages with the two lovely sisters on the same day. 

That the marriage of the two life-long friends, 
Hermann and Louisa, will be a happy one can be 
readily surmised. Where both persons know each 
other thoroughly it is not possible for either to be 
deceived, and it is deception that usually forms the 
first kernel for discontent and unhappiness. 

When matrimony is no speculation — that is to 
say, no business transaction — the thought of marry- 
ing, in most cases, is aroused by the burning or 
tender glance of a beautiful form. 

That thought first strikes the most sensitive spot 
— the heart ; and if it explodes there, every other 
consideration will be silenced, until it is awakened 
by the first deception, intensely frightened. 

When love is engendered through many years’ 
attachment, as in the case of Louisa and Hermann 
von Frohberg, it will last like a solidly built house, 
without any loss of sweetness, for the intoxication 
present in the former variety of matrimony soon 
evaporates and nothing remains but headaches and 
empty hearts. 

Solicitor von Collin could deem himself one of 
the few fortunate individuals who, at the right 
time, was redeemed by true love from the shackles 
of blase calculation and speculation. 


OF POTSDAM . 


475 


The vivacious and amiable Wanda always re- 
tained a warm heart and" spirit, and her husband, 
therefore, did not degenerate into one of those rich 
men whose avarice grows with their wealth, and 
who only accumulates riches for the sake of possess- 
ing them. He was an intelligent and productive 
proprietor of the estate which lie purchased, consid- 
erate to his tenants, and became a useful member of 
society, so that he was widely loved and greatly res- 
pected. 

Wanda remained as she was. Natures like hers 
do not change with years. 

She always felt extremely happy, because she 
had such a good and loving husband, and especial- 
ly because she was not obliged to play the piano any 
more. 

Almost all young ladies feel happy when at last 
they are released from this obligation by becoming 
wives. 

Most young ladies jingle on the piano because 
their mothers desire them to do that, and because 
all their young-lady friends jingle upon that instru- 
ment, and it is an inexpressible joy to them if they 
are required to play no more arias and dances, 
which give no one any pleasure — least of all them- 
selves. 

But even those girls who were passionately fond 
of playing on the piano do not play a single note 
from the moment they have become married women. 

The fact of the matter is they soon get some- 
thing else to play with. 

Instead of their being obliged to sing, someone 
now sings to them; and albeit the tones are not 
very fine nor very clear, still they come from the 
purest hearts, and in the ears of young mothers 
sound more delightful than the noblest operatic 
melody. 


476 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


Wanda soon had her baby to play with. 

Little round Commercial Counsellor Miller, the 
father of the two daughters just alluded to, part- 
ed very unwillingly with them. 

Fortunately, however, his almost unbearable lone- 
liness did not last long. 

A short time after the marriage of his daughters, 
his wife, whose acquaintance we had not the pleas- 
ure of forming, because she was always ailing, pre- 
sented him with a third child, and as this one was 
a boy the little commercial counsellor felt inexpres- 
sibly proud and happy. 

When he walked in the street he puffed himself 
up so that many persons stopped and gazed at him 
in surprise. 

He would have told them why he “put on such 
grand airs,” but he did not think it was becoming. 

Nevertheless he never went to Ostend again, nor 
to any other sea-bathing place ; it seemed to be 
altogether too dangerous, however agreeable it was 
to him in his silent moments. 

In regard to Privy Counsellor Dr. Staberow, he 
was obliged to pass a great deal of his time in pat- 
ent-leather boots and in railway- carriages. 

His mother-in-law was like the Wandering Jew. 
She seemed to have no rest, and made her daughter 
equally restless, so that the latter had no time for 
anything that would afford her husband any pleas- 
ure. 

Poor Staberow had to do very severe penance 
for entertaining such presumptuous thoughts — of 
spending the rest of his days in comfort and rest, 
with his young wife by his side, knitting stockings, 
while he sat in an arm-chair, with his legs stretched 
out, and yawned. 

In winter he was obliged to go from one social 
affair to another, from one ball to another. 


OF POTSDAM. 


477 


In summer, on the other hand, he wandered about 
all over the globe, like the spirit of a sinful tourist 
who was condemned, after death, to travel as inces- 
santly, as he did while living. 

The tired Staberow w r as compelled to be in a 
constant state of transportation. He travelled day 
and night ; often he ate his meals at irregular inter- 
vals ; some days, indeed, he did not eat any at all. 
He climbed mountains, with and without snow- 
covered tops ; also the highest towers. He visited 
the least-frequented cities, bathed in all kinds of 
seas, felt bored in all places of amusement, was 
vexed everywhere, and was dreadfully provoked be- 
cause his mother-in-law never got tired and his wife 
never had any time to spare for him. 

Once, while travelling upon the back of a camel, 
aveo odeur , through the Desert of Sahara, he came 
near being sun- struck. 

Fortunately it did not get so far; it was only a 
sun-beam that struck his head and penetrated into 
his brain. 

A happy thought, a brilliant idea, occurred to 
him, and to it he was indebted for his subsequent 
delivery. 

On returning to Berlin, after his journeyings in 
the wilderness of Sahara, his first visit was to Ma- 
dame Baldrian, with whom he was engaged in a 
conversation that lasted two hours. 

Three weeks later his mother-in-law was married 
to a general who had a broad-order ribbon, a long 
mustache, and a smooth crown. 

After the wedding, however, the general took off 
his brilliant uniform and put on a dressing-gown. 

Thus w T as the mother-in-law led astray a second 
time ; but Privy Counsellor Dr. Staberow was there- 
after released, and he was able to enjoy the rest 
which he desired and waited for so long. 


478 


THE MATRIMONIAL AGENT 


His wife, sure enough, had more time for him 
now, which was very agreeable to him. 

In the very same year of his return kind Provi- 
dence blessed him with a robust boy. 

We have already ascertained Major Hum pel’s 
destiny. 

In many respects he led a much quieter life than 
formerly, but in others again he did not. 

Plis meals, especially, were much improved. 

As we have already said, the stout Augusta in 
many respects became more peaceable and more 
quiet, in the fear that excitement and mental dis- 
turbance might prove dangerous to her. She be- 
came exceedingly careful, and took the utmost pre- 
caution against being jolted, especially in going up 
and down stairs. 

But the longed-for objects to make her household 
complete never came. 

That unfortunate martyr, Hu rick Parr er, soon 
after his engagement, married the charming widow, 
Madame Eglantine Baldrian, nee Hymensvotary. 

The noble youth thought that by thus sacrificing 
himself he would save countless numbers of human 
beings of both sexes from destruction, by attracting 
to himself a foretaste of purgatory that would last 
till his dying day. 

But now, as at all other times, he made a totally 
wrong calculation, 

To his great surprise, he lived very happily with 
the former relict of Commercial Counsellor Baldrian. 

After marrying Rarrer she concentrated all the 
interest she entertained for matrimony in general 
upon him, and became exceedingly devoted to him. 

She always had had great faith, and had taken 
great interest in matrimony ; but as no one would 
marry her, she had labored to induce others to 
marry. 


OF POTSDAM . 


479 


But after she entered the holy bonds of matri- 
mony herself she became perfectly satisfied, re- 
nounced her calling, and cared all the more for her 
own family. 

We have only to report what became of the 
colossal Bosa. 

She was disposed of to a languishing tailor, even 
before the marriage of her mistress, but, unfortu- 
nately, she crushed him to death in a sudden fit of 
tender passion. 



ÖM: 




